The table details the international tourist arrivals in millions in 8 countries in 2009 and 2010 and the changes (in percentages).

The table illustrates the changes in the arrivals of tourists in nine countries in 2009 and 2010.
Overall, France was the most attractive tourist destination among 9 countries in both years, while the opposite was true for Hong Kong. Beside, Germany witnessed a significant change whilst there no any change was seen in the number of tourists visited to France.
Looking at the table in more detail, in 2009, 76 million travelers came to France, which ranked the highest position among nations, while the figures for US, Spain, UK were slightly lower, at 66 million, 55 million and 55 million respectively. Although, starting with the same figure as Spain, the UK experienced a growth rate of 1.8%, resulting in the number of passengers to UK was 1 million higher than Spain in the second year.
Turning to the remaining countries, a dramatic upward trend was seen in Germany, with the initial figure being 11 million in the first year then continuing to go up by 109% during the year. Hong Kong attracted the least visitors with 10 million in 2009, compared to 11 million travelers in Germany.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The table illustrates" -> "The table depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more formal term than "illustrates," enhancing the academic tone right from the beginning.
"arrivals of tourists" -> "tourist arrivals"
Explanation: "Tourist arrivals" is a more concise and commonly used term in academic and statistical contexts, improving clarity and formality.
"most attractive tourist destination" -> "premier tourist destination"
Explanation: "Premier" is more formal and precise than "most attractive," which can be somewhat subjective and informal for academic writing.
"Beside" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Moreover" is more appropriate for academic writing, indicating an addition to the previous point, whereas "Beside" is incorrect in this context and informal.
"whilst there no any change was seen" -> "whilst no change was observed"
Explanation: "Whilst no change was observed" is grammatically correct and more formal, eliminating the unnecessary and incorrect phrase "there no any."
"number of tourists visited to France" -> "number of tourists visiting France"
Explanation: "Visiting" is the correct form here, making the phrase grammatically correct and more natural in academic writing.
"Looking at the table in more detail" -> "Examining the table more closely"
Explanation: "Examining" and "more closely" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the analysis.
"travelers" -> "visitors"
Explanation: While "travelers" is not incorrect, "visitors" is more specific to the context of tourism and thus more appropriate for this academic analysis.
"ranked the highest position among nations" -> "occupied the top position among the nations"
Explanation: "Occupied the top position" is more formal and precise than "ranked the highest position," which is somewhat redundant and less formal.
"figures for US, Spain, UK were slightly lower" -> "figures for the US, Spain, and the UK were marginally lower"
Explanation: Adding "the" before country names is grammatically correct, and "marginally" is a more formal synonym for "slightly," enhancing the academic tone.
"Although," -> "However,"
Explanation: "However" is more appropriate for introducing a contrasting point in academic writing, whereas "Although" is not correctly used in this context.
"resulting in the number of passengers to UK was" -> "resulting in the number of visitors to the UK being"
Explanation: "Being" is necessary for grammatical correctness, and "visitors" is more specific than "passengers" in this context. Also, "the" before "UK" is grammatically correct.
"a dramatic upward trend was seen" -> "a significant upward trend was observed"
Explanation: "Significant" is more academic and less emotional than "dramatic," and "observed" is more formal than "seen."
"initial figure being 11 million" -> "initial figure of 11 million"
Explanation: "Of" is more precise and formal than "being," improving the sentence structure and clarity.
"then continuing to go up by 109%" -> "subsequently increasing by 109%"
Explanation: "Subsequently increasing by" is more formal and precise than "then continuing to go up by," enhancing the academic tone.
"attracted the least visitors" -> "attracted the fewest visitors"
Explanation: "Fewest" is the correct term when referring to countable items like visitors, making the sentence grammatically correct and more precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by summarizing the data presented in the table regarding international tourist arrivals in 2009 and 2010 for nine countries. However, the essay falls short in providing a comprehensive analysis of the changes and lacks specificity in discussing each country’s data.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure to thoroughly analyze and compare the data for each country as presented in the table. Include specific figures and percentages to support the analysis and offer insights into the trends observed over the two years.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a somewhat clear position by highlighting France as the most attractive tourist destination and mentioning the significant changes in Germany and Hong Kong. However, the lack of coherent transitions and clear thesis statement weakens the overall clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, develop a strong thesis statement at the beginning of the essay that outlines the main argument regarding the trends in international tourist arrivals. Ensure each paragraph contributes to supporting and elaborating on this position with clear topic sentences and logical transitions between ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the tourist arrivals in the mentioned countries but lacks depth and analysis. While it briefly mentions the figures for each country, it fails to extend these ideas with further explanation or analysis of the trends.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation of ideas, provide more detailed analysis of the data presented in the table. Extend the discussion by interpreting the significance of the changes and providing possible reasons or implications for the observed trends. Incorporate relevant examples or comparisons to enhance the depth of the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the changes in international tourist arrivals as depicted in the table. However, there are instances of ambiguity and lack of clarity, particularly in the comparison between countries and the interpretation of the data.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates to the topic of international tourist arrivals in the specified years and countries. Avoid vague statements and provide specific evidence from the table to support the discussion points, ensuring coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information logically by providing an overview of the trends and then delving into specific details about each country. However, there are instances of unclear transitions between ideas, such as the sudden shift from discussing France to comparing other countries. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure that guides the reader through the data more smoothly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more clearly. Start with a concise introduction that outlines the main trends depicted in the table. Then, dedicate separate paragraphs to each country, discussing its tourist arrivals in both years and any significant changes. Use transition sentences to smoothly connect ideas and ensure a coherent flow throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited due to issues with structure and coherence. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a specific country and its data, but the essay combines information about multiple countries within paragraphs, leading to confusion and lack of clarity. Additionally, paragraph transitions are lacking, making it difficult for the reader to distinguish between different points.
- How to improve: Improve paragraphing by dedicating each paragraph to a single country’s data, discussing both 2009 and 2010 tourist arrivals along with any notable changes. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that indicates the country being discussed. Use cohesive devices and transition words to smoothly connect paragraphs and ensure a logical progression of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as ‘although’, ‘then’, and ‘turning to’, to connect ideas and provide coherence. However, there is limited diversity in the types of cohesive devices employed, resulting in a somewhat repetitive and simplistic use. Additionally, the transitions between paragraphs could be strengthened to improve overall cohesion.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as ‘despite’, ‘in contrast’, ‘meanwhile’, ‘subsequently’, etc. These will help to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph transitions to ensure a seamless flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "illustrates," "arrivals," "attractive," "significant," "witnessed," "dramatic," "upward trend," and "attraction," among others. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied and precise. For instance, instead of repeating "change" or "figures," alternative terms like "fluctuations," "statistics," or "data" could be employed to enrich the expression.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical richness, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. Expanding your vocabulary through reading diverse materials and actively noting down unfamiliar words can aid in this endeavor. Additionally, employing specific terminology related to tourism and statistical analysis could elevate the sophistication of your language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For instance, terms like "significant change," "dramatic upward trend," and "the highest position" are aptly employed to describe the data. However, there are minor instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "beside" instead of "besides" and "no any change" instead of "no change." Such inaccuracies detract slightly from the overall precision of expression.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the accuracy of word choice and ensure that each term precisely conveys the intended meaning. Proofreading your work meticulously can help identify and rectify such minor errors. Additionally, consulting language resources, such as dictionaries and thesauruses, can aid in selecting the most appropriate words to articulate your ideas with precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are several instances of misspellings and typographical errors throughout the text, such as "no any change" (should be "no change"), "beside" (should be "besides"), and "attraction" (should be "attracted"). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they do undermine the overall professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: Employing spelling and grammar checkers can help catch and rectify minor spelling errors before finalizing your writing. Additionally, dedicating time to proofread your work attentively and focusing specifically on identifying and correcting spelling mistakes can contribute to enhancing spelling accuracy. Developing a habit of double-checking the spelling of unfamiliar or challenging words can also be beneficial in minimizing errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler structures, and there is room for improvement in incorporating more complex and varied sentence structures to enhance the overall sophistication of the essay. For instance, there’s an overreliance on basic sentence structures such as subject-verb-object, which limits the fluency and richness of expression in the essay. Additionally, some sentences lack cohesion, resulting in a choppy flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and complexity of the essay, consider incorporating a variety of sentence structures such as complex sentences, compound-complex sentences, and inverted sentences. Additionally, aim for smoother transitions between ideas to ensure coherence throughout the essay. Varying sentence structures not only adds depth to your writing but also engages the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the text. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("there no any change was seen") and punctuation errors (missing commas in compound sentences, inconsistent use of capitalization). These errors occasionally impede the clarity and precision of the writer’s message.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it’s essential to review and practice grammar rules, paying particular attention to subject-verb agreement, correct usage of articles, and punctuation rules. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to further refine your grammar and punctuation skills. Utilizing grammar checkers and style guides can also aid in identifying and correcting errors more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table depicts international tourist arrivals in millions across eight countries in 2009 and 2010, along with the percentage changes.

Examining the table more closely, France emerged as the premier tourist destination among the nine countries in both years. However, Hong Kong attracted the fewest visitors.

In 2009, France welcomed 76 million tourists, occupying the top position among the nations. The figures for the US, Spain, and the UK were slightly lower, at 66 million, 55 million, and 55 million, respectively. Notably, while Spain maintained its figures, the UK experienced a growth rate of 1.8%, resulting in a higher number of tourists in the second year.

Moreover, Germany witnessed a significant upward trend, starting with an initial figure of 11 million and subsequently increasing by 109% over the year.

In contrast, Hong Kong attracted 10 million visitors in 2009, slightly fewer than Germany. However, there was a notable increase to 11 million tourists by 2010.

Overall, these changes highlight the varying attractiveness of these destinations to international visitors during the specified period.