some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In contemporary society, the debate between pursuing higher education at a university or college versus entering the workforce immediately after completing school has been a topic of contention. Proponents of the former argue that obtaining a degree from an institution of higher learning is crucial for a successful career. They believe that higher education equips individuals with specialized knowledge, critical thinking skills, and networking opportunities that are essential for professional advancement. Additionally, a degree is often seen as a prerequisite for securing well-paying jobs with career growth potential.

On the other hand, advocates for entering the workforce directly after school contend that practical experience gained on the job is more valuable than theoretical knowledge acquired through formal education. They argue that hands-on experience allows individuals to develop relevant skills, industry-specific expertise, and a strong work ethic from an early stage. Moreover, starting work immediately provides individuals with the opportunity to earn a steady income, gain financial independence, and avoid the burden of student loan debt.

In my opinion, both paths have their merits, and the choice between pursuing higher education or entering the workforce should be based on individual circumstances and career goals. While a university or college education can provide a solid foundation and open doors to diverse career opportunities, gaining practical experience early on can also be advantageous in terms of skill development and industry exposure. Ultimately, a combination of academic knowledge and real-world experience is likely to yield the most successful career outcomes. Therefore, individuals should carefully consider their aspirations, strengths, and preferences when deciding whether to pursue higher education or enter the workforce directly after school.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"topic of contention" -> "subject of debate"
Explanation: While "topic of contention" is not incorrect, "subject of debate" offers a more formal and precise expression, aligning better with academic style.
"Proponents of the former" -> "Advocates of higher education"
Explanation: "Proponents of the former" is slightly ambiguous and informal. "Advocates of higher education" is clearer and maintains formality.
"obtaining a degree" -> "attaining a degree"
Explanation: "Obtaining" is appropriate but "attaining" adds variety to the language and sounds more sophisticated in this context.
"prerequisite for securing well-paying jobs" -> "essential requirement for acquiring well-compensated positions"
Explanation: "Prerequisite for securing well-paying jobs" is fine, but "essential requirement for acquiring well-compensated positions" provides a more elaborate and precise description.
"contend" -> "argue"
Explanation: "Contend" is not incorrect, but "argue" is more direct and commonly used in academic writing.
"hands-on experience" -> "practical experience"
Explanation: "Hands-on experience" is acceptable, but "practical experience" is slightly more formal and widely recognized in academic contexts.
"real-world experience" -> "practical experience"
Explanation: "Real-world experience" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "practical experience" maintains clarity and formality.
"likely to yield the most successful career outcomes" -> "is more likely to lead to successful career outcomes"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"carefully consider" -> "deliberately consider"
Explanation: "Carefully consider" is acceptable, but "deliberately consider" adds nuance and formality to the phrase.
"aspirations, strengths, and preferences" -> "career aspirations, strengths, and personal preferences"
Explanation: Adding specificity with "career aspirations" and specifying "personal preferences" adds clarity and precision to the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt by discussing both perspectives – the advantages of studying at a university or college and the benefits of entering the workforce straight after school. It acknowledges the arguments for each viewpoint and concludes with a balanced opinion.
- How to improve: While the essay does cover both perspectives, providing more specific examples or statistical data could strengthen the analysis. Additionally, further exploration of potential drawbacks or challenges associated with each choice could enrich the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, advocating for a balanced approach that considers both pursuing higher education and entering the workforce directly after school. The author’s opinion is clearly expressed in the concluding paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s position earlier in the essay, perhaps in the introduction, to guide the reader more effectively through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently and supports them with relevant arguments. Each perspective is elaborated upon with reasoning and examples, such as the benefits of higher education in terms of knowledge acquisition and networking, as well as the advantages of early workforce entry in terms of practical experience and financial independence.
- How to improve: While the essay provides solid reasoning, incorporating specific case studies, anecdotes, or expert opinions could add depth and credibility to the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout its entirety, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of studying at a university or college versus entering the workforce directly after school.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme of the essay and avoid any tangential discussions or irrelevant information.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents and supports arguments for both perspectives. To improve further, the author could provide more specific examples, explicitly state their position earlier, incorporate additional evidence, and ensure strict adherence to the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of logical organization. It introduces the debate on higher education versus immediate workforce entry effectively, outlines the arguments for both sides, and concludes with the writer’s nuanced opinion. The progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph is smooth, which aids in the reader’s understanding of the arguments presented. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages of higher education to the benefits of entering the workforce is handled well, providing a balanced view before presenting the writer’s perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure, the essay could benefit from a clearer thematic distinction between paragraphs. This could be achieved by introducing subheadings for each viewpoint or using stronger transition phrases that highlight the shift from discussing one perspective to another. Additionally, integrating examples or case studies could strengthen the argumentative structure and provide a more concrete basis for the claims made.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and viewpoints. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, contributing to the essay’s overall clarity and readability. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-defined, allowing for a structured presentation of ideas. However, the body paragraphs, while focused, could benefit from more explicit topic sentences that clearly state the main argument of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To further enhance the effectiveness of paragraphing, consider starting each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the paragraph’s main point. This would help guide the reader through the essay’s argumentation more clearly. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a viewpoint but also critically engages with it, possibly by adding a sentence that evaluates the significance or implications of each argument presented.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices that aid in the smooth flow of ideas, such as "On the other hand," "Additionally," and "Moreover." These transitions help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. The use of these devices is generally effective, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the essay sometimes relies on these devices at the expense of deeper connections between ideas or more varied sentence structures.
- How to improve: To diversify and more effectively use cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a broader range of transition words and phrases that indicate not just contrast and addition but also cause-and-effect, sequence, and conclusion. Examples include "As a result," "Consequently," "Firstly/Secondly," and "In conclusion." Additionally, integrating more complex sentences that naturally link ideas can reduce the reliance on overt cohesive devices, leading to a more sophisticated writing style.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with the use of varied terms such as "contemporary society," "proponents," "advocates," "specialized knowledge," "career growth potential," "relevant skills," and "financial independence." These terms effectively convey different aspects of the topic and contribute to the depth of discussion.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary or specific terminology related to education and employment. For instance, instead of using "career growth potential," one could employ terms like "professional advancement opportunities" or "career trajectory prospects" to add nuance to the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, accurately conveying intended meanings. For instance, terms like "specialized knowledge" and "industry-specific expertise" are used appropriately to distinguish between theoretical and practical aspects of education and work. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "diverse career opportunities" could be more specific by mentioning examples of different career paths or sectors.
- How to improve: Aim to use vocabulary that precisely captures the intended nuances of the argument. Instead of using broad terms, opt for more specific language that adds clarity and depth to the discussion. For instance, instead of mentioning "diverse career opportunities," specify particular fields or professions to illustrate the range of possibilities.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no apparent spelling errors detracting from the clarity of the content. Words are spelled correctly throughout the essay, contributing to the overall professionalism and readability of the piece.
- How to improve: While spelling accuracy is consistently maintained, it is essential to continue practicing proofreading techniques to ensure flawless spelling in future writing endeavors. Consider employing tools like spell-checkers and allocating sufficient time for thorough review before finalizing written work. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words can further enhance spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and parallel structures. For instance, the author effectively employs complex sentences such as "Proponents of the former argue that obtaining a degree from an institution of higher learning is crucial for a successful career," showcasing the ability to construct sentences with multiple clauses. Additionally, parallel structures are evident in phrases like "specialized knowledge, critical thinking skills, and networking opportunities," which enhances coherence and readability.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a strong command of varied sentence structures, further diversification could enhance the overall quality. Introducing occasional use of rhetorical questions, inverted sentences, or appositive phrases can add depth and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, incorporating occasional short, punchy sentences for emphasis or contrast can create a more dynamic rhythm and engage the reader further.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy and proficient use of punctuation. Complex grammatical structures are employed effectively, contributing to clarity and coherence. Punctuation marks are appropriately utilized to denote sentence boundaries, separate clauses, and clarify meaning. For instance, in the sentence "Moreover, starting work immediately provides individuals with the opportunity to earn a steady income, gain financial independence, and avoid the burden of student loan debt," commas are appropriately used to separate items in a series, ensuring clarity and readability.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains a strong level of grammatical accuracy, occasional errors in subject-verb agreement or tense consistency can be addressed for further refinement. Proofreading carefully for such errors and ensuring consistency throughout the essay can enhance overall clarity and precision. Additionally, paying attention to the correct use of apostrophes in possessive forms and avoiding common punctuation mistakes, such as comma splices or run-on sentences, can elevate the professionalism of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, the subject of debate revolves around whether to pursue higher education at a university or college or to enter the workforce immediately after completing school. Advocates of higher education argue that attaining a degree is an essential requirement for acquiring well-compensated positions. They believe that higher education equips individuals with specialized knowledge, critical thinking skills, and networking opportunities that are crucial for professional advancement. Additionally, a degree is often considered necessary for securing well-paying jobs with opportunities for career growth.

On the other hand, proponents of entering the workforce straight after school argue that practical experience gained on the job is more likely to lead to successful career outcomes than theoretical knowledge acquired through formal education. They contend that hands-on experience allows individuals to develop relevant skills, industry-specific expertise, and a strong work ethic from an early stage. Moreover, starting work immediately provides individuals with the opportunity to earn a steady income, gain financial independence, and avoid the burden of student loan debt.

In my opinion, both paths have their merits, and individuals should deliberately consider their career aspirations, strengths, and personal preferences when making this decision. While a university or college education can provide a solid foundation and open doors to diverse career opportunities, gaining practical experience early on can also be advantageous in terms of skill development and industry exposure. Ultimately, a combination of academic knowledge and real-world experience is likely to yield the most successful career outcomes. Therefore, individuals should carefully consider their aspirations, strengths, and preferences when deciding whether to pursue higher education or enter the workforce directly after school.