Write about the following topic: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Write about the following topic:

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.
Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

It is said that toking dangersin humans' lives is significant because it brings a lot of benefits. However,it also gives us drawbacks.
The most popular drawback is faiture in life. In my opinion,it is quite good for us to cause some unsuccessful thing. This can help us getting more experience for our future living. In case of professional lives, these failure can damage immediately to our daily lives, family, even relationship around us. The most serious consequence effects to ourselves is unreal posts about us on social media.
on the other hand, the huge benefit that we can receive by taking risks is the preparation for goal a process. In order to achieve the aim, people will make all the efforts to think about it and try to find different and effective ways to do it. If we do it in professional way, we will relize the importance of responsibility and cooperation.
In condusion, taking risks in crowds' living brings both advantages and disadvantages. However, it can be argued that the benefits outweighed the drawbacks because advantages not only from the results but also from the process of taking dangers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "toking dangersin" -> "engaging in risk-taking"
   Explanation: "Toking" is an informal term often associated with smoking marijuana, which is not relevant in this context. "Engaging in risk-taking" is a more formal and appropriate phrase to describe the subject matter.
2. "faiture" -> "failure"
   Explanation: "Faiture" is a misspelling of "failure." Using the correct term improves clarity and maintains formality.
3. "quite good" -> "beneficial" or "advantageous"
   Explanation: "Quite good" is colloquial and lacks the formality required for academic writing. "Beneficial" or "advantageous" convey the idea more precisely and professionally.
4. "unsuccessful thing" -> "unsuccessful endeavor"
   Explanation: "Thing" is vague and lacks specificity. "Endeavor" is a more formal and appropriate term to use in this context.
5. "In case of professional lives" -> "In professional settings"
   Explanation: "In case of" is overly casual. "Professional lives" is ambiguous and could refer to individual careers rather than the broader professional context. "In professional settings" is more precise and formal.
6. "consequence effects" -> "adverse effects"
   Explanation: "Consequence effects" is redundant. "Adverse effects" is a more concise and formal term to convey the negative outcomes.
7. "unreal posts" -> "false narratives" or "misleading content"
   Explanation: "Unreal posts" is informal and vague. "False narratives" or "misleading content" better convey the idea of inaccurate information being spread on social media.
8. "on the other hand" -> "However"
   Explanation: "On the other hand" is too casual for academic writing. "However" is a more appropriate transition to introduce an opposing viewpoint.
9. "huge benefit" -> "significant advantage"
   Explanation: "Huge" is colloquial and lacks precision. "Significant" is a more appropriate term for academic writing.
10. "goal a process" -> "the process of achieving a goal"
    Explanation: "Goal a process" is grammatically incorrect. "The process of achieving a goal" is a clearer and more formal expression.
11. "make all the efforts" -> "exert considerable effort"
    Explanation: "Make all the efforts" is awkward phrasing. "Exert considerable effort" is a more concise and formal alternative.
12. "relize" -> "realize"
    Explanation: "Relize" is a misspelling of "realize." Using the correct spelling improves clarity and professionalism.
13. "in condusion" -> "in conclusion"
    Explanation: "Condusion" is a misspelling of "conclusion." Using the correct term maintains the formal tone of the essay.
14. "outweighed" -> "outweigh"
    Explanation: "Outweighed" is the past tense form of the verb. "Outweigh" is the present tense form, which is more appropriate here since the author is presenting a current argument.
15. "taking dangers" -> "risk-taking"
    Explanation: "Taking dangers" is awkward and ungrammatical. "Risk-taking" is the correct term to describe the concept in a formal manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional lives. However, the response lacks clarity and coherence in discussing these points, which affects the depth of analysis.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa. Provide specific examples or hypothetical scenarios to support the argument. For instance, discuss how taking risks can lead to personal growth or professional success despite the potential for failure.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a position, but it lacks consistency and clarity. The stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages is not clearly articulated or developed throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, clearly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Use topic sentences in each body paragraph to reinforce this stance and provide examples or reasons to support it.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented, but they are underdeveloped and lack support. For example, the essay mentions the benefits of failure for personal growth but does not elaborate on how this process works or provide concrete examples.
  • How to improve: Extend each idea with relevant details, examples, or hypothetical scenarios. Use specific examples from personal experience or knowledge to illustrate each point. This will strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the topic by providing unclear examples and not fully addressing the prompt. It discusses the consequences of failure and the benefits of taking risks but lacks cohesion in linking these ideas back to the prompt.
  • How to improve: Focus on directly answering the prompt throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph and example directly supports the argument and relates back to the topic. Use clear transitions and topic sentences to maintain focus and coherence.

In summary, while the essay attempts to address the prompt and present a position on whether the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages, it falls short in several key areas. To improve, the essay should focus on clear and consistent argumentation, providing specific examples and elaborating on each point made. This will lead to a more cohesive and well-supported response, which is crucial for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 3

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear organization and coherence. Ideas are presented in a disjointed manner without a discernible structure. For example, the essay jumps from discussing the drawbacks of failure to the benefits of taking risks without establishing a clear transition or connection between these ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should begin with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and include topic sentences that guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, using cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases can help create smoother connections between ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. Ideas are jumbled together within paragraphs, making it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of arguments. There is a lack of clear topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs.
  • How to improve: Breaking the essay into distinct paragraphs with each focusing on a single main idea would greatly improve readability. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Transitions between paragraphs should be used to guide the reader through the essay’s argumentative flow.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices. While some transition words and phrases are used sporadically (e.g., "however," "on the other hand"), they are not consistently employed to create coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance cohesion, the essay should incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "moreover"), transitional phrases (e.g., "as a result," "in addition"), and pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"). Using these devices consistently and appropriately will help connect ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, albeit with some inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. For instance, "toking dangersin" instead of "taking risks in," "faiture" instead of "failure," and "condusion" instead of "conclusion." While there is an attempt to employ different words, some choices are unconventional and lead to unclear or incorrect meanings.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, focus on using words accurately and appropriately. Aim for clarity and precision in expression. Reading more diverse materials and paying attention to context can aid in understanding how words are used in different contexts. Additionally, actively learning new vocabulary and practicing its application in writing can further develop lexical resource skills.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with precision in vocabulary usage. For instance, "toking dangersin" instead of "taking risks in," "unreal posts" instead of "negative posts" or "false information," and "goal a process" instead of "goal achievement process." These instances of imprecise vocabulary usage hinder the clarity and effectiveness of communication.
  • How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, focus on selecting words that accurately convey intended meanings. Utilize a thesaurus or dictionary to explore alternative words and their nuances. Pay attention to context and consider whether chosen words effectively communicate ideas. Practicing writing and receiving feedback can also help refine vocabulary usage skills.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "toking" instead of "taking," "dangersin" instead of "dangers in," "faiture" instead of "failure," "relize" instead of "realize," and "condusion" instead of "conclusion." These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires consistent practice and attention to detail. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software to identify and correct errors. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and frequently encountered mistakes can help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Proofreading essays carefully before submission can also help catch and rectify spelling errors effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at varied sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a noticeable lack of coherence due to frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, "It is said that toking dangersin humans’ lives is significant because it brings a lot of benefits" exhibits a mix of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, impacting the clarity and effectiveness of the message.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, focus on using a combination of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Additionally, strive for clarity and coherence by ensuring proper grammar and syntax. Proofreading and revising sentences for clarity and accuracy can significantly improve the overall quality of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is marred by numerous grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout. For example, "toking dangersin," "faiture," "crowds’ living," and missing punctuation marks such as commas and periods disrupt the flow and comprehension of the essay. These errors hinder the reader’s ability to understand the intended message clearly.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, consider thorough proofreading and editing. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation usage. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors effectively. Practicing writing in a structured manner with attention to grammar and punctuation rules can also aid in improving accuracy over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often argued that engaging in risk-taking is crucial in both professional and personal spheres, yielding numerous advantages despite some accompanying drawbacks.

One prominent drawback is the possibility of failure. From my perspective, experiencing setbacks can be beneficial as it provides valuable lessons for our future endeavors. While failures in professional pursuits can have immediate consequences on our livelihoods, families, and relationships, the most significant impact on individuals may be the spread of negative perceptions through social media.

On the flip side, the primary benefit of taking risks lies in the preparatory journey towards achieving goals. When striving for objectives, individuals tend to exert considerable effort, exploring various avenues to attain success. This process not only enhances one’s sense of responsibility and collaboration, particularly in professional contexts but also fosters personal growth.

In conclusion, engaging in risk-taking presents both advantages and disadvantages. Nonetheless, it can be contended that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks as they stem not only from the outcomes but also from the developmental journey of confronting challenges.