Travelling is one of the most popular recreational activities we have. Some people like to travel alone while others like to travel with a group of people.

Nowadays, We have many ways relax after working hard such as traveling, visiting hometown, going pagodas ,ect. Among many recreational activities, most people choose travelling to healing them. to travel is one of the most popular recreational activities. There are two opinions that you can go alone or go with a group. In my opinion, I prefer travelling with a group to travelling alone.
Firstly, travelling with a group is safer. We can protect each other stay safe as we stay together. During we arrive and go travel, we can assure that we can safe all time, there are many dangerous things can appear anytime such as stealing, accidents, get lost,..So at this time, the friends who will do us a favor and protect from dangerous situations
Secondly, we will have many memories together and strenthen group bonds. All of us won't be alone and bored that we can play games, play cards, take photos or have meals together. We can understand each others better and get on well together. During going travel, we can show our knowledge about the place we go and share unforgetable memories together such as the first time we can see a beatiful sceney, a pretty voice,..That will be joyful if there are friends around to cheer us up.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Nowadays, We have many ways relax" -> "Currently, there are numerous methods to relax"
Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays, We have many ways relax" with "Currently, there are numerous methods to relax" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality by using "numerous methods" instead of "many ways".
"such as traveling, visiting hometown, going pagodas ,ect." -> "such as traveling, visiting one’s hometown, and going to pagodas."
Explanation: Correcting "going pagodas ,ect." to "and going to pagodas." fixes the grammatical errors, removes the informal abbreviation "ect." (for "etc."), and uses the more formal conjunction "and".
"most people choose travelling to healing them." -> "many individuals opt for travel as a form of healing."
Explanation: Changing "most people choose travelling to healing them" to "many individuals opt for travel as a form of healing" improves the sentence by avoiding the informal phrase "choose traveling to healing them" and using the more formal "opt for travel as a form of healing".
"you can go alone or go with a group." -> "one may travel alone or in a group."
Explanation: Replacing "you can go alone or go with a group" with "one may travel alone or in a group" shifts from the informal second-person "you" to the impersonal "one", enhancing the academic tone.
"We can protect each other stay safe" -> "We can ensure each other’s safety"
Explanation: Changing "We can protect each other stay safe" to "We can ensure each other’s safety" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more precise language.
"there are many dangerous things can appear anytime" -> "various hazards may arise at any moment"
Explanation: Replacing "there are many dangerous things can appear anytime" with "various hazards may arise at any moment" refines the sentence by using "various hazards" and the more formal phrase "may arise at any moment".
"the friends who will do us a favor and protect from dangerous situations" -> "companions who will assist and protect us in perilous situations"
Explanation: Changing "the friends who will do us a favor and protect from dangerous situations" to "companions who will assist and protect us in perilous situations" enhances formality and clarity by using "companions" and "perilous situations".
"strenthen group bonds" -> "strengthen group bonds"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error in "strenthen" to "strengthen" for accuracy.
"All of us won’t be alone and bored" -> "None of us will feel isolated or bored"
Explanation: Replacing "All of us won’t be alone and bored" with "None of us will feel isolated or bored" improves the sentence by using more precise language and avoiding the double negative structure.
"we can play games, play cards, take photos or have meals together." -> "we can engage in activities such as playing games, card games, taking photographs, or dining together."
Explanation: Changing "we can play games, play cards, take photos or have meals together." to "we can engage in activities such as playing games, card games, taking photographs, or dining together." enhances the description by specifying the types of games and using the more formal "dining" instead of "have meals".
"unforgetable memories" -> "unforgettable memories"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error in "unforgetable" to "unforgettable" for accuracy.
"a beatiful sceney, a pretty voice,.." -> "a beautiful scenery, a pleasant sound,"
Explanation: Correcting spelling errors "beatiful" to "beautiful" and "sceney" to "scenery", and replacing "a pretty voice" with "a pleasant sound" for clarity and to avoid ambiguity. Also, removing the informal ".." at the end.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the options of traveling alone or with a group. It mentions the preference for traveling with a group and provides reasons for this choice.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each point is expanded upon with more detail and clarity. Additionally, the essay could consider discussing the benefits of traveling alone to provide a more balanced argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring traveling with a group throughout. The preference is stated in the introduction and elaborated upon in the subsequent paragraphs.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, ensure that it is reinforced in each paragraph to avoid any ambiguity. Additionally, provide stronger transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about safety and camaraderie when traveling with a group. However, the development of these ideas lacks depth, and examples provided are somewhat vague.
- How to improve: To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on each point. Additionally, consider incorporating personal experiences or anecdotes to make the argument more compelling and relatable.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the advantages of traveling with a group as opposed to alone. However, there are some instances of minor deviations, such as briefly mentioning other recreational activities.
- How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the advantages of traveling with a group. Avoid introducing tangential topics that do not contribute to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed and supported arguments. By incorporating specific examples and staying more focused on the topic, the essay could strengthen its coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic of traveling and outlines the two opinions regarding traveling alone or with a group. The body paragraphs present two main reasons supporting the preference for traveling with a group: safety and creating memories. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence followed by supporting details.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and that ideas are presented in a logical order. Additionally, use transitions to connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure could be improved for better clarity and effectiveness. Each paragraph attempts to discuss a separate point, but there is some overlap and lack of coherence within paragraphs.
- How to improve: Consider revising the paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Use supporting details to develop the main idea and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," and "Secondly," to indicate the order of ideas. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices used, and some are not used correctly (e.g., "to travel is one of the most popular recreational activities").
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used, such as pronouns ("we," "us"), conjunctions ("so," "but"), and transitional phrases ("in my opinion," "as we stay together") to improve the flow and coherence of the essay. Ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly to connect ideas effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas logically and use cohesive devices, there is room for improvement in both areas. Focus on improving paragraph structure and coherence through clearer topic sentences and effective use of cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating some varied terms such as "recreational activities," "pagodas," "strenthen," "unforgetable," and "sceney." However, there is room for improvement in terms of breadth and sophistication. For instance, the vocabulary could be enriched by incorporating more diverse synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology related to travel and recreation.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. This could involve utilizing synonyms for commonly used words, exploring idiomatic expressions related to travel, and incorporating specialized vocabulary specific to recreational activities. Additionally, aim to use context-appropriate vocabulary consistently throughout the essay to maintain clarity and coherence.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas effectively, there are instances where vocabulary could be used more precisely to convey intended meanings. For example, phrases like "going pagodas" and "a beatiful sceney" contain imprecise vocabulary ("pagodas" should be "to pagodas" or "visit pagodas," and "scenery" is misspelled). These inaccuracies detract slightly from the overall clarity and precision of the language used.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, it’s essential to pay attention to the specific meanings and contexts of words and phrases. Proofreading for errors such as misspellings and grammatical inaccuracies is crucial. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary repertoire through reading diverse materials and practicing using new words and expressions in context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally adequate level of spelling accuracy. However, there are several instances of misspellings and typographical errors throughout, such as "ect" instead of "etc," "strenthen" instead of "strengthen," and "beatiful" instead of "beautiful." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they do detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools and proofreading your writing carefully before submission. Additionally, practice spelling commonly used words and pay close attention to irregular spellings and patterns. Reading widely can also help reinforce correct spelling conventions and enhance overall language proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There are instances of sentence variety, such as the use of compound sentences ("Nowadays, We have many ways relax after working hard such as traveling, visiting hometown, going pagodas, etc.") and complex sentences ("During we arrive and go travel, we can assure that we can safe all time, there are many dangerous things can appear anytime such as stealing, accidents, get lost,…"). However, there is room for improvement in diversifying structures further to enhance coherence and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, strive to incorporate a more diverse array of sentence types, such as compound-complex sentences, inverted sentences, and parallel structures. Additionally, vary sentence beginnings and lengths to maintain reader engagement and clarity. For example, consider integrating relative clauses, participial phrases, and appositives to provide additional information and nuance to your sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, with some errors present throughout the text. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ("Nowadays, We have many ways relax after working hard such as traveling…") and punctuation errors (missing commas, misuse of ellipses). Despite these errors, the overall communication remains comprehensible.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the appropriate use of articles. Review basic punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in compound sentences and the correct placement of ellipses. Additionally, proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct any grammatical errors before submission. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to refine your writing further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, there are numerous methods to relax after a hard day’s work, such as traveling, visiting one’s hometown, or going to pagodas. Among these recreational activities, many individuals opt for travel as a form of healing. One may choose to travel alone or in a group. Personally, I prefer traveling with a group over traveling alone.

Firstly, traveling with a group ensures safety. We can ensure each other’s safety by staying together. Various hazards may arise at any moment during our travels, such as theft, accidents, or getting lost. Having companions who will assist and protect us in perilous situations is invaluable.

Secondly, traveling with a group allows us to create many memories together and strengthen group bonds. None of us will feel isolated or bored as we can engage in activities such as playing games, card games, taking photographs, or dining together. This shared experience helps us understand each other better and fosters camaraderie. Additionally, during our travels, we can share unforgettable memories such as witnessing a beautiful scenery or hearing a pleasant sound for the first time. Having friends around to share these moments makes them even more joyful.