Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance at school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on the child. Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school? What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child’s education?

Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance at school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on the child.
Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school?
What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child's education?

Recently, many parents put too much pressure on their children without any mental reinforcement. In response to this concerning issue, this essay will elaborate the reason for parents ' discouragement and the negative consequences affecting students.

Setting too many expectations for students comes from the love of parents since they desire their children to have a successful life through education. The old generation obviously understands the importance of education which determines children's future; subsequently, students are forced to spend their whole time on schooling systems or extra classes. A survey conducted for Hanoi students by the Vietnamese Educational Association on the 5th of September shows that 85% of students are participating in extra classes because of their parent’s requirements. Moreover, most of the older generation believe “No pressure, no diamonds' '. Instead of offering encouragement, they suppose that putting too much pressure on their children is one of the solutions to make them concentrate more on studying , especially before exams. In an interview with VN Express newspaper about children's education, Ms. Nguyen Thanh Thuy – mother of Tran Minh Kien, a pupil in grade 9 of Luong The Vinh Secondary School said that she was very worried about Kien's high school entrance exam so she registered a lot of extra classes for her children and also reminded him to prioritize his studies first.

However, the huge pressure without any encouragement from the old generation can cause some mental issues for children. The lack of empathy, sharing from adults as well as prolonged rest periods will cause children's mental health to become worse and prone to some psychological problems such as depression. On 17th of December, Yen Hoa Specialized Psychology Clinic has recorded an average of 1 month receiving 3 students from the age of 15-20 with mild depression due to academic pressure, it is worth noting that the age of illness is tending to be smaller. In addition, this problem can backfire leading to a tendency to rebellion in children. Prolonged pressure makes children tired; As a result, some children will tend to become careless and antagonistic to their parents.

In conclusion, this essay demonstrates an answer of why adults put too much pressure to their children while also expressing the negative consequences of this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "put too much pressure on their children without any mental reinforcement" -> "exert excessive pressure on their children without adequate psychological support"
   Explanation: The phrase "exert excessive pressure" is more precise and formal than "put too much pressure," and "adequate psychological support" is a more accurate and academic way to describe the support needed, compared to "mental reinforcement."

2. "this essay will elaborate the reason for parents ‘ discouragement" -> "this essay will elucidate the reasons behind parental discouragement"
   Explanation: "Elucidate" is a more formal term than "elaborate," and "the reasons behind parental discouragement" is clearer and more grammatically correct than "the reason for parents ‘ discouragement."

3. "old generation" -> "older generation"
   Explanation: "Older generation" is the correct term when referring to the generation preceding the current one, making the sentence more accurate and formal.

4. "students are forced to spend their whole time on schooling systems or extra classes" -> "students are compelled to devote their entire time to educational systems or supplementary classes"
   Explanation: "Compelled" and "devote their entire time to educational systems or supplementary classes" are more formal and precise terms than "forced" and "spend their whole time on schooling systems or extra classes."

5. "No pressure, no diamonds" -> "The belief that ‘No pressure, no diamonds’"
   Explanation: Introducing the phrase as a belief attributed to the older generation adds clarity and maintains an academic tone by avoiding direct quotations without context.

6. "putting too much pressure on their children" -> "imposing excessive pressure on their offspring"
   Explanation: "Imposing" and "excessive pressure on their offspring" are more formal and precise than "putting too much pressure on their children."

7. "she registered a lot of extra classes for her children" -> "she enrolled her child in numerous supplementary courses"
   Explanation: "Enrolled her child in numerous supplementary courses" is more formal and precise than "registered a lot of extra classes for her children."

8. "huge pressure without any encouragement" -> "immense pressure devoid of encouragement"
   Explanation: "Immense pressure devoid of encouragement" is more formal and accurately conveys the lack of support.

9. "mental issues" -> "mental health issues"
   Explanation: "Mental health issues" is a more precise and formal term than "mental issues."

10. "cause children’s mental health to become worse" -> "deteriorate children’s mental health"
    Explanation: "Deteriorate" is a more formal and precise verb to describe the worsening of mental health.

11. "prone to some psychological problems" -> "susceptible to various psychological disorders"
    Explanation: "Susceptible to various psychological disorders" is more formal and specific than "prone to some psychological problems."

12. "tendency to rebellion" -> "propensity for rebellion"
    Explanation: "Propensity for rebellion" is a more formal and precise phrase than "tendency to rebellion."

13. "tired" -> "exhausted"
    Explanation: "Exhausted" is a more formal term that conveys a stronger sense of fatigue than "tired."

14. "careless and antagonistic to their parents" -> "negligent and oppositional towards their parents"
    Explanation: "Negligent and oppositional towards their parents" is more formal and precise than "careless and antagonistic to their parents."

15. "put too much pressure to their children" -> "impose excessive pressure on their offspring"
    Explanation: "Impose excessive pressure on their offspring" is more formal and precise than "put too much pressure to their children."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It discusses the reasons why some parents put excessive pressure on their children to perform well at school and also reflects on the role of parents in their child’s education. It cites relevant statistics and examples to support its points.
  • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into the various factors contributing to parental pressure on children, such as societal expectations, cultural influences, and parental aspirations. Additionally, it could offer a more nuanced perspective on the role of parents in education, considering not only academic success but also emotional and social development.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that excessive parental pressure on children is driven by the desire for their academic success. This position is consistently upheld throughout the essay, evident in phrases like "Setting too many expectations for students comes from the love of parents" and "the huge pressure without any encouragement from the old generation can cause some mental issues for children."
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from acknowledging alternative viewpoints to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue. Incorporating counterarguments and addressing them would strengthen the essay’s overall persuasiveness.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, extends them with examples and statistics, and supports them with evidence. It provides specific instances, such as the survey results and the case of Ms. Nguyen Thanh Thuy, to illustrate the prevalence and impact of parental pressure on children’s education.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the development of ideas, the essay could include additional perspectives from educational experts, psychologists, or studies on child development. This would add depth to the analysis and broaden the scope of the discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the issue of parental pressure on children’s education and its consequences. However, there are some minor deviations, such as briefly mentioning mental health issues without fully exploring their relationship to parental pressure.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that each point directly relates to the main topic and contributes to the overall argument. It could expand on the discussion of mental health implications to provide a more thorough analysis of the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively presents its arguments with relevant examples and evidence. To improve, it could strive for deeper analysis, acknowledge alternative perspectives, and maintain tighter focus on the central topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by discussing reasons for parental pressure on children in the first body paragraph and the negative consequences in the second. However, the introduction could be clearer in outlining these points to provide a stronger roadmap for the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the introduction to clearly state the two main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity and coherence.
• Use Paragraphs:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, which aids in readability.
  • How to improve: Continue to use paragraphs to organize ideas effectively. Consider refining topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases (e.g., "however," "moreover," "in addition"), to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices help to create a logical flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To further improve cohesion, aim to use a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensure that they are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. This can include pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in the clarity of the introduction and the variety of cohesive devices used. Strengthening these aspects will enhance the overall organization and readability of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "reinforcement," "encouragement," "concentrate," "mental health," "prone," "psychological problems," "depression," "backfire," and "rebellion." However, there is scope for further diversification and sophistication in vocabulary usage. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "children" and "parents," employing synonyms or alternative phrases could enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enrich the lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and nuanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly mentioning "children," phrases like "young learners," "adolescents," or "juveniles" could be used interchangeably. Additionally, employing adjectives or adverbs to modify nouns and verbs can add depth to the vocabulary. Furthermore, incorporating domain-specific terminology related to education and psychology can elevate the lexical sophistication.
• Use Vocabulary Precisely:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary, with terms effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "mental reinforcement," "extra classes," "psychological problems," and "high school entrance exam" are aptly utilized. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise or contextually appropriate. For example, instead of using generic terms like "concentrate" and "prioritize," employing more specific terms such as "focus" and "emphasize" could enhance precision.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, consider selecting words that precisely capture the intended nuances of meaning. Utilize a thesaurus to explore synonyms and select the most contextually fitting term. Additionally, pay close attention to the context and ensure that the chosen vocabulary aligns with the intended message accurately.
• Use Correct Spelling:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally acceptable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are occasional errors present, such as "Hanoi" instead of "Hà Nội," "Yen Hoa" instead of "Yên Hòa," and "Luong The Vinh" instead of "Lương Thế Vinh." While these errors do not significantly detract from comprehension, enhancing spelling accuracy would improve overall clarity and professionalism.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools during the writing process. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and practice regularly to reinforce correct spelling. Reviewing the essay meticulously before submission can also help identify and rectify any spelling errors. Furthermore, paying attention to proper noun conventions, especially in terms of capitalization and diacritics in geographical names, can further refine spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a moderate variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, there are instances of complex sentences like "The lack of empathy, sharing from adults as well as prolonged rest periods will cause children’s mental health to become worse and prone to some psychological problems such as depression." Additionally, compound sentences are evident, such as "Instead of offering encouragement, they suppose that putting too much pressure on their children is one of the solutions to make them concentrate more on studying, especially before exams." These structures contribute to coherence and demonstrate a reasonable command of sentence variety.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence types such as interrogative or imperative sentences. Additionally, strive for greater diversity in sentence lengths to maintain reader engagement and fluency. Introducing rhetorical questions or parallel structures can also add sophistication to the essay’s structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede overall comprehension. However, there are a couple of instances where subject-verb agreement issues arise, such as "A survey conducted for Hanoi students by the Vietnamese Educational Association on the 5th of September shows that 85% of students are participating in extra classes because of their parent’s requirements." Here, "shows" should agree with the subject "survey," so it should be "show." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, like missing commas before introductory phrases ("In response to this concerning issue, this essay will elaborate…") and in compound sentences ("…studying, especially before exams").
  • How to improve: To address subject-verb agreement errors, ensure that verbs agree with their subjects in number and tense. Proofreading carefully can help catch these errors before final submission. Regarding punctuation, pay close attention to comma usage, particularly in complex and compound sentences, to maintain clarity and coherence. Reviewing grammar and punctuation rules and practicing with exercises can aid in improving accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, with areas for refinement to elevate clarity and precision further. Continuing to practice varied sentence structures and reinforcing grammar and punctuation rules will contribute to further improvement in written communication skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, a growing number of parents are placing excessive pressure on their children without providing adequate emotional support. In response to this concerning trend, this essay aims to explore the reasons behind parental discouragement and its detrimental effects on students.

The tendency to set unrealistic expectations for students often stems from parental love and the desire for their children to succeed in life through education. The older generation, in particular, places great emphasis on the importance of education in shaping a child’s future. Consequently, students find themselves compelled to dedicate all their time to academic pursuits or supplementary classes. A survey conducted among students in Hanoi by the Vietnamese Educational Association on September 5th revealed that 85% of students attend extra classes at the behest of their parents. Additionally, many parents subscribe to the belief that “No pressure, no diamonds,” mistakenly thinking that excessive pressure will enhance their child’s focus on studies, especially during exam periods. For instance, Ms. Nguyen Thanh Thuy, speaking to VN Express newspaper about her son’s education, expressed her concern for his upcoming high school entrance exam, leading her to enroll him in numerous supplementary courses and prioritize his studies.

However, the imposition of immense pressure without accompanying encouragement from parents can have serious implications for children’s mental well-being. The absence of empathy and emotional support, coupled with prolonged periods of stress, can exacerbate mental health issues and make children susceptible to conditions such as depression. According to records from the Yen Hoa Specialized Psychology Clinic on December 17th, there has been an increase in the number of students aged 15-20 seeking treatment for mild depression attributed to academic pressure, with cases occurring at younger ages. Furthermore, this pressure can incite a propensity for rebellion among children. Continuous stress and exhaustion may lead some children to become indifferent and oppositional towards their parents.

In conclusion, this essay has shed light on the reasons why some parents subject their children to excessive pressure and has underscored the negative repercussions of this phenomenon. It is imperative for parents to strike a balance between motivating their children and providing them with the necessary emotional support to ensure their holistic development.