In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others Is it a positive or negative development?

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others
Is it a positive or negative development?

The widespread popularity of the internet in the past few decades has created favorable conditions for the mushrooming of non-in-person interactions. This essay attempts to shed light on both the demerits and merits of this tendency before concluding that it is likely to involve more profound beneficial impacts.
On the one hand, the demerits of the usefulness of the internet cannot be questionable. The most obvious disadvantage is that technological overuse could affect users’ health dramatically. To be more specific, these days, people tend to spend extensive hours each day engaged with smartphones or computers in order to shop, work and communicate with others. As a result, it gives rise to a massive number of serious health problems, especially the mental ones. For example, users who always spend an extended period of time glued to the screen are more likely to lose interest in face-to-face contact with others, therefore, it could be easy to get several mental diseases such as autism, depression, which make users find it more difficult to integrate into society.
However, I would agree that these drawbacks are outweighed by the advantages. Firstly, one of the primary benefits relates to convenience. It is undeniable that thanks to the convenience of the internet, people are able to do anything they want right in their own space. For instance, during the social distancing period of the covid-19 pandemic, the internet has asserted its position as a pivotal part of our life as well as giving us chance to communicate with others despite of the long distance, to earn money by online working, or to be more accessible to a massive number of news about the pandemic. Another plus point is that the widespread use of the internet could be beneficial to the environment. Indeed, by staying at home and doing every activity through the internet, people do not need to use vehicles. Therefore, all the carbon emission and fumes released from these means of transport could witness a significant decreasing tendency, leading to a better atmosphere for the environment.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the possible benefits of the internet are more significant than the potential dangers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "mushrooming of non-in-person interactions" -> "proliferation of virtual interactions"
   Explanation: The term "mushrooming" is too informal and metaphorical for an academic context. "Proliferation" is a more precise and formal term. Additionally, "virtual interactions" is a clearer and more specific term than "non-in-person interactions."

2. "demerits and merits" -> "disadvantages and advantages"
   Explanation: While "demerits" and "merits" are not incorrect, "disadvantages" and "advantages" are more commonly used in academic writing, making them more suitable for maintaining a formal tone.

3. "cannot be questionable" -> "are undeniable"
   Explanation: The phrase "cannot be questionable" is awkward and less direct than "are undeniable," which is more straightforward and academically appropriate.

4. "affect users’ health dramatically" -> "have a significant impact on users’ health"
   Explanation: The adverb "dramatically" can imply a sense of drama that may not be suitable for academic writing. "Have a significant impact" is a more formal and precise way to express the same idea.

5. "gives rise to a massive number" -> "leads to a considerable number"
   Explanation: "Massive" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Considerable" is more formal and fitting for an academic context.

6. "mental diseases such as autism, depression" -> "mental health conditions such as autism and depression"
   Explanation: "Diseases" is not the correct term for conditions like autism and depression; "mental health conditions" is more accurate and respectful.

7. "it could be easy to get several mental diseases" -> "individuals may be more susceptible to various mental health conditions"
   Explanation: The original phrase is informal and imprecise. The suggested replacement is more formal and accurately reflects the increased risk without implying ease of acquisition.

8. "thanks to the convenience of the internet" -> "owing to the internet’s convenience"
   Explanation: "Thanks to" is too informal for academic writing. "Owing to" is more formal and suitable for expressing causation.

9. "do anything they want right in their own space" -> "perform a variety of activities from their personal spaces"
   Explanation: The original phrase is too colloquial and vague. The suggested replacement is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style.

10. "despite of the long distance" -> "despite the long distances"
    Explanation: "Despite of" is incorrect; the correct phrase is "despite." Additionally, "the long distances" is more grammatically correct in this context.

11. "to earn money by online working" -> "to generate income through online work"
    Explanation: "Online working" is informal and awkward. "Generate income through online work" is more formal and clearly conveys the idea.

12. "a massive number of news" -> "an extensive amount of information"
    Explanation: "A massive number of news" is awkward and imprecise. "An extensive amount of information" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

13. "carbon emission and fumes released from these means of transport" -> "carbon emissions and pollutants emitted by these modes of transportation"
    Explanation: "Carbon emission and fumes" is less precise than "carbon emissions and pollutants." Also, "modes of transportation" is more formal and specific than "means of transport."

14. "witness a significant decreasing tendency" -> "experience a significant decrease"
    Explanation: "Witness a significant decreasing tendency" is awkward and unnecessarily complex. "Experience a significant decrease" is more direct and suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the positive and negative aspects of living in a world where face-to-face interactions are replaced by online interactions. It discusses the drawbacks such as potential health issues due to technological overuse and the loss of face-to-face contact. Additionally, it highlights the benefits including convenience and positive environmental impacts.
  • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, the essay could provide more specific examples and delve deeper into the implications of these positive and negative aspects. For instance, elaborating on the psychological impact of reduced face-to-face contact and providing statistical evidence would strengthen the analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that the benefits of internet usage outweigh the drawbacks. This position is evident from the beginning to the end of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer could strengthen the thesis statement by explicitly stating their stance in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. Additionally, providing more nuanced arguments or addressing potential counterarguments could further solidify the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas reasonably well, with clear examples supporting each point. For instance, it provides examples of how the internet facilitates communication and work during the COVID-19 pandemic. However, some ideas could be extended with further elaboration.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should expand on each point by providing more detailed explanations or offering additional examples. This would strengthen the arguments and make them more convincing to the reader.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the positive and negative aspects of living without face-to-face contact due to internet usage. However, there are minor instances where the focus could be sharper.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and refrain from introducing tangential ideas. Additionally, revisiting the essay’s main argument throughout would help to reinforce its relevance to the topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, strengthening arguments, and maintaining focus throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of information, with clear progression from introduction to body paragraphs and conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument or viewpoint, contributing to the overall discussion of the topic. For instance, the introduction sets up the discussion by mentioning both the positive and negative aspects of non-in-person interactions, followed by separate paragraphs elaborating on these points. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reaffirms the author’s stance.
  • How to improve: While the organization is generally effective, ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs could enhance coherence further. Utilizing transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas more explicitly would aid in guiding the reader through the essay’s progression.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to structure ideas, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. Paragraphs begin with topic sentences that introduce the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. This paragraph structure enhances readability and helps maintain focus on individual arguments.
  • How to improve: While the essay effectively uses paragraphs, there is room for improvement in paragraph length and unity. Some paragraphs could be more concise, focusing on presenting one main idea or argument to avoid potential reader confusion or loss of coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns are utilized to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. Examples include "on the one hand," "however," "firstly," "another plus point," and "in conclusion." These devices contribute to the smooth flow of the essay and aid in guiding the reader through the argumentative structure.
  • How to improve: While the essay incorporates cohesive devices effectively, diversifying the range of devices used could enhance cohesion further. Introducing a wider variety of transitions and connectors would enrich the essay’s linguistic cohesion, making the progression of ideas even more seamless for the reader.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization, effective use of paragraphs, and appropriate incorporation of cohesive devices. To improve further, the author should focus on refining transitions between paragraphs and diversifying the range of cohesive devices utilized.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary usage. There is evidence of varied lexical choices throughout the essay, such as "mushrooming," "demerits," "pivotal," and "asserted," which contribute to the depth of expression and conveyance of ideas. For example, the use of "mushrooming" effectively conveys the rapid expansion of non-in-person interactions facilitated by the internet. Similarly, phrases like "serious health problems" and "massive number of news" exhibit a broad lexical range.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary specific to the topic. For instance, instead of using "serious health problems," consider employing terms like "adverse health ramifications" to elevate the sophistication of expression. Additionally, varying the sentence structures and employing idiomatic expressions could enrich the vocabulary further.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For instance, the usage of "mental diseases" accurately communicates the concept of psychological disorders resulting from excessive internet usage. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "health problems" is quite broad and could benefit from more specific terms like "health ailments" or "medical conditions" for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, strive to select words that precisely capture the intended meaning. Avoid using generic terms where more specific vocabulary can be employed. Additionally, utilizing domain-specific terminology related to health and technology could add nuance and precision to the discussion.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with few notable errors observed. However, there are instances of misspelled words, such as "questionable" (should be "questioned"), "facilitated" (incorrect spelling), and "dangers" (spelled as "danagers"). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns and practicing spellings of frequently used words can help reinforce accurate spelling habits.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in employing a variety of sentence structures. For instance, it utilizes complex sentences, such as "The widespread popularity of the internet in the past few decades has created favorable conditions for the mushrooming of non-in-person interactions," which effectively convey ideas with depth and complexity. Moreover, there is a mixture of compound and compound-complex sentences throughout the essay, enhancing its coherence and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider integrating more rhetorical devices like parallelism, inversion, or conditional sentences. Additionally, varying the lengths of sentences can contribute to a more engaging and dynamic writing style. For instance, shorter sentences can be used for emphasis or clarity, while longer sentences can convey intricate ideas or elaborate explanations.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as in the sentence: "The most obvious disadvantage is that technological overuse could affect users’ health dramatically." Here, the adverb "dramatically" should ideally follow the verb "affect," rather than the noun "health," for clearer syntax. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, like missing commas after introductory phrases, as seen in: "However, I would agree that these drawbacks are outweighed by the advantages."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the placement of modifiers. Proofreading carefully can help catch and rectify punctuation errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting grammatical inaccuracies effectively. Additionally, revisiting grammatical rules related to sentence structure and syntax can reinforce understanding and application in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The proliferation of virtual interactions in the modern era has led to significant changes in how people conduct their daily activities. This essay aims to examine both the advantages and disadvantages of this trend, ultimately arguing that its positive impacts outweigh the negative ones.

On one hand, it is undeniable that there are drawbacks to excessive internet use. A notable disadvantage is the potential impact on users’ health. Nowadays, individuals often spend extensive amounts of time on their smartphones or computers, utilizing them for shopping, work, and communication. This prolonged screen time has been linked to various mental health conditions such as autism and depression. Moreover, it may lead to a decreased interest in face-to-face interactions, making it more challenging for individuals to integrate into society.

However, despite these concerns, the advantages of internet usage cannot be overlooked. Firstly, the convenience it offers is unparalleled. Thanks to the internet, individuals can perform a variety of activities from their personal spaces. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, despite the physical distance, people were able to maintain connections and even generate income through online work. Additionally, the widespread use of the internet can have positive environmental effects. By reducing the need for physical transportation, there is a significant decrease in carbon emissions and pollutants, thus contributing to a cleaner atmosphere.

In conclusion, while there are valid concerns about the negative impacts of excessive internet usage, such as on mental health and social interactions, the benefits it brings in terms of convenience and environmental sustainability outweigh these drawbacks. Therefore, it can be argued that the proliferation of virtual interactions is, on the whole, a positive development in the modern world.