Scientists believe computers will become more intelligent than humans. Some people find it is positive while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In recent times, the development of computers in intelligent section becoming more and more over than human is a good develop. In contrast, some others claim that it is a detrimental growth. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both views before giving my opinion.
First and foremost, people should recognize that developing devices is a beneficial improvement of society. There is no denying that devices especially computers lead to significantly improved performance and productivity. Computing devices are coded to help optimize workflows, increase computing speed, and improve information processing capabilities. For example, before project management software existed, the organizing and tracking process took a lot of time and effort but with that project management software provides tools and features such as planning, resource management, progress tracking, and project communication. It helps organize work effectively, divide tasks for each member, determine timelines, and track project progress. Furthermore, one further justification that should not be ignored here is that electric devices can improve areas of expertise. This means that the intelligence of computers has a positive effect on plenty of professional fields. A good case in point would be that in healthcare, smart computers can help diagnose diseases and find better treatments. In the field of automation and manufacturing, smart computers can enhance production efficiency and quality. This brings great benefits to both consumers and industries.

On the other hand, there are some reasons supporting the statement that several negative affections can appear based on the increasingly superior intelligence of computers. It is important to remember that the development of intelligent computers surpasses humans can lead to the increment of job loss and human displacement. Jobs that smart computers can perform automatically, such as jobs in manufacturing, customer service, and data management, could lead to human displacement and increased pressure on people. labor. For example, in the manufacturing sector, automated systems can replace workers doing repetitive work.

In conclusion, while people argue that the superior intelligence of computers increasingly surpassing that of humans can bring about not very positive effects, I firmly advocate for the importance of the development of computer intelligence bring back plenty of benefits for humans. However, each of us should consider carefully before reaching the final decision on this time.

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Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument as required by the prompt. It discusses the positive aspects of computer intelligence development, such as enhanced productivity and improvements in various fields like healthcare and manufacturing. Additionally, it acknowledges the negative implications, particularly in terms of job displacement.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth. Provide more nuanced analysis and examples to support each perspective. Additionally, consider organizing the essay with clearer topic sentences for each viewpoint to improve coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that leans towards the positive impact of computer intelligence development. While it briefly acknowledges the negative consequences, the overall tone suggests a more favorable view of technological advancement.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure consistency in the stance taken throughout the essay. Provide a stronger justification for the chosen perspective, supported by more robust arguments and evidence. Additionally, acknowledge opposing views more explicitly to demonstrate a balanced consideration.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but lacks thorough development and support. While it introduces examples to illustrate points, they are somewhat simplistic and lack depth. More detailed elaboration and stronger evidence would enhance the essay’s effectiveness.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation and development, delve deeper into each argument and provide more comprehensive explanations and examples. Incorporate relevant statistics, studies, or expert opinions to bolster the credibility of the arguments presented. Additionally, ensure that each idea is logically connected to the overall argument to enhance coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains relevance to the topic, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of computer intelligence development as prompted. However, there are minor instances of tangential discussion, such as the mention of project management software without clear relevance to the main argument.
- How to improve: To improve focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly contribute to the central discussion of the positive and negative impacts of computer intelligence development. Avoid introducing tangential points that distract from the main argument and detract from overall coherence.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the key components of the prompt, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, coherence, and supporting evidence. Strengthening the clarity of position, providing more nuanced arguments, and maintaining focus will enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear attempt to organize information logically, with distinct paragraphs discussing the positive and negative aspects of computers becoming more intelligent than humans, followed by a conclusion. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. However, there are some instances where the organization could be improved for better coherence. For example, the transition between discussing the positive aspects to the negative aspects could be smoother, providing a more seamless flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that the transition between discussing opposing views is smoother. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through shifts in focus. Additionally, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main idea and avoids straying off-topic.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to organize ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, there are areas where the paragraphing could be improved for better structure and effectiveness. For instance, the paragraph discussing the negative effects of computer intelligence could be further subdivided to address different aspects individually, such as job loss and human displacement.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and focuses on a single aspect or idea. Consider subdividing longer paragraphs to maintain focus and coherence. Each paragraph should contribute to the overall argument and be logically connected to the preceding and succeeding paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "first and foremost," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"), to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there is limited diversity in the use of cohesive devices, and some transitions feel abrupt or repetitive.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence and cohesion. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases to create smoother connections between ideas and paragraphs. Ensure transitions are used effectively to signal shifts in focus or introduce new points. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of attempts to use varied vocabulary, such as "development," "optimization," "professional fields," "increment," and "displacement." However, some repetition and imprecise word choices are noticeable, which slightly restrict the range, such as "devices" being repeated frequently instead of using synonyms like "computers," "machines," or "technologies."
- How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, aim to incorporate more diverse vocabulary throughout the essay. Avoid repetition by utilizing synonyms and exploring different expressions to convey your ideas. For instance, instead of frequently using "devices," consider employing terms like "technological advancements," "computing systems," or "digital tools" to add variety and depth to your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally utilizes vocabulary with reasonable precision, as seen in phrases like "increment of job loss" and "development of intelligent computers surpasses humans." However, imprecise language is also present, such as "good develop" instead of "positive development," and "smart computers" which could be further specified as "intelligent systems" or "advanced computing technology."
- How to improve: Strive for greater precision in your vocabulary choices to convey your ideas more effectively. Instead of general terms like "good develop," opt for specific and descriptive language like "beneficial advancement" or "positive evolution." Additionally, refine your usage of terms like "smart computers" by specifying the type of intelligence or functionality, such as "artificially intelligent machines" or "advanced computing systems," to provide clarity and depth to your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays several instances of spelling errors, such as "intelligent section" instead of "intelligence sector," "affections" instead of "effects," and "electric devices" instead of "electronic devices." These errors slightly detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing tools like spell-checkers or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before finalizing your writing. Additionally, devote attention to commonly misspelled words and practice incorporating them accurately into your writing. Developing a habit of proofreading your work carefully can significantly improve spelling precision and overall writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary the structure, although some sentences are repetitive or lack complexity. For instance, there are instances of complex sentences like "In the field of automation and manufacturing, smart computers can enhance production efficiency and quality," but there is also a prevalence of simpler constructions such as "It is important to remember that…" Diversifying sentence structures further could enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve, aim for a more consistent use of varied sentence structures throughout the essay. Introduce complex sentences with subordinating conjunctions like "while," "although," or "despite," to add nuance and depth to your arguments. Additionally, consider incorporating rhetorical devices like parallelism or appositive phrases to create more engaging prose.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation, though there are noticeable errors throughout. For instance, "the development of computers in intelligent section becoming more and more over than human" contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect word choice and lack of agreement between subject and verb. Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct errors in punctuation, ensuring consistency in your use of commas, periods, and capitalization. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify errors more effectively. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common grammatical structures and rules to improve your overall proficiency in English grammar.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, the advancement of computers surpassing human intelligence is viewed by some as a positive development, while others perceive it as negative. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before presenting my own view.

On the positive side, it’s undeniable that the progression of technology, particularly in computing, offers significant benefits to society. Computers greatly enhance productivity and efficiency in various tasks. For instance, project management software streamlines organizing and tracking processes, facilitating effective planning, resource management, progress tracking, and communication within projects. Moreover, computers contribute to advancements in specialized fields like healthcare, aiding in diagnosis and treatment, and in automation and manufacturing, improving production efficiency and quality. These advancements benefit both consumers and industries alike.

Conversely, there are concerns regarding the potential drawbacks of computers surpassing human intelligence. One notable concern is the risk of job displacement and increased pressure on the workforce. Automation in sectors such as manufacturing, customer service, and data management could lead to job losses as computers take over tasks previously performed by humans. For example, automated systems in manufacturing may replace workers engaged in repetitive tasks.

In conclusion, while some argue that the increasing superiority of computers over humans may have negative implications, I believe that the development of computer intelligence brings about numerous benefits for humanity. However, it is essential for individuals to carefully consider the implications of this advancement before forming final opinions.