The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012.

The line graph gives information on how the changes in three distinct types of crime in the city centre called Newport happened between 2003 and 2012.
Overall, there was a decrease in the number of property cases taking place in the city, with an exception for the robbery.
In 2003, the rates of crime was considered to be the highest level at all. About 3400 incidents from the burglary,which was regarded as the most popular crime at that time, while the the number of cars stolen was a bit lower, which was approximately 2800 ones. Meanwhile, the theft caused by the person stood at 700 incidents. Over the next 1 year, the burglary reached the highest point at 3700 cases while the figure for the car theft and the robbery stayed unchanged at 2800 and 800 cases respectively.
In 2008, there was a big change among the rates of crime. Specifically, all the crime witnessed a drop in the number of incidents. The burglary dramatically fell to only 1100 cases, the robbery dropped to 500 cases and cars stolen from theft was till at a high level, at roughly 2100 cases. At the end of the period, there was a slight rise in all cases. With car theft rising to 2800 cases and becoming the most popular crime, while the figure for the burglary and the robbery gradually increased to 1400 and 600 cases at the same given frame.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"types of crime in the city centre called Newport happened" -> "types of crime in the city center, Newport, occurred"
Explanation: "Happened" is overly simplistic. Replacing it with "occurred" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence. Additionally, "city center" is a more common term than "city centre" in many English-speaking regions.
"Overall, there was a decrease" -> "Overall, there was a decline"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more formal and precise term to describe a reduction in something, which fits better in an academic or analytical context.
"number of property cases" -> "number of property-related incidents"
Explanation: Using "incidents" instead of "cases" provides a broader and more encompassing term to describe various types of occurrences related to property.
"the rates of crime was considered to be the highest level" -> "the crime rates were at their peak"
Explanation: This change improves the sentence’s clarity and eliminates grammatical errors. "Rates of crime" is plural and requires the corresponding verb form "were" instead of "was."
"the most popular crime at that time" -> "the most prevalent crime at that time"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is a more precise term for describing the frequency or commonness of a particular crime.
"the number of cars stolen was a bit lower, which was approximately 2800 ones" -> "the number of car thefts was slightly lower, approximately 2800"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence by directly stating the number of car thefts rather than referring to "cars stolen." Additionally, "ones" is unnecessary and can be omitted for conciseness.
"the theft caused by the person" -> "personal theft"
Explanation: "Theft caused by the person" is awkward and unclear. "Personal theft" is a more succinct and commonly used term to refer to theft committed against individuals.
"the figure for the car theft and the robbery stayed unchanged" -> "the figures for car theft and robbery remained constant"
Explanation: "Stayed unchanged" can be replaced with "remained constant" for better fluency and formality. Additionally, using "figures" instead of "figure" maintains parallelism in the sentence structure.
"there was a big change among the rates of crime" -> "there was a significant shift in crime rates"
Explanation: "Big change" can be replaced with "significant shift" for a more formal and precise description of the alteration in crime rates.
"all the crime witnessed a drop in the number of incidents" -> "all categories of crime experienced a decrease in the number of incidents"
Explanation: "All the crime" is grammatically incorrect. "Categories of crime" is a more appropriate phrase to use. Additionally, "experienced a decrease" is more formal than "witnessed a drop."
"dramatically fell to only 1100 cases" -> "dramatically decreased to only 1100 cases"
Explanation: "Fell" can be replaced with "decreased" to maintain consistency in describing the decline in crime rates.
"the robbery dropped to 500 cases" -> "robbery decreased to 500 cases"
Explanation: Using "decreased" instead of "dropped" provides a more formal and precise description of the reduction in robbery cases.
"cars stolen from theft" -> "cars stolen due to theft"
Explanation: "Cars stolen from theft" is redundant and awkward. "Cars stolen due to theft" clarifies that the theft itself led to the car being stolen.
"at the end of the period, there was a slight rise" -> "by the end of the period, there was a slight increase"
Explanation: "Rise" can be replaced with "increase" for better precision and formality. Additionally, "by the end of the period" is a more standard expression.
"the burglary and the robbery gradually increased" -> "burglary and robbery gradually increased"
Explanation: "The burglary" is redundant; "burglary" suffices to refer to the crime. Removing the article improves the sentence’s flow and conciseness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes in three types of crime in Newport city center from 2003 to 2012. It presents an overview with information appropriately selected, covering the trends in burglary, car theft, and robbery over the specified time period. Key features such as the fluctuations in crime rates are highlighted, although some details may be inaccurate or irrelevant, such as stating that theft caused by a person was only 700 incidents in 2003 without mentioning it in subsequent years.

How to improve:
To improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, ensure that all details provided are accurate and relevant. Avoid introducing new information without contextualizing it within the overall trend analysis. Additionally, strive for more precise language and clarity in presenting the data to enhance the overall coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, discussing the changes in crime rates in Newport city center from 2003 to 2012. It outlines the overall trend of decreasing property crime, with fluctuations in specific types such as burglary, car theft, and robbery. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks overall progression, as it jumps between years without a clear narrative flow. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in the presentation of data, such as mentioning 2003 twice in the opening paragraph. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some instances of repetition and unclear connections between ideas. Paragraphing is used, but not consistently or logically, contributing to the lack of coherence.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should follow a clear chronological structure, organizing information from 2003 to 2012 in a logical sequence. Transition phrases can be used to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, ensure consistency in referencing and avoid repetitive phrases or information. Paragraphs should be appropriately structured to present distinct ideas or time periods, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a minimally adequate range of vocabulary for the task. The writer attempts to use a variety of vocabulary related to crime and statistical information. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay. For example, "rates of crime was considered to be the highest level" should be "crime rates were considered to be at the highest level". Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies such as "while the theft caused by the person stood at 700 incidents," which could be improved for clarity and accuracy.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic of crime and statistical analysis. Pay close attention to word choice, ensuring accuracy and precision in conveying ideas. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors is essential to enhance clarity and coherence in the essay. Additionally, aim for more sophisticated sentence structures to elevate the overall quality of expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. There is some evidence of complex sentence structures, such as "Overall, there was a decrease in the number of property cases taking place in the city, with an exception for the robbery." However, these attempts at complexity are often less accurate, leading to occasional errors that may cause some difficulty for the reader. Grammatical errors and punctuation faults are frequent, such as "while the the number of cars stolen was a bit lower, which was approximately 2800 ones." Additionally, there are inconsistencies in verb tenses throughout the essay.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensuring accuracy in their usage. Pay close attention to verb tense consistency and avoid unnecessary repetition, such as repeating "the" in "while the the number of cars stolen." Proofread carefully to eliminate grammatical errors and punctuation faults, which can significantly improve clarity and coherence. Additionally, strive for more varied vocabulary and expressions to enrich the language and overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the fluctuating trends in three distinct categories of crime occurring in Newport city centre over the span of a decade, from 2003 to 2012.

Overall, it is evident that there was a general decrease in the incidence of property-related crimes throughout the period under consideration, with the exception of robbery.

In 2003, the level of criminal activity was at its peak. Burglary was the most prevalent crime, with approximately 3400 incidents reported, followed by car theft, standing at around 2800 cases. Meanwhile, theft perpetrated by individuals accounted for 700 incidents.

Over the subsequent year, burglary reached its zenith at 3700 cases, while the figures for car theft and robbery remained constant at 2800 and 800 cases, respectively.

By 2008, a significant downturn in crime rates was observed across all categories. Burglary witnessed a drastic decline to only 1100 cases, while robbery and car theft also experienced notable decreases, with figures dropping to 500 and approximately 2100 cases, respectively.

Towards the end of the period, there was a slight resurgence in criminal activity across all categories. Car theft notably rose to 2800 cases, emerging as the most prevalent crime, while burglary and robbery gradually increased to 1400 and 600 cases, respectively, within the given timeframe.