Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people's lives.

In this day and age, the advertising industry has thrived unthinkable in several aspects of life. However, I vehemently agree with the statement that the growth of the advertising industry has some negative effects on human lives, and this essay will elucidate my stance.

My foremost concern is the pessimistic outcome of this phenomenon for the young. Because most advertisements about sugary drinks or fast food are aimed at children and teenagers being the most pervasive consumers, leading to several severe health problems such as obesity. According to BBC News, because of the coverage of advertisements, young people in the US consume Coke every day, ignoring many health risks associated with excessive sugar intake. Moreover, I'm completely opposed it is consumerism. Many brands take advantage of cutting-edge social platforms to market their products through what users are searching for or watching. As a result, consumers are frequently bombarded with advertisements, which often leads them to buy unnecessary items.

Another reason why I agree with this idea is that artificial advertisements creating unrealistic expectations or promising solutions to complex problems such as rapid weight loss, which leads to disappointment in consumers. In this digital age, it's straightforward to glance at several medical treatment advertisements on YouTube and other social media which just a mere fraction of them are effective or maybe detrimental to people health.

In conclusion, the prevalence of advertisements appears to me as a disadvantage as they misguide the consumers' view of life and cause overconsumption. To address this problem, the government should implement stricter laws to stifle the negative development of the advertising industry.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"thrived unthinkable" -> "thrived significantly"
Explanation: "Thrived unthinkable" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Thrived significantly" is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
"I vehemently agree" -> "I strongly agree"
Explanation: "Vehemently" may imply an emotional tone that is less appropriate in academic writing. "Strongly" is a more neutral and academically suitable term.
"elucidate my stance" -> "explain my position"
Explanation: "Elucidate" is a more formal and precise term than "explain," which is also appropriate for academic writing.
"pessimistic outcome" -> "negative consequences"
Explanation: "Pessimistic outcome" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "Negative consequences" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"Because most advertisements" -> "As most advertisements"
Explanation: "Because" is often used for cause-and-effect relationships, whereas "As" is more suitable for introducing a condition or circumstance.
"being the most pervasive consumers" -> "being the most frequent consumers"
Explanation: "Pervasive" is not typically used to describe consumers; "frequent" is more accurate and contextually appropriate.
"severe health problems such as obesity" -> "serious health issues such as obesity"
Explanation: "Severe health problems" is redundant; "serious health issues" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"I’m completely opposed it is consumerism" -> "I strongly oppose consumerism"
Explanation: "I’m completely opposed it is consumerism" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "I strongly oppose consumerism" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.
"cutting-edge social platforms" -> "advanced social media platforms"
Explanation: "Cutting-edge" is somewhat informal and vague; "advanced" is more precise and formal.
"what users are searching for or watching" -> "what users search for or view"
Explanation: "What users are searching for or watching" is awkward and informal. "What users search for or view" is more concise and formal.
"frequently bombarded with advertisements" -> "frequently exposed to advertisements"
Explanation: "Bombarded" can imply a negative emotional connotation; "exposed" is neutral and more appropriate for academic writing.
"artificial advertisements" -> "advertisements"
Explanation: "Artificial" is not necessary and can be removed for clarity and simplicity.
"creating unrealistic expectations" -> "promising unrealistic solutions"
Explanation: "Creating unrealistic expectations" is vague; "promising unrealistic solutions" is more specific and relevant to the context.
"just a mere fraction of them are effective or maybe detrimental" -> "only a small proportion of them are effective or potentially detrimental"
Explanation: "Just a mere fraction" is informal and imprecise; "only a small proportion" is more formal and precise.
"appears to me as a disadvantage" -> "seems to be a disadvantage"
Explanation: "Appears to me as" is awkward and informal; "seems to be" is more direct and formal.
"misguide the consumers’ view of life" -> "mislead consumers’ perceptions of life"
Explanation: "Misguide the consumers’ view of life" is awkward and unclear; "mislead consumers’ perceptions of life" is more precise and formal.
"stifle the negative development" -> "curb the negative growth"
Explanation: "Stifle" can imply a more forceful or violent action, which may not be intended. "Curb" is a more neutral and appropriate term for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impacts of advertising on people’s perceptions of importance and its detrimental effects on their lives. The author identifies specific groups affected, particularly the youth, and provides examples such as health issues related to sugary drinks and the promotion of consumerism. However, while the essay touches on these aspects, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of how advertising influences perceptions of what is important, rather than focusing predominantly on the negative aspects.
- How to improve: To enhance this section, the author should explicitly discuss how advertising shapes societal values and priorities, perhaps by including examples of positive advertising or contrasting viewpoints. This would provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing against the advertising industry’s impact on society. The use of phrases like "I vehemently agree" and "I’m completely opposed" reinforces the author’s stance. However, there are moments where the argument could be more logically structured, particularly in the transition between points, which may cause slight confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author should ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Using clear topic sentences and transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the health risks of advertising targeted at youth and the promotion of unrealistic expectations. These ideas are supported with examples, such as the reference to BBC News regarding sugary drink consumption. However, some ideas, like the impact of consumerism, could be further developed with additional examples or explanations to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed evidence or examples. For instance, discussing specific advertising campaigns that exemplify consumerism or unrealistic expectations could provide a stronger foundation for the arguments made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the negative impacts of advertising. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "artificial advertisements" could be more explicitly tied back to how they affect people’s perceptions of importance.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should regularly refer back to the prompt throughout the essay. This can be achieved by reiterating the connection between advertising and its impact on societal values in each paragraph, ensuring that all points made directly relate to the central argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author can further enhance the clarity and depth of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the negative impacts of advertising, which is effectively communicated in the introduction. The main points are logically sequenced, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph focuses on the health implications for youth, while the second discusses unrealistic expectations created by advertisements. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between health issues and consumerism is not explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the health impacts in the first paragraph, you might introduce the second paragraph with a sentence like, "In addition to health concerns, advertising also fosters a culture of consumerism that can lead to further societal issues."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a clear paragraph structure, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point. The introduction sets the stage, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea before delving into examples. The current structure sometimes leads to a lack of clarity regarding the focus of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences to clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, in the second body paragraph, you could start with a sentence like, "Another significant drawback of advertising is its ability to create unrealistic expectations among consumers." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "in addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used effectively, but additional devices like "furthermore," "consequently," or "on the other hand" could be incorporated to create more varied connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, when introducing a contrasting idea, instead of repeating "however," you could use "on the contrary" or "in contrast." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain clarity and avoid confusion in the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer topic sentences, and a broader range of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "pessimistic outcome," "consumerism," and "cutting-edge social platforms." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "advertisements" and "consumers." The phrase "thrive unthinkable" is awkward and does not convey the intended meaning effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advertisements," alternatives like "commercials," "promotional content," or "marketing campaigns" could be employed. Additionally, revising phrases like "thrive unthinkable" to something clearer, such as "has thrived beyond expectation," would improve clarity and precision.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary choices are appropriate, there are instances of imprecision that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "artificial advertisements" is misleading; "artificial" typically refers to something not natural, which may not accurately describe the nature of advertisements. The phrase "just a mere fraction of them are effective" is also vague and could be more specific regarding what "them" refers to.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Instead of "artificial advertisements," a more precise term could be "misleading advertisements." Additionally, specifying what "a mere fraction" refers to would enhance clarity. For instance, "only a small percentage of medical treatment advertisements are effective" would provide clearer information.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "detrimental to people health," which should be "detrimental to people’s health." Additionally, "because most advertisements about sugary drinks or fast food are aimed at children and teenagers being the most pervasive consumers" could be clearer with proper punctuation and structure.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools. Practicing spelling common words and phrases related to the topic can also help. Furthermore, breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can reduce the likelihood of errors and enhance overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging with a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise language use, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Because most advertisements about sugary drinks or fast food are aimed at children and teenagers being the most pervasive consumers" show an attempt to create more intricate structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and run-on sentences, such as "Moreover, I’m completely opposed it is consumerism," which detracts from clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences more fluidly. For instance, breaking down longer sentences into clearer, more concise statements can improve readability. Additionally, incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses can help diversify sentence openings, making the writing more engaging.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that affect overall clarity. For example, the phrase "I’m completely opposed it is consumerism" lacks a preposition or conjunction to connect the ideas properly, which should read as "I’m completely opposed to consumerism." Furthermore, the sentence "which just a mere fraction of them are effective or maybe detrimental to people health" contains a grammatical error; it should be "to people’s health." Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which often leads them to buy unnecessary items."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that clauses are properly connected will enhance the overall clarity of the writing. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct these issues.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy for future IELTS essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, the advertising industry has thrived significantly in several aspects of life. However, I strongly agree with the statement that the growth of the advertising industry has some negative consequences on human lives, and this essay will explain my position.

My foremost concern is the negative impact of this phenomenon on the young. As most advertisements for sugary drinks or fast food are aimed at children and teenagers, who are the most frequent consumers, this leads to several serious health issues such as obesity. According to BBC News, due to the prevalence of advertisements, young people in the US consume Coke every day, ignoring many health risks associated with excessive sugar intake. Moreover, I strongly oppose consumerism. Many brands take advantage of advanced social media platforms to market their products based on what users search for or view. As a result, consumers are frequently exposed to advertisements, which often leads them to purchase unnecessary items.

Another reason why I agree with this idea is that artificial advertisements create unrealistic expectations or promise solutions to complex problems, such as rapid weight loss, which leads to disappointment among consumers. In this digital age, it’s straightforward to come across numerous medical treatment advertisements on YouTube and other social media platforms, of which only a small proportion are effective or may even be detrimental to people’s health.

In conclusion, the prevalence of advertisements seems to be a disadvantage as they mislead consumers’ perceptions of life and contribute to overconsumption. To curb the negative growth of this issue, the government should implement stricter laws to regulate the advertising industry.