𝙄𝙣 𝙩𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙮’𝙨 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙙𝙫𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙘𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙝𝙣𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙮, 𝙬𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙚 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙖𝙨 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙣𝙨, 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨. 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙪𝙨 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙘𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙝𝙣𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙩?

𝙄𝙣 𝙩𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙮’𝙨 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙙𝙫𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙘𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙝𝙣𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙮, 𝙬𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙚 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙖𝙨 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙣𝙨, 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨. 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙪𝙨 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙘𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙝𝙣𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙩?

In contemporary society, despite the rapid development of science and technology, artists like musicians, painters and writers are still widely appreciated by the community. This demonstrates the fact that art plays a crucial role to our society as it can convey intricate meanings other methods are unable to do, given human love and culture in life.
One superiority of art over science and technology is the capability to illustrate human love through various forms such as paintings or poems. Human love is so special and can solely be comprehended by humans. Therefore, artists and poets following romanticism have considered love as a big inspiration for their composition, resulting in a variety of artistic forms about this topic. Consequently, when we encounter any works of art, we can fathom the deep meanings of love from it, which definitely enriches our understanding about the affection existing in our lives. To illustrate, through Mat Biec novel written by Nguyen Nhat Anh, we can understand the immense impacts of love to ourselves and the misery of losing the people we love by reading the character’s story, helping us to be more grateful and treasure human love more.
Moreover, art also has the capability of imparting traditions and cultures from different places in the world. While science and technology are invented and developed by scientists using different scientific rationing and methods, arts on the other hand are created by artists who use their culture and tradition as the materials for their works. Thus, when a viewer comes across a painting or any works of art, that person has an opportunity to gain some insights about the culture and tradition of the context when the artist lived, which can create a spectacular connection between the viewer and the artistic composers. A pertinent example for this is the paintings of Bui Xuan Phai in Vietnam, which successfully depict old Hanoi tradition and culture in the 20th century, providing people precious knowledge about the past.
In conclusion, the art's uniqueness is attributed to its ability to convey subtle and complicated concepts like human love, culture and tradition, which may not be comprehended by practical science and machinery. Owing to its importance, governments and individuals should spend more efforts on the preservation of artistic works, ensuring the continuous development of arts to benefit the next generation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In contemporary society" -> "In modern society"
   Explanation: "Contemporary" can imply a focus on the present moment, whereas "modern" encompasses a broader time frame, fitting better in this context where the discussion spans across time periods.

2. "artists like musicians, painters and writers" -> "artists such as musicians, painters, and writers"
   Explanation: Using "such as" instead of "like" enhances the formality and precision of the list, aligning better with academic style.

3. "This demonstrates the fact that" -> "This illustrates the fact that"
   Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and academically appropriate than "demonstrates" in this context, as it specifically refers to the presentation of evidence or examples.

4. "plays a crucial role to our society" -> "plays a crucial role in our society"
   Explanation: The preposition "in" is grammatically correct and more appropriate than "to" in this context, indicating the role of art within society.

5. "other methods are unable to do" -> "other methods cannot do"
   Explanation: "Cannot" is more direct and formal than "are unable to," which is slightly more conversational.

6. "given human love and culture in life" -> "given the significance of human love and culture in life"
   Explanation: Adding "the significance of" clarifies the meaning and enhances the formality of the sentence.

7. "superiority of art over science and technology" -> "advantages of art over science and technology"
   Explanation: "Advantages" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "superiority," which can imply a value judgment.

8. "illustrate human love through various forms" -> "depict human love through various forms"
   Explanation: "Depict" is more specific and academically suitable than "illustrate" in the context of artistic representation.

9. "solely be comprehended by humans" -> "be fully understood by humans"
   Explanation: "Be fully understood" is more precise and formal than "solely be comprehended," which is awkward and less commonly used.

10. "following romanticism have considered love as a big inspiration" -> "inspired by romanticism have considered love as a significant inspiration"
    Explanation: "Inspired by" is more accurate and formal than "following," and "significant" is more precise than "big" in an academic context.

11. "fathom the deep meanings of love" -> "understand the profound meanings of love"
    Explanation: "Understand" is more commonly used in academic writing than "fathom," which is somewhat archaic and less precise.

12. "the immense impacts of love to ourselves" -> "the profound impacts of love on ourselves"
    Explanation: "On" is the correct preposition for indicating the effect of love on the self, and "profound" is more academically appropriate than "immense."

13. "the capability of imparting traditions and cultures" -> "the ability to impart traditions and cultures"
    Explanation: "Ability to" is more formal and precise than "capability of," aligning better with academic style.

14. "using different scientific rationing and methods" -> "using various scientific rationales and methods"
    Explanation: "Rationales" is the correct term for the reasons or principles behind scientific decisions, replacing the incorrect "rationing."

15. "arts on the other hand" -> "arts, on the other hand"
    Explanation: Adding a comma after "arts" corrects the grammatical structure and improves readability.

16. "the art’s uniqueness" -> "the uniqueness of art"
    Explanation: "The uniqueness of art" is grammatically correct and more formal, avoiding the awkward possessive form "the art’s."

17. "spend more efforts on" -> "devote more effort to"
    Explanation: "Devote" is more formal and precise than "spend," and "to" is the correct preposition for indicating direction of effort.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the value of art in conveying aspects of life that science and technology cannot. The introduction clearly states the importance of art, and the body paragraphs explore specific themes such as human love and cultural traditions. Each theme is supported with relevant examples, such as the reference to Nguyen Nhat Anh’s novel and Bui Xuan Phai’s paintings, which illustrate the points made.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could explicitly connect the discussion back to the prompt at the end of each paragraph. For instance, reiterating how these artistic expressions uniquely contribute to our understanding of life could strengthen the argument and ensure all parts of the question are comprehensively addressed.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that art holds significant value in society, particularly in its ability to express complex human emotions and cultural narratives. This position is consistently reflected throughout the essay, with each paragraph reinforcing the central argument. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive, particularly in the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To ensure an even clearer position, the writer could use more definitive language in the conclusion, summarizing the key points with stronger assertions. Phrases like "It is evident that…" or "This clearly shows that…" can help reinforce the stance taken throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of art’s value. The use of examples is appropriate and relevant, adding depth to the arguments made. The discussion of human love and cultural traditions is well-developed, providing insights into how art communicates these themes.
  • How to improve: While the examples are strong, the essay could benefit from a broader range of examples or a deeper exploration of the implications of these artistic expressions. For instance, discussing how art influences societal values or individual perspectives could extend the ideas further and provide a more comprehensive view of art’s impact.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph directly relating to the value of art in contrast to science and technology. There are no significant deviations from the main theme, and the writer successfully maintains relevance to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To further ensure that the essay stays on topic, the writer could periodically refer back to the prompt within the body paragraphs. This could be done by explicitly mentioning how each point relates back to the question of what art can tell us about life, reinforcing the connection and maintaining focus throughout the discussion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the value of art, earning a solid Band 8 score. With minor adjustments in clarity, depth, and explicit connections to the prompt, it could potentially reach an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction that sets the stage for the discussion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point that supports the thesis, such as the role of art in conveying human emotions and cultural traditions. The progression from one idea to the next is smooth, with each paragraph logically following the previous one. For instance, the transition from discussing love in art to the cultural significance of art is handled effectively, maintaining a cohesive flow throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, consider using more explicit linking phrases at the beginning of paragraphs to signal shifts in focus. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition," can help guide the reader more clearly through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples and explanations. The introduction and conclusion are distinct, framing the central argument well. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph more succinctly.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to provide a clearer preview of the content that follows. For example, the first sentence of the second paragraph could explicitly state that it will discuss how art illustrates human love, making it easier for the reader to grasp the focus of the paragraph immediately.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "consequently," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. The use of examples, like the reference to Mat Biec and Bui Xuan Phai, also serves as effective cohesion, linking the abstract concepts discussed to concrete illustrations. However, while the cohesive devices used are effective, the range could be expanded to include more varied expressions to avoid repetition.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases for common transitions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "moreover," you might use "additionally" or "furthermore." Additionally, varying sentence structures can help in creating a more engaging reading experience, such as using rhetorical questions or contrasting statements to enhance the flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay is coherent and cohesive, effectively addressing the prompt while maintaining a strong logical structure. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "intricate meanings," "superiority," "imparting traditions," and "spectacular connection." These choices effectively convey complex ideas and enhance the overall quality of the writing. However, there are instances where more varied vocabulary could have been employed. For example, the repeated use of "capability" and "art" could be diversified with synonyms to avoid redundancy.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "capability," you could use "ability," "potential," or "capacity." Additionally, exploring more descriptive adjectives or adverbs would enrich the text. For example, instead of "deep meanings," you might say "profound meanings" or "nuanced interpretations."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the capability to illustrate human love" could be more effectively articulated as "the ability to express the complexities of human love." Furthermore, the phrase "the misery of losing the people we love" could be seen as overly simplistic; a more nuanced expression could enhance clarity and depth.
  • How to improve: Focus on refining word choice to ensure precision. Consider the context and connotations of words. For example, instead of "misery," you might use "heartache" or "grief" to convey a deeper emotional resonance. Regularly practicing paraphrasing exercises can also help in developing a more precise vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only a few minor errors. For example, "arts on the other hand" should be "art, on the other hand," which is a punctuation issue rather than a spelling one. However, the overall spelling accuracy contributes positively to the readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing on spelling and punctuation. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also be beneficial. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "This demonstrates the fact that art plays a crucial role to our society as it can convey intricate meanings other methods are unable to do" effectively show the writer’s ability to combine ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures and relative clauses, such as "when we encounter any works of art, we can fathom the deep meanings of love from it," adds depth to the writing. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a few overly long sentences that could hinder clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more varied sentence openings and integrating shorter sentences for clarity. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "art" or "human love," try using introductory phrases or clauses. Additionally, breaking down overly complex sentences into simpler ones can improve readability.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the capability to illustrate human love through various forms such as paintings or poems" is grammatically correct, but the phrase "the art’s uniqueness is attributed to its ability" should be "art’s uniqueness" without the article "the." Punctuation is mostly accurate, though there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which can create a spectacular connection" to separate the clauses more effectively.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to articles and noun forms. Practicing the correct use of articles will help avoid errors like "the art’s uniqueness." Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, consider revising sentences to include necessary commas that separate clauses, making the writing more fluid and comprehensible.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical range and accuracy, but with some adjustments in sentence variety and careful attention to grammatical details, it could reach an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, despite the rapid development of science and technology, artists such as musicians, painters, and writers are still widely appreciated by the community. This illustrates the fact that art plays a crucial role in our society as it can convey intricate meanings that other methods cannot, given the significance of human love and culture in life.

One advantage of art over science and technology is its capability to depict human love through various forms, such as paintings or poems. Human love is so special that it can only be fully understood by humans. Therefore, artists and poets inspired by romanticism have considered love as a significant source of inspiration for their compositions, resulting in a variety of artistic forms on this topic. Consequently, when we encounter any works of art, we can grasp the profound meanings of love within them, which undoubtedly enriches our understanding of the affection present in our lives. To illustrate, through the novel *Mat Biec* written by Nguyen Nhat Anh, we can understand the profound impacts of love on ourselves and the sorrow of losing those we cherish by reading the character’s story, helping us to be more grateful and treasure human love even more.

Moreover, art also has the ability to impart traditions and cultures from different places around the world. While science and technology are developed by scientists using various scientific rationales and methods, the arts, on the other hand, are created by artists who use their culture and traditions as the foundation for their works. Thus, when a viewer comes across a painting or any work of art, that person has an opportunity to gain insights into the culture and traditions of the context in which the artist lived, creating a spectacular connection between the viewer and the artistic creators. A pertinent example of this is the paintings of Bui Xuan Phai in Vietnam, which successfully depict the old Hanoi tradition and culture of the 20th century, providing people with precious knowledge about the past.

In conclusion, the uniqueness of art is attributed to its ability to convey subtle and complex concepts like human love, culture, and tradition, which may not be fully understood through practical science and technology. Given its significance, governments and individuals should devote more effort to the preservation of artistic works, ensuring the continuous development of the arts to benefit future generations.