in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In recent times, a significant shift has been observed in how citizens in their host nations choose accommodations. Rather than relying on peaceful countryside, an increasing number of population is turning to the life in the developing cities. This transformation has advantages and drawbacks in equal measure.
One of the most apparent benefits is providing an available and convenient life. With development of finance and modern technology, a vast number of products like foods, drinks, clothes, etc. can be purchased everywhere in the cities, and people do not need to go out for consumptions instead of ordering the manufactures by their phone or the Internet. Furthermore, there are many opportunities to find a high-salary job. If rural people have a challenge with having a stable employment, they should migrate to the big cities where not only offers a labor, but also provide employees with high salaries.
However, living in the city is not without its drawbacks. Firstly, urban life requests a costly living standard. To experience many good products and high-quality services, residences might afford a numerous money for their life. If they do not have a good enough job, they will be not able to remain longer. Secondly, urban people can face up to the pollution problems. Owning to many factories and industrials, atmosphere and water resources might not be fresh and clean, which leads to detrimental effects in people's inhabitant. While living in the countryside, humans can have a healthy environment and less pollutant than moving to the cities.
In conclusion, I posit that the life of citizens in the cities has its distinct merits and demerits.

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Errors and Improvements:

"In recent times" -> "Recently"
Explanation: "Recently" is more concise and maintains the formal tone without being overly wordy.
"citizens in their host nations choose accommodations" -> "individuals in their respective countries select their living arrangements"
Explanation: "Individuals in their respective countries select their living arrangements" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague term "accommodations" which can imply temporary lodging rather than permanent living situations.
"Rather than relying on peaceful countryside" -> "Instead of opting for the tranquility of rural areas"
Explanation: "Instead of opting for the tranquility of rural areas" provides a clearer and more academic contrast between urban and rural living preferences.
"an increasing number of population" -> "an increasing segment of the population"
Explanation: "Segment of the population" is the correct term for referring to parts of a population, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"providing an available and convenient life" -> "offering accessibility and convenience"
Explanation: "Offering accessibility and convenience" is more succinct and academically appropriate, avoiding the awkward and vague "available and convenient life."
"development of finance and modern technology" -> "advancements in finance and technology"
Explanation: "Advancements in finance and technology" is more precise and avoids the redundancy of "modern" with technology, which is inherently modern.
"foods, drinks, clothes, etc." -> "food, beverages, clothing, among others"
Explanation: Using the singular form of "food" and more formal alternatives like "beverages" and "clothing" enhances the academic tone. "Among others" is also more formal than "etc."
"do not need to go out for consumptions instead of ordering the manufactures by their phone or the Internet" -> "need not venture out for purchases but can instead order products via their phone or the internet"
Explanation: "Need not venture out for purchases but can instead order products" is a more formal and clear way of expressing the convenience of online shopping. "Manufactures" is incorrect in this context.
"a high-salary job" -> "a high-paying position"
Explanation: "High-paying position" is a more formal and appropriate term within an academic context.
"rural people" -> "individuals from rural areas"
Explanation: "Individuals from rural areas" is more precise and avoids the somewhat informal and potentially pejorative term "rural people."
"urban life requests a costly living standard" -> "urban living necessitates a higher cost of living"
Explanation: "Necessitates a higher cost of living" is more accurate and formal than "requests a costly living standard."
"residences might afford a numerous money for their life" -> "residents may need to allocate substantial funds for their living expenses"
Explanation: "Residents may need to allocate substantial funds for their living expenses" is clearer and more formally expresses the financial demands of urban living.
"urban people can face up to the pollution problems" -> "urban residents may confront pollution issues"
Explanation: "May confront pollution issues" is a more direct and academically suitable way of addressing the challenges faced by city dwellers.
"Owning to many factories and industrials" -> "Owing to numerous factories and industrial activities"
Explanation: Correcting "Owning" to "Owing" and using "numerous factories and industrial activities" enhances clarity and formality.
"detrimental effects in people’s inhabitant" -> "adverse effects on residents’ living conditions"
Explanation: "Adverse effects on residents’ living conditions" is more precise and appropriately academic, replacing the awkward and incorrect "in people’s inhabitant."
"less pollutant" -> "fewer pollutants"
Explanation: "Fewer pollutants" is grammatically correct when referring to countable items, improving the sentence’s accuracy and formality.
"I posit" -> "It is posited"
Explanation: Shifting to a passive voice with "It is posited" removes the first-person perspective, aligning with the objective tone expected in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the positive and negative aspects of rural to urban migration. It discusses the benefits such as convenience and job opportunities in cities, as well as the drawbacks like the high cost of living and pollution.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. Provide more specific examples or data to support the arguments made.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of rural to urban migration without showing bias towards one side.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the writer’s perspective on whether the trend is positive, negative, or both, and then provide strong arguments to support that stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately, but they lack depth and development. While the essay mentions benefits and drawbacks, there is limited elaboration on each point.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing specific examples, data, or anecdotes to illustrate the impact of rural to urban migration. Additionally, elaborate on the consequences of these trends to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the effects of rural to urban migration as prompted. However, there are minor instances where the connection to the topic could be strengthened.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph and supporting point directly relates to the impact of rural to urban migration on populations and communities. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains coherence, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed and supported arguments. By enhancing the depth of analysis and staying focused on the topic, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization of information. It begins with an introduction that outlines the shift from rural to urban living, followed by paragraphs discussing the advantages and disadvantages of city life. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs could be more structured and coherent. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of city life could start with a clear topic sentence outlining the advantages, followed by supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Transition phrases can also be used to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument, which aids readability. However, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear transitions between them, leading to a lack of coherence within paragraphs. For instance, the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of urban life discusses both the cost of living and pollution issues without a clear division between them.
- How to improve: Aim for each paragraph to focus on one main idea or aspect of the argument. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, then provide supporting details and examples to reinforce the argument. Use transition words and phrases to smoothly connect ideas within paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a limited range of cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore" and "However," to connect ideas. While these devices are used, their effectiveness in enhancing coherence could be improved. Additionally, the essay lacks variety in cohesive devices, relying mainly on transitional phrases at the beginning of sentences.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to include a variety of transition words and phrases such as "Moreover," "On the other hand," "In addition to," etc. Use these devices strategically to connect ideas within and between sentences, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they effectively guide the reader through the essay’s arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic. There is an attempt to introduce diverse vocabulary, such as "accommodations," "transformation," "drawbacks," "inhabitant," and "distinct." However, some phrases lack precision or clarity, impacting the overall effectiveness of lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary usage, aim for more precise and contextually appropriate terms. For instance, instead of "peaceful countryside," consider using descriptors like "rural landscapes" or "tranquil rural areas." Additionally, diversify the vocabulary further by incorporating synonyms and avoiding repetition (e.g., "high-salary job" can be replaced with "lucrative employment opportunities").
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use vocabulary precisely, there are instances of imprecise or awkward phrasing that detract from clarity. For example, "Rather than relying on peaceful countryside" could be more precisely stated as "Instead of depending solely on rural settings." Additionally, "if they do not have a good enough job, they will be not able to remain longer" could be revised to "Without adequate employment opportunities, individuals may struggle to sustain their urban lifestyle."
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the specific meanings and connotations of words and phrases. Consider whether alternatives could convey your intended message more effectively. Utilize dictionaries and thesauruses to explore nuanced vocabulary choices that align closely with your intended expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy, with only minor errors noted. However, there are instances of misspelled words, such as "industrials" (should be "industries") and "habitant" (should be "habitat"). These errors slightly detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary can aid in recognizing and recalling correct spellings of words. Regular practice in writing and spelling can also enhance proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of structures, including complex sentences ("Rather than relying on peaceful countryside, an increasing number of population is turning to the life in the developing cities") and conditional sentences ("If rural people have a challenge with having a stable employment, they should migrate to the big cities where not only offers a labor, but also provide employees with high salaries").
- How to improve: To further enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and compound-complex sentences. Additionally, strive to vary the beginnings of sentences to avoid repetitiveness.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, there are several instances where improvements can be made. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("an increasing number of population is turning"), article usage ("a numerous money"), and sentence structure complexity ("If rural people have a challenge with having a stable employment, they should migrate to the big cities where not only offers a labor, but also provide employees with high salaries").
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Pay attention to the correct usage of articles ("a," "an," "the") and work on constructing more complex sentences with clear structures.

Overall, to improve your score in this criterion, strive for greater accuracy in grammar and punctuation, while also diversifying your sentence structures to enhance the overall clarity and coherence of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there has been a noticeable shift in how individuals in their respective countries select their living arrangements. Instead of opting for the tranquility of rural areas, an increasing segment of the population is opting for urban living, which offers accessibility and convenience. This transformation has both advantages and drawbacks.

One of the most apparent benefits is the availability and convenience of urban life. With advancements in finance and technology, individuals need not venture out for purchases but can instead order products via their phone or the internet. Additionally, there are numerous opportunities to secure high-paying positions in urban areas. For those facing challenges in finding stable employment in rural areas, migrating to cities not only offers employment opportunities but also the prospect of higher salaries.

However, urban living necessitates a higher cost of living. Residents may need to allocate substantial funds for their living expenses to access a wide range of goods and services. Without a sufficiently high-paying job, sustaining life in the city may become challenging. Furthermore, urban residents may confront pollution issues. Owing to numerous factories and industrial activities, the atmosphere and water resources in cities may not be as clean as those in rural areas, leading to adverse effects on residents’ living conditions. In contrast, rural areas typically have fewer pollutants, providing a healthier environment.

In conclusion, while urban life offers distinct merits such as convenience and job opportunities, it also comes with drawbacks such as high living costs and pollution concerns.