The Internet is often harmful, especially to young people, due to the amount and type of information people can access. Do you agree or disagree

The Internet is often harmful, especially to young people, due to the amount and type of information people can access.
Do you agree or disagree

In the present day, the advent of the Internet is becoming widespread all over the world. Besides, it has a negative impact on young people because of the vast amounts of information they can access. The Internet, in my opinion, is more harmful than beneficial.
On the one hand, the appearance of the Internet has many benefits for young people. These issues are relevant to serving their studying and working. Firstly, it helps young people to arrange textbooks and homework easily and quickly without spending the previous time. From the age of 15, I got into the habit of compiling detailed indexes on the backs of books of poetry and knowledge. So if there was a quote I needed an assignment, I would spend hours going through my books, seeking it out. Now just the click of a mouse on other social media like Google, YouTube, and TikTok. Secondly, The great swathes of information on the Internet give to young people who want to find a part-time job or full-time job depending on their ability. Besides, consuming the time for studying in school, they are going to spend a bit of time working by using the Internet. In the modern day, many recruitments often choose the Internet to find employees by posting information that is relevant to their work, young people just need to send a CV and almost all people also have a good job with a suitable salary.
Despite the mentioned above, the Internet also brings an amount of huge negative for young people. It causes loss of inherent skills in young people like thinking and being proactive in information research. When they need to solve a problem or a homework, they just google keywords and this issue often appears in school tests. They often use the Internet to find an answer without thinking or explaining the topic. These things lead to a bad future with a mind that refuses to think and be creative. Furthermore, Google search merely provides the most popular answer, not necessarily the most accurate, and even if information is not immediately available via a Google search, people are often completely at a loss. In recent years, much of the material on it is not original and questionable. Moreover, the information coming into the brain from the internet is wrong the kind of information. It is too short, and it does not have enough depth, so there is a qualitative loss. A current problem that young people are concerned about is finding a job online in which there are many temptations and scams. They often see posts calling for people to work with good salaries but when you join, you can lose all assets and according to many newspapers, young people have lost money when working on the Internet and other social media platforms. This causes them to lead a worse life when they overuse it.
In conclusion, despite the benefits of saving time in studying and working, the Internet seems to lead to a passive and lackadaisical lifestyle and indirectly leads to the loss of property. I strongly encourage young people should limit their use of the Internet and should know how to choose reliable sources of information.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "becoming widespread" -> "is becoming pervasive"
   Explanation: "Widespread" is slightly informal for an academic essay. "Pervasive" maintains the idea of extensive reach while presenting a more formal term.

2. "because of the vast amounts of information" -> "due to the abundance of information"
   Explanation: "Vast amounts" can be replaced with "abundance" for a more formal tone without losing the essence of the sentence.

3. "is more harmful than beneficial" -> "has more detrimental effects than benefits"
   Explanation: Using "detrimental effects" instead of "harmful" and restructuring the sentence enhances the academic tone.

4. "issues are relevant to serving their studying and working" -> "as they pertain to academic and professional pursuits"
   Explanation: Restructuring this phrase with "pertain to academic and professional pursuits" provides a more precise and formal expression.

5. "arrange textbooks and homework easily and quickly without spending the previous time" -> "organize textbooks and complete homework efficiently"
   Explanation: Simplifying and enhancing the phrasing to maintain formality and clarity.

6. "compiling detailed indexes on the backs of books of poetry and knowledge" -> "creating comprehensive indexes in books of poetry and various subjects"
   Explanation: Reframing the sentence to avoid repetition and enhance clarity without losing the meaning.

7. "The great swathes of information on the Internet give to young people who want to find a part-time job or full-time job depending on their ability" -> "The vast array of information available online assists young individuals in securing either part-time or full-time employment based on their qualifications"
   Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality, avoiding casual phrases like "swathes."

8. "consuming the time for studying in school" -> "allocating time from their school studies"
   Explanation: Using "allocating time" provides a more formal tone while maintaining the intended meaning.

9. "many recruitments often choose the Internet to find employees" -> "employers frequently utilize the Internet for recruitment purposes"
   Explanation: A more formal construction to describe the process of hiring through online platforms.

10. "leads to a bad future with a mind that refuses to think and be creative" -> "results in a future lacking in critical thinking and creativity"
    Explanation: A more academic and less colloquial phrasing to describe the consequence.

11. "Google search merely provides the most popular answer" -> "Google search results prioritize popularity over accuracy"
    Explanation: Clarifying the point about Google’s search algorithm in a more academic manner.

12. "much of the material on it is not original and questionable" -> "a significant portion of its content lacks originality and credibility"
    Explanation: Enhancing the formality and precision of expression.

13. "information coming into the brain from the internet is wrong the kind of information" -> "information obtained from the internet lacks accuracy and depth"
    Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and precision, avoiding awkward phrasing.

14. "According to many newspapers" -> "Various publications report"
    Explanation: A more formal and less vague reference to information sources.

15. "a worse life when they overuse it" -> "a diminished quality of life due to excessive usage"
    Explanation: Presenting the idea in a more formal and clearer manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

1. Quoted text: "In the present day, the advent of the Internet is becoming widespread all over the world. Besides, it has a negative impact on young people because of the vast amounts of information they can access. The Internet, in my opinion, is more harmful than beneficial."

   • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your introduction makes your position clear, it would be beneficial to include a brief preview of the main points you will discuss in the essay. This can provide a roadmap for the reader, enhancing the overall structure of your essay. For instance, you can mention the positive aspects you’ll discuss before delving into the negative consequences, giving the reader a clearer expectation.
   • Improved example: "In today’s globalized world, the Internet has become ubiquitous. Although it offers numerous advantages, such as facilitating access to information, I contend that its detrimental effects on the younger generation outweigh the benefits. In this essay, I will explore both the positive and negative impacts of the Internet on young people."

2. Quoted text: "Despite the mentioned above, the Internet also brings an amount of huge negative for young people."

   • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your transition to the negative aspects of the Internet is abrupt, and the phrase "mentioned above" is vague. It would be more effective to smoothly transition from the positive aspects by summarizing them briefly before introducing the negative side. Additionally, specifying the negative aspects you’ll discuss in advance can prepare the reader for the upcoming arguments.
   • Improved example: "Despite the aforementioned benefits, it’s crucial to acknowledge the substantial negative consequences that the Internet imposes on young people. In the following sections, I will delve into these drawbacks, addressing issues related to information reliance and the potential risks associated with online activities."

3. Quoted text: "In conclusion, despite the benefits of saving time in studying and working, the Internet seems to lead to a passive and lackadaisical lifestyle and indirectly leads to the loss of property. I strongly encourage young people should limit their use of the Internet and should know how to choose reliable sources of information."

   • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your conclusion is reasonably well-structured, but the phrase "seems to lead" introduces an element of uncertainty. Instead, use more assertive language to reinforce your position. Additionally, providing a concise summary of your main points in the conclusion can strengthen the overall impact of your essay.
   • Improved example: "In conclusion, despite the time-saving benefits in education and work, the Internet undeniably fosters a passive lifestyle and poses risks to personal property. I ardently advocate for young people to judiciously limit their Internet usage, emphasizing the importance of discerning reliable sources to safeguard their well-being and future success."

Overall, your essay demonstrates an adequate understanding of the topic, but refining the introduction, transitions, and conclusion as suggested could enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to a moderate extent. There is a general organization of ideas, and a clear overall progression is maintained. The essay utilizes cohesive devices effectively, although there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat faulty or mechanical. The paragraphing is present but not always logically structured.

The introduction provides a clear thesis statement, and each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some sentences lack smooth transitions, making the flow less seamless. Additionally, the essay’s conclusion adequately summarizes the main points.

How to improve:

1. Smooth Transitions: Work on creating smoother transitions between sentences to enhance the overall flow of the essay. This can be achieved by using a variety of cohesive devices more effectively.

2. Logical Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logical progression. This will contribute to a more organized and coherent presentation of ideas.

3. Avoid Repetition: Be cautious of repetitive phrases and ideas. This can be addressed by varying sentence structures and using synonyms where appropriate.

4. Refine Cohesive Devices: Focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between ideas. This includes ensuring that references and substitutions are clear and accurate.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments and ideas, there is room for improvement in terms of coherence and cohesion to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with an awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively conveys the message with occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. The writer uses a mix of common and less common vocabulary, demonstrating some control over lexical features. While there are instances of imprecise word choices and minor errors, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay maintains coherence and readability.

How to improve:

1. Refine Word Choice: Pay closer attention to word choices to ensure precision. Some phrases could be more specific or replaced with more appropriate alternatives.

2. Enhance Collocation: Work on using collocations more effectively to enhance fluency and naturalness.

3. Proofread for Errors: Carefully proofread the essay to correct occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation.

4. Expand Vocabulary: Introduce a wider variety of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and nuanced expressions, to elevate the overall lexical resource.

By refining these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to a cohesive and well-organized response. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing the writer’s ability to handle different sentence structures. The majority of sentences are error-free, and there is good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of errors and inaccuracies, such as "spending the previous time" (should be "spending precious time") and "they are going to spend a bit of time working by using the Internet" (could be more concise as "they spend some time working online"). Additionally, there are instances where sentence structure could be improved for better clarity.

How to improve: Focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and conciseness. Review and revise sentences that may be grammatically correct but could be expressed more efficiently. Pay attention to word choices to ensure accuracy and precision in conveying ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, the ubiquity of the Internet is evident worldwide. However, it exerts a detrimental influence on young individuals due to the sheer volume and nature of information accessible to them. In my view, the Internet is more harmful than beneficial.

On one hand, the Internet offers numerous advantages for young people, particularly in their academic and professional pursuits. Firstly, it facilitates the organization of textbooks and assignments with remarkable ease and speed, eliminating the need for extensive time investments. Reflecting on my own experiences from the age of 15, I used to meticulously index my poetry and knowledge books. When I required a specific quote for an assignment, hours would be spent scouring through the pages. Contrastingly, today, a mere click on platforms like Google, YouTube, or TikTok provides instant access to information. Secondly, the vast expanse of online information caters to young individuals seeking part-time or full-time employment, allowing them to effortlessly match their skills with available opportunities. In the contemporary job market, the Internet serves as a primary recruitment tool, streamlining the process for both employers and young individuals, who can secure suitable employment with a simple CV submission.

Despite these advantages, the Internet also presents substantial drawbacks for young people, contributing to the erosion of essential skills such as critical thinking and proactive information research. When faced with challenges or homework, the tendency to rely solely on internet searches, often observed in school tests, undermines the development of analytical and problem-solving skills. This dependency on the Internet fosters a future generation that is less inclined to think independently and foster creativity. Moreover, while Google search provides popular answers, it may not always offer the most accurate information. The internet, laden with misinformation, often supplies brief and shallow content, leading to a qualitative loss in understanding. A pressing concern is the prevalence of online job scams, tempting young individuals with promises of lucrative salaries but resulting in financial losses, as reported in various newspapers.

In conclusion, despite the Internet’s time-saving benefits for academic and professional endeavors, its pervasive use tends to cultivate a passive and indifferent lifestyle, indirectly contributing to the loss of valuable skills and assets. I strongly advocate for young people to judiciously limit their Internet usage and develop the ability to discern reliable sources of information.