Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Advertisements, being increasingly popular in the daily basic, are argued to be positively impacted on our lives. In my opinion, I hold a strong voice against this argument as its disadvantages completely outweigh the advantages of it.
Commercials inevitably brings to human apparent detrimental impact on everyday life. The initial negative effect can be seen in the threat it pose to children in many promotions with inappropriate contents. In this case, young children, who are the most susceptible opponent, are being targeted in many violent or exploitative advertising methods to boost the sales of many businesses owing ads. For example, the utilization of abusive images or addicted contents may destroy the perception of kids towards the world, thus, negatively affect their cognitive and other problem solving skills. Besides, not only children, but adults and the elderly are also victims of the commercialism in marketing campaigns. This can be explained by the fact that many promoting strategies such as celebrity endorsement and product placement, being effective in securing the credibility amongst consumers, are encouraging them to splash money on the advertised items. In this way, an amount of money of them, which can be allocated to needing things, are wasted in unnecessary products.
In contrast, it is undeniable that advertising activities also have its own advantages. It is when these kind of promoting products can boost sales of businesses as reaching the potential customers, thus stimulating the economic growth of the country . However, whether the advertisements are really unreplaceable while there are so many other alternatives promoting the economic of a country that not damage the children’s perception, such as real estate or technology’s investment.
In conclusion, while many think that commercials are important with its relevant advantages, I argue that it would be a replaceable fields due to several drawbacks it have in comparision with other useful strategies.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"daily basic" -> "daily life"
Explanation: The phrase "daily basic" is incorrect and unnatural. "Daily life" is the correct term that fits the context and maintains academic formality.
"positively impacted on" -> "had a positive impact on"
Explanation: "Positively impacted on" is awkward and not standard in academic writing. "Had a positive impact on" is more appropriate and maintains the formal tone.
"I hold a strong voice against" -> "I strongly oppose"
Explanation: "I hold a strong voice against" is an informal and awkward construction. "I strongly oppose" is concise and suitable for academic writing.
"brings to human apparent detrimental impact" -> "has an apparent detrimental impact on humans"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The suggested replacement clarifies the meaning and employs a more formal structure.
"threat it pose to children" -> "threat it poses to children"
Explanation: This is a simple grammatical correction for subject-verb agreement.
"susceptible opponent" -> "vulnerable group"
Explanation: "Susceptible opponent" is an incorrect and unnatural phrase. "Vulnerable group" accurately describes the intended meaning in a formal academic context.
"owing ads" -> "owing to ads"
Explanation: The phrase "owing ads" is grammatically incorrect. "Owing to ads" correctly indicates causation.
"abusive images or addicted contents" -> "abusive imagery or addictive content"
Explanation: "Abusive images" and "addicted contents" are awkward and incorrect. "Abusive imagery" and "addictive content" are the correct terms, enhancing formality and precision.
"negatively affect their cognitive and other problem solving skills" -> "negatively affect their cognitive and problem-solving skills"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and awkward. The suggested correction streamlines the sentence and uses the hyphenated form "problem-solving" correctly.
"splash money on" -> "expend money on"
Explanation: "Splash money on" is an informal idiom not suitable for academic writing. "Expend money on" is formal and fits the context better.
"an amount of money of them" -> "a portion of their money"
Explanation: "An amount of money of them" is awkward and unclear. "A portion of their money" is clearer and more formally appropriate.
"needing things" -> "necessary items"
Explanation: "Needing things" is informal and vague. "Necessary items" is more precise and suitable for academic language.
"kind of promoting products" -> "types of product promotion"
Explanation: "Kind of promoting products" is awkward and unclear. "Types of product promotion" is more formal and accurately conveys the intended meaning.
"boost sales of businesses as reaching" -> "boost business sales by reaching"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The suggested correction provides clarity and maintains a formal tone.
"unreplaceable" -> "irreplaceable"
Explanation: "Unreplaceable" is not the standard term. "Irreplaceable" is the correct adjective, enhancing the formality of the text.
"economic of a country" -> "a country’s economy"
Explanation: "Economic of a country" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "A country’s economy" is the correct and formal way to express this idea.
"not damage the children’s perception" -> "do not harm children’s perceptions"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and slightly informal. The suggested correction is more formal and grammatically correct.
"replaceable fields" -> "replaceable field"
Explanation: "Fields" is incorrectly used in plural form. Since the context refers to advertising as a singular field, "replaceable field" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"drawbacks it have" -> "drawbacks it has"
Explanation: This is a simple grammatical correction for subject-verb agreement, enhancing the formality and accuracy of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by expressing a clear opinion on the positive impact of advertising on our lives. It acknowledges both sides of the argument but predominantly argues against the notion that advertising has a positive influence.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each aspect of the question is thoroughly explored. While the essay presents arguments against advertising’s positive impact, it could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of potential benefits alongside its drawbacks.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the positive impact of advertising. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, continue to assert the position consistently throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument against the positive impact of advertising.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient elaboration and support. While it mentions potential negative impacts of advertising, such as its effect on children and society, it could benefit from further development and examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Extend each idea by providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to support the argument. Additionally, consider elaborating on the potential benefits of alternatives to advertising to provide a more balanced perspective.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the positive and negative impacts of advertising on our lives. However, there are instances where the focus could be sharper, such as the brief mention of alternative strategies for promoting economic growth.
- How to improve: Maintain a clear focus on the topic throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the discussion of advertising’s impact, avoiding tangential points that detract from the central argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a clear stance against the positive impact of advertising, it could benefit from deeper analysis, more extensive support for ideas, and tighter focus to improve coherence and effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a coherent structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are areas where the logical organization could be improved. For instance, the essay begins with a clear thesis statement expressing disagreement with the idea that advertising has a positive impact. However, the subsequent paragraphs lack a clear progression of ideas. There is a shift from discussing the negative impacts of advertising on children to adults and the elderly without a smooth transition. This abrupt shift affects the overall logical flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea related to the topic sentence. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis statement. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of ideas smoothly. Additionally, consider rearranging the order of paragraphs to create a more coherent structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the effectiveness of paragraphing is inconsistent. There are instances where paragraphs are appropriately utilized, such as the introduction and conclusion. However, within the body paragraphs, there are long stretches of text without clear breaks, making it challenging for the reader to follow the development of ideas.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring each body paragraph around a single main idea. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that each paragraph is coherent and concise, with a clear transition between paragraphs to maintain the overall flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use cohesive devices to connect ideas, but the range and effectiveness of these devices are limited. There are instances of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("its," "these," "them"), conjunctions ("however," "besides"), and transitional phrases ("in contrast," "in conclusion"). However, their usage is somewhat repetitive, and there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used in the essay to create stronger connections between ideas. Incorporate a variety of transitional words and phrases to indicate relationships between sentences and paragraphs. This could include words such as "furthermore," "moreover," "on the other hand," "nevertheless," etc. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used effectively to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "commercialism," "exploitative," "perception," "cognitive," "endorsement," and "stimulating economic growth." These lexical choices contribute to conveying the writer’s ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "boost sales," opt for alternatives such as "augment revenue" or "enhance profitability." This can elevate the richness of expression in the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the initial negative effect can be seen in the threat it pose to children" could be refined for clarity. Additionally, phrases like "not only children, but adults and the elderly are also victims of commercialism" could benefit from more precise terminology.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using vocabulary that accurately conveys intended meanings. For instance, instead of "threat," consider using terms like "harm" or "detriment." Similarly, instead of "victims of commercialism," consider specifying the negative impact, such as "subjected to manipulative marketing tactics."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate level of spelling accuracy. While there are no major spelling errors, there are several instances of minor misspellings and typographical errors. Examples include "basic" instead of "basis," "opponent" instead of "audience," and "comparision" instead of "comparison."
- How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy by proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct errors. Additionally, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools to catch overlooked mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically can also contribute to improved spelling precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and complexity of structures used. For instance, while the essay employs complex sentences in some instances ("Commercials inevitably brings to human apparent detrimental impact on everyday life"), there is a tendency towards simpler structures in other parts, which limits the essay’s overall richness and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, try incorporating more complex sentence patterns, such as subordinate clauses, parallel structures, and varied sentence lengths. Additionally, consider employing rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion to add depth and complexity to your sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of grammatical accuracy throughout. There are instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("Commercials inevitably brings" should be "Commercials inevitably bring") and incorrect word choices ("the daily basic" should be "daily life" or "everyday life"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and noun-pronoun agreement. Proofreading the essay carefully for punctuation errors, including commas, periods, and capitalization, is essential. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors more effectively. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common grammatical rules and practice applying them in your writing to improve accuracy over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

Advertisements are becoming increasingly common in our daily lives. Some argue that they have a positive impact on us. However, I strongly oppose this viewpoint as I believe that the drawbacks far outweigh any benefits.

Ads can have a significant negative impact on our lives, particularly on vulnerable groups such as children. Many advertisements contain inappropriate content, targeting young minds and potentially harming their perception of the world. For instance, using abusive imagery or addictive content can detrimentally affect children’s cognitive and problem-solving abilities. Furthermore, adults and the elderly are also affected, often being persuaded to spend money on unnecessary products through clever marketing tactics like celebrity endorsements and product placements. As a result, money that could be spent on essential items is wasted.

While it is true that advertising can boost business sales by reaching potential customers and stimulating economic growth, I question whether it is truly indispensable. There are other avenues for promoting economic development that do not harm children’s perceptions, such as investing in real estate or technology.

In conclusion, although some may argue for the importance of advertising, I contend that it is a replaceable field due to its significant drawbacks compared to other more beneficial strategies.