The table below gives information about salaries of secondary/high school teachers in five countries in 2009

The chart demonstrates information relating to teachers' incomes in secondary and high schools in five different nations regarding the year 2009.
Overall, teachers in Luxembourg attained the highest salaries among all, whereas those from Denmark spent the shortest time reaching their top salary.
To commence with, when it comes to the starting income, Luxembourg school teachers gained the most significant amount of money of 80.000 dollars, almost doubling that in Denmark and being approximately three-fold those in Australia, Korea as well as Japan in the descending order. In addition, a teacher from Luxembourg received as much as 112.000 dollars each year, which was two times larger than the teaching salaries in the four other countries, with Australia having the lowest income of 48.000 dollars only.
Concerning the maximum salary in these nations in 2009, Australia and Denmark only offered teachers the amount of money paid at the salary per year. The situation was different for the three remaining countries, as Luxembourg, Korea, and Japan paid teachers the highest salaries of 139.000, 84.500, and 62.400 dollars respectively. Nevertheless, the number of years required to reach the top salaries finally was over 30 years for these three nations, whereas for Australia and Denmark, it took only below 10 years (9 and 8 years in particular).

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"attained" -> "achieved"
Explanation: "Achieved" is a more precise and sophisticated term to describe reaching a certain level, particularly in the context of attaining a salary.
"spent the shortest time reaching" -> "took the least time to reach"
Explanation: "Took the least time to reach" is a clearer and more concise way to express the idea of spending the shortest amount of time to achieve something.
"commence with" -> "begin with"
Explanation: "Begin with" is a simpler and more common phrase to indicate starting a discussion or analysis.
"gained the most significant amount of money" -> "earned the highest income"
Explanation: "Earned the highest income" is a more precise and formal way to describe receiving the largest amount of money.
"teaching salaries" -> "salaries for teaching"
Explanation: "Salaries for teaching" is a more grammatically correct way to phrase the noun.
"Nevertheless" -> "However"
Explanation: "However" is a more common and appropriate transition word in this context.
"finally" -> "ultimately"
Explanation: "Ultimately" is a more sophisticated and suitable adverb to indicate the final result or conclusion.
"below 10 years" -> "under 10 years"
Explanation: "Under 10 years" is a more precise and grammatically correct way to express the duration being less than 10 years.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the information presented in the table. It presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences, and stages, such as starting and maximum salaries, and the time taken to reach these salaries across different countries. Key features are highlighted, including the highest and lowest salaries, and the time taken to reach maximum salaries.
How to improve: To enhance the response to a Band 8 level, extend the explanation of key features further, providing more detailed comparisons and analysis where appropriate. Ensure all information presented is accurately represented from the provided table.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with clear progression throughout. It effectively introduces the topic and provides an overview of the data presented. The use of cohesive devices is evident, though there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as awkward transitions between sentences. Paragraphing is utilized, but not always logically, with some paragraphs appearing disjointed.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Additionally, focus on structuring paragraphs more logically to improve the flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary throughout, with appropriate and varied lexical choices. The writer effectively uses vocabulary related to describing data and comparisons, such as "doubling," "three-fold," "descending order," and "commence with." There is also an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, such as "attained" and "descended." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "gained" instead of "earned" or "received," and "highest salaries among all" which could be more accurately phrased as "highest salaries among the five countries." Nonetheless, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater precision and accuracy in word choice and collocation. Review the usage of less common lexical items to ensure they are used appropriately in context. Proofreading for minor errors in word choice and collocation will help refine the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and uses a wide range of vocabulary effectively. There are frequent error-free sentences, and the control of grammar and punctuation is generally good. However, there are a few errors present, such as minor punctuation issues and some awkward phrasing. Overall, the essay showcases good control of grammar and punctuation with occasional errors.

How to improve:
To improve, pay closer attention to punctuation consistency, particularly regarding comma usage and sentence structure. Additionally, aim for more precise word choices to enhance clarity and coherence further. Finally, proofread the essay carefully to catch any remaining errors and ensure fluency throughout.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table illustrates the salaries earned by secondary and high school teachers in five different countries during the year 2009.

Overall, teachers in Luxembourg received the highest salaries, while those in Denmark reached their maximum salary in the shortest time.

Starting with the initial salary, Luxembourg teachers earned the highest amount at $80,000, nearly double that of Denmark, and approximately three times more than those in Australia, Korea, and Japan, in descending order. Moreover, teachers in Luxembourg received the highest annual salary of $112,000, which was twice as much as the salaries in the other four countries, with Australia having the lowest at $48,000.

Regarding the maximum salary in 2009, Australia and Denmark only offered salaries equivalent to the annual salary. In contrast, Luxembourg, Korea, and Japan provided the highest maximum salaries at $139,000, $84,500, and $62,400 respectively. However, it took over 30 years to reach the maximum salary in these three countries, while in Australia and Denmark, it took less than 10 years (specifically 9 and 8 years respectively).