You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, many people have been able to work remotely thanks to modern technology. However, some people argue that this trend only suports the employees, not the employers. I totally disagree with this view and believe that both parties can benefit from working from home.
Working from home can offer many advantages to the workers, such as more flexibility and comfort. They can choose their own schedule, work at their own pace, and avoid the stress and cost of commuting. They can also balance their work and personal life better, as they can spend more time with their family and take care of their health. To illustrate, when wokers do their works at home, they can work on bed, on sofa or while doing their own works to get a sense of pleasure. This can lead to increase productivity of completing the tasks. Therefore, woking from home suports wokers to loose their stress when working.
Working from home can also benefit the employers, as they can save money, increase productivity, and attract talent. They can reduce their overhead expenses, such as rent, utilities, and equipment, by allowing their staff to work from their own homes. They can also remote workers tend to be more motivated, focused, and satisfied with their jobs. For instance, employers don’t have to pay for electricity and water bills or buy tables and chairs for employees. This can have them to save a lot of money. Therefore, allowing employees to work at home help employers to decrease expense and boost productivity.
In conclusion, I think that working from home is beneficial for both the workers and the employers, as it can offer them more flexibility, productivity, and diversity. However, they also need to be aware of the potential problems and find ways to solve them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "suports" -> "supports"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "suports" to "supports" ensures proper usage and maintains a formal tone. This change aligns with standard English conventions.

2. "wokers" -> "workers"
   Explanation: Replacing the misspelled word "wokers" with "workers" corrects the error and improves the overall professionalism of the essay.

3. "works" -> "tasks"
   Explanation: Substituting "works" with "tasks" in the context of completing assignments or projects enhances precision and aligns with a more formal vocabulary.

4. "woking" -> "working"
   Explanation: Correcting the misspelled word "woking" to "working" ensures grammatical accuracy and reinforces a formal writing style.

5. "loose" -> "reduce"
   Explanation: Changing "loose" to "reduce" provides a more appropriate term, conveying the idea of decreasing stress and aligning with a more academic tone.

6. "on bed" -> "in bed"
   Explanation: Adjusting "on bed" to "in bed" maintains grammatical correctness, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.

7. "save money" -> "cut costs"
   Explanation: Replacing "save money" with "cut costs" offers a more precise and formal alternative, emphasizing the reduction of expenses.

8. "remote workers tend to be" -> "remote workers are often"
   Explanation: Changing "remote workers tend to be" to "remote workers are often" enhances the formality of the statement while maintaining clarity.

9. "For instance" -> "For example"
   Explanation: Substituting "For instance" with "For example" is a more formal choice, aligning with academic writing standards.

10. "have them to save" -> "enable them to save"
    Explanation: Modifying "have them to save" to "enable them to save" improves the sentence structure and maintains a more formal tone.

11. "help employers to decrease expense" -> "help employers decrease expenses"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase from "help employers to decrease expense" to "help employers decrease expenses" results in a more concise and formal expression.

12. "woking" -> "working"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelled word "woking" to "working" ensures grammatical accuracy and reinforces a formal writing style.

13. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
    Explanation: Substituting "In conclusion" with "To conclude" provides a more sophisticated transition in concluding the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both the benefits for workers and employers, providing reasons and examples to support the argument. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-structured and contribute to a comprehensive response.
  • How to improve: The essay is strong in this aspect. To further enhance, consider providing a concise summary of the main points in the conclusion to reinforce the completeness of the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The introduction clearly states the writer’s disagreement with the idea that remote work only benefits employees. Each body paragraph supports this stance with relevant examples and arguments, and the conclusion reiterates the position.
  • How to improve: Continue to focus on maintaining a clear and strong thesis statement in the introduction and ensuring that each subsequent paragraph reinforces this position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with examples. For instance, it discusses the flexibility and comfort for workers and the cost savings and increased productivity for employers. Each point is extended and explained, contributing to a well-developed argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing more depth in the examples. For instance, elaborate on specific ways in which employees can be more productive at home, or provide data or statistics to strengthen the support for employer benefits.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains on topic throughout, discussing the advantages of remote work for both employees and employers. There are no significant deviations from the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each example or point directly relates to the prompt. While the essay is generally on topic, some minor digressions could be avoided with more precise wording.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task requirements. The structure is effective, and the content is well-supported with relevant examples. To further improve, consider refining the conclusion for a concise summary and providing more depth in examples to strengthen the overall argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information. The introduction clearly presents the author’s stance, followed by separate paragraphs discussing advantages for workers and employers. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information. However, some ideas could be better connected for smoother transitions. For example, the shift from discussing worker benefits to employer benefits in the second paragraph could be more seamless.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly connect related ideas. For instance, after discussing the benefits for workers, the essay could use a sentence like "Moreover, these advantages extend to employers as well."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of individual paragraphs. Some paragraphs are lengthy and cover multiple points, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument closely. A more concise and focused approach would enhance paragraph effectiveness.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into shorter ones, each addressing a single point or idea. This will make the text more readable and help readers follow the logical progression of the argument. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits for workers could be divided into separate paragraphs focusing on flexibility, comfort, and productivity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a basic range of cohesive devices, such as transitional words and phrases (e.g., "However," "To illustrate," "For instance"). While these contribute to coherence, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices used. More advanced linking words and a greater diversity of sentence structures could elevate the essay’s cohesiveness.
  • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of conjunctions, transitions, and parallel structures. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "can" to express possibilities, consider employing alternatives like "may," "could," or "might." Additionally, experiment with more advanced transitional phrases to create smoother connections between ideas.

In summary, the essay exhibits a generally well-organized structure, with effective use of paragraphs and basic cohesive devices. To improve coherence and cohesion, the author should focus on refining transitions for smoother connections between ideas, restructuring paragraphs for greater clarity, and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the overall sophistication of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Some relevant terms related to the topic are used, such as "flexibility," "productivity," and "diversity." However, there is room for improvement as the essay relies on a few key words and lacks variety in expressions. For instance, the repeated use of "workers" and "employers" could be diversified to enhance lexical richness.
  • How to improve: To broaden the vocabulary range, the writer can explore synonyms and alternative expressions for frequently used words. For instance, instead of consistently using "workers," consider incorporating terms like "employees," "staff," or "workforce." Similarly, varied expressions for "employers," such as "company management" or "business leaders," can enhance lexical diversity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary adequately, but there are instances where imprecise language hinders clarity. For example, the phrase "workers do their works" could be refined to "employees perform their tasks." Additionally, the word "woking" should be corrected to "working" for accuracy.
  • How to improve: Precision can be enhanced by choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. The writer should proofread the essay to catch errors like "woking" and replace vague or repetitive terms with more specific and accurate ones. For instance, "works" can be replaced with "assigned duties" or "tasks."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors, such as "suports" instead of "supports" and "wokers" instead of "workers." These errors, while not excessively distracting, impact the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. The writer should pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and consider using spell-check tools to identify and correct errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically can significantly enhance spelling precision.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary use, refining and diversifying the language, ensuring precision, and addressing spelling errors will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are used predominantly, with some attempts at complex structures. For example, there is an effort to use conditional sentences ("if…") and a complex sentence structure ("Therefore, working from home supports workers to lose their stress when working"). However, more complex structures, such as complex compound or compound-complex sentences, would enhance the variety and sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, incorporate more complex sentences with multiple clauses. For instance, integrate relative clauses, use varied sentence lengths, and experiment with advanced sentence structures to create a more engaging and nuanced narrative. Employ a mix of simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences to elevate the overall writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, there is a lack of subject-verb agreement in "they also remote workers tend to be more motivated" – it should be "remote workers also tend to be more motivated." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in some instances ("In conclusion I think that working from home is beneficial…") and unnecessary commas in others ("For instance, employers don’t have to pay for electricity and water bills, or buy tables and chairs for employees").
  • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay for grammatical errors, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement. Work on refining punctuation skills, ensuring proper comma usage and placement. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify these issues. Reading the essay aloud may also help identify areas of awkward phrasing and improve overall grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills. Incorporating more sophisticated sentence constructions and refining grammar and punctuation will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the advent of modern technology has enabled many individuals to engage in remote work. However, there is a viewpoint suggesting that this shift predominantly supports the employees and not the employers. I respectfully disagree with this perspective, contending that both parties stand to gain advantages from the adoption of a work-from-home approach.

Remote work presents several advantages for employees, including increased flexibility and comfort. Workers can tailor their schedules, operate at their preferred pace, and avoid the stress and expenses associated with commuting. They can also strike a better balance between their professional and personal lives, spending more quality time with their families and attending to their health. To illustrate, when employees carry out their tasks from home, they can choose to work in bed, on the sofa, or while engaging in personal activities, fostering a sense of pleasure. This can contribute to heightened productivity in completing assigned tasks and, consequently, aid employees in alleviating work-related stress.

Moreover, the practice of working from home can be advantageous for employers as well. It facilitates cost reduction, enhances productivity, and attracts top talent. Employers can trim overhead expenses such as rent, utilities, and equipment by permitting their staff to work from home. Additionally, remote workers often display increased motivation, focus, and job satisfaction. For example, employers are relieved of the financial burden associated with covering electricity and water bills or purchasing office furniture. This translates into substantial cost savings for employers. Consequently, endorsing a work-from-home setup empowers employers to curtail expenses and elevate overall productivity.

In conclusion, the notion that working from home primarily benefits employees and not employers is unfounded. The flexibility and productivity associated with remote work are advantageous for both workers and employers. Nevertheless, it is essential for all parties involved to be cognizant of potential challenges and proactively seek solutions.