The table below shows oil production in 4 countries from 2000 to 2004

The given chart illustrates the amount of oil produced each day within 4 different nations over a period of 4 years from 2000.
Overall, the quantity of oil manufactured a day in these countries witnessed an increase, except for Congo. It is clear that daily oil production in Chad displayed the most change but it still ended up with the lowest figure, whereas the opposite was true for Nigeria.
We can see that starting at 275,000 barrels per day, the amount of oil made in Congo was the greatest among four countries in 2000. However, the figure decreased gradually to 203,000 barrels at the end of period, falling from first to second places. In contrast, although there was a slight drop from 205,000 to 190,000 over a 2-year period since the original year, daily oil production in Nigeria had an enlargement to 213,000 barrels, ranked the first at the end.
Moving to the remaining nations: Chad and Somalia. While the former did not produce oil between 2000 and 2002, the latter produced a low of 5,000 barrels in 2000 and then, it experienced a rise in the next 4 years to reach 50,000. In 2013, Chad began oil production with 8,000 barrels. After that, this figure grew significantly to 50,000 in the following year, resembling Somalia’s figure.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the given chart" -> "the provided chart"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and precise than "given," which is somewhat informal and vague in an academic context.
"amount of oil produced" -> "quantity of oil produced"
Explanation: "Quantity" is more specific and academically appropriate than "amount" when referring to measurable items like oil.
"a day" -> "daily"
Explanation: "Daily" is more concise and formal than "a day," which is somewhat informal and less precise in this context.
"witnessed an increase" -> "experienced an increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more precise in this context, as it directly relates to the observation of changes over time.
"It is clear that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, emphasizing the clarity of the observation.
"displayed the most change" -> "exhibited the greatest change"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal and precise than "displayed," and "greatest" is more specific than "most" in this context.
"ended up with the lowest figure" -> "remained the lowest"
Explanation: "Remained the lowest" is more direct and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "ended up."
"However, the figure decreased" -> "However, the quantity decreased"
Explanation: Consistency in using "quantity" instead of "figure" maintains a formal tone and avoids confusion.
"enlargement" -> "increase"
Explanation: "Increase" is the correct term for describing an augmentation in quantity, whereas "enlargement" is typically used for physical growth.
"Moving to the remaining nations" -> "Moving to the remaining countries"
Explanation: "Countries" is more specific and appropriate than "nations" in this context, as it refers to specific political entities.
"did not produce oil" -> "did not produce any oil"
Explanation: Adding "any" clarifies that the absence of oil production is complete, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"a low of 5,000 barrels" -> "a minimum of 5,000 barrels"
Explanation: "Minimum" is more precise and formal than "low," which is vague and informal.
"it experienced a rise" -> "it experienced an increase"
Explanation: "An increase" is more formal and commonly used in academic contexts than "a rise."
"After that, this figure grew significantly" -> "Subsequently, this figure significantly increased"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal and precise than "after that," and "increased" is more commonly used in academic writing than "grew."
"resembling Somalia’s figure" -> "similar to Somalia’s figure"
Explanation: "Similar to" is a more formal and precise phrase than "resembling," which is somewhat informal and vague.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in oil production in the four countries. It also highlights some key features, such as the fact that Chad and Somalia had no oil production in 2000 and 2001, and that Nigeria’s oil production increased over the period. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features, and some of the details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that Chad began oil production in 2013, but the table shows that Chad began oil production in 2003.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the changes in oil production in each country. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. For example, the essay should not state that Chad began oil production in 2013.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while the ideas are arranged logically, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved. For example, the transitions between the discussion of each country could be smoother, as some sentences feel somewhat mechanical or abrupt. Additionally, the referencing is not always clear, particularly when discussing the figures for Chad and Somalia, which could lead to confusion for the reader. The paragraphing is present, but the organization within paragraphs could be enhanced for better clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can include using a wider range of linking words and phrases to clarify relationships between points. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph support that topic would improve coherence. Finally, refining the referencing of figures and ensuring that all information is presented clearly and logically will contribute to a stronger overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "illustrates," "manufactured," and "experienced," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "an enlargement" instead of "an increase." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "falling from first to second places," which could be more clearly expressed. While the communication is generally effective, these errors and inaccuracies prevent the essay from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise terms. Practicing the use of synonyms and collocations can help improve word choice. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and word formation errors will contribute to clearer communication. Engaging with a wider variety of texts can also help develop a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as "the amount of oil made in Congo was the greatest among four countries in 2000" where "made" could be more appropriately replaced with "produced." Additionally, phrases like "the end of period" should be "the end of the period." While these errors do not significantly hinder communication, they indicate a lack of full control over grammatical structures. The essay does convey the main ideas clearly, but the presence of errors suggests that the writer has room for improvement in grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading the essay for common errors and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary and varying sentence structures more effectively could enhance the overall quality of the writing. Practicing with more complex grammatical forms and seeking feedback on their writing can also help in achieving better accuracy and range.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given chart illustrates the amount of oil produced each day in four different nations over a period of four years from 2000 to 2004. Overall, the quantity of oil produced daily in these countries experienced an increase, except for Congo. It is evident that daily oil production in Chad showed the most significant change, although it still ended with the lowest figure, whereas the opposite was true for Nigeria.

We can see that starting at 275,000 barrels per day, the amount of oil produced in Congo was the highest among the four countries in 2000. However, the figure gradually decreased to 203,000 barrels by the end of the period, causing it to drop from first to second place. In contrast, although there was a slight decline from 205,000 to 190,000 over a two-year period since the initial year, daily oil production in Nigeria increased to 213,000 barrels, ranking first by the end of the period.

Turning to the remaining nations: Chad and Somalia. While Chad did not produce oil between 2000 and 2002, Somalia produced a low of 5,000 barrels in 2000 and then experienced a rise over the next four years to reach 50,000 barrels. In 2003, Chad began oil production with 8,000 barrels. After that, this figure grew significantly to 50,000 barrels in the following year, matching Somalia’s production.