The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people assert that the most effective approach to address poverty in developing nations is by offering a duration of six years of cost-free education. This initiative aims to equip individuals with essential skills, including read, write, and grasp numbers. From my point of view, I partly agree with this notion due to the advantages it brings.

On the one hand, several factors contribute to the increase of economic growth in developing nations. Developing countries can boost economic growth by promoting foreign trade, creating external relations, and facilitating international business. Through selling different products, attracting foreign investments, and supporting local industries, countries can benefit from their strengths to create jobs. For example, Taiwan reduced the proportion of the poor by expanding its domestic and international economy, capitalizing on its leisure industry strengths, according to the United Nations Development Program (UNDP).

On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why I also believe providing six years of free education is the ideal way for nations in the process of development to decrease poverty. This could be explained by the fact that the main human resource that boosts a country's economy is its people, especially young people. For example, because of offering free primary school education, Sweden has created generations of knowledgeable individuals who contribute to society. Therefore, developing countries should apply policies to ensure that all citizens can go to school, so that each person has fundamental knowledge to contribute to the long-term sustainability of the nation.

In conclusion, while there are many advantages regarding other factors that can reduce poverty in developing countries, I still believe that it is more beneficial to provide six years of cost-free teaching for children. It can be predicted that investing in education is always the right decision to progress and develop.

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Errors and Improvements:

"offering a duration of six years of cost-free education" -> "providing six years of tuition-free education"
Explanation: Replacing "offering a duration of" with "providing" and "cost-free education" with "tuition-free education" makes the phrase more concise and academically precise while maintaining clarity.
"essential skills, including read, write, and grasp numbers" -> "essential skills, such as reading, writing, and numeracy"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses "such as" for clarity and replaces "grasp numbers" with "numeracy" for a more formal and accurate term.
"From my point of view" -> "In my perspective" or "I hold a partially favorable view"
Explanation: "From my point of view" is somewhat informal; using "In my perspective" or "I hold a partially favorable view" aligns better with academic writing.
"On the one hand" and "On the other hand" (repetitive) -> "Firstly" and "Additionally"
Explanation: Replacing the repetitive phrases with "Firstly" and "Additionally" maintains the essay’s flow and adds sophistication to the structure.
"countries can benefit from their strengths to create jobs" -> "nations can leverage their competitive advantages to generate employment opportunities"
Explanation: The revised sentence uses "leverage their competitive advantages" for a more formal and precise expression.
"according to the United Nations Development Program (UNDP)" -> "as reported by the United Nations Development Program (UNDP)"
Explanation: Adding "as reported by" makes the reference to the UNDP more formal.
"why I also believe providing six years of free education is the ideal way" -> "why I also advocate providing six years of tuition-free education as the optimal approach"
Explanation: The revised phrase enhances formality by using "advocate" and "tuition-free education," making it clearer and more academic.
"This could be explained by the fact that" -> "This can be attributed to the fact that"
Explanation: The revised phrase "can be attributed to" is more formal and precise.
"especially young people" -> "particularly the youth population"
Explanation: "particularly the youth population" is a more formal and precise expression.
"so that each person has fundamental knowledge to contribute to the long-term sustainability of the nation" -> "so that every individual possesses foundational knowledge to contribute to the nation’s long-term sustainability"
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains clarity while using more formal language and emphasizing "every individual" instead of "each person."
"It can be predicted that investing in education is always the right decision to progress and develop." -> "It can be anticipated that investing in education is invariably a prudent choice for advancement and development."
Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal vocabulary, such as "anticipated" and "prudent choice," to enhance academic style.

Overall, these changes help improve the essay’s academic tone and maintain clarity in its content.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the idea of providing up to six years of free education in developing countries to reduce poverty, and the author presents both sides of the argument – why it might be a good approach and why there are other factors to consider.
- How to improve: There is no need for improvement in this aspect as the essay comprehensively addresses the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear and consistent throughout the essay. They state that they "partly agree" with the idea of providing free education, and this stance is maintained from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: There is no need for improvement in this aspect as the essay maintains a clear and consistent position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides examples (Taiwan and Sweden) to illustrate the points made about economic growth and the importance of education. The ideas are well-developed and substantiated.
- How to improve: There is no need for improvement in this aspect as the essay does an excellent job of presenting and supporting ideas.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic and does not deviate from the main question. It consistently discusses the idea of providing free education to reduce poverty in developing countries.
- How to improve: There is no need for improvement in this aspect as the essay remains focused on the topic.

Overall, this essay receives a Band Score of 9 for Task Response. It effectively addresses all parts of the question, presents a clear and consistent position, presents, extends, and supports ideas well, and stays on topic throughout. The essay provides a balanced discussion of the topic and uses relevant examples to support its points. It is a well-written and well-structured response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates excellent logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction where the author’s stance is presented, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that discuss both sides of the argument. Each paragraph has a clear central idea and supporting details. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
- How to improve: There is little room for improvement in this aspect. However, it’s important to ensure that the logical organization is maintained throughout the essay, and transitions between paragraphs are smooth.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a single point, and there is a clear separation between ideas. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately separate paragraphs as well.
- How to improve: No specific improvement is needed in this area.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. For instance, phrases like "On the one hand," and "On the other hand," are used to introduce contrasting ideas, enhancing the overall coherence. Additionally, the essay uses transitional words and phrases such as "For example" and "In conclusion" to guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: The essay already makes good use of cohesive devices. To further enhance cohesion, the writer can continue to use transitional words and phrases effectively, ensuring that each sentence flows smoothly into the next.

Overall, this essay excels in terms of coherence and cohesion. The logical organization, effective use of paragraphs, and skillful incorporation of cohesive devices contribute to its high band score of 9. The writer should maintain this level of proficiency and focus on refining other aspects of essay writing to continue producing outstanding work.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. It employs a variety of words and phrases to articulate ideas, such as "equip," "boost economic growth," "external relations," "capitalizing on," "knowledgeable individuals," and "long-term sustainability." These vocabulary choices enhance the depth and clarity of the essay’s arguments.
- How to improve: To further enrich vocabulary, consider incorporating more specialized or nuanced terms when discussing complex topics. For instance, instead of using "knowledgeable individuals," you might employ "well-informed citizens" or "competent members of society" to provide additional precision and sophistication to your language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary precisely. It effectively communicates ideas with accuracy. For example, the use of "boost economic growth" and "capitalizing on its leisure industry strengths" precisely conveys the intended meanings. However, there are a few instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "a duration of six years of cost-free education" could be made more concise by saying "six years of free education."
- How to improve: Continuously strive for conciseness and clarity in vocabulary. Avoid unnecessary redundancy and opt for succinct expressions where appropriate to make your writing more precise and impactful.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy. There are no noticeable spelling errors or typos. The writer maintains a strong command of spelling throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain this level of accuracy, continue proofreading your work meticulously and consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers as a final step in the editing process.

Overall, the essay excels in the Lexical Resource criteria with a score of 9. It effectively utilizes a wide range of vocabulary, uses words precisely to convey ideas, and maintains a high level of spelling accuracy. To further enhance your lexical resource, focus on incorporating even more specialized vocabulary when discussing complex topics and striving for conciseness and precision in your expressions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. The author employs simple and complex sentence structures effectively. For instance, there are well-structured compound sentences like, "Developing countries can boost economic growth by promoting foreign trade, creating external relations, and facilitating international business," and also complex sentences such as, "Because of offering free primary school education, Sweden has created generations of knowledgeable individuals who contribute to society."
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s overall quality, consider incorporating a few more complex sentence structures to add depth and sophistication to the writing. Use advanced grammatical constructs like relative clauses, conditional sentences, and participial phrases where appropriate to diversify sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy. The sentences are generally well-constructed, and the writer avoids significant grammatical errors. Punctuation, including commas, periods, and colons, is used correctly throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain this high standard, continue proofreading essays carefully to catch minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement or article usage. Ensure consistency in verb tense and maintain parallel structure in lists. Overall, the grammatical accuracy is excellent.

Overall, this essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. The author effectively uses a variety of sentence structures and maintains a high level of grammatical precision. To further improve, consider adding a touch more complexity to sentence structures and continue proofreading for minor errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people argue that the most effective approach to address poverty in developing nations is by offering up to six years of free education. This initiative aims to equip individuals with essential skills, including reading, writing, and numeracy. In my perspective, I partially agree with this notion due to the advantages it brings.

On the one hand, several factors contribute to the increase of economic growth in developing nations. These countries can boost economic growth by promoting foreign trade, establishing external relations, and facilitating international business. Through the sale of various products, attracting foreign investments, and supporting local industries, nations can leverage their competitive advantages to generate employment opportunities. For instance, Taiwan reduced its poverty rate by expanding its domestic and international economy, capitalizing on its strengths in the leisure industry, as reported by the United Nations Development Program (UNDP).

On the other hand, there are valid reasons why I also advocate providing six years of tuition-free education as the optimal approach for reducing poverty in developing nations. This can be attributed to the fact that the primary driving force behind a country’s economic growth is its people, particularly the youth population. For example, Sweden, by offering free primary school education, has nurtured generations of knowledgeable individuals who contribute to society. Therefore, it is essential for developing countries to implement policies ensuring that all citizens have access to education, so that every individual possesses foundational knowledge to contribute to the nation’s long-term sustainability.

In conclusion, while there are many advantages associated with other factors that can reduce poverty in developing countries, I still believe that providing six years of tuition-free education for children is a prudent choice. It can be anticipated that investing in education is invariably a prudent choice for advancement and development.