what was he talked ?

what was he talked ?

he does not say what hair color he wanted but he says " will i have time for that ?"

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "he does not say what hair color he wanted" -> "he does not specify his preferred hair color"
   Explanation: Replacing "what hair color he wanted" with "his preferred hair color" clarifies the subject and object of the sentence, enhancing the formal tone and precision.

2. "but he says "will i have time for that?"" -> "but he asks, ‘Will I have time for that?’"
   Explanation: Changing "but he says" to "but he asks" corrects the grammatical structure to reflect a question, and adding quotation marks around the question improves readability and formal tone. The capitalization of "I" is also corrected for proper grammatical form.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Task Response: 4 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay fails to adequately address the prompt, which appears to ask for a discussion or analysis of what was talked about. The response is vague and does not provide any context or details about the conversation or its significance. The phrase "he does not say what hair color he wanted" suggests an incomplete understanding of the prompt, as it does not clarify who "he" is or the relevance of hair color to the discussion. The mention of "will I have time for that?" does not connect back to a clear topic or argument.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure they fully understand the prompt and respond to all its components. They should provide context for the discussion, clearly identify the subject, and elaborate on the implications of the conversation. A more comprehensive response could include details about the speaker, the setting, and the broader themes of the discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position or argument. It does not articulate a specific viewpoint or stance regarding the topic at hand. The response is fragmented and does not guide the reader through a coherent line of reasoning. The use of a question ("will I have time for that?") without elaboration leaves the reader confused about the writer’s perspective.
  • How to improve: To present a clear position, the writer should begin by stating their main argument or viewpoint in the introduction. They should then consistently refer back to this position throughout the essay, using topic sentences to guide the reader. Each point made should relate back to the central argument, ensuring clarity and coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack support. The response consists of a single sentence that does not explore or extend the initial thought. There is no evidence or examples provided to substantiate the statements made, which weakens the overall impact of the essay.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should aim to develop each point with explanations, examples, and evidence. They could start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details that elaborate on the idea. Including relevant examples or personal anecdotes can also help to strengthen the argument and engage the reader.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does not stay on topic, as it fails to provide a coherent response to the prompt. The mention of hair color and the question posed do not connect logically, leading to confusion about the main focus of the essay. The lack of context makes it difficult to discern how the ideas relate to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should carefully read the prompt and outline their response before writing. Each sentence should contribute to answering the prompt directly. It may also be helpful to revisit the prompt after writing each paragraph to ensure that the content remains aligned with the topic.

In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on fully addressing the prompt, presenting a clear and consistent position, developing and supporting their ideas with relevant examples, and maintaining focus on the topic throughout the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 3

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear logical structure. The response does not present a coherent argument or narrative, making it difficult for the reader to follow the intended message. For instance, the mention of hair color is abruptly introduced without context, and the quote provided does not connect logically to a preceding idea or argument. This disjointedness contributes to the overall confusion of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should begin with a clear introduction that outlines the main idea or argument. Following this, each paragraph should focus on a single point that supports the main idea, with clear transitions between points. For example, if discussing a character’s thoughts about hair color, the writer could first explain the significance of hair color in the context before introducing the quote.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does not effectively utilize paragraphs, as it presents a single, fragmented thought rather than a structured response. There is no clear separation of ideas, which makes it challenging for readers to discern different aspects of the discussion. The essay reads more like a single sentence rather than a developed piece of writing.
  • How to improve: The writer should practice using paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, one paragraph could focus on the character’s feelings about hair color, while another could discuss the implications of the quote provided.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows minimal use of cohesive devices, which are essential for connecting ideas and ensuring the flow of information. The lack of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional phrases results in a choppy reading experience. The quote is presented without any introductory or explanatory phrases that would help integrate it into the overall context.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and ideas. For example, using phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "This suggests that" can help clarify relationships between thoughts. Additionally, employing pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can create smoother transitions and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing their ideas logically, utilizing paragraphs effectively, and employing a range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary used in the essay is quite limited. Phrases such as "hair color" and "will I have time for that?" indicate a basic level of vocabulary. There is a lack of variety in word choice, which restricts the expression of ideas. For example, instead of simply stating "hair color," the writer could have used synonyms or related terms to enrich the text, such as "shade," "hue," or "tint."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and more descriptive language. Engaging with diverse reading materials, such as articles, essays, or literature, can help expose the writer to a broader lexicon. Additionally, keeping a vocabulary journal to note down new words and their meanings can be beneficial.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some imprecision in vocabulary usage. The phrase "what hair color he wanted" lacks clarity, as it does not specify the context or the subject’s feelings about the hair color. The use of "that" in "will I have time for that?" is vague and does not clearly refer to a specific action or decision, which can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clearly defining the subjects and actions in their sentences. Instead of using vague pronouns like "that," the writer should specify what "that" refers to. For instance, the sentence could be revised to say, "Will I have time to choose a hair color?" This revision clarifies the action and enhances the overall understanding of the sentence.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay appears to be accurate, with no noticeable errors. This indicates a good grasp of basic spelling rules. However, the simplicity of the vocabulary used does not provide a comprehensive assessment of spelling ability.
  • How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Reading regularly can also improve spelling by familiarizing the writer with the correct forms of words in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and the application of more complex language structures. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on clarity, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. The primary structure used is simple declarative sentences, such as "he does not say what hair color he wanted" and "he says ‘will I have time for that?’" While these sentences are clear, they do not showcase a variety of grammatical forms, such as complex or compound sentences. The use of direct speech is noted, but it does not contribute to a broader range of structures.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "he does not say what hair color he wanted," the writer could say, "Although he does not specify the hair color he wanted, he questions whether he will have time for that." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation issues. For instance, the phrase "what was he talked?" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "what was he talking about?" Additionally, the sentence "he says ‘will I have time for that?’" lacks proper punctuation before the quotation. The question mark should be placed inside the quotation marks, as it is part of the quoted speech. Furthermore, the use of capitalization is inconsistent; the first word of the essay should be capitalized.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic sentence structures and ensure that questions are formed correctly. Practicing the formation of direct and indirect questions can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with quotation rules, particularly regarding the placement of punctuation marks. Regular proofreading can help catch these errors before finalizing the essay.

In summary, to elevate the band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical and punctuation accuracy through practice and careful revision.

Bài sửa mẫu

He does not specify his preferred hair color, but he asks, “Will I have time for that?”