It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that government should not contribute a building with rooms for university students to live in. In my opinion, i strongly disagree with the idea. I am giong to explain my position by presenting, first, reduce living costs, then, safety.

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Errors and Improvements:

"i strongly disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: Correct the capitalization of the pronoun "I" to adhere to proper grammatical conventions in formal writing.
"giong" -> "going"
Explanation: Correct the spelling of "giong" to the accurate term "going" to ensure proper language use.
"reduce living costs" -> "lower living expenses"
Explanation: Replace "reduce living costs" with "lower living expenses" for a more formal and precise expression in an academic context.
"safety" -> "security"
Explanation: Substitute "safety" with "security" to convey a more refined and academically suitable term, emphasizing the broader concept of protection in a residential context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Task Response: 3 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay briefly addresses the prompt’s focus on the provision of university places for a high proportion of young people. The response, however, lacks depth and fails to analyze the implications and nuances of the argument. Key components, such as the reasons behind the stance or counterarguments, are missing. For example, the essay mentions reducing living costs and safety but provides insufficient elaboration and supporting details.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should thoroughly address each aspect of the prompt. This involves delving into the reasons behind the disagreement, exploring potential counterarguments, and providing specific examples or evidence to support the presented points.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to establish a position against the idea of the government providing accommodation for university students. However, the expression is unclear, and the reasoning lacks coherence. The usage of "reduce living costs" and "safety" as key points is not adequately explained, leaving the reader with ambiguity regarding the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should articulate a well-defined position in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. Additionally, offering detailed explanations for each supporting point would bolster the essay’s overall coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped. The mention of reducing living costs and ensuring safety lacks sufficient elaboration, examples, or logical progression. The reader is left with a limited understanding of the author’s perspective due to the lack of depth in presenting and supporting ideas.
- How to improve: The writer should extend their ideas by providing specific examples, evidence, or anecdotes to support each point. Expanding on the reasons behind reducing living costs and discussing how safety is affected would contribute to a more comprehensive and convincing argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not effectively stay on topic. It introduces the idea of the government providing accommodation for university students but does not adequately explore this concept. Instead, it briefly touches on reducing living costs and safety without a clear connection to the central theme.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points directly relate to the prompt. Avoiding tangential ideas and consistently connecting arguments back to the main topic will help improve relevance and coherence.

In summary, the essay falls short in addressing the prompt comprehensively, lacks clarity in presenting a consistent position, offers underdeveloped ideas, and struggles to stay on topic. To improve, the writer should focus on providing a more thorough analysis of the prompt, enhancing clarity and coherence in their argumentation, developing ideas with specific examples, and maintaining relevance to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 3

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks logical organization as the introduction starts with the argument against government-provided university accommodations but abruptly shifts to discussing the benefits of reducing living costs and ensuring safety. There is no clear progression of ideas, and the transitions between points are abrupt, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, the mention of "reduce living costs" and "safety" is abrupt and lacks a clear connection to the initial point about government-provided accommodations.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider a more structured approach. Begin by introducing the main argument clearly in the introduction. Each subsequent paragraph should focus on a specific supporting point, ensuring a smooth transition between ideas. Use topic sentences and connecting phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. There is only one paragraph present, making it challenging to distinguish between different ideas and arguments. A lack of clear paragraph breaks hampers the essay’s readability and organization.
- How to improve: Break the essay into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. Begin a new paragraph for each supporting argument, facilitating a more organized and reader-friendly structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence to enhance coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in cohesive devices, leading to a disjointed flow. While the author attempts to use sequencing words like "first" and "then," they are not sufficient to establish a strong connection between ideas. The absence of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, or transitional phrases, results in a lack of coherence.
- How to improve: Introduce a variety of cohesive devices to establish clear relationships between sentences and ideas. Use pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, employ transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression, and ensure that conjunctions are appropriately utilized to show connections between different points. This will contribute to a more cohesive and well-structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a wide range of vocabulary. The repetition of phrases such as "university students" and "I am going to explain" reflects a limited lexical variety. Additionally, the usage of informal language, like "giong" instead of "going," hampers the essay’s overall vocabulary quality.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, incorporate more diverse synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repetitively using "university students," consider alternatives like "higher education seekers" or "academic aspirants." Avoid informal language and focus on formal, academic vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary is compromised, as seen in the imprecise use of words and phrases. For instance, the phrase "government should not contribute a building with rooms for university students to live in" lacks precision and clarity. The intended meaning may be better conveyed with a phrase like "government investment in student accommodation facilities."
- How to improve: Strive for precision by selecting words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Revisit sentences to ensure that each word contributes precisely to the expression of your ideas. Replace vague terms with more specific and contextually appropriate language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits issues with spelling, as seen in the misspelling of "giong" instead of "going." Such errors undermine the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread your writing carefully before submission. Consider using spell-check tools and pay attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, practice writing under time constraints to build a habit of accurate spelling in a timed environment.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear stance on the prompt, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are crucial to elevate the overall quality of expression. Expanding the vocabulary repertoire, ensuring precise word choices, and addressing spelling errors will contribute significantly to enhancing the lexical resource in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 3

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a wide range of sentence structures. The majority of sentences are simple and lack complexity. For example, the opening sentence is grammatically incorrect: "It is argued that government should not contribute a building with rooms for university students to live in." The construction of this sentence is unclear and lacks precision.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of sentence structures, the writer should aim to incorporate complex and compound sentences. Additionally, a mix of simple, compound, and complex structures can be used for a more sophisticated expression of ideas. In the provided essay, the writer could introduce subordination and coordination to connect ideas more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. For instance, "i strongly disagree" should be capitalized as "I strongly disagree," and "giong" should be corrected to "going." The lack of subject-verb agreement, missing articles, and inconsistent use of verb tenses further contribute to grammatical inaccuracies.
- How to improve: It is crucial to review and revise the essay for basic grammar and punctuation errors. The writer should pay attention to subject-verb agreement, use of articles, and consistent verb tenses. Proofreading the essay before submission will help identify and rectify these issues. Additionally, practicing sentence structure and grammar rules will contribute to improved accuracy.

In summary, to elevate the Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy to a higher level, the writer needs to focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and addressing fundamental grammatical errors. Engaging in careful proofreading and grammar practice will contribute significantly to overall improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is suggested that the government should not allocate funds for constructing accommodation facilities for university students. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this idea. I am going to explain my position by first discussing the reduction in living costs and then addressing the aspect of safety.

Providing housing for university students plays a crucial role in lowering living expenses. When educational institutions offer on-campus accommodation, it creates an opportunity for students to access affordable living arrangements. This, in turn, alleviates the financial burden on young individuals and their families. By having accommodation options directly associated with the university, students can benefit from cost-effective living solutions, making higher education more accessible.

Furthermore, the provision of university housing contributes to the overall security of students. Living in a designated university residence enhances the safety measures in place, creating a secure environment for young individuals pursuing their education. This becomes particularly important in unfamiliar urban settings where students might face challenges related to accommodation safety. By offering secure housing options, the government ensures the well-being of its young population, fostering an environment conducive to academic success.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the notion that the government should refrain from providing accommodation for university students. Lowering living expenses and enhancing security are essential aspects that directly impact the educational journey of young individuals. Therefore, it is both possible and beneficial for a country to invest in university places with associated living facilities for a significant proportion of its youth.