Task 1: The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries.

The table compares the percentage of women working in human force and administration section in Australia, Egypt, Sri Lanka, Japan, and the United States.
Overall, Australia is the only country where female managers are employed more than female workers. In addition, the biggest gap in percentage between female employees and female employers can be seen in Sri Lanka.
In Australia, Egypt, and the United States, the gaps between the two work groups are inconsiderable. Both female employees and employers account for more than two-fifths in Australia, and it is the sole country where the share of female employers (43%) is more than that of female workers (42%). Additionally, women who work in the USA are recorded with 46%, more than 3% compared to those who work in the management sector. The same pattern can be seen in Egypt, with 20% work in the labor force compared to only under 10% in administrating.
On the other hand, the disparities are much more visible in Sri Lanka and Japan. There is a 33% gap between women in the labor force (42%) and management (9%) in Sri Lanka, and a 31% gap between female workers (48%) and management (17%) in Japan.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"human force" -> "workforce"
Explanation: "Workforce" is a more common and appropriate term for referring to the collective employees of an organization or a country.
"female managers are employed more than female workers" -> "female managers outnumber female workers"
Explanation: "Outnumber" is a more precise and natural way to express the idea that there are more female managers than female workers in Australia.
"In Australia, Egypt, and the United States, the gaps between the two work groups are inconsiderable." -> "In Australia, Egypt, and the United States, the gaps between the two workforce segments are relatively small."
Explanation: "Inconsiderable" implies that the gaps are insignificant, which might not be the intended meaning. "Relatively small" is a more accurate description.
"Both female employees and employers account for more than two-fifths in Australia, and it is the sole country where the share of female employers (43%) is more than that of female workers (42%)." -> "In Australia, both female employees and employers constitute more than two-fifths of the workforce, making it the only country where the proportion of female employers (43%) exceeds that of female workers (42%)."
Explanation: The original sentence is slightly awkward and can be clarified by rephrasing it for better flow and coherence.
"Additionally, women who work in the USA are recorded with 46%, more than 3% compared to those who work in the management sector." -> "Furthermore, women in the USA make up 46% of the workforce, which is over 3% higher than the proportion of women in managerial positions."
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and can be improved by specifying the comparison between women in the overall workforce and those in managerial positions.
"The same pattern can be seen in Egypt, with 20% work in the labor force compared to only under 10% in administrating." -> "A similar trend is observed in Egypt, where 20% work in the labor force, while less than 10% are in administrative roles."
Explanation: "Administrating" is not commonly used to refer to administrative roles. "Administrative" is the correct term.
"There is a 33% gap between women in the labor force (42%) and management (9%) in Sri Lanka, and a 31% gap between female workers (48%) and management (17%) in Japan." -> "Sri Lanka exhibits a 33% disparity between women in the labor force (42%) and those in management (9%), while Japan shows a 31% difference between female workers (48%) and managerial positions (17%)."
Explanation: The sentence can be restructured for clarity, specifying the countries and the respective disparities between female workers and managerial positions.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the proportion of women in the workforce and in management positions across five different countries. It presents key features such as the comparison between female employees and female employers in each country and highlights the disparities in percentages effectively.
How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide a more detailed explanation of the data presented, such as discussing possible reasons for the observed trends or exploring implications of the disparities between female workers and managers in different countries. Additionally, ensuring that all data is accurately represented without any inaccuracies or misleading information would enhance the essay’s clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: Band Score: 7Band Score: 7

Band Score: 6Band Score: 7

ExplanationBand Score: 6.0Band Score**: 7

Explanation**Band Score**: 6.0

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
Band Score: 6.0

**Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essayBand Score: 6.0

ExplanationBand Score**: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstratesBand Score: 6.0

Explanation:Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates aBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: TheBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clearBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essayBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organizationBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arrBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization ofBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arrangesBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of informationBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, startingBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherentlyBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with anBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently,Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introductionBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overviewBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of theBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforceBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the tableBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition inBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the table andBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition in differentBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the table and providesBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition in different countriesBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the table and provides anBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition in different countries.Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the table and provides an overviewBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition in different countries. ItBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the table and provides an overview ofBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition in different countries. It progressesBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the table and provides an overview of theBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition in different countries. It progresses logicallyBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the table and provides an overview of the dataBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition in different countries. It progresses logically from discussingBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the table and provides an overview of the data.Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition in different countries. It progresses logically from discussing eachBand Score: 7

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing an overview of the workforce composition in different countries. It progresses logically from discussing each country’s statistics to comparing the disparities. Cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. However, there are instances where cohesion could be improved, such as clearerBand Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, starting with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the table and provides an overview of the data. The body paragraphs follow a logical progression, discussing each country’s statistics in turn. Transitions between countries help maintain coherence and cohesion, guiding the reader smoothly through the comparison. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices, such as comparison phrases ("On the otherBand Score: 6.0

Band Score: 7

HowBand Score**: 7

How toBand Score**: 7

How to improve:Band Score: 7

How to improve: ToBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhanceBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherenceBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence andBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion,Band Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensureBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smootherBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitionsBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentencesBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphsBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.Band Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. UseBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use moreBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use more variedBand Score: 7

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use more varied cohesive devicesBand Score: 7

Band Score: 6.0

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use more varied cohesive devices toBand Score: 7

However,Band Score: 6.0

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use more varied cohesive devices to strengthen theBand Score: 7

However, thereBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use more varied cohesive devices to strengthen the connectionsBand Score: 7

However, there areBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instancesBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where theBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the useBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use ofBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use more varied cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between ideas. Additionally, focus onBand Score: 7

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devicesBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices couldBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could beBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improvedBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved forBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for a higherBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for a higher scoreBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for a higher score.Band Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for a higher score. ForBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for a higher score. For example,Band Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for a higher score. For example, theBand Score: 6.0

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for a higher score. For example, the transitionBand Score: 6.0

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering key terms such as "proportion," "workforce," "administration section," and the names of the countries analyzed. Additionally, it attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "disparities" and "inconsiderable," although there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay provides a clear overview of the data presented in the table, describing the proportions of female workers and managers in each country. However, there are instances of repetitive language use, such as "female employees" and "female employers," which could be improved for better lexical variety.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, strive for greater diversity in vocabulary usage. Instead of repeating phrases like "female employees" and "female employers," try using synonyms or alternative expressions to avoid redundancy. Additionally, pay close attention to word choice and collocation to ensure accuracy and fluency in conveying precise meanings. Consider incorporating a wider range of lexical items relevant to the topic, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the subject matter. Finally, proofread the essay to correct any errors in spelling and word formation, ensuring clarity and coherence in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with a decent attempt at presenting data. It covers the main points and provides comparisons between countries regarding the proportion of female workers and managers. The essay contains some grammatical errors and punctuation issues, but they do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve:

Work on sentence structures to achieve greater complexity and variety.
Pay closer attention to punctuation to enhance clarity and readability.
Review grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage.
Provide a more cohesive analysis by connecting the points more smoothly.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates the proportion of women in the workforce and managerial positions across five different nations, namely Australia, Egypt, Sri Lanka, Japan, and the United States.

Overall, Australia stands out as the sole country where the number of female managers surpasses that of female workers. Conversely, the most significant disparity between the two categories is observed in Sri Lanka.

In Australia, Egypt, and the United States, the disparities between female employees and female managers are relatively minor. In Australia, both categories constitute more than two-fifths of the workforce, with females comprising 43% of managers compared to 42% of workers. Similarly, in the United States, 46% of the workforce is female, slightly exceeding the 43% employed in managerial roles. Egypt follows a similar pattern, with 20% of females in the workforce compared to just under 10% in managerial positions.

Conversely, the gaps between female workers and managers are more pronounced in Sri Lanka and Japan. In Sri Lanka, there is a notable 33% difference between females in the workforce (42%) and those in managerial roles (9%). Similarly, in Japan, the proportion of female workers (48%) significantly outweighs the 17% employed as managers.