the plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

the plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The two diagrams illustrate the redevelopment of a Grange Park over a period of 104 years, starting from its original layout in 1920

Overall, the most notable alterations include the removal of the fountain, the glasshouse, and an other structures to facilitate the construction of the water feature and various facilities. The two entrances, by contrast, is remained unchange.

Initially, the rose garden, reduced from three to two, is planted to occupy the area in the center of the park previously taken up by the fountain and surrounded by seats, formerly five but now only four. Notably, the stage for musicians to the left of the fountain is modernized and converted into amphitheatre for concerts.

In terms of another facilities, on the top right of fountain, the rose garden and pond for water plants will be demolished and replaced by the cafe and children’s play area, respectively. The other aspect that stands out is glass house, it has been transformed into water feature parallel to area of chidren’s playing. Finally, the entrance underground car park is paved over and adjacent to water feature.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The two diagrams illustrate" -> "The diagrams depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in academic contexts, emphasizing the visual representation of information.
"over a period of 104 years" -> "over a period spanning 104 years"
Explanation: "Spanning" is more formal and precise than "over a period of," which sounds somewhat colloquial.
"starting from its original layout in 1920" -> "commencing from its original layout in 1920"
Explanation: "Commencing" is a more formal synonym for "starting," enhancing the academic tone.
"the most notable alterations" -> "the most significant changes"
Explanation: "Changes" is a more neutral term than "alterations," which can imply a negative connotation.
"to facilitate the construction of the water feature and various facilities" -> "to enable the construction of a water feature and various facilities"
Explanation: "Enable" is more precise and formal than "facilitate" in this context, suggesting a direct cause-and-effect relationship.
"The two entrances, by contrast, is remained unchange." -> "The two entrances, in contrast, remain unchanged."
Explanation: "Remained unchange" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Remain unchanged" corrects the grammar and improves readability.
"rose garden, reduced from three to two, is planted to occupy" -> "the rose garden, reduced from three to two, now occupies"
Explanation: "Now occupies" is a more concise and formal way to describe the change in the rose garden’s location.
"formerly five but now only four" -> "formerly five, now reduced to four"
Explanation: "Reduced to four" is a more formal and precise way to describe the change in the number of seats.
"stage for musicians to the left of the fountain is modernized and converted into amphitheatre for concerts" -> "the stage for musicians adjacent to the fountain has been modernized and converted into an amphitheater for concerts"
Explanation: Adding "adjacent to" clarifies the location, and "an amphitheater" is the correct spelling for the formal term.
"on the top right of fountain" -> "adjacent to the fountain"
Explanation: "Adjacent to" is more precise and formal than "on the top right of."
"will be demolished and replaced by the cafe and children’s play area, respectively" -> "will be demolished and replaced by a cafe and a children’s play area"
Explanation: Using "a cafe" and "a children’s play area" instead of "the cafe" and "children’s play area" avoids definite articles that may imply uniqueness, which is not the case here.
"The other aspect that stands out is glass house, it has been transformed into water feature parallel to area of chidren’s playing" -> "Another notable aspect is the transformation of the glasshouse into a water feature parallel to the children’s play area"
Explanation: "Another notable aspect" is more formal than "The other aspect that stands out." Also, "children’s play area" corrects the spelling error in "chidren’s playing."
"the entrance underground car park is paved over and adjacent to water feature" -> "the underground car park entrance has been paved over and is adjacent to the water feature"
Explanation: "Has been paved over" is more precise and formal than "is paved over," and "the water feature" corrects the lack of definite article.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the park, but the information is not always presented in a clear and logical way. The essay does not fully cover all the key features of the park, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the rose garden was reduced from three to two, but the diagrams show that it was always two. The essay also states that the glasshouse was transformed into a water feature, but the diagrams show that the glasshouse was demolished and replaced by a water feature.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes to the park. The essay should also focus on the key features of the park and avoid irrelevant details. The essay should also be more accurate in its description of the changes to the park.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information, but there are significant issues with coherence and cohesion that prevent it from scoring higher.

Coherence and Logical Progression: The essay attempts to describe changes in the park over time, but the progression of ideas is often unclear. The sentences are disjointed and do not flow logically from one to the next. For example, the transition between different aspects of the park’s redevelopment (e.g., fountain removal, changes to the rose garden, transformation of the glasshouse) lacks coherence.
Cohesive Devices: There is an attempt to use cohesive devices (e.g., "initially," "notably," "finally"), but they are used incorrectly or inconsistently. This results in sentences that do not connect well with each other, making it difficult for the reader to follow the essay’s structure.
Paragraphing: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, with ideas often jumbled together within paragraphs. This makes it hard to distinguish different stages or aspects of the park’s development.
Overall Progression: While some information about the park’s changes is presented, there is a lack of overall progression in the response. The essay jumps between different aspects of the park without a clear chronological or thematic order.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion:

Organize Ideas Logically: Ensure that there is a clear and logical flow of information from one sentence to the next and from one paragraph to another. Start with an introduction that outlines the main changes and then follow a structured approach to describe each change.
Use Cohesive Devices Correctly: Practice using cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "however," "therefore," "as a result") appropriately to connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Paragraph Structure: Write clearly defined paragraphs that focus on specific aspects of the park’s redevelopment. Each paragraph should introduce and develop a single main idea or theme related to the changes over time.
Review and Edit: After writing, carefully review the essay for coherence and cohesion. Ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall flow and that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, leading to a higher band score on the IELTS Task 1 writing criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, often using basic and repetitive language. There are numerous errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which can cause strain for the reader. The coherence and precision in lexical resources are lacking, with several instances of unclear or awkward phrasing.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Incorporate a broader range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as specific terms related to park redevelopment, architectural changes, and landscaping.
Accuracy in Word Choice: Carefully choose words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Avoid repetitive use of basic vocabulary.
Spelling and Word Formation: Pay close attention to spelling and word formation. Review and revise for errors to enhance clarity and readability.

Improving these aspects will help elevate the lexical resource score to a higher band, reflecting greater precision and fluency in expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng:

Bài sửa mẫu

The two diagrams illustrate the transformation of Grange Park over a span of 104 years, from its original layout in 1920 to its present form.

Overall, significant changes include the removal of the fountain, the glasshouse, and other structures to accommodate the construction of a water feature and various facilities. However, the two entrances have remained unchanged.

Initially, the rose garden, previously occupying the central area of the park where the fountain stood, has been reduced from three sections to two. Surrounding this garden, the number of seats has decreased from five to four. Notably, the musician’s stage situated to the left of the fountain has been renovated and now serves as an amphitheatre for concerts.

In terms of additional facilities, the area on the top right of the former fountain has seen the removal of the rose garden and the pond for water plants. These have been replaced by a café and a children’s play area, respectively. Another prominent change is the conversion of the glasshouse into a water feature parallel to the children’s play area. Lastly, the underground car park entrance has been paved over and is now adjacent to the water feature.