The two charts below show the proportion of qualified graduates in a particular country. Summarize information by selecting key characteristics and compiling a report and, if necessary, make a comparison.

The two charts below show the proportion of qualified graduates in a particular country.
Summarize information by selecting key characteristics and compiling a report and, if necessary, make a comparison.

The pie charts compare the data on graduation from science and arts at different levels in a specific country in 1980 and 2008.

It is evident that the proportions of Science graduates surpassed those of Arts ones. Additionally, the value for Masters Science and Arts remained relatively stable during two given periods.

As can be seen in 1980, students graduating from Science registered nearly two-thirds of the chart including 13% of PhD, 19% of First degree and 29% of Masters. 28 years later, however, the figure for PhD well doubled, reaching to 30% while that for First degree almost reduced by a half and that for Masters witnessed no change.

Despite some changes, Arts graduates were still outnumbered by Science ones after nearly 3 decades from 2008. The percentage of students entitled to graduate from First degree Arts in 1980 made up a-fourth before halving to only 11% in 2008. The report on Masters Arts graduation remained almost unchanged around 12% in comparison with a modest rise in the figure for PhD Arts from only 2% to 7% between 1980 and 2008.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the pie charts compare" -> "the pie charts illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is more precise and academically appropriate than "compare," as it suggests a more detailed and analytical presentation of the data rather than a simple comparison.
"graduation from science and arts" -> "graduations in science and arts"
Explanation: The term "graduation" should be pluralized to "graduations" to correctly refer to multiple instances of graduation, aligning with the context of the pie charts.
"the proportions of Science graduates surpassed those of Arts ones" -> "the proportion of Science graduates exceeded that of Arts graduates"
Explanation: "Exceeded" is more specific and formal than "surpassed," and using "that of" instead of "those of" corrects the grammatical structure.
"the value for Masters Science and Arts remained relatively stable" -> "the proportion of Masters in Science and Arts remained relatively stable"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more precise than "value" in this context, referring to the relative amount of students graduating in each field.
"students graduating from Science registered" -> "students graduating in Science registered"
Explanation: "In" is more appropriate than "from" when referring to the field of study, as "from" typically indicates origin or departure.
"the figure for PhD well doubled" -> "the figure for PhD doubled"
Explanation: Removing "well" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"reaching to" -> "reaching"
Explanation: "Reaching to" is an awkward construction; "reaching" is sufficient and more natural in this context.
"that for First degree almost reduced by a half" -> "that for First degree decreased by approximately half"
Explanation: "Decreased by approximately half" is more precise and formal than "almost reduced by a half," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"Arts graduates were still outnumbered by Science ones" -> "Arts graduates continued to be outnumbered by Science graduates"
Explanation: "Continued to be outnumbered" clarifies the ongoing nature of the trend, and "graduates" is used correctly instead of "ones."
"a-fourth" -> "a quarter"
Explanation: "A quarter" is the correct term for one-fourth, enhancing the formality and precision of the language.
"before halving to only 11%" -> "before decreasing to 11%"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is more specific and formal than "halving," which is more colloquial and less precise in this context.
"The report on Masters Arts graduation remained almost unchanged" -> "The proportion of Masters Arts graduates remained relatively unchanged"
Explanation: "Proportion of Masters Arts graduates" is more specific and formal than "report on Masters Arts graduation," which is vague and awkwardly phrased.
"a modest rise in the figure for PhD Arts" -> "a moderate increase in the number of PhD Arts graduates"
Explanation: "Moderate increase" is more precise and formal than "modest rise," and "number of PhD Arts graduates" is clearer and more specific than "figure for PhD Arts."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the data presented in the charts. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, such as the overall trend of more science graduates than arts graduates and the changes in the proportions of graduates at different levels. However, the essay does not provide a clear comparison between the two years, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the percentage of students graduating from First degree Arts in 1980 made up a-fourth, but the chart shows that it was 25%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer comparison between the two years, such as by stating the percentage change in the proportion of graduates at each level. The essay could also be improved by focusing on the most significant changes in the data, rather than providing a detailed account of all the changes. For example, the essay could focus on the significant increase in the proportion of PhD Science graduates and the significant decrease in the proportion of First degree Science graduates.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the analysis of the data. However, while the organization of information is generally logical, there are instances where the flow could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are moments where the cohesion feels mechanical or slightly forced, particularly in the transitions between points. Additionally, the referencing could be clearer, as some phrases may lead to confusion regarding what is being compared or discussed. The paragraphing is present but could be more effectively structured to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by ensuring smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. They should also work on varying their use of cohesive devices to avoid mechanical repetition and ensure that all references are clear. Furthermore, refining the paragraph structure to better encapsulate central topics would enhance coherence and cohesion overall.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "surpassed," "entitled," and "witnessed," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the figure for PhD well doubled" and "made up a-fourth." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation, such as "a-fourth," which should be "one-fourth." While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring the accuracy of word choice and collocation. Additionally, improving grammatical structures and avoiding awkward phrases would enhance clarity. Regular practice with feedback on lexical choices, as well as reading a variety of texts to observe sophisticated vocabulary in context, can further develop lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. There are some grammatical errors present, such as "reaching to 30%" (should be "reaching 30%") and "made up a-fourth" (should be "made up a fourth"). While these errors do not significantly hinder communication, they do indicate a lack of control over grammar and punctuation. The essay generally communicates the information effectively, but the presence of noticeable errors suggests that the writer has room for improvement in grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be achieved by proofreading the essay to catch and correct errors, as well as practicing the use of more complex sentence structures with a focus on accuracy. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary and sentence variety could help achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts compare the data on graduation from science and arts at different levels in a specific country in 1980 and 2008.

It is evident that the proportions of Science graduates surpassed those of Arts graduates. Additionally, the figures for Masters in both Science and Arts remained relatively stable during the two given periods.

As can be seen in 1980, students graduating from Science accounted for nearly two-thirds of the chart, which included 13% for PhD, 19% for First degree, and 29% for Masters. Twenty-eight years later, however, the figure for PhD well doubled, reaching 30%, while the percentage for First degree almost halved, and the figure for Masters remained unchanged.

Despite some changes, Arts graduates were still outnumbered by Science graduates nearly three decades later in 2008. The percentage of students graduating with a First degree in Arts in 1980 constituted one-fourth, but this figure halved to only 11% in 2008. The percentage of Masters graduates in Arts remained almost unchanged at around 12%, in contrast to a modest rise in the figure for PhD graduates in Arts, which increased from only 2% to 7% between 1980 and 2008.