In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, the disparate ages of parents and children is more noticeable compared to the past within some parts of the world. While I accept that the different generations can be sometimes have a negative effect on childrens, I believe that they are more likely to have harmful impact.
On one hand, it can get more difficult to combine a modern lifestyle of young people for the olders rather than in the past. Young generations regularly catch newest trend through some top searches of the social media such as hot dancing styles, musics or food locations. For example, on the social media like Tiktok, we're easily observe multiple vibrant dancing videos with modern and sexy styles which most viewers and performers are almost elders. It would not suitable for the older generations and they require classical dancing styles or musics to enjoy with the their ages. Futhermore, the conversation of parents seemly about old stories with constant frequency, and the childrens could boring to listen to it.
On the other hand, there are more beneficial to have a great space between parents and childrens compared to in the past. The parents gave birth late when they were already old leading to take the generation gap. In the present, people should prioritize to earn the money and pursue a success career, then focus on marriage and have a son. When they may reach in terms of great financial, their childrens are benefit from those. Futhermore, they have many interesting experiences which can tranfer for their children to advoid the diffculties in life.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the difference generation of parents and childrens in the present are more significant than in the past.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Nowadays" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "In contemporary society" is a more formal and precise phrase than "Nowadays," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"disparate ages" -> "varying ages"
Explanation: "Varying ages" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "disparate ages," which may imply a more significant difference than intended.
"can be sometimes have" -> "can sometimes have"
Explanation: Removing "be" corrects the grammatical error in the phrase, making it more concise and clear.
"childrens" -> "children"
Explanation: "Children" is already plural. The addition of "s" is incorrect and unnecessary.
"harmful impact" -> "adverse impact"
Explanation: "Adverse impact" is a more formal and specific term than "harmful impact," aligning better with academic style.
"combine a modern lifestyle of young people for the olders" -> "adapt to the modern lifestyles of younger people for the older generation"
Explanation: "Adapt to the modern lifestyles of younger people for the older generation" is clearer and more formal, correcting the awkward and incorrect original phrasing.
"olders" -> "older adults" or "older individuals"
Explanation: "Olders" is not a correct term. "Older adults" or "older individuals" are more precise and appropriate terms.
"catch newest trend" -> "adopt the latest trends"
Explanation: "Adopt the latest trends" is a more formal way to express the idea of becoming involved with new trends.
"musics" -> "music genres"
Explanation: "Music" is an uncountable noun when referring to music in general. "Music genres" is a more accurate term for specifying different types of music.
"like Tiktok, we’re easily observe" -> "such as TikTok, one can easily observe"
Explanation: Changing "we’re easily observe" to "one can easily observe" removes the contraction and uses a more formal subject ("one"), improving the academic tone.
"most viewers and performers are almost elders" -> "a significant portion of viewers and performers are older adults"
Explanation: "A significant portion of viewers and performers are older adults" is more precise and avoids the informal term "elders."
"It would not suitable" -> "It may not be suitable"
Explanation: "It may not be suitable" corrects the grammatical error and softens the assertion, making it more academically cautious.
"seemly" -> "seemingly"
Explanation: "Seemingly" is the correct adverb form needed in this context, not "seemly," which is an adjective.
"could boring" -> "could become bored"
Explanation: "Could become bored" corrects the grammatical structure, making it clearer and more appropriate.
"beneficial to have a great space" -> "advantageous to have a significant age difference"
Explanation: "Advantageous to have a significant age difference" is more formal and precise than "beneficial to have a great space."
"gave birth late when they were already old" -> "opted for parenthood at an older age"
Explanation: "Opted for parenthood at an older age" is a more formal and sensitive way to describe the decision to have children later in life.
"pursue a success career" -> "pursue a successful career"
Explanation: "Pursue a successful career" corrects the grammatical error, making the phrase clearer and more correct.
"have a son" -> "start a family"
Explanation: "Start a family" is a more inclusive and formal phrase than "have a son," which is overly specific and excludes other family structures.
"reach in terms of great financial" -> "achieve significant financial stability"
Explanation: "Achieve significant financial stability" is a clearer and more academically appropriate way to express the idea of financial success.
"tranfer" -> "transfer"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "tranfer" to "transfer."
"advoid the diffculties" -> "avoid the difficulties"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling errors and provides a minor adjustment for clarity and correctness.
"difference generation of parents and childrens" -> "generational differences between parents and children"
Explanation: "Generational differences between parents and children" is a clearer and more formally appropriate way to express the concept, correcting the awkward original phrasing and the incorrect use of "childrens."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the advantages and disadvantages of the increasing age gap between parents and children. It acknowledges that while there may be some benefits to this age difference, the writer believes the disadvantages outweigh them.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that the essay fully explores both sides of the argument in more depth. The discussion on advantages and disadvantages should be balanced and supported with specific examples or evidence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is somewhat unclear due to conflicting statements. Initially, they suggest that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, but later, they mention benefits such as financial stability and the transfer of life experiences.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should establish a clear and consistent stance from the beginning and maintain it throughout the essay. They can achieve this by clearly stating their opinion and providing supporting arguments that align with their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. For instance, while discussing the challenges of bridging the generation gap, it mentions social media trends and parental conversations but fails to provide substantial evidence or elaboration.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations to support their arguments. They should also extend their ideas by exploring the implications of the age gap on various aspects of family dynamics and societal norms.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the impact of the age difference between parents and children. However, there are instances of tangential discussion, such as the mention of financial success and career pursuits, which are not directly related to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid introducing irrelevant information and instead concentrate on discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the age gap as outlined in the prompt.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt to some extent and provides a basic analysis, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, depth of discussion, and relevance to the topic. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve a more cohesive and persuasive argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the introduction and conclusion, which is commendable for coherence. However, the body paragraphs lack a clear progression of ideas. The essay jumps between discussing disadvantages and advantages without a smooth transition or development of each point. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses disadvantages, then abruptly transitions to advantages in the second paragraph. This lack of logical progression affects the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should adopt a more structured approach to presenting arguments. Each body paragraph should focus on either advantages or disadvantages, providing examples and explanations to support each point. Additionally, utilizing transition words and phrases (e.g., firstly, moreover, consequently) can help to create a smoother flow between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure within them is inconsistent. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, but some paragraphs in this essay contain multiple ideas without clear delineation. For instance, the first paragraph discusses difficulties in bridging the generation gap, but it also touches upon differences in interests and conversational topics. This lack of cohesion within paragraphs affects the clarity and effectiveness of the essay’s argumentation.
- How to improve: It’s essential to maintain a clear structure within paragraphs to improve coherence. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Then, provide supporting details and examples to elaborate on that idea. If multiple ideas are present within a paragraph, consider splitting them into separate paragraphs to enhance clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "while," "on one hand," and "on the other hand." However, these devices are used inconsistently, leading to choppy transitions between ideas. Additionally, the essay lacks cohesive devices within paragraphs to connect sentences and ideas seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, the essay should utilize a wider variety of cohesive devices consistently throughout the text. This includes using cohesive devices not only between paragraphs but also within paragraphs to connect ideas logically. Examples of cohesive devices include pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "however," "furthermore"), and lexical cohesion (e.g., repetition of key terms). By incorporating these devices effectively, the essay can improve the flow and coherence of its argumentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, covering a variety of topics related to the prompt. Examples include "disparate," "vibrant," "prioritize," and "significant." However, some instances of vocabulary usage lack precision or clarity, which may hinder the overall effectiveness of communication.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, aim to incorporate more nuanced vocabulary choices that precisely convey the intended meaning. For instance, instead of using general terms like "modern lifestyle" or "old stories," consider employing more specific language to articulate concepts more effectively. Additionally, strive to utilize academic vocabulary relevant to the discussion of societal changes and intergenerational dynamics.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use vocabulary precisely, there are instances where word choice could be improved for clearer communication. For example, the phrase "get more difficult" could be replaced with "become increasingly challenging," and "great space between parents and childrens" may be better expressed as "significant age gap between parents and children."
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, carefully consider the context in which words are employed and aim to select terms that accurately convey the intended meaning. Avoid ambiguous or vague language that could lead to misinterpretation. Additionally, consult resources such as a thesaurus to discover alternative words with more precise connotations.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors throughout, such as "elders" instead of "elderly," "conversation" instead of "conversations," "seemly" instead of "seem," and "diffculties" instead of "difficulties." These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools during the writing process to identify and correct errors promptly. Additionally, allocate time for proofreading to review the essay for spelling mistakes before submission. Developing a habit of regularly practicing spelling through activities such as word games or vocabulary drills can also aid in enhancing spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing various sentence structures. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and complexity. While simple and compound sentences are employed, there is a lack of more complex structures such as complex-compound sentences or conditional sentences. The essay predominantly consists of simple sentences, occasionally joined by coordinating conjunctions.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and other advanced structures. This can be achieved by varying sentence length and complexity. For instance, instead of solely relying on simple sentences, try integrating complex sentences to provide a more nuanced expression of ideas. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence beginnings and using transitional phrases can contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, with some notable errors throughout. There are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("generations can be sometimes have"), incorrect word choices ("they are more likely to have harmful impact"), and inconsistencies in tense usage ("it can get more difficult" vs. "they require classical dancing styles"). Punctuation errors are also present, including missing commas and incorrect usage of apostrophes ("childrens").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and revise sentences for subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and appropriate word choice. Paying attention to singular/plural agreement and ensuring verbs agree with their subjects will help eliminate errors. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation accuracy, including the correct placement of commas and apostrophes, is crucial. Utilize resources such as grammar guides and practice exercises to reinforce grammar and punctuation rules. Consistent practice and feedback can lead to noticeable improvements in accuracy over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, the varying ages between parents and children are more noticeable compared to the past in some parts of the world. While I accept that the different generations can sometimes have a negative impact on children, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

On one hand, it can be more challenging for older adults to adapt to the modern lifestyles of younger people than it was in the past. Younger generations frequently embrace the latest trends found on social media platforms such as TikTok, where one can easily observe a significant portion of viewers and performers are older adults. However, it may not be suitable for older generations to engage in these trends, as they may prefer more classical forms of entertainment. Furthermore, constant conversations about past experiences may seem repetitive to children, leading them to become bored.

On the other hand, there are some advantages to having a significant age difference between parents and children. Many parents nowadays have opted for parenthood at an older age, after achieving significant financial stability and pursuing successful careers. Consequently, their children may benefit from their experiences and financial security. Moreover, these parents may have acquired valuable life lessons that they can pass on to their children, helping them to navigate the challenges of life more easily.

In conclusion, while it is true that the age gap between parents and children is more significant in contemporary society, it is my belief that the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages.