The table below gives information on visitor statistics for 1996,1998 and 2000 for various World Heritage sites in Australia.

The chart illustrates how many visitors traveled to different world heritage sites in Australia from 1996 to 2000.
Overall, there was a decrease in the number of people traveling to Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve while the opposite pattern was true for the other five sites, with Great Barrier Reef witnessing the most dramatic rise. In addition, Macquarie Island had the lowest figure over the period.
The number of visitors in Great Barrier Reef began at 167600 people in 1996, after which it experienced a growth to 2950000 people before ending the period at 3200000 people. Similar changes, but to a lesser extent, can be seen in the figures for Blue Mountains and Tasmania Wilderness, which had climbed significantly to 581000 people and 48300 people respectively.
Approximately 840000 people visited Shark Bay, with a subsequent rise to 890000 people in the final year. Conversely, the figures for Central Eastern and Macquire Island saw similar changes, dropping moderately to 581000 people and 330 people in that order in 2000

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Errors and Improvements:

"the chart illustrates" -> "the chart delineates"
Explanation: Replacing "illustrates" with "delineates" conveys a more precise description of what the chart does, which is to clearly show or outline detailed information.
"visitors traveled" -> "visitors journeyed"
Explanation: "Journeyed" is a more specific and evocative term than "traveled," enhancing the description of the movement of visitors to these sites.
"world heritage sites" -> "World Heritage sites"
Explanation: "World Heritage" should be capitalized as it refers to specific sites recognized by UNESCO, which is a proper noun.
"there was a decrease" -> "there was a decline"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more formal and precise term than "decrease" when referring to statistical changes over time.
"the number of people traveling" -> "the volume of visitors"
Explanation: "The volume of visitors" is a more sophisticated expression that conveys the same meaning more succinctly and formally.
"witnessing the most dramatic rise" -> "experiencing the most significant escalation"
Explanation: "Experiencing the most significant escalation" provides a more formal and precise description of the increase, emphasizing both the importance and the scale.
"had the lowest figure" -> "registered the lowest tally"
Explanation: "Registered the lowest tally" employs more formal language and provides a clearer, more precise description of the statistical observation.
"began at" -> "commenced with"
Explanation: "Commenced with" offers a more formal and precise start point in a statistical context than "began at."
"after which it experienced a growth" -> "subsequently undergoing an expansion"
Explanation: "Subsequently undergoing an expansion" is a more formal and precise way of indicating the sequence and nature of growth.
"Similar changes, but to a lesser extent" -> "Comparable alterations, albeit less pronounced"
Explanation: "Comparable alterations, albeit less pronounced" uses more formal language and precisely conveys that the changes were similar but not as extensive.
"climbed significantly" -> "ascended markedly"
Explanation: "Ascended markedly" employs more formal vocabulary to describe a significant increase, enhancing the sophistication of the narrative.
"Approximately" -> "Roughly"
Explanation: While both terms are used to indicate an estimate, "approximately" is slightly more formal and precise than "roughly," which is more suitable for academic or analytical writing.
"with a subsequent rise" -> "culminating in an increase"
Explanation: "Culminating in an increase" provides a more formal and conclusive description of the statistical progression.
"dropping moderately" -> "decreasing modestly"
Explanation: "Decreasing modestly" is a more precise and formal way to describe a slight reduction, better suiting the analytical tone of the essay.
"in that order" -> "respectively"
Explanation: Using "respectively" streamlines the sentence, maintaining clarity while employing more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the visitor statistics for various World Heritage sites in Australia from 1996 to 2000. It presents a clear overview of the main trends, including the decrease in visitors to Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve and the increase in visitors to the other five sites, notably the Great Barrier Reef. Key features and bullet points are clearly presented and highlighted, such as the varying visitor numbers across the sites and the changes over the specified period.
How to improve: To enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider providing more specific details about the visitor statistics, such as exact numbers for each year at each site. Additionally, ensure that the language used is precise and accurate throughout the essay. More comprehensive analysis of the data trends could also strengthen the response.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents a generally coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, allowing for a clear progression of ideas. The writer effectively outlines the main trends observed in the data, including both increases and decreases in visitor numbers across various World Heritage sites in Australia. There is a logical flow in the presentation of information, with each paragraph focusing on a different site and its visitor statistics over the given period.

However, there are instances where cohesion could be improved. For example, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing or grammatical errors, which slightly affects the readability of the essay.

How to improve:

Work on improving the flow of the essay by ensuring smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using cohesive devices such as transitional words and phrases.
Revise sentences for clarity and coherence, ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the overall understanding of the essay.
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy to avoid any confusion or ambiguity in the presentation of ideas.
Consider restructuring sentences or paragraphs where necessary to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

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Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabularyBand Score: 6.0

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Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for theBand Score: 6.0

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The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabularyBand Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the taskBand Score: 6.0

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Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task,Band Score: 6.0

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The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the taskBand Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering theBand Score: 6.0

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The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task,Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessaryBand Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering termsBand Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary terminologyBand Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering terms relatedBand Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary terminology related toBand Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering terms related to tourismBand Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary terminology related to visitor statisticsBand Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering terms related to tourism, statisticsBand Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary terminology related to visitor statistics andBand Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering terms related to tourism, statistics,Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary terminology related to visitor statistics and world heritageBand Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering terms related to tourism, statistics, andBand Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary terminology related to visitor statistics and world heritage sitesBand Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering terms related to tourism, statistics, and geographicalBand Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary terminology related to visitor statistics and world heritage sites.Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
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Explanation:
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Explanation:
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Band Score: 6

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To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetitionBand Score: 6

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To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetition.Band Score: 6

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To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetition. Ensure consistencyBand Score: 6

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To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetition. Ensure consistency in the use ofBand Score: 6

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To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetition. Ensure consistency in the use of termsBand Score: 6

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To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetition. Ensure consistency in the use of terms throughoutBand Score: 6

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To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetition. Ensure consistency in the use of terms throughout theBand Score: 6

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To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetition. Ensure consistency in the use of terms throughout the essay.Band Score: 6

Band Score: 6.0

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To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetition. Ensure consistency in the use of terms throughout the essay. Additionally, proofreading for minor spelling and word formation errors would enhance the overallBand Score: 6

How to improve: To improve theBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To improve the LexicalBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To improve the Lexical ResourceBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource scoreBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, aimBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, aim toBand Score: 6.0

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How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, aim to incorporate aBand Score: 6.0

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How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary throughout theBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary throughout the essayBand Score: 6.0

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How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary throughout the essay. Consider usingBand Score: 6.0

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, utilizing a variety of complex sentence structures effectively. There is a consistent attempt to use diverse grammatical structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. The essay effectively presents information using appropriate verb tenses and sentence structures. Minor errors occur sporadically, but they do not significantly impede understanding or communication.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining the use of complex sentence structures and ensuring consistency in punctuation. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence clarity to minimize minor errors. Additionally, strive for precision in expression to convey ideas with utmost clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table delineates visitor statistics for various World Heritage sites in Australia spanning the years 1996, 1998, and 2000.

Overall, there was a discernible decline in the number of visitors to the Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve, contrasting with a notable surge in attendance at the remaining five sites, most notably the Great Barrier Reef. Macquarie Island consistently registered the lowest visitor count throughout the period.

Commencing with the Great Barrier Reef, visitor numbers commenced at 1,676,000 in 1996, experiencing a substantial escalation to 2,950,000 by 1998, and concluding the period at 3,200,000. A comparable but less pronounced trend is evident in the figures for the Blue Mountains and Tasmania Wilderness, which witnessed significant increases to 581,000 and 48,300 visitors respectively.

Approximately 840,000 individuals visited Shark Bay in 1996, with a subsequent rise to 890,000 by 2000. Conversely, both Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve and Macquarie Island witnessed declines, dropping moderately to 581,000 and 330 visitors respectively by the end of the period.