The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

There are the number of traditional concepts which older generations have created such as how people must think, live and have behavior. However, it is believed that most of these ideas have became outdate. These can't help people particularly young ones prepare for current society. Although I agree that not at all of the older's opinions are helpless, I also believe young people should be allow to do what they want and expess themselves.
It cannot be dennied that traditional ideas still have their values. Older people want themselves live with a term. This term may help people aware of their actions whether right or wrong. To illustrate, our ancestor strongly believe women mustn't eear these dress which is over sexy because of keeping their pure. Or they believe that youngsters should show respect to their elder relatives. These are examples of ideas which i think they still have values.
But, in the other hand, somethings of older's opinion are really becoming not suitable with the age of globalization. Forcing youngsters follow their standards can prevent them from development. Youngsters can forget their values, which is the most important thing each individual must have. For instance, older generations believe that women must stay at home and become a good housewife. That concept is really inparticular. Nowadays, woman get permission to develop their work by themselves. Also, they can express their desires and dreams. As a result, women have a numerous of opportunities to have important position in their field. And following women show their talent helps society become prospective.
In conclusion, i strongly stress that some traditional concepts of older generations are essential, but there are some of which arenot suitable for youngsters follow in digital society today.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are the number of" -> "There are a number of"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "number" corrects the grammatical error and ensures the phrase is accurately used to indicate the existence of multiple traditional concepts.
"have became outdate" -> "have become outdated"
Explanation: "Have became" is grammatically incorrect; the correct form is "have become." Additionally, "outdate" should be "outdated" to correctly use the adjective form, enhancing the sentence’s formal tone.
"These can’t help" -> "These cannot assist"
Explanation: Replacing the contraction "can’t" with "cannot" adheres to the formal style by avoiding contractions. Changing "help" to "assist" employs a more formal synonym.
"not at all of the older’s opinions are helpless" -> "not all of the older generation’s opinions are without merit"
Explanation: "Not at all of the older’s opinions are helpless" is awkwardly phrased and informal. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise language, improving the academic tone.
"be allow to do" -> "be allowed to do"
Explanation: Correcting "allow" to "allowed" fixes the grammatical error, ensuring the verb tense agrees with the modal verb "be."
"expess" -> "express"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "expess" to "express" eliminates the typographical error.
"It cannot be dennied" -> "It cannot be denied"
Explanation: Correcting "dennied" to "denied" fixes the spelling mistake.
"want themselves live with a term" -> "wish to live by a principle"
Explanation: The phrase "want themselves live with a term" is unclear and awkward. "Wish to live by a principle" is a clearer and more formal way to express the intended meaning.
"our ancestor strongly believe" -> "our ancestors strongly believed"
Explanation: Changing "ancestor" to "ancestors" corrects the grammatical number to plural, matching the context. "Believe" should be in the past tense "believed" to maintain consistency in tense.
"mustn’t eear these dress which is over sexy" -> "must not wear such dresses that are overly provocative"
Explanation: "Mustn’t eear" is corrected to "must not wear" for formal tone and spelling. "These dress which is over sexy" is rephrased to "such dresses that are overly provocative" for clarity and appropriateness in academic writing.
"in the other hand" -> "on the other hand"
Explanation: The correct idiom is "on the other hand," which is used to introduce an opposing viewpoint in a more formal and correct manner.
"somethings of older’s opinion" -> "some aspects of the older generation’s opinions"
Explanation: "Somethings of older’s opinion" is awkward and unclear. "Some aspects of the older generation’s opinions" is clearer and more formally structured.
"really becoming not suitable" -> "increasingly becoming unsuitable"
Explanation: "Really becoming not suitable" is awkwardly phrased. "Increasingly becoming unsuitable" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea that something is gradually becoming inappropriate.
"inparticular" -> "particularly"
Explanation: "Inparticular" is not a word; the correct term is "particularly." This correction clarifies the intended meaning and corrects the spelling error.
"woman get permission to develop" -> "women are allowed to pursue"
Explanation: Changing "woman" to the plural "women" corrects the grammatical number. "Get permission to develop" is awkward and informal; "are allowed to pursue" is more formal and precise.
"a numerous of opportunities" -> "numerous opportunities"
Explanation: "A numerous of" is incorrect. The correct phrase is "numerous opportunities," which is grammatically correct and maintains formal tone.
"And following women show their talent" -> "Furthermore, when women showcase their talents"
Explanation: Starting a sentence with "And" is informal; "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional word. "Following women show their talent" is rephrased for clarity and formality.
"i" -> "I"
Explanation: The pronoun "I" should always be capitalized in English for proper grammar and formality.
"arenot" -> "are not"
Explanation: "arenot" is a typographical error. The correct form is two separate words: "are not."
"follow in digital society today" -> "adhere to in today’s digital society"
Explanation: "Follow in digital society today" is awkwardly phrased. "Adhere to in today’s digital society" is clearer and employs more formal vocabulary, improving the sentence’s academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both sides of the argument, agreeing that some traditional ideas hold value while also asserting that certain notions are outdated. It discusses the importance of traditional concepts but also highlights the necessity for young people to have the freedom to express themselves.
- How to improve: While the essay generally addresses all parts of the question, it could benefit from clearer articulation of how the outdated traditional ideas specifically hinder young people in preparing for modern life. Providing more concrete examples and elaborating on the potential consequences of clinging to outdated norms would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that while some traditional ideas retain value, others are no longer suitable for modern society. The position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph explicitly supports the established position. Additionally, avoid any statements that might inadvertently weaken the essay’s stance, such as suggesting that "not at all of the older’s opinions are helpless."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in their development and support. While it mentions examples such as women’s dress codes and roles, it does not thoroughly analyze or elaborate on them to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas, provide specific examples with detailed explanations and relevant evidence. This could include statistics, studies, or real-life anecdotes to illustrate the impact of traditional ideas on young people in modern society. Additionally, ensure that each idea is logically connected to the overall argument to enhance coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the relevance of traditional ideas to modern life and their impact on younger generations. However, there are instances where the focus wavers slightly, such as the brief mention of globalization without directly connecting it to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid tangential discussions and ensure that every point made directly contributes to addressing the prompt. Clearly link each example or argument back to the overarching theme of the impact of traditional ideas on younger generations in modern society.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more thorough development of ideas, and tighter focus to strengthen its argument and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some level of organization, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas is abrupt, and the development of arguments lacks coherence. For example, the essay transitions abruptly from discussing the value of traditional ideas to criticizing outdated notions without a smooth segue. This lack of smooth transition affects the overall logical progression of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more coherently. Begin with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points of your argument. Ensure each paragraph develops a single idea, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly through your arguments, creating a more cohesive narrative.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single aspect or argument related to the prompt. However, some paragraphs in the essay cover multiple ideas or lack clear topic sentences, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument cohesively.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring paragraphs around a central idea or argument. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point. Then, provide supporting details and examples to reinforce your argument. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next, maintaining a coherent progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas, but the variety and effectiveness are limited. While some transition words and phrases are used (e.g., "but," "in conclusion"), their usage is inconsistent, and there is a lack of sophistication in connecting complex ideas cohesively.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used in the essay to improve coherence and cohesion. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases such as "furthermore," "however," "on the other hand," etc., to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, use pronouns, demonstratives, and parallel structures to establish connections within and between sentences, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the effective use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, you can enhance the clarity and coherence of your writing, leading to a more cohesive and persuasive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with attempts to convey ideas using varied terms. For instance, phrases such as "traditional concepts," "outdate," "express themselves," "ancestor," "standard," and "globalization" are employed. However, there’s room for improvement in the diversity and precision of vocabulary usage. The essay would benefit from incorporating more nuanced and contextually appropriate vocabulary to enhance clarity and depth of expression.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider integrating more specific and sophisticated terms that accurately convey the intended meanings. For instance, instead of repeatedly using the term "traditional," explore synonyms such as "conventional," "time-honored," or "age-old" depending on the context. Additionally, expand your vocabulary by reading widely and actively learning new words, phrases, and idiomatic expressions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally demonstrates imprecise vocabulary usage, leading to ambiguity or lack of clarity in conveying ideas. For example, in the phrase "it cannot be dennied," the word "dennied" is misspelled and should be corrected to "denied." Furthermore, phrases like "not at all of the older’s opinions are helpless" lack precision and could be clarified for better understanding. Precision in vocabulary usage enhances the effectiveness of communication and strengthens the coherence of arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, strive for accuracy and clarity in expressing ideas. Proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct spelling errors, ensuring consistent adherence to grammatical conventions. Additionally, when selecting words and phrases, consider their precise meanings within the given context and aim to convey thoughts with clarity and specificity. Utilize dictionaries, thesauruses, and language resources to expand your vocabulary and refine your language skills.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors that impact the overall readability and professionalism of the writing. For instance, "number" should be corrected to "a number," "became" to "become," "outdate" to "outdated," "allow" to "allowed," "dennied" to "denied," "eear" to "wear," "inparticular" to "in particular," among others. These errors detract from the quality of the essay and undermine the credibility of the writer.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, allocate sufficient time for proofreading and editing your work before submission. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software to identify and correct errors automatically. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and patterns in English, and practice spelling challenging words regularly. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify recurring spelling mistakes and implement targeted strategies for improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a limited range of sentence structures, primarily consisting of simple and compound sentences. There’s a lack of complexity and variation in sentence structure, which affects the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay. Examples of sentence structures include subject-verb-object constructions with occasional subordinate clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and fluency of the essay, the writer should incorporate a more diverse range of sentence structures. This could involve utilizing complex sentences with relative clauses, participial phrases, and conditional constructions. Additionally, varying sentence lengths and incorporating rhetorical devices such as parallelism and inversion can add depth and sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout its text. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("There are the number…") and verb tense consistency ("it is believed that most of these ideas have became outdate"). Punctuation marks are often misused or omitted, leading to unclear or awkward sentences. For example, missing commas after introductory phrases ("Although I agree that not at all of the older’s opinions are helpless, I also believe young people should be allow to do what they want and expess themselves") and inconsistent capitalization ("globalization. Forcing" should be "globalization, forcing").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review and revise sentences for subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation errors. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct these issues. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools can aid in improving accuracy. Engaging in regular practice with grammar exercises and paying attention to correct punctuation usage can also contribute to overall improvement in grammar and punctuation skills. Additionally, ensuring a consistent level of formality throughout the essay can further enhance clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are a number of traditional concepts that older generations have established, such as how people should think, live, and behave. However, it is believed that most of these ideas have become outdated. These cannot assist people, particularly young ones, in preparing for current society. Although I agree that not all of the older generation’s opinions are without merit, I also believe young people should be allowed to do what they want and express themselves.

It cannot be denied that traditional ideas still hold value. Older people wish to live by a principle. This principle may help people become aware of their actions, whether right or wrong. To illustrate, our ancestors strongly believed that women must not wear dresses that are overly provocative in order to maintain their purity. They also believed that youngsters should show respect to their elder relatives. These are examples of ideas which I believe still hold value.

On the other hand, some aspects of the older generation’s opinions are increasingly becoming unsuitable in today’s digital society. Forcing youngsters to adhere to these standards can hinder their development. Youngsters may forget their values, which is the most important thing each individual must have. For instance, older generations believe that women must stay at home and become good housewives. That concept is particularly outdated. Nowadays, women are allowed to pursue their work independently. They can also express their desires and dreams. Consequently, women have numerous opportunities to attain important positions in their field. Furthermore, when women showcase their talents, it helps society become more prospective.

In conclusion, I strongly stress that some traditional concepts of older generations are essential, but there are some which are not suitable for youngsters to follow in today’s digital society.