Đề bài: In some countries, schools are teaching foreign languages for primary school children. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Recently, there has been much controversy about whether pupils in the early grades in some nations being taught foreign languages brings more benefits or drawbacks. This trend does produce certain negative effects, but from my perspective, they would be overshadowed by considerable benefits.
It is understandable why some people think teaching elementary school children a second language is detrimental. To them, this practice can bring about stress to students. In fact, many students nowadays have a large number of homeworks to deal with, it will pose a huge challenge to them if there is one more subject in their curriculum. For example, lots of parents in Vietnam object to their children's being forced to learn a new language at early ages on the grounds that they are probably concerned about the pressure stems from this situation.
On the flip side, however, I firmly believe that the merits of introducing kids enrolled in primary education to learning other tongues are more significant. One clear positive side of this is that pupils can gain deeper insights into world's cultural diversity. As languages play a vital role in connecting divergent countries together, they allow children to obtain a wealth of information of other nations' customs, peoples, lifestyles and the same things. Such a benefit is especially essential for those who want to travel or study abroad. Furthermore, it provides students with numerous job opportunities in the future. It is absolutely advantageous for those who are fluent in languages to develop career in top various fields such as marketing, diplomacy, multimedia ,etc or have a stable life with high salary.
To summarize, though students will be under substantial pressure during their school years of acquiring new languages, they undoubtedly widen their knowledge and enhance career prospects. Therefore, I stand by my belief that this trend the advantages of this trend clearly surpass its disadvantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Recently, there has been much controversy" -> "Recently, considerable debate has arisen"
Explanation: "Considerable debate has arisen" sounds more formal and precise than "there has been much controversy," aligning better with academic style.
"pupils in the early grades" -> "students in the early years of schooling"
Explanation: "Students in the early years of schooling" is a more formal and clear way to describe young learners, enhancing the academic tone.
"brings more benefits or drawbacks" -> "yields more advantages or disadvantages"
Explanation: "Yields more advantages or disadvantages" employs more formal vocabulary, improving the sentence’s academic quality.
"negative effects" -> "adverse effects"
Explanation: "Adverse effects" is a more formal term than "negative effects," which enhances the academic tone of the text.
"from my perspective" -> "from my viewpoint"
Explanation: "From my viewpoint" is slightly more formal and fitting for an academic essay than "from my perspective."
"some people think" -> "some individuals argue"
Explanation: "Some individuals argue" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic discussions.
"a large number of homeworks" -> "a significant amount of homework"
Explanation: "Homework" is uncountable in English, and "a significant amount of homework" is a more formal and correct expression.
"it will pose a huge challenge" -> "this may pose a considerable challenge"
Explanation: "This may pose a considerable challenge" is more tentative and formal, acknowledging the potential variability in students’ experiences.
"lots of parents" -> "many parents"
Explanation: "Many parents" is more formal than "lots of parents," making it more suitable for an academic essay.
"probably concerned about the pressure stems from" -> "presumably concerned about the pressure that stems from"
Explanation: Adding "that" for clarity and "presumably" instead of "probably" increases formality and precision.
"On the flip side" -> "Conversely"
Explanation: "Conversely" is more formal and academically appropriate than the idiomatic "On the flip side."
"kids enrolled in primary education" -> "children enrolled in primary education"
Explanation: "Children" is more formal and precise in this context than "kids," which is too informal for academic writing.
"learning other tongues" -> "learning additional languages"
Explanation: "Learning additional languages" is a more formal and clear way to express the idea than "learning other tongues."
"world’s cultural diversity" -> "global cultural diversity"
Explanation: "Global cultural diversity" is more formal and encompasses a broader scope than "world’s cultural diversity."
"a wealth of information of other nations’ customs, peoples, lifestyles and the same things." -> "a wealth of information about other nations’ customs, peoples, and lifestyles."
Explanation: Removing "and the same things" improves clarity and conciseness, while "about" is the correct preposition to use with "information."
"multimedia ,etc" -> "multimedia, among others"
Explanation: "Among others" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than ",etc" (which should be written as "etc." if used).
"have a stable life with high salary" -> "lead a stable life with a high salary"
Explanation: "Lead a stable life with a high salary" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"this trend the advantages of this trend clearly surpass its disadvantages." -> "the advantages of this trend clearly outweigh its disadvantages."
Explanation: Removing the repetition of "this trend" for clarity and replacing "surpass" with "outweigh" for a more formal expression of comparison.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of teaching foreign languages to primary school children. It acknowledges concerns about stress and pressure but ultimately argues that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. In this case, provide more specific examples of potential disadvantages and delve deeper into how the benefits outweigh these drawbacks.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, arguing that the benefits of teaching foreign languages to young children outweigh the drawbacks. This position is consistently presented and reinforced.
- How to improve: To further improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the chosen stance. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, supporting them with relevant examples and arguments. For instance, it discusses how learning languages exposes children to cultural diversity and expands future career opportunities.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more depth to the examples provided. Explain further how learning languages can specifically lead to increased career prospects or cultural understanding.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of teaching foreign languages to primary school children as prompted. However, there could be more explicit connections between the discussion points and the central topic.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic of teaching foreign languages to primary school children. Avoid tangential discussions that may distract from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive examples, strengthening connections to the central topic, and addressing potential counterarguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages separately. Finally, a concluding paragraph restates the writer’s position. However, within paragraphs, the progression of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between discussing the disadvantages and advantages could be made clearer to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, consider restructuring the essay to create a stronger link between paragraphs, perhaps by including a brief summary sentence at the end of each paragraph that connects it back to the main argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with clear topic sentences introducing each main point. However, the length of paragraphs could be more balanced. The second body paragraph, discussing the advantages, is significantly longer than the others, potentially affecting readability and cohesion.
- How to improve: Aim for consistency in paragraph length to maintain reader engagement and coherence. Break down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple distinct ideas. This not only enhances readability but also facilitates the organization and development of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices adequately to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transition phrases such as "on the flip side," "to summarize," and "however." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Additionally, some transitions could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices used, including conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns. This adds depth to the essay and strengthens the logical connection between ideas. Focus on using cohesive devices not only between sentences but also within them to create a seamless flow of thought. Additionally, ensure that transitions between paragraphs are clear and concise to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary throughout. There’s evidence of attempts to use varied vocabulary, such as "controversy," "detrimental," "merits," "prospects," and "customs," which contribute to the essay’s overall lexical resource. However, some instances lack precision or sophistication, and there’s room for improvement in the selection and usage of more nuanced vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary further, aim for more precise and contextually fitting synonyms or alternatives. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advantages" and "disadvantages," explore synonyms like "benefits" and "drawbacks." Additionally, consider incorporating domain-specific vocabulary related to education and linguistics where appropriate to elevate the sophistication of expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively to convey ideas, but there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, "lots of parents" could be replaced with a more specific term like "many parents," and "job opportunities" might be refined to "career prospects" for greater precision. These instances don’t significantly hinder comprehension, but more precise word choices could enhance the clarity and impact of the arguments.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the specific nuances of words and choose vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Consider consulting a thesaurus or language references to find more precise alternatives for common words or expressions. Additionally, strive to use vocabulary that aligns closely with the context and tone of the essay to ensure coherence and effectiveness in communication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy overall. Most words are spelled correctly, with only a few minor errors, such as "homeworks" (should be "homework") and "merits" (should be "benefits"). While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they indicate areas where attention to detail could be improved.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling checkers and proofreading tools to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words and pay attention to feedback on spelling errors to avoid recurring mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing written work carefully for spelling accuracy can contribute to overall improvement in this area.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence length and complexity, contributing to readability. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences like "Recently, there has been much controversy about whether pupils in the early grades in some nations being taught foreign languages brings more benefits or drawbacks," as well as compound sentences such as "It is understandable why some people think teaching elementary school children a second language is detrimental."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. This could involve using conditional sentences, relative clauses, and passive voice constructions where appropriate. Additionally, strive for smoother transitions between sentences to improve coherence and flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates fairly accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that affect clarity. For example, "many students nowadays have a large number of homeworks" should be "much homework" or "many assignments," and "have a stable life with high salary" should be "have a stable life with a high salary."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and pluralization. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct such errors. Additionally, consider using punctuation marks such as commas and semicolons more effectively to clarify sentence structures and improve readability. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing writing with a focus on accuracy can also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, considerable debate has arisen regarding the practice of teaching foreign languages to students in the early years of schooling in some countries. The question of whether this yields more advantages or disadvantages is at the forefront of educational discussions. While it is acknowledged that there are some adverse effects associated with this practice, from my viewpoint, the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.

Some individuals argue that introducing second languages to children at a young age may pose a considerable challenge. They express concerns about the additional stress it may bring to students, especially considering the significant amount of homework many students already have to manage. For instance, in Vietnam, many parents are presumably concerned about the pressure that stems from adding another subject to their children’s curriculum.

Conversely, I firmly believe that the advantages of this trend are substantial. One notable benefit is that children enrolled in primary education can gain deeper insights into global cultural diversity. Learning additional languages plays a crucial role in connecting countries and allows students to access a wealth of information about other nations’ customs, peoples, and lifestyles. This understanding is particularly valuable for those who aspire to travel or study abroad. Moreover, proficiency in multiple languages opens up numerous job opportunities in fields such as marketing, diplomacy, and multimedia, among others, leading to stable careers with high salaries.

In conclusion, while it is acknowledged that students may face substantial pressure when tasked with learning new languages during their school years, the benefits they gain in terms of knowledge expansion and enhanced career prospects are undeniable. Therefore, I maintain that the advantages of this trend clearly outweigh its disadvantages.