Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favor of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favor of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the age of economic growing, medicine plays a significant role in the world which can help thousands of people continue their life. Producing medicine is not a game, it is a progress that many scientists must research, experiment, conclude, and step by step to involve the best version of several types of medicine and then they must be allowed to publish the figure. In the progress of experiment, humans tend to use animals for the physics’ test which causes 2 views while many people believe that it should be banned, whereas others contrast. I will discuss both of them.
On the one hand, the option to ban animal experiments is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, all kinds of animals in the world have their own soul, their feelings, understand almost activities surrounding them and if their friends, family’s member died for the experiments, they will be feeling of loss. Secondly, humans try to evaluate the medicine on the laboratory animals that will make changes in the animals’ gen and if the laboratory animals are rare animals and the tests fail, they will be endangered.
On the other hand, there are a variety reasons why animal experiments should be allowed. Firstly, humans are higher animals and we are more intelligent than the others so similar to humans, we choose animals for the test instead of humans which will have the scientist easier in control the physics. Furthermore, some experiments help endangered animals out of the lists and some special types of medicine for animals will help them have a better life and avoid some diseases.
In conclusion, it seems evident that both ban and allow animal experiments have their own unique advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the age of economic growing" -> "In the era of economic growth"
   Explanation: Replacing "age of economic growing" with "era of economic growth" improves the formality of the sentence and uses a more appropriate phrase for academic writing.

2. "medicine plays a significant role in the world which can help thousands of people continue their life" -> "medicine plays a crucial global role in preserving and prolonging countless lives"
   Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and elaborative, making it suitable for academic writing. It also avoids the informal "continue their life."

3. "Producing medicine is not a game, it is a progress" -> "Developing medicine is a complex and progressive endeavor"
   Explanation: The change enhances the formality of the sentence by using the word "progress" instead of "game," and it clarifies the idea.

4. "that many scientists must research, experiment, conclude, and step by step to involve the best version of several types of medicine" -> "involving meticulous research, experimentation, and step-by-step refinement of various types of medicine by numerous scientists"
   Explanation: The improved sentence maintains formality and provides a clearer description of the scientific process.

5. "they must be allowed to publish the figure" -> "they must be granted permission to publish their findings"
   Explanation: Replacing "publish the figure" with "publish their findings" is more precise and formal.

6. "In the progress of experiment" -> "During the course of experimentation"
   Explanation: The suggested phrase is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

7. "humans tend to use animals for the physics’ test" -> "humans tend to employ animals for physiological testing"
   Explanation: "Physics’ test" is not the correct term in this context; "physiological testing" is more accurate and formal.

8. "which causes 2 views" -> "which leads to two opposing viewpoints"
   Explanation: "Causes 2 views" is too informal; the suggested change is more appropriate for academic writing.

9. "feeling of loss" -> "sense of loss"
   Explanation: "Sense of loss" is a more formal expression.

10. "the tests fail, they will be endangered" -> "if the experiments fail, these animals may face endangerment"
    Explanation: The change clarifies the sentence and uses more precise language.

11. "humans are higher animals" -> "humans are more advanced species"
    Explanation: "Higher animals" is not an appropriate term in this context. "More advanced species" is a better choice.

12. "we choose animals for the test instead of humans which will have the scientist easier in control the physics" -> "opting for animal testing over human subjects allows scientists greater control over experimental variables"
    Explanation: The improved sentence is more precise and maintains academic formality.

13. "some experiments help endangered animals out of the lists" -> "certain experiments contribute to the removal of endangered species from endangered lists"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative is more descriptive and appropriate for academic writing.

14. "some special types of medicine for animals will help them have a better life and avoid some diseases" -> "specific medications tailored for animals can enhance their quality of life and mitigate certain diseases"
    Explanation: The revised sentence is more formal and specific.

15. "In conclusion, it seems evident that both ban and allow animal experiments have their own unique advantages." -> "In conclusion, it is apparent that both prohibiting and permitting animal experiments possess distinct advantages."
    Explanation: The improved sentence maintains formality and uses more precise language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the reasons for banning animal experiments and the reasons for allowing them. However, it lacks depth in its exploration of these views.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more comprehensive and nuanced discussions of each view, including specific examples and evidence to support the arguments.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to remain neutral by presenting both sides of the argument without taking a clear stance. While it mentions "I will discuss both of them," it does not clearly state the author’s opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should clearly state the author’s own opinion on the matter at the beginning or in the conclusion. Alternatively, it could offer a balanced perspective while still indicating a slight preference for one view.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks depth and elaboration. It briefly mentions reasons for both banning and allowing animal experiments but does not provide sufficient explanation or examples to support these points.
  • How to improve: The essay should extend and support its ideas with concrete examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios. This will strengthen the arguments and make them more convincing.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but includes some awkward language and irrelevant points, such as "Producing medicine is not a game." These distractions detract from the clarity and focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: To stay on topic, the essay should avoid irrelevant statements and ensure that every point made is directly related to the topic of animal experiments and their moral implications.

Overall, the essay provides a basic discussion of the topic but needs improvement in terms of depth, clarity of position, supporting evidence, and staying on topic to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument concerning animal experiments but lacks a clear and logical organization. The introduction is somewhat unclear and does not provide a clear roadmap for the essay. The body paragraphs discuss the pros and cons, but the transitions between these points could be smoother, and the argumentation lacks depth.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure of the essay, start with a clear introduction that presents the topic, provides some context, and outlines the structure of the essay. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to signal the main point of that paragraph. Make sure to provide detailed examples and explanations for each viewpoint and use transitional phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. For instance, the introduction is overly long and could be divided into smaller paragraphs for clarity. The body paragraphs are relatively short and lack development of ideas, making the essay feel disjointed.
  • How to improve: Improve paragraphing by breaking down the introduction into smaller, focused paragraphs. Ensure each body paragraph has a clear main point, supporting evidence, and analysis. Aim for a more balanced and cohesive structure throughout the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices. There are some transitional words and phrases used, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," but these are overused, leading to a repetitive and monotonous tone. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more sophisticated cohesive devices to connect ideas and arguments.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, expand your vocabulary of transition words and phrases. Use them sparingly to connect and guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices within and between sentences to create a smoother and more coherent narrative.

Overall, while the essay addresses the topic and attempts to discuss both views, it requires significant improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some variety in word choice. However, it also relies on basic and repetitive vocabulary, such as "medicine," "animals," "experiments," and "physics." The vocabulary lacks depth and sophistication, limiting the essay’s expressiveness.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more precise and nuanced terms related to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "medicine," you could employ synonyms like "pharmaceuticals," "drugs," or "medication." Diversify your vocabulary by exploring synonyms and using context-appropriate words.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely but often resorts to imprecise or vague language. For example, the phrase "a progress that many scientists must research" is unclear and imprecise. Moreover, the usage of terms like "physics" in place of "physical testing" can lead to confusion.
  • How to improve: Strive for more precise language that clearly conveys your ideas. Avoid ambiguous or vague terms. In this case, replace "a progress that many scientists must research" with "a complex process that involves extensive research." Use terminology accurately and consistently to enhance clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "growing" instead of "growth," "conclude" instead of "concluding," "physics" instead of "physical tests," and "gen" instead of "genes." These errors affect the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider the following steps:
    1. Proofread your essay carefully to catch and correct spelling errors.
    2. Use spell-check tools or software to identify and rectify spelling mistakes.
    3. Pay attention to common problem areas, such as homophones (e.g., "there," "their," "they’re") and commonly misspelled words (e.g., "definitely," "occasion").

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some vocabulary variety and occasional precision, it also suffers from frequent spelling errors and lacks a more extensive and precise lexicon. To achieve a higher score in Lexical Resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary, using words more precisely, and improving your spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows limited variety in sentence structures. There is a tendency to use simple sentence structures, and some sentences lack complexity and sophistication. For example, "Producing medicine is not a game, it is a progress that many scientists must research, experiment, conclude, and step by step to involve the best version of several types of medicine and then they must be allowed to publish the figure" is a long sentence with repetitive structure, lacking variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer can incorporate more complex sentences with subordination and coordination. Varying sentence length and style can make the essay more engaging and sophisticated. For instance, instead of using multiple short sentences, consider combining related ideas into a single, complex sentence.
• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "In the age of economic growing" should be "In the age of economic growth." Additionally, "if their friends, family’s member died for the experiments, they will be feeling of loss" should be "if their friends or family members die due to the experiments, they will feel a sense of loss." There are also errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: The writer should pay more attention to grammar and punctuation rules. Proofreading and editing are essential to identify and correct these issues. It is advisable to seek feedback from others or use grammar-checking tools to enhance accuracy. Reading more essays and academic texts can also help in improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills.

Overall, while the essay presents arguments and ideas coherently, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy. A more diverse and accurate use of language would elevate the essay’s overall quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the era of economic growth, medicine plays a crucial global role in preserving and prolonging countless lives. Developing medicine is a complex and progressive endeavor, involving meticulous research, experimentation, and step-by-step refinement of various types of medicine by numerous scientists. They must be granted permission to publish their findings.

During the course of experimentation, humans tend to employ animals for physiological testing, which leads to two opposing viewpoints. On one hand, some argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer. They believe that animals have their own souls, feelings, and understanding of the activities around them. When their fellow animals or family members die during experiments, they may experience a sense of loss. Additionally, when scientists evaluate medicine using laboratory animals, it can result in genetic changes in these animals. If the laboratory animals belong to rare species and the experiments fail, these animals may face endangerment.

On the other hand, there are reasons why allowing animal experiments is considered advantageous. Humans are a more advanced species, and their higher intelligence makes them preferable for testing compared to other animals. This choice of using animals for testing over human subjects allows scientists greater control over experimental variables. Furthermore, certain experiments contribute to the removal of endangered species from endangered lists, and specific medications tailored for animals can enhance their quality of life and mitigate certain diseases.

In conclusion, it is apparent that both prohibiting and permitting animal experiments possess distinct advantages. The ethical concerns surrounding animal experiments are balanced by the potential benefits to humanity and animal well-being. Ultimately, the decision should involve careful consideration of these competing viewpoints.