While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Agree or disagree?

It is said that due to a lack of qualified employees, specifically electricians and plumbers, people should be encouraged to do vocational training to meet the high demand of society instead of having university education.From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this proposal and reckon that going to university for academic study has more advantages for students’ future than having a vocational course.
It is obvious that doing vocational training has several benefits. Unlike university’s conditions for enrollments, occupational training students have an easier admission procedure without language qualifications or academic certifications. Besides, they have a shorter learning process and lower tuition fees, as well. In their studying course, they have chances to earn a salary from going for a work related to their learning, not least electricians or plumbers with a view to lessen their financial burden. However, vocational training can not help students gain in-depth knowledge in their profession as university level qualifications.
Going to university is a great opportunity for students to broaden their horizons. Because there are many clubs in a university for its students, especially volunteer, media and journalism. Joining a club allows students to be open-minded, build new rapport and share interests and hobbies, explore others’ perspectives, leading to an enhancement in both characteristics and knowledge for students. Furthermore, having university education provides learners with academic knowledge and practical skills creating conditions to get a better job, improve the earning potential and promotion in their future career path, particularly working in different countries.
In conclusion, going to university for academic study has more advantages than having occupational training. Therefore people should consider having further education to get more work promotions, better incomes and in-depth knowledge leading them to their success in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is said that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase, enhancing the tone of the essay by implying a scholarly discussion rather than a casual statement.
"specifically electricians and plumbers" -> "specifically electricians and plumbers"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to remove the unnecessary word "specifically" which is redundant in this context.
"people should be encouraged to do vocational training" -> "individuals should be encouraged to pursue vocational training"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "pursue" is more precise than "do" in the context of educational activities.
"to meet the high demand of society" -> "to address the high demand in society"
Explanation: "Address" is a more precise verb than "meet" in this context, suggesting a proactive response to the demand rather than simply fulfilling it.
"I strongly disagree with this proposal" -> "I firmly oppose this proposal"
Explanation: "Firmly oppose" is a stronger, more formal expression than "strongly disagree," aligning better with academic discourse.
"reckon" -> "believe"
Explanation: "Reckon" is too informal and colloquial for academic writing; "believe" is more appropriate and formal.
"going to university for academic study" -> "pursuing academic studies at university"
Explanation: "Pursuing academic studies" is a more formal and precise way to describe the act of attending university, enhancing the academic tone.
"Unlike university’s conditions for enrollments" -> "Unlike the enrollment requirements of universities"
Explanation: "The enrollment requirements of universities" is more specific and formal, avoiding the possessive form "university’s conditions" which is less precise.
"occupational training students" -> "students in vocational training"
Explanation: "Students in vocational training" is clearer and more formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "occupational training students."
"have chances to earn a salary" -> "have opportunities to earn a salary"
Explanation: "Opportunities" is a more formal and precise term than "chances" in this context, aligning better with academic language.
"can not help students gain in-depth knowledge" -> "cannot help students acquire in-depth knowledge"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of "can not" in formal writing, and "acquire" is a more formal synonym for "gain" in this context.
"Because there are many clubs in a university for its students" -> "Given the numerous clubs available to university students"
Explanation: "Given the numerous clubs available to university students" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "Because there are many clubs in a university for its students."
"especially volunteer, media and journalism" -> "especially in volunteer, media, and journalism"
Explanation: Adding "in" before "volunteer, media, and journalism" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more formal and clear.
"Joining a club allows students to be open-minded" -> "Membership in a club fosters openness"
Explanation: "Fosters openness" is a more precise and formal way to describe the effect of joining a club, avoiding the vague "allows students to be open-minded."
"build new rapport" -> "establish new relationships"
Explanation: "Establish new relationships" is a more formal and precise term than "build new rapport," which is somewhat colloquial.
"improve the earning potential" -> "enhance earning potential"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "improve," fitting better in an academic context.
"better incomes" -> "higher incomes"
Explanation: "Higher incomes" is a more precise and formal way to describe increased earnings, aligning better with academic style.
"in-depth knowledge leading them to their success" -> "comprehensive knowledge leading to their success"
Explanation: "Comprehensive knowledge" is a more formal and precise term than "in-depth knowledge," and "leading to their success" is grammatically correct compared to "leading them to their success."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the idea that more people should pursue vocational training over university education. The author outlines the benefits of both vocational training and university education, although the focus remains primarily on the advantages of university. The mention of the lack of qualified workers is acknowledged, but the essay could have explored this aspect more deeply to fully address the prompt’s implications regarding workforce needs.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the author could include specific examples or statistics that highlight the current demand for vocational workers. Additionally, discussing potential solutions to the shortage of qualified workers while still advocating for university education would provide a more balanced view and directly engage with the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position against prioritizing vocational training is clear from the beginning and is maintained throughout the essay. The author states their disagreement in the introduction and reinforces this stance in the conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the reasons behind the disagreement, as some points regarding vocational training are presented positively, which might create a slight ambiguity in the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author should ensure that all points made about vocational training are framed in a way that supports their argument against it. For instance, when discussing the benefits of vocational training, the author could juxtapose these benefits with the limitations of vocational careers compared to university education, reinforcing the preference for academic study.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages of university education, such as broader horizons and better career prospects. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For example, while the author mentions clubs and opportunities for personal development, they could elaborate on how these experiences translate into real-world skills or employability. The discussion of vocational training is somewhat limited and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples and evidence. This could include specific career paths that benefit from university education, testimonials from graduates, or data on employment rates for university graduates versus vocational training completers. Additionally, expanding on the implications of the skills gained through university education would enhance the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the comparison between vocational training and university education. However, there are moments where the discussion of vocational training seems to stray into a more neutral or positive light, which could confuse the reader regarding the author’s stance. For instance, the mention of easier admissions and shorter learning processes could be interpreted as advantages that might warrant consideration.
- How to improve: To maintain a sharper focus on the topic, the author should ensure that any mention of vocational training is directly tied back to the argument against it. This could involve framing the discussion of vocational training in terms of its limitations compared to the comprehensive benefits of university education, thus reinforcing the central argument throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to deepen the analysis and clarify the position, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the proposal of promoting vocational training over university education. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs are structured to support this viewpoint. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of vocational training, while the second contrasts these with the advantages of university education. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily. However, the transition between discussing vocational training and university education could be smoother to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases when shifting from one argument to another. For example, after discussing the benefits of vocational training, a phrase like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could signal the transition to the discussion of university education more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea can further enhance the organization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs delve into the pros and cons of vocational training versus university education, and the conclusion summarizes the writer’s stance. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer separation of ideas, as it currently combines multiple points about university education without distinct sub-points.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into smaller sections that each focus on a single point. For example, one paragraph could discuss the social benefits of university clubs, while another could focus on the academic and career advantages. This would create a clearer structure and make it easier for the reader to digest each argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "besides," "however," and "furthermore," which help link ideas and maintain flow. These devices contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded; for instance, the essay relies heavily on a few transitional phrases, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, consider using "in addition," "consequently," or "as a result" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also enhance cohesion; for instance, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex sentences that still maintain clarity.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a coherent argument, but there are opportunities for improvement in transitions, paragraph organization, and the variety of cohesive devices used. Implementing these suggestions could further elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "vocational training," "qualified employees," and "broaden their horizons." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "vocational training" and "university education," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the text. For example, instead of repeatedly using "vocational training," alternatives like "technical education" or "apprenticeship programs" could be employed.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help diversify word choice. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or collocations related to education and career paths could enhance the essay’s overall lexical richness.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "can not help students gain in-depth knowledge" could be better articulated as "may not provide students with the comprehensive understanding." The term "occupational training" is also somewhat vague and could be more specifically defined as "vocational training programs" to clarify the context.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context and specificity when selecting vocabulary. Reading more academic articles or essays can provide insight into how to use terms accurately within context. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can help in understanding how to convey ideas more precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "enrollments" (should be "enrollment") and "not least electricians or plumbers" (which is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial for long-term improvement.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "It is said that due to a lack of qualified employees, specifically electricians and plumbers, people should be encouraged to do vocational training" showcase the use of introductory clauses and embedded clauses effectively. However, there are instances where sentence structures become repetitive, particularly in the second paragraph, where the phrase "vocational training" is used multiple times in close succession, which could detract from the overall fluency of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, transition words, and different types of clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "Going to university" or "Vocational training," the writer could use phrases like "In contrast," "Additionally," or "Moreover," to introduce new ideas. This would not only diversify the sentence structures but also improve the overall coherence and flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few errors that could impact clarity. For example, the phrase "university’s conditions for enrollments" should be "university’s conditions for enrollment" to ensure correct noun usage. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a space before "From my perspective" and the absence of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences or confusion. For instance, "Besides, they have a shorter learning process and lower tuition fees, as well." could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to noun forms and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules regarding commas in complex sentences and ensuring proper spacing after punctuation marks will enhance clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading for common errors can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help the writer become more familiar with correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is said that due to a lack of qualified employees, specifically electricians and plumbers, people should be encouraged to pursue vocational training to meet the high demand in society instead of having a university education. From my perspective, I firmly oppose this proposal and believe that going to university for academic study has more advantages for students’ futures than having a vocational course.

It is obvious that doing vocational training has several benefits. Unlike the enrollment requirements of universities, students in vocational training have an easier admission procedure without language qualifications or academic certifications. Besides, they have a shorter learning process and lower tuition fees as well. In their studies, they have opportunities to earn a salary from work related to their learning, not least electricians or plumbers, with a view to lessen their financial burden. However, vocational training cannot help students acquire in-depth knowledge in their profession compared to university-level qualifications.

Going to university is a great opportunity for students to broaden their horizons. There are many clubs in a university for its students, especially in volunteer, media, and journalism. Joining a club fosters openness, allowing students to build new relationships and share interests and hobbies, as well as explore others’ perspectives, leading to an enhancement in both characteristics and knowledge for students. Furthermore, having a university education provides learners with academic knowledge and practical skills, creating conditions to get a better job, improve earning potential, and gain promotions in their future career paths, particularly when working in different countries.

In conclusion, going to university for academic study has more advantages than having vocational training. Therefore, people should consider pursuing further education to achieve more work promotions, better incomes, and comprehensive knowledge leading to their success in the future.