In some places, fast food, prepared meals, and sugary drinks are now sold in more shops and at lower prices than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In some places, fast food, prepared meals, and sugary drinks are now sold in more shops and at lower prices than in the past.

Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

There is no doubt that in the modern world, many people prefer enjoying prepared food in order to be convenient for the fast pace of life. Therefore, there is an escalation in the amount of food and beverages selling fast food, prepared meals, and sugary drinks with the price decrease. In my view, I believe that this situation can bring more benefits than downsides to humans.

Regarding the negative aspect, offering people lower prices for unhealthy food can lead to many detrimental effects on an individual's life and cause a burden on healthcare services. As individuals, the more fast food they eat, the more fat disorders they absorb, which can easily cause many diseases, especially obesity. As a result, people have to pay more for health aspects in comparison to the past. Also, many health facilities may have to invest more in equipment to meet the rising number of obesity patients. However, the control of eating comes from the choices of each person so the reduction in the price of unhealthy food may not directly bring such potential damage to people's health.

On the other hand, there are many positive sides when selling these kinds of products widely at an affordable price, including improving malnutrition and promoting sales for businesses. Based on reality, if these foods are worth a lower price, poor people will receive a wider range of selections every day. With a high amount of nutrition, fast food or sugary drinks make people full of energy to be active for one day. Besides that, the more people buy these products, the better income fast food industries will earn. As the fast food business is one of the biggest entrepreneurs, it can contribute to the world's economy and provide millions of employees a workplace.

In conclusion, although eating too much fast food can have negative effects on people's lives, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. In my opinion, the reduction in health problems related to these kinds of food can be controlled so it is better to lower the price of fast food to be affordable for everyone.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"prefer enjoying prepared food" -> "prefer consuming prepared food"
Explanation: "Consuming" is more precise and formal in the context of food intake than "enjoying," which adds an unnecessary emotional connotation.
"in order to be convenient for" -> "to accommodate"
Explanation: "To accommodate" is more succinct and academically appropriate, conveying the idea of making adjustments to suit the fast pace of life without the informality of "in order to be convenient for."
"escalation in the amount of food and beverages selling" -> "increase in the availability of food and beverages sold"
Explanation: "Increase in the availability" is more accurate and formal than "escalation in the amount," and "sold" is more appropriate than "selling" for a passive construction that fits academic style.
"with the price decrease" -> "accompanied by a decrease in prices"
Explanation: "Accompanied by a decrease in prices" is clearer and more formal, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"bring more benefits than downsides" -> "yield more advantages than disadvantages"
Explanation: "Yield more advantages than disadvantages" uses more formal language appropriate for academic writing, replacing the less formal "benefits" and "downsides."
"lower prices for unhealthy food can lead to many detrimental effects" -> "reduced prices for unhealthy foods may result in numerous adverse effects"
Explanation: "Reduced prices" and "numerous adverse effects" are more precise and formal terms, enhancing the academic quality of the statement.
"fat disorders they absorb" -> "dietary fat-related disorders they incur"
Explanation: "Dietary fat-related disorders they incur" is more specific and academically suitable, replacing the vague and informal "fat disorders they absorb."
"have to pay more for health aspects" -> "incur greater healthcare expenses"
Explanation: "Incur greater healthcare expenses" is more specific and formal, suitable for an academic context, compared to the vague "have to pay more for health aspects."
"many health facilities may have to invest more" -> "numerous healthcare facilities may need to allocate additional resources"
Explanation: "Allocate additional resources" is more precise and formal than "invest more," and "numerous healthcare facilities" is preferred over the less formal "many health facilities."
"the control of eating comes from" -> "dietary choices stem from"
Explanation: "Dietary choices stem from" is a more formal and precise way of expressing the idea that eating habits are determined by individual decisions.
"improving malnutrition" -> "alleviating malnutrition"
Explanation: "Alleviating malnutrition" is more accurate and formal, as it correctly implies reducing the problem rather than the ambiguous "improving."
"worth a lower price" -> "offered at a lower price"
Explanation: "Offered at a lower price" is clearer and more formal, appropriately indicating the cost aspect without the informal connotation of "worth."
"make people full of energy" -> "provide individuals with energy"
Explanation: "Provide individuals with energy" is more formal and precise than the colloquial "make people full of energy."
"the fast food business is one of the biggest entrepreneurs" -> "the fast food industry is among the largest sectors"
Explanation: "The fast food industry is among the largest sectors" is more accurate and formal. "Entrepreneurs" is incorrectly used to describe an industry sector.
"provide millions of employees a workplace" -> "offer employment to millions of individuals"
Explanation: "Offer employment to millions of individuals" is more formal and accurately conveys the idea of providing jobs, replacing the less formal "provide…a workplace."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing both the positive and negative implications of the increased availability of fast food, prepared meals, and sugary drinks at lower prices. It acknowledges the potential negative consequences on health and healthcare services while also highlighting the positive impacts on accessibility and economic growth.
- How to improve: To further enhance task response, consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support the discussion on the negative effects of consuming unhealthy food and elaborate on how exactly lowering prices might affect people’s choices and health outcomes.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that the benefits of making fast food more affordable outweigh the drawbacks. The stance is consistent, with the writer advocating for the reduction of prices to increase accessibility.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument and avoids any ambiguity or wavering in viewpoint. Additionally, explicitly stating the writer’s position in the introduction and conclusion can further solidify the clarity of the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and elaborates on ideas, providing examples and explanations to support arguments. For instance, it discusses the potential health consequences of consuming cheap, unhealthy food and also elaborates on the economic benefits of increased sales for businesses.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more detailed examples or counterarguments to strengthen the analysis. Additionally, expanding on the potential long-term societal impacts of increased consumption of unhealthy food could enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s central theme of whether the increased availability of cheap, unhealthy food is a positive or negative development. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused, such as in the paragraph discussing the economic benefits.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt and avoids tangential discussions. Additionally, providing a clear roadmap in the introduction can help guide the essay’s direction and prevent straying from the main topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples, reinforcing clarity, enriching idea development, and maintaining focused discussion. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can further enhance its coherence, depth, and overall effectiveness in addressing the given topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical organization, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the discussion by introducing the topic and stating the writer’s opinion. Body paragraphs present arguments for both the negative and positive aspects, with supporting examples and reasoning. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Additionally, consider providing more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as the negative effects, positive effects, and concluding remarks. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured for coherence and cohesion.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate its main point. Ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by focusing on a single idea or argument. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to create smooth connections between paragraphs and enhance the overall flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. Examples include transition words like "therefore," "on the other hand," "in conclusion," which help to signal shifts between different parts of the essay. Additionally, pronouns and referencing ("these kinds of products," "these foods") are used to maintain coherence within and between sentences.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, there is room to further diversify and strengthen their usage. Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, and repetition for emphasis. This can help to create a more cohesive and polished essay, enhancing its overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is some variety in word choice, such as "escalation," "detrimental," "absorb," "malnutrition," and "entrepreneurs." However, there is also a reliance on common phrases and repetition of certain terms like "fast food," "prepared meals," and "sugary drinks," which could be diversified for a broader lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases where appropriate. Utilize a thesaurus to explore different words that convey similar meanings. Additionally, aim to introduce specialized terminology or more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic to demonstrate a deeper lexical repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where terminology could be more precise. For example, the phrase "fat disorders" could be clarified or replaced with a more specific term like "metabolic disorders" or "lipid abnormalities" to enhance precision. Similarly, the term "malnutrition" might not accurately convey the intended meaning, as it typically refers to undernutrition rather than overconsumption of unhealthy foods.
- How to improve: Strive for precision by selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Use terms that are specific to the context and avoid ambiguous or general language. Review each word choice to ensure it accurately reflects the intended message and context of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy in the essay is generally adequate, with few errors observed. However, there are a couple of instances where minor spelling mistakes occur, such as "entrepreneurs" (should be "entrepreneurship") and "worth" (which seems misplaced in the context). These errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence and readability of the essay but could be improved for a more polished presentation.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully or utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools. Pay attention to common spelling pitfalls and review words that are frequently misspelled. Additionally, double-check the usage of words to ensure they are contextually appropriate and correctly spelled.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. However, the range could be further expanded to include more complex structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and participial phrases to enhance the complexity and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex grammatical constructions. For instance, instead of solely relying on simple subject-verb-object sentences, introduce conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations (e.g., "If people were more mindful of their dietary choices, the prevalence of obesity would decrease."). Additionally, integrate relative clauses to provide additional information about subjects and objects in the sentences (e.g., "Individuals who consume excessive amounts of fast food are at a higher risk of developing obesity-related health issues."). Lastly, utilize participial phrases to add descriptive detail and complexity to your writing (e.g., "Consuming sugary drinks excessively, individuals often overlook the long-term health consequences.").
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a competent grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where errors in subject-verb agreement and punctuation arise. For example, in the sentence "The control of eating comes from the choices of each person so the reduction in the price of unhealthy food may not directly bring such potential damage to people’s health," there is a lack of parallel structure between "the control of eating" and "the reduction in the price of unhealthy food." Additionally, a comma splice occurs with "person so," which should be separated into two distinct sentences or connected with a coordinating conjunction.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and parallel structure within sentences. Ensure that each part of a sentence aligns grammatically to maintain clarity and coherence. Furthermore, review the use of punctuation, particularly commas, to avoid comma splices and improve sentence structure. Consider utilizing conjunctions such as "and," "but," or "so" to properly connect independent clauses and prevent run-on sentences. Additionally, proofreading the essay thoroughly can help identify and correct any grammatical errors or inconsistencies before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is undoubtedly a growing preference for consuming prepared food due to its convenience in today’s fast-paced world. Consequently, there has been an increase in the availability of fast food, prepared meals, and sugary drinks accompanied by a decrease in prices. In my opinion, this trend yields more advantages than disadvantages for individuals.

On the negative side, the reduced prices for unhealthy foods may result in numerous adverse effects on people’s health and place a strain on healthcare services. Increased consumption of fast food can lead to dietary fat-related disorders, such as obesity, which in turn incur greater healthcare expenses for individuals. Moreover, numerous healthcare facilities may need to allocate additional resources to cater to the rising number of patients suffering from diet-related illnesses. However, it’s important to recognize that dietary choices stem from individual decisions, and the decrease in the price of unhealthy food may not necessarily directly contribute to health problems for everyone.

Conversely, there are several positive aspects to the widespread availability of these products at lower prices, including addressing malnutrition and boosting business sales. Affordable pricing ensures that even those with limited financial means have access to a variety of food options daily. Furthermore, fast food and sugary drinks, despite their drawbacks, provide individuals with energy to sustain their daily activities. Additionally, the growth of the fast food industry, being among the largest sectors, offers employment opportunities to millions of individuals, thereby contributing to the economy.

In conclusion, while excessive consumption of fast food can have adverse effects on health, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Lowering the price of fast food can contribute to alleviating malnutrition and supporting economic growth. Therefore, it is advisable to make fast food more affordable for everyone, while also encouraging individuals to make informed dietary choices to maintain their well-being.