You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: Many people say that universities should only offer places to young students with the highest marks, while others say they should accept people of all ages, even if they did not do well at school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Write about the following topic:

Many people say that universities should only offer places to young students with the highest marks, while others say they should accept people of all ages, even if they did not do well at school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that offering places to young pupils with the highest academic scores is an important activity that universities should implement, whereas other individuals think that they should admit people of all ages, even if their academic performance in school was not positive. In my opinion, I advocate the opinion of the second group.

First of all, it is argued by some that universities should admit only young individuals who have achieved the highest academic scores. Because of incentivizing the effort, those universities should carry out the mindset of the first group. For example, when a university gives priority to admitting students with high scores, it not only motivates students to study harder to achieve better results, but also contributes to raising the overall standard of education. Second, due to meritocracy, universities carry out this activity to choose worthy people. For instance, meritocracy in college admissions can be seen at many prestigious universities, such as Harvard University or Stanford University. These schools tend to only admit students with excellent academic records.

As sensible and beneficial as it is, many people oppose the aforementioned idea since they believe that only accepting young academically gifted individuals is unequal to older students or those who do not have positive results at school. Firstly, because our learning is lifelong, this opinion is sensible. Namely, many people in their mid-life decide to return to university to study a new subject after discovering a passion late in life. Owing to lifelong learning policies, they have the opportunity to transform careers and develop themselves, regardless of their previous academic results. Secondly, the environment has many changes, so they also change. To illustrate, many universities offer online courses for people looking to change careers in a changing labor market, even if they do not have a solid academic background. 

In conclusion, though only accepting students with high marks is advantageous in some ways, I believe providing university places for all students is more just and beneficial in the long run.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some people believe" -> "Some individuals contend"
   Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is often too casual for academic writing.

2. "offering places to young pupils" -> "offering admission to young students"
   Explanation: "Pupils" is typically used in British English and is less formal than "students," which is more commonly used in American English and is more appropriate for academic contexts.

3. "with the highest academic scores" -> "with the highest academic achievements"
   Explanation: "Achievements" is a more formal and encompassing term than "scores," which can be seen as too narrow and specific.

4. "admit people of all ages" -> "admit individuals of all ages"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal and precise than "people," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.

5. "even if their academic performance in school was not positive" -> "even if their academic performance in school was not satisfactory"
   Explanation: "Satisfactory" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "positive," which can be vague and subjective.

6. "I advocate the opinion of the second group" -> "I support the perspective of the opposing group"
   Explanation: "Support" is more precise and formal than "advocate," and "perspective" is more academically appropriate than "opinion."

7. "Because of incentivizing the effort" -> "This incentivizes effort"
   Explanation: "This incentivizes effort" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "Because of incentivizing the effort."

8. "carry out the mindset of the first group" -> "promote the mindset of the first group"
   Explanation: "Promote" is more precise and appropriate in this context than "carry out," which is less commonly used in this sense.

9. "due to meritocracy" -> "as a result of meritocracy"
   Explanation: "As a result of" is a clearer and more formal way to express causality than "due to."

10. "meritocracy in college admissions" -> "merit-based admissions in colleges"
    Explanation: "Merit-based admissions" is a more specific and formal term than "meritocracy," which can be ambiguous and overly broad.

11. "Namely, many people in their mid-life" -> "Specifically, many individuals in mid-life"
    Explanation: "Specifically" is more formal than "namely," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in academic writing for precision.

12. "Owing to lifelong learning policies" -> "thanks to lifelong learning policies"
    Explanation: "Thanks to" is a more natural and formal expression than "owing to," which can sound overly formal or archaic.

13. "they have the opportunity to transform careers" -> "they have the opportunity to change careers"
    Explanation: "Change" is a more straightforward and commonly used term than "transform," which may be seen as overly dramatic for this context.

14. "the environment has many changes" -> "the environment undergoes many changes"
    Explanation: "Undergoes" is more precise and formal than "has," which is vague and less suitable for academic writing.

15. "they also change" -> "the environment also changes"
    Explanation: Clarifies the subject of the sentence, making it more direct and formal.

16. "many universities offer online courses" -> "many universities provide online courses"
    Explanation: "Provide" is a more formal and precise verb than "offer" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding university admissions. The first body paragraph presents the viewpoint that universities should prioritize young students with high academic scores, citing the motivation and meritocracy associated with this approach. The second body paragraph counters this by discussing the importance of inclusivity for older students and those with less favorable academic records, emphasizing lifelong learning and adaptability to changing job markets. This balanced discussion demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of accepting non-traditional students. For instance, mentioning successful case studies of older students who thrived in university settings could strengthen the argument for inclusivity.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of accepting students of all ages in the introduction and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be more explicit, as the essay sometimes feels like it presents both sides without a strong emphasis on the writer’s opinion until the end.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position throughout, the writer could use transitional phrases that reinforce their viewpoint after discussing the opposing argument. For example, after presenting the merits of admitting high-achieving students, a sentence could be added to explicitly state that despite these merits, the benefits of inclusivity outweigh them.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas reasonably well, particularly in the discussion of lifelong learning and the changing labor market. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the mention of "lifelong learning policies" is somewhat vague and could benefit from elaboration on what these entail and how they specifically impact university admissions.
  • How to improve: To improve the depth of the arguments, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, discussing specific programs or initiatives that support adult learners could provide a stronger foundation for the argument in favor of inclusivity.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic, addressing the prompt directly and maintaining relevance throughout. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "prestigious universities" could be seen as slightly tangential to the main argument about inclusivity.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and points directly relate back to the core argument. Avoiding generalizations about prestigious universities unless they directly support the argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the prompt will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in detail and clarity, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, with the first body paragraph discussing the arguments for admitting high-achieving students and the second addressing the counterarguments for inclusivity. For example, the transition from discussing meritocracy in admissions to the importance of lifelong learning is smooth and maintains a logical flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Additionally, integrating more explicit linking phrases between points can strengthen the connections between ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-defined, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s reasoning. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer distinction between the two main points presented.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and that the main idea is encapsulated in a strong topic sentence. Additionally, consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs to avoid overcrowding. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on lifelong learning and the other on the adaptability of older students in a changing job market.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "for example," and "in conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. The use of phrases like "as sensible and beneficial as it is" effectively contrasts the two views. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied transitions and connectors to enhance the fluidity of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "on the other hand," "in contrast," or "furthermore." This will not only improve the essay’s cohesion but also make the argument more engaging. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and do not disrupt the flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting and contrasting the two viewpoints on university admissions. By refining the organization of paragraphs and expanding the range of cohesive devices, the writer can further enhance the clarity and impact of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "academic scores," "meritocracy," and "lifelong learning." However, the repetition of certain phrases, such as "young individuals" and "academic performance," indicates a limited variety in word choice. For instance, the phrase "academic scores" could have been varied with alternatives like "academic achievements" or "scholastic results."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "young individuals," they could incorporate "youth," "students," or "young adults." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text, such as "exceptional academic scores" instead of just "high scores."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys ideas clearly, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the mindset of the first group" is somewhat vague and could be more clearly articulated. The term "sensible" is also used repetitively and may not fully capture the intended meaning in all contexts, particularly when discussing the merits of lifelong learning.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context-specific vocabulary. Instead of "mindset," they could use "philosophy" or "approach." Additionally, replacing "sensible" with words like "reasonable" or "justifiable" in certain contexts could enhance clarity. It is also beneficial to ensure that vocabulary aligns closely with the argument being made.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words like "university," "academic," and "individuals" are spelled correctly throughout the text, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spelling and grammar check tools can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and the maintenance of spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choice, refining vocabulary usage, and continuing to practice spelling, the writer can enhance their overall lexical resource in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively uses a compound structure: "Some people believe that offering places to young pupils with the highest academic scores is an important activity that universities should implement, whereas other individuals think that they should admit people of all ages." This showcases the writer’s ability to connect contrasting ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "Because of incentivizing the effort, those universities should carry out the mindset of the first group" could be restructured for clarity and variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses or using inversion in sentences could add complexity. Additionally, using more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases would help in creating a smoother flow and more sophisticated sentence patterns.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "Because of incentivizing the effort" is awkwardly constructed; "incentivizing" could be replaced with "incentives" for clarity. The use of commas is mostly correct, but there are places where additional punctuation could enhance readability, such as before "even if their academic performance in school was not positive" to separate the clauses more clearly.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining awkward phrases and ensuring that all clauses are clearly connected. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring could help in this regard. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would be beneficial. For example, ensuring that introductory clauses are followed by a comma would enhance clarity and flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that offering places to young pupils with the highest academic scores is an important activity that universities should implement, whereas other individuals think that they should admit people of all ages, even if their academic performance in school was not positive. In my opinion, I support the perspective of the second group.

First of all, it is argued by some that universities should admit only young individuals who have achieved the highest academic scores. By incentivizing effort, those universities should promote the mindset of the first group. For example, when a university gives priority to admitting students with high scores, it not only motivates students to study harder to achieve better results, but also contributes to raising the overall standard of education. Second, due to meritocracy, universities carry out this activity to choose worthy individuals. For instance, meritocracy in college admissions can be seen at many prestigious universities, such as Harvard University or Stanford University. These schools tend to only admit students with excellent academic records.

As sensible and beneficial as it is, many people oppose the aforementioned idea since they believe that only accepting young academically gifted individuals is unfair to older students or those who do not have positive results at school. Firstly, because our learning is lifelong, this opinion is reasonable. Namely, many individuals in mid-life decide to return to university to study a new subject after discovering a passion late in life. Thanks to lifelong learning policies, they have the opportunity to change careers and develop themselves, regardless of their previous academic results. Secondly, the environment undergoes many changes, and as a result, they also change. To illustrate, many universities provide online courses for people looking to change careers in a changing labor market, even if they do not have a solid academic background.

In conclusion, though only accepting students with high marks is advantageous in some ways, I believe providing university places for all students is more just and beneficial in the long run.