The table below shows local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia for the years 2004 - 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia for the years 2004 – 2014.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided chart illustrates the numbers of fish by fishmen in local and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia over the span of a decade, commencing in 2004.

overall, it is evident that the total fish showed an overall increase during the time frame, with the same trajectory in local and imports. Additionally, the local fish is significantly higher than their imports' counterparts in every research year.

Upon initial examination for the total, standing at 3142.2 metric tons in 2004, this figure gradually increased in the next 6 years, at 8035.1 metric tons in 2010, with the 8949 metric tons highest in 2009 before falling in the remaining years, reaching 5814.7 metric tons in 2014.

Pertaining to local fish, on the outset, it was reported at 2677.7 metric tons and then continually rising and peaking at 8136.2 metric tons in 2008. Conversely, after 2008, the statistic tended to decrease by 1000 metric tons in each year until the 4739.9 figures in 2013 before eventually ending at 5031.9.

further analysis for the imports, at the first 4 years, the figures were under 1000 metric tons, with the 830.5 highest in 2007. their counterparts after the next 4years were negligibly more than 1000 metric tons but back to 782.7 metric ton in 2014.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"fishmen" -> "fishermen"
Explanation: "Fishermen" is the correct plural form of "fisherman." It maintains gender neutrality and is commonly accepted in English.
"commencing" -> "beginning"
Explanation: "Beginning" is a simpler and more commonly used synonym for "commencing," which makes the sentence clearer and easier to understand.
"overall" (repeated) -> "in general" or "as a whole"
Explanation: Using "overall" twice in close proximity can make the text repetitive. Alternatives like "in general" or "as a whole" can provide variety while maintaining the same meaning.
"local fish is significantly higher than their imports’ counterparts" -> "domestic fish quantities surpass those of imported counterparts"
Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more concise way to express the comparison between local and imported fish quantities.
"Upon initial examination for the total" -> "Initially, regarding the total"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with "Initially, regarding the total" enhances clarity and maintains a formal tone.
"on the outset" -> "at the outset"
Explanation: "At the outset" is the correct phrase, meaning "at the beginning" or "initially," which fits better in this context.
"Conversely, after 2008" -> "However, after 2008"
Explanation: "However" is a more appropriate transition here to contrast the trend after 2008 with the increasing trend before.
"statistic" -> "statistics"
Explanation: "Statistics" is the correct plural form of "statistic" when referring to multiple data points.
"tended to decrease" -> "began to decline"
Explanation: "Began to decline" is a stronger and more active phrase than "tended to decrease," providing a clearer description of the trend.
"further analysis for the imports" -> "Further analysis of the imported fish"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase clarifies the subject and object, making the sentence more precise.
"their counterparts after the next 4years were negligibly more than 1000 metric tons" -> "subsequent figures for imports were marginally above 1000 metric tons"
Explanation: The suggested alternative improves clarity and conciseness, specifying that the quantities were only slightly higher than 1000 metric tons.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia from 2004 to 2014. The key features, such as the overall increase in total fish, the consistent higher quantity of local fish compared to imports, and the fluctuations in yearly figures, are presented. However, there are some areas where details may be irrelevant or inaccurate, such as the focus on specific metric ton figures without clear contextualization or significance.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more contextual information to enhance clarity and relevance. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in reporting figures and avoiding repetitive or unnecessary details would strengthen the overall response. Consider providing a clearer comparison between local catches and imports in

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information in a coherent manner, presenting a clear overview of the data trends over the specified timeframe. The introduction provides a brief overview of the data presented, and subsequent paragraphs discuss the trends for total fish, local fish, and imports. However, there are some issues with cohesion and paragraphing. While the essay attempts to use cohesive devices, there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as in the transition between sentences. Paragraphing is used, but it’s not always logical, leading to some lack of clarity in the organization of ideas.
How to improve: Focus on using cohesive devices more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical order to improve overall coherence. Additionally, pay attention to referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, although it manages to convey the main features of the data provided. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "commencing," "trajectory," and "counterparts," but the vocabulary is not consistently diverse. Some errors in word choice and collocation are present, such as "fishmen" instead of "fishermen" and awkward phrasing like "with the same trajectory in local and imports." Spelling and word formation errors are noticeable but do not severely hinder communication. The essay effectively summarizes the data and makes comparisons where relevant, but the language lacks sophistication and precision.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, focus on enhancing vocabulary diversity and accuracy. Use a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and sophisticated terms where appropriate. Pay attention to word choice and collocation to ensure clarity and fluency in expression. Additionally, proofread carefully to eliminate spelling and word formation errors, which can detract from the overall quality of the essay. Practice incorporating advanced vocabulary and refining language skills through reading and writing exercises.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing a reasonable range of grammatical structures. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, but they generally do not obstruct communication. The essay effectively presents an overview of the data provided, discussing trends and making comparisons as required by the prompt. However, there are inconsistencies in capitalization and a lack of clarity in some sentences, which slightly affect readability.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structure and punctuation. Consistency in capitalization and clearer sentence construction would further improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that complex sentences are grammatically correct and avoiding repetition of phrases or terms would contribute to a smoother flow of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table presents data on the local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia, spanning the years from 2004 to 2014.

Overall, it is apparent that the total fish catch witnessed a consistent increase throughout the given period, with a similar trend observed in both local catches and imports. Notably, local fish consistently outweighed imports each year.

Initially, the total fish catch stood at 3142.2 metric tons in 2004 and steadily rose over the next six years to reach its peak at 8949 metric tons in 2009, before declining to 5814.7 metric tons in 2014.

In terms of local fish, the catch began at 2677.7 metric tons in 2004 and experienced a steady upward trend, reaching its highest point at 8136.2 metric tons in 2008. However, after 2008, there was a gradual decline, with the catch reducing by approximately 1000 metric tons annually, reaching 5031.9 metric tons in 2014.

Conversely, the import figures remained below 1000 metric tons for the first four years, peaking at 830.5 metric tons in 2007. Subsequently, import quantities slightly exceeded 1000 metric tons for the following four years, before dropping to 782.7 metric tons in 2014.