Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a clear dichotomy of opinion regarding whether using computers and mobile phones has impacts on young people . While many people favor the benefits of technology devices for reading and writing skills, some argue that their literacy skills can be affected negatively when using such equipment. A closer look to this issue will help in accessing these views.

On the one hand, in the age of technological development, using a personal computer or smartphone is very easy and convenient for the young. Firstly, they save an immense amount of time and money, which are spent on deadlines for having to send letters, stick stamps, shipping and packaging fees, now only with a we just need to click on the recipient, they can receive an email immediately afterwards. Furthermore, many younger generations use those devices to communicate with each other, hence, they can find people with similar interests, and bonding loved ones and friends from all over the world easier.

On the other hand, communicating via computers and mobile phones also brings the disadvantage of avoiding social interaction and face-to-face meetings. Young people waste too much time using computers and personal phones to surf social networks. Nowadays, all information or forms/texts are available online, which means children do not need to memorize as data is just a click away. The end result is that a child's ability to remember, write, and use language does not require recording everything in the brain. Finally, in the digital age, every year technology companies launch new products that surpass the features of old products. Young people always tend to pursue technology, wanting to own and experience, so they are willing to spend large expense accounts to upgrade their technology devices.

In summary, the use of mobile phones and computers has both positive and negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. Although it costs young people a lot of time and money, technology also brings many different ways to improve knowledge and increase people's reading and writing abilities. It is important for society to strike a balance, taking advantage of the benefits of technology while preserving and promoting essential thinking skills.

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Errors and Improvements:

"a clear dichotomy of opinion" -> "a clear divergence of opinion"
Explanation: Replacing "dichotomy" with "divergence" provides a more precise and formal term, aligning better with academic style.
"Whether using computers and mobile phones has impacts on young people" -> "Whether the use of computers and mobile phones affects young people"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for grammatical correctness and formality. "Whether the use of" is more precise than "Whether using," and "affects" is a more formal alternative to "has impacts on."
"favor the benefits" -> "favor the advantages"
Explanation: Using "advantages" is a more formal and sophisticated term than "benefits."
"closer look to this issue" -> "closer examination of this issue"
Explanation: "Examination" is a more formal term than "look to," and it enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"personal computer or smartphone is very easy and convenient for the young" -> "personal computer or smartphone is highly accessible and convenient for young individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "very easy" with "highly accessible" and adding "individuals" after "young" contributes to a more formal and academic expression.
"they save an immense amount of time and money" -> "they save a considerable amount of time and money"
Explanation: Replacing "immense" with "considerable" maintains the positive tone while using a more formal term.
"we just need to click on the recipient" -> "we only need to click on the recipient"
Explanation: Replacing "just" with "only" enhances formality without altering the meaning.
"bonding loved ones and friends" -> "connecting with loved ones and friends"
Explanation: Using "connecting" is a more formal alternative to "bonding" in an academic context.
"communicating via computers and mobile phones also brings the disadvantage" -> "communicating via computers and mobile phones also has the drawback"
Explanation: Replacing "brings the disadvantage" with "has the drawback" provides a more formal and precise expression.
"waste too much time" -> "spend excessive time"
Explanation: "Spend excessive time" is a more formal and precise way to convey the idea.
"data is just a click away" -> "information is readily accessible with a click"
Explanation: Replacing "data" with "information" and restructuring the phrase enhances formality and clarity.
"a child’s ability to remember, write, and use language does not require recording everything in the brain" -> "a child’s cognitive abilities, including memory, writing, and language use, do not necessitate memorizing every piece of information"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using more formal terms like "cognitive abilities" and "necessitate."
"technology companies launch new products that surpass the features of old products" -> "technology companies introduce new products that surpass the capabilities of their predecessors"
Explanation: Using "introduce" and "capabilities" contributes to a more formal and academic expression.
"Young people always tend to pursue technology, wanting to own and experience, so they are willing to spend large expense accounts" -> "Young individuals consistently seek to embrace technology, desiring ownership and experience, leading them to allocate substantial financial resources"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using more formal terms like "individuals" and "allocate substantial financial resources."
"It is important for society to strike a balance" -> "It is crucial for society to achieve a balance"
Explanation: Replacing "important" with "crucial" adds emphasis and formality to the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "There is a clear dichotomy of opinion regarding whether using computers and mobile phones has impacts on young people . While many people favor the benefits of technology devices for reading and writing skills, some argue that their literacy skills can be affected negatively when using such equipment. A closer look to this issue will help in accessing these views."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction sets the stage by presenting both sides of the argument, which is positive. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the writer’s position. To enhance clarity, explicitly state your stance in the introduction, guiding readers on your viewpoint.
- Improved example: "The impact of computers and mobile phones on young people’s reading and writing skills is a topic of debate. While some emphasize the benefits of technology in enhancing literacy, others argue that it negatively influences these skills. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives and argue that…"
Quoted text: "Firstly, they save an immense amount of time and money, which are spent on deadlines for having to send letters, stick stamps, shipping and packaging fees, now only with a we just need to click on the recipient, they can receive an email immediately afterwards. Furthermore, many younger generations use those devices to communicate with each other, hence, they can find people with similar interests, and bonding loved ones and friends from all over the world easier."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph contains several ideas, but they lack coherence and clarity. Each point should be developed more effectively. Consider separating the discussion of time and money savings from the benefits of communication. Provide concrete examples to support each idea, and avoid overly complex sentences for better readability.
- Improved example: "To begin, the use of computers and mobile phones offers significant time and cost savings. For instance, traditional methods of sending letters involved expenses related to stamps and shipping fees, which are now eliminated with the click of an email. Additionally, these devices facilitate global communication, enabling young people to connect with like-minded individuals, fostering friendships worldwide."
Quoted text: "Young people waste too much time using computers and personal phones to surf social networks. Nowadays, all information or forms/texts are available online, which means children do not need to memorize as data is just a click away. The end result is that a child’s ability to remember, write, and use language does not require recording everything in the brain."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument lacks depth and development. It would benefit from specific examples and a more nuanced discussion of the negative impacts on memory and language skills. Additionally, avoid generalizations and provide evidence to support your claims.
- Improved example: "However, excessive use of computers and phones for social media can lead to time wastage. For instance, prolonged hours spent on social networks may divert attention from essential activities. Furthermore, the accessibility of information online may discourage memorization, impacting a child’s ability to recall information independently. This, in turn, can hinder the development of robust memory and language skills."

Overall, the essay provides a balanced view but needs improvement in thesis statement clarity, coherence in idea development, and inclusion of specific examples for better support.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an overall coherence and cohesion that aligns with Band 6 descriptors. The writer organizes information coherently, maintaining a clear overall progression. The introduction sets up the dichotomy of opinions effectively. Paragraphs are discernible, but there is room for improvement in logical sequencing and paragraphing.

Cohesive devices are used, but there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, particularly within and between sentences. For example, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages of using technology could be smoother. Additionally, some sentences lack clear referencing or substitution, making it challenging to follow the flow of ideas.

However, the essay employs a range of cohesive devices appropriately, and the central topic within each paragraph is generally clear. The writer attempts to support both views with examples, contributing to the logical organization of ideas.

How to Improve:

Logical Sequencing: Ensure a smoother transition between ideas, especially when moving from one viewpoint to another. This will enhance the overall coherence.
Referencing and Substitution: Make explicit connections between ideas within sentences, avoiding any ambiguity. Clearly reference and substitute pronouns to improve clarity.
Paragraphing: While there is evidence of paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme, and the order of paragraphs contributes to a more coherent flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. The essay incorporates a mix of common and more advanced vocabulary, contributing to a generally coherent and varied expression. However, occasional errors in word choice and collocation can be observed, and some sentences lack fluency. Despite this, the essay effectively conveys the intended message, and the vocabulary used is suitable for the task.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving fluency and consistency in using more sophisticated vocabulary. Attention to precise word choice and collocation is crucial to reduce occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and idiomatic expressions could further elevate the lexical sophistication of the essay. Revising and proofreading to eliminate minor errors in word choice and collocation will contribute to a more polished and cohesive expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation overall. It employs a variety of complex structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors that slightly impact the overall accuracy. These errors are not pervasive but occur occasionally throughout the essay.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures for greater clarity. Pay attention to word choice and ensure that each sentence contributes effectively to the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, a thorough proofreading to catch and rectify minor errors will further elevate the essay’s language precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a clear divergence of opinion regarding whether the use of computers and mobile phones affects young people’s reading and writing skills. While many people favor the advantages of technology devices for literacy, some argue that their impact on these skills can be negative. A closer examination of this issue will help in assessing these views.

On the one hand, in this age of technological development, using a personal computer or smartphone is highly accessible and convenient for young individuals. Firstly, they save a considerable amount of time and money previously spent on tasks like sending letters, affixing stamps, and handling shipping and packaging fees. Now, with just a click on the recipient, they can receive an email promptly. Furthermore, many younger generations use these devices to connect with loved ones and friends, making it easier to find people with similar interests from all over the world.

On the other hand, communicating via computers and mobile phones also has drawbacks, such as the avoidance of social interaction and face-to-face meetings. Young people may spend excessive time on social networks, neglecting valuable in-person interactions. Nowadays, all information is readily accessible with a click, reducing the need for children to memorize data. However, it’s crucial to note that a child’s cognitive abilities, including memory, writing, and language use, do not necessitate memorizing every piece of information.

Additionally, in the digital age, technology companies introduce new products that surpass the capabilities of their predecessors. Young individuals consistently seek to embrace technology, desiring ownership and experience, leading them to allocate substantial financial resources to upgrade their devices.

In summary, the use of mobile phones and computers has both positive and negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. While it may cost them time and money, technology also provides various avenues to enhance knowledge and literacy. Achieving a balance is crucial for society, leveraging the benefits of technology while preserving and promoting essential thinking skills.