Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is true that the question of whether hard work and determination or money and appearance remains a source of controversy in terms of a successful life. Some a number of people believe that constant labor and determination are the most important, I would argue that money and beauty deserve to be the key factors for succeeding in life.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why an individual’s attitudes, which are hard-working and determined, contribute to a successful life. Firstly, the action of laboring consistently for goals results in a feeling of satisfaction when you finally receive your rewards from all that hard work. This action can also foster your skills and discipline while also working efficiently. For instance, a hardworking worker is reported to be more delighted to be praised and skillful in their working field compared to their co-employees. Secondly, determination supports a person to move forward by preventing you from doubting your ability or the scared of obstacles.
On the other hand, there are several rationales why I favor the statement that money and appearance are the keys to success. I truly believe that when you manage to occupy a job with a sustainable amount of earnings, you can pay for daily expenses and modify the quality of your house. In addition, this money could be used for achieving life dreams that you have wished for. Secondly, in the contemporary world, beauty is one of the significant criteria for job seeking. When the recruiter interviews you, the first and foremost thing that impresses them is your outstanding appearance before any questions. For example, marketing industries tend to focus solely on appearance initially before they ask about experiences and practical knowledge.
In conclusion, I believe that money and appearance are more advantageous for people to achieve success in life. However, hard work and determination are still needed to work and should not be overlooked.

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Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the importance of hard work and determination as well as the significance of money and appearance in achieving success in life. It acknowledges the contrasting viewpoints and provides reasons to support each perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth with more specific examples and elaboration. Additionally, pay close attention to accurately representing the opposing viewpoint to avoid any misinterpretation.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that money and appearance are more crucial factors for success in life. This stance is evident from the thesis statement and is consistently supported throughout the essay with relevant arguments and examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, refine the thesis statement to explicitly state the author’s position and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this stance without ambiguity or conflicting statements.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas regarding both sides of the argument and provides adequate support through examples and reasoning. Each paragraph introduces a new idea or perspective and elaborates on it sufficiently.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, consider providing more detailed examples and further analysis to deepen the discussion. Additionally, ensure that each idea is logically connected to the overall argument to maintain coherence and cohesion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the factors contributing to success in life as outlined in the prompt. However, there are some instances where the focus slightly deviates, such as when discussing job seeking criteria.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, consistently relate each point back to the central theme of success in life and avoid tangential discussions. Keep the analysis tightly aligned with the prompt to ensure relevance and coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, refining the thesis statement for clarity, enhancing the development of ideas with detailed examples, and maintaining strict adherence to the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a balanced discussion on both views regarding success in life, followed by the writer’s opinion. The introduction sets up the debate effectively, providing a thesis statement that leans towards the importance of money and appearance. The body paragraphs are well-structured, each addressing a distinct viewpoint with supporting reasons and examples. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the author’s stance, reinforcing the preference for money and appearance while acknowledging the value of hard work and determination. However, there are instances where the logical flow is slightly disrupted by ambiguous expressions and minor organizational lapses, slightly detracting from the overall clarity.
- How to improve: Enhance logical organization by refining transitions between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph’s main idea is clearly stated at the beginning. Use more varied and precise transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader through the arguments. Clarify and tighten the thesis statement to directly address the essay prompt.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, adhering to a conventional structure of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids in maintaining a coherent flow of information. The use of a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph helps to signal the main idea, though at times, the connection between the supporting sentences and the main idea could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay’s thesis. Develop paragraphs with coherent supporting sentences that closely align with the paragraph’s main idea. Consider employing a more structured approach, such as the PEEL (Point, Evidence, Explain, Link) technique, to enhance clarity and cohesion within paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a competent use of cohesive devices, such as transition words ("Firstly", "Secondly", "In addition") and pronouns ("this", "that") to create coherence within and between paragraphs. These devices help in signaling the progression of ideas and in maintaining the flow of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are opportunities to incorporate more sophisticated devices to enhance the essay’s cohesion.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider variety, including synonymy, ellipsis, substitution, and other linking words/phrases that indicate contrast, comparison, cause and effect, and concession. This diversification can provide nuance and sophistication to the essay. Additionally, practice using these devices in different parts of sentences (not just at the beginning) to weave ideas together more seamlessly.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic. There’s an attempt to introduce diverse vocabulary, such as "attitudes," "rationales," "sustainable," and "advantageous." However, some phrases could be further expanded or replaced with more precise alternatives to enhance clarity and depth.
- How to improve: To widen the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of "significant criteria," you might use "crucial determinants." Additionally, try to explore more nuanced vocabulary related to the concepts of success, hard work, determination, money, and appearance to enrich the essay’s lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays an attempt at precise vocabulary usage, but some instances lack precision, leading to ambiguity or confusion. For instance, the phrase "I would argue that money and beauty deserve to be the key factors for succeeding in life" could be refined to specify how money and appearance directly contribute to success. Similarly, the term "moderate" in "moderate range of vocabulary" could be substituted with a more precise qualifier.
- How to improve: Aim for greater clarity and specificity in word choice. Provide precise definitions or examples to support abstract terms or concepts. Instead of "moderate range," consider specifying the extent of the vocabulary range, such as "sufficient variety" or "limited diversity," depending on the actual scope of vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling with few noticeable errors. However, there are a few instances of misspellings and grammatical errors, such as "scared" instead of "scared" and "the scared of obstacles" instead of "the fear of obstacles." These errors slightly detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling accuracy during the writing process. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers to catch common mistakes. Additionally, proofread the essay thoroughly to identify and correct any misspelled words or grammatical errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a solid attempt at addressing the prompt and showcasing lexical resource, there is room for improvement in refining vocabulary precision and ensuring spelling accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly diverse range of sentence structures, incorporating simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is evidence of varied sentence beginnings and lengths, contributing to readability and engagement. For example, simple sentences like "Some a number of people believe that constant labor and determination are the most important" coexist with more complex structures such as "Firstly, the action of laboring consistently for goals results in a feeling of satisfaction when you finally receive your rewards from all that hard work."
- How to improve: While the essay does utilize a range of structures, enhancing the variety further could enrich the overall quality of writing. Encourage the writer to experiment with different types of complex sentences, including those with subordinate clauses or phrases, to add depth and sophistication to their arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the text. For instance, "Some a number of people" contains a redundancy and awkward phrasing. Additionally, there are punctuation errors like missing commas in sentences such as "This action can also foster your skills and discipline while also working efficiently."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work carefully, paying particular attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage. Moreover, a review of punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage in complex sentences, would be beneficial. Encourage the writer to utilize grammar-checking tools and seek feedback from peers or instructors to address these issues effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The topic of whether success in life comes from hard work and determination or from factors like money and appearance continues to spark debate. While some argue that constant labor and determination are paramount, I contend that money and appearance also play significant roles in achieving success.

On one hand, individuals who are hard-working and determined are likely to experience a sense of satisfaction upon achieving their goals. Consistent effort fosters skills and discipline, leading to greater efficiency. For example, diligent workers tend to excel in their fields and receive recognition for their dedication. Moreover, determination serves as a driving force, empowering individuals to overcome obstacles and doubts about their abilities.

On the other hand, I support the notion that money and appearance are crucial for success. Financial stability allows individuals to cover daily expenses and improve their living standards. Furthermore, it enables them to pursue their life goals and aspirations. Additionally, in today’s competitive job market, one’s appearance often influences initial impressions during interviews. Industries, such as marketing, prioritize appearance before evaluating experience and knowledge.

In conclusion, while hard work and determination are essential, money and appearance also significantly contribute to achieving success in life. It is crucial to recognize the importance of all these factors in striving towards one’s goals.