You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The illustrations show how chocolate is produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The illustrations show how chocolate is produced.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The pictures show the steps of manufacturing chocolate. Overall, this man-made process starts from cacao pods being grown in only certain places to the production of liquid chocolate at the factories.
First of all, ripe red pods from cacao trees are grown in locations like South America, Africa or Indonesia. Then, the pods are harvested and cut in half, revealing white cocoa beans inside waiting to be collected. The beans are later fermented in the next stage and after that, they are spread in sun to dehydrate. The fifth step involve packing dehydrated beans into large sack in order to be transported by train or lorry to factories.
At the factories, the beans are roasted at 350 degrees Celsius. After that, they are being grinded to remove the outer shell, leaving behind only the inner parts. Finally, those inner parts are being pressed under pressure from rollers in order to produce liquid chocolate.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pictures show" -> "The images depict"
Explanation: "Images depict" is more precise and formal than "the pictures show," which is somewhat colloquial and less specific in an academic context.
"cacao pods being grown" -> "cacao pods cultivated"
Explanation: "Cultivated" is a more specific and formal term than "grown," which is somewhat vague and informal for an academic description of agricultural practices.
"only certain places" -> "specific regions"
Explanation: "Specific regions" is more precise and formal than "only certain places," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the pods are harvested and cut in half" -> "the pods are harvested and halved"
Explanation: "Halved" is a more concise and formal term than "cut in half," which is slightly informal.
"revealing white cocoa beans inside waiting to be collected" -> "exposing white cocoa beans for collection"
Explanation: "Exposing" is more formal and precise than "revealing," and "for collection" is more direct and academic than "waiting to be collected."
"spread in sun to dehydrate" -> "spread in the sun to dry"
Explanation: "Spread in the sun to dry" is more accurate and formal than "spread in sun to dehydrate," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.
"The fifth step involve" -> "The fifth step involves"
Explanation: "Involves" should be the singular form "involves" to agree with the singular noun "step."
"large sack" -> "large sacks"
Explanation: "Sacks" should be plural to match the context of multiple sacks being packed.
"transported by train or lorry" -> "transported by rail or road"
Explanation: "Transported by rail or road" is more formal and precise than "transported by train or lorry," which is slightly informal and colloquial.
"the beans are roasted at 350 degrees Celsius" -> "the beans are roasted at 350°C"
Explanation: Using the metric symbol "°C" is more precise and formal than the full phrase "degrees Celsius."
"they are being grinded" -> "they are ground"
Explanation: "Ground" is the correct past participle form to use after "are" in this context, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"leaving behind only the inner parts" -> "leaving only the inner components"
Explanation: "Components" is a more technical and precise term than "parts," which is too general and informal for an academic description of manufacturing processes.
"being pressed under pressure from rollers" -> "subjected to pressure from rollers"
Explanation: "Subjected to" is more formal and precise than "being pressed under pressure," which is redundant and informal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the process of chocolate production, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay lists the steps of the process in a clear and logical order, but it does not make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay could have compared the different stages of the process, such as the fermentation and drying stages.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by making more comparisons between the different stages of the process. The essay could also be improved by providing more detail about the process, such as the specific types of equipment used or the temperature at which the beans are roasted.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the growth of cacao pods to the production of liquid chocolate. The structure is logical, and the main steps in the chocolate manufacturing process are outlined sequentially. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, phrases like "Then," and "After that," are used repetitively, which detracts from the overall fluidity of the essay. Additionally, while paragraphs are used, they could be better organized to enhance clarity and separation of ideas.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more naturally. Improving paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas within paragraphs are logically connected would also enhance coherence. Furthermore, varying the sentence structures and avoiding repetitive transitional phrases can contribute to a smoother flow of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing the chocolate manufacturing process. It uses terms like "cacao pods," "fermented," "dehydrate," and "roasted," which are appropriate for the context. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice, such as "being grinded" instead of "ground," and "the fifth step involve" should be "involves." These errors indicate a lack of precision and control over lexical features. Additionally, while the vocabulary is generally suitable, it lacks the sophistication and variety expected at higher band levels.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise language. Incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring correct word forms would help. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy can reduce errors that may impede communication. Engaging with a wider variety of texts can also help in developing a more nuanced understanding of vocabulary usage in different contexts.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the criteria for Band 6. There are some grammatical errors present, such as incorrect verb forms ("are being grinded" should be "are ground") and awkward phrasing ("the fifth step involve packing" should be "the fifth step involves packing"). However, these errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the reader to understand the overall process of chocolate manufacturing. The essay maintains a clear structure and logical flow, but the frequency and nature of the errors indicate that it does not reach the higher bands.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and reducing the number of errors. This can be done by proofreading the essay for common mistakes and ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures and varying sentence beginnings could enhance the grammatical range and overall sophistication of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pictures illustrate the steps involved in the manufacturing of chocolate. Overall, this man-made process begins with the cultivation of cacao pods in specific regions and culminates in the production of liquid chocolate at factories.

First of all, ripe red pods from cacao trees are grown in locations such as South America, Africa, and Indonesia. The pods are then harvested and cut in half, revealing the white cocoa beans inside, which are ready to be collected. In the next stage, the beans are fermented, and subsequently, they are spread out in the sun to dehydrate. The fifth step involves packing the dehydrated beans into large sacks to be transported by train or lorry to the factories.

At the factories, the beans are roasted at a temperature of 350 degrees Celsius. After roasting, they are ground to remove the outer shell, leaving only the inner parts. Finally, these inner parts are pressed under pressure from rollers to produce liquid chocolate.