Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to
work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people do a work for the same organization all their working life and some people air that it will better if they work for other organizations. A fact that, people working for two or more than two company are better than one because working for other organizations bring for them several of benefits for employees.

Firstly, we know as doing for many places human have more opportunities to interact with new environments that makes worker open their horizons. For example, employees acquire new knowledge about new majors which are useful for them to do the present work and the promotion plans in the future. In addition, employees have more contact with new colleagues, new customers, new managers that make them broaden their relationships. The others aspect, nowadays most managers like to hire people with many experience in more fields because it is beneficial for their organization. Finally, One of the important reasons people change their workplace is the salary and bomus policy of new company is higher than their current workplace. Of course, most worker like to do with a well-paid job because of the higher demands for their standard living of life.

On the other hand, working for different organizations also have many problems. One of some problems is work quality. Working more than one group or company causes the negative effect for the major. For example, spending most of time in one industry in one place will make employees better than a little time in each organization.

In conclusion, people should work more than two places if they need a goood environmet at work and new well paid job in the future which is the most idea of young people at present.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"do a work" -> "work"
Explanation: The phrase "do a work" is incorrect and too informal for academic writing. "Work" is more appropriate and maintains the formal tone.
"some people air that it will better" -> "some individuals argue that it would be better"
Explanation: "Air" in this context is too informal and vague. "Argue" is more precise and academically suitable. Also, "it will better" is grammatically incorrect; "it would be better" is the correct conditional form.
"people working for two or more than two company" -> "individuals working for two or more companies"
Explanation: "People" is a bit too general for academic writing; "individuals" is more formal. Also, "company" should be pluralized to "companies" to match "two or more."
"bring for them several of benefits" -> "offer them numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Bring for them several of benefits" is awkward and incorrect. "Offer them numerous benefits" is clearer and more formal.
"we know as doing for many places" -> "it is known that working in various places"
Explanation: "We know as doing for many places" is unclear and informal. "It is known that working in various places" is more formal and precise.
"human have more opportunities" -> "individuals have more opportunities"
Explanation: Using "human" in this context is too broad and informal. "Individuals" is more specific and suitable for academic writing.
"makes worker open their horizons" -> "enables employees to broaden their horizons"
Explanation: "Makes worker open their horizons" is awkward and too informal. "Enables employees to broaden their horizons" is more formal and correctly structured.
"new majors" -> "new fields of expertise"
Explanation: "Majors" typically refers to academic studies rather than professional knowledge areas. "Fields of expertise" is more accurate and formal.
"bomus" -> "bonus"
Explanation: "Bomus" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "bonus."
"most worker like to do with a well-paid job" -> "most employees prefer engaging in well-paid employment"
Explanation: "Most worker like to do with a well-paid job" is awkward and informal. "Most employees prefer engaging in well-paid employment" is more formal and clear.
"higher demands for their standard living of life" -> "higher standards of living"
Explanation: "Higher demands for their standard living of life" is awkward and overly wordy. "Higher standards of living" is concise and more appropriate for academic writing.
"working for different organizations also have many problems" -> "working for different organizations also presents numerous challenges"
Explanation: "Have many problems" is too informal and vague. "Presents numerous challenges" is more specific and academically suitable.
"One of some problems is work quality" -> "One such problem is the quality of work"
Explanation: "One of some problems is work quality" is awkwardly phrased. "One such problem is the quality of work" is clearer and more formal.
"Working more than one group or company causes the negative effect for the major" -> "Working for more than one group or company can have a negative impact on the primary occupation"
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and employs a more formal structure.
"a goood environmet" -> "a good environment"
Explanation: "Goood" is a typographical error, and "environmet" is misspelled. The correct phrase is "a good environment."
"new well paid job" -> "new, well-paid job"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "new" improves readability, and "well-paid" should be hyphenated for correct grammar.
"is the most idea of young people" -> "is a prevalent idea among young people"
Explanation: "Is the most idea of young people" is awkward and unclear. "Is a prevalent idea among young people" is more precise and appropriately formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both perspectives outlined in the prompt but does so with some lack of clarity and depth. It acknowledges the viewpoints of those who work for the same organization throughout their careers and those who advocate for changing employers. However, the explanation lacks thoroughness and coherence. For instance, it mentions benefits of working for multiple organizations but does not delve into the drawbacks of doing so, as prompted.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the essay should offer a more balanced and nuanced exploration of both viewpoints. It should delve deeper into the advantages and disadvantages of each approach, providing specific examples and perhaps contrasting scenarios to illustrate the complexities of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a position favoring working for multiple organizations, but this stance is not consistently clear throughout the essay. While some points suggest a preference for changing jobs, there is no definitive statement or consistent argumentation supporting this position.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay should clearly state its position in the introduction and maintain this stance throughout the essay. Additionally, each paragraph should reinforce this position with logical reasoning and supporting evidence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. While it briefly mentions benefits such as exposure to new environments and higher salary opportunities, these points are not sufficiently elaborated upon or supported with examples or evidence. The argument lacks coherence and fails to effectively extend and support its ideas.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the essay should provide more detailed explanations and examples to support its arguments. Each idea introduced should be thoroughly developed with relevant examples, statistics, or anecdotes to strengthen the argument and enhance the essay’s persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of working for different organizations versus staying with one employer. However, there are instances of tangential discussion, such as the brief mention of salary and bonus policies without clear relevance to the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that all points made directly relate to the topic of whether it is better to work for the same organization throughout one’s career or to change employers. Avoiding tangential discussions and staying closely aligned with the prompt will strengthen the coherence and relevance of the essay.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, there is room for improvement in clarity, coherence, depth of analysis, and relevance. By providing more detailed explanations, supporting evidence, and maintaining a clear and consistent position throughout, the essay could significantly enhance its effectiveness and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. Ideas are presented in a somewhat coherent manner, with identifiable introduction, body, and conclusion sections. However, there are instances of unclear transitions between ideas, leading to minor disruptions in the flow of thought. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of working for multiple organizations to potential problems lacks a smooth transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on creating clear and seamless transitions between ideas. Ensure each paragraph connects logically to the preceding and following paragraphs. Consider outlining the essay before writing to ensure a structured flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, but the structure and effectiveness of paragraphing are inconsistent. Some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, making it challenging for readers to discern the main point of each paragraph. Additionally, paragraph lengths vary significantly, affecting the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by including clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Aim for consistency in paragraph length to maintain coherence and readability. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one central idea or argument to prevent confusion for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices to connect ideas, but there is a limited range and effectiveness in their use. Transition words and phrases such as "firstly," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" are employed, but they are overused and lack variety. Additionally, there is a need for more sophisticated cohesive devices, such as pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures, to strengthen the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to create a more seamless connection between sentences and paragraphs. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases to signify different relationships between ideas. Also, employ pronouns and synonyms effectively to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Practice using parallel structures to create symmetry and balance in sentence construction, further improving coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and coherence, thereby improving its overall effectiveness in conveying ideas to the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to incorporate a variety of vocabulary, though there are instances where repetition occurs, and some words are used incorrectly or inappropriately. For instance, "air" instead of "argue" in the phrase "some people air that it will better if they work for other organizations" may confuse the reader. However, there are commendable efforts to introduce diverse vocabulary, such as "opportunities," "interact," "acquire," "broaden," and "well-paid."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, aim for more precise and contextually appropriate word choices. Instead of "air," use "argue" or "believe." Additionally, expand your vocabulary by reading widely and paying attention to how words are used in different contexts. This will help you develop a more nuanced understanding of word usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally struggles with precise vocabulary usage. For example, "bomus" is likely intended to be "bonus," and "goood" should be "good." Additionally, the phrase "working for other organizations bring for them several of benefits for employees" could be clearer with more precise language.
- How to improve: Practice using a dictionary or thesaurus to ensure accurate word choice. Proofread your work carefully to catch spelling errors and inaccuracies. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify areas for improvement in vocabulary precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is a significant area for improvement in this essay. There are multiple instances of misspelled words, such as "bomus" instead of "bonus" and "goood" instead of "good." While occasional errors are understandable, consistent misspellings can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: Utilize spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software to identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, consider practicing spelling words frequently encountered in your writing to improve accuracy. Reading more often can also expose you to correctly spelled words in context, reinforcing proper spelling conventions.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to utilize a wide range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy. By focusing on selecting precise words and practicing spelling, the clarity and effectiveness of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to vary sentence structures, albeit with inconsistencies. There is evidence of both simple and complex structures, such as compound sentences ("Many people do a work for the same organization all their working life and some people air that it will better if they work for other organizations") and complex sentences with dependent clauses ("For example, employees acquire new knowledge about new majors which are useful for them to do the present work and the promotion plans in the future"). However, there is room for improvement in achieving a more consistent and diverse range of structures throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, strive for greater consistency in using a variety of sentence structures. Incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences, passive voice, and inverted sentences, can enrich the expression and coherence of ideas. Additionally, consider employing rhetorical devices like parallelism and appositives to add depth and sophistication to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a noticeable level of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ("Many people do a work"), incorrect word usage ("air" instead of "argue"), missing articles ("a work"), and inconsistent tense usage ("we know as doing" should be "as we know, by working"). Punctuation errors include missing commas in compound sentences ("For example, employees acquire new knowledge about new majors which are useful for them to do the present work and the promotion plans in the future"). These errors, while not pervasive, hinder the clarity and precision of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, focus on thorough proofreading and revising your essay. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and appropriate word choices. Practice using articles (a, an, the) correctly, and ensure that each sentence is punctuated appropriately to clarify meaning and aid readability. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors more effectively. Engaging in regular practice and studying grammar rules can also facilitate improvement in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals dedicate their entire working lives to a single organization, while others argue that it would be better to work for various organizations. Some believe that individuals working for two or more companies offer them numerous benefits.

Firstly, it is known that working in various places enables employees to broaden their horizons. For example, employees acquire new knowledge about different fields, which can be beneficial for their current and future roles. Additionally, interacting with new colleagues, customers, and managers allows individuals to expand their professional networks. Employers also tend to value candidates with diverse experiences, making it advantageous for career growth. Moreover, the allure of a higher salary and bonus package in a new position is a prevalent idea among young people, as it contributes to a higher standard of living.

However, working for different organizations also presents numerous challenges. One such problem is the quality of work. Working for more than one group or company can have a negative impact on the primary occupation. For instance, dedicating more time to a single industry or workplace often results in better proficiency compared to dividing time among multiple organizations.

In conclusion, while some argue for the stability of long-term employment with a single organization, others advocate for the advantages of diversifying work experience. Ultimately, the decision to work for multiple organizations should be based on individual career goals and preferences.