The line chart below shows how often the Canadians practice exercise during a week.

The line chart illustrates how often the Canadian practice exercises during week.

There are two main exercises that the chart mention: push-ups and sit-ups Both push-ups and sit-ups. have a surge at the end.

Sunday is the best day for Canadian practice exercises. Push ups and sit-ups hit the highest-point on Sunday and Monday is the least-activity.

On Monday, push-ups start at 4 times a day, then It begins to rise everyday. So at the weekends, the line of push-ups reaches the peak, 16 times a day.

Same as line push-ups, although sit-ups start at 5 times a day, a moderate surge is seen on sunday. Finally, the line hit 8 times a day at the weekend, the highest point.

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Errors and Improvements:

"how often the Canadian practice exercises during week" -> "the frequency of Canadian exercise routines throughout the week"
Explanation: "How often" is too informal for this context. "Canadian practice exercises" could be clarified as "Canadian exercise routines". Replacing "during week" with "throughout the week" enhances clarity and formality.
"that the chart mention" -> "mentioned in the chart"
Explanation: "that the chart mention" lacks proper grammar. "Mentioned in the chart" provides a clearer and grammatically correct structure.
"Both push-ups and sit-ups. have a surge at the end." -> "Both push-ups and sit-ups experience a surge towards the end."
Explanation: The original sentence is fragmented and lacks proper structure. "Experience a surge towards the end" is a more coherent and grammatically correct phrase.
"Sunday is the best day for Canadian practice exercises." -> "Sunday sees the highest engagement in Canadian exercise routines."
Explanation: "Best day" is subjective and not precise enough. "Sees the highest engagement" is more objective and formal.
"hit the highest-point" -> "reach the peak"
Explanation: "Hit the highest-point" is awkward and lacks fluency. "Reach the peak" is a more idiomatic and concise expression.
"is the least-activity" -> "experiences the lowest level of activity"
Explanation: "Least-activity" is not grammatically correct. "Experiences the lowest level of activity" provides a clearer and more formal description.
"then It begins to rise everyday" -> "then it steadily increases every day"
Explanation: "It begins to rise everyday" lacks clarity and proper structure. "Steadily increases every day" is more precise and grammatically correct.
"So at the weekends" -> "Thus, on weekends"
Explanation: "So at the weekends" is informal and lacks clarity. "Thus, on weekends" provides a smoother transition and maintains formality.
"Same as line push-ups" -> "Similarly, like push-ups"
Explanation: "Same as line push-ups" is unclear and lacks proper structure. "Similarly, like push-ups" provides a clearer comparison.
"although sit-ups start at 5 times a day" -> "while sit-ups begin at 5 times a day"
Explanation: "Although sit-ups start at 5 times a day" is grammatically incorrect. "While sit-ups begin at 5 times a day" provides a clearer contrast.
"a moderate surge is seen on sunday" -> "a modest increase is observed on Sunday"
Explanation: "Moderate surge is seen on Sunday" is awkwardly phrased. "A modest increase is observed on Sunday" is more concise and formal.
"Finally, the line hit 8 times a day at the weekend" -> "Ultimately, the frequency reaches 8 times a day on the weekend"
Explanation: "Finally, the line hit 8 times a day at the weekend" lacks clarity and precision. "Ultimately, the frequency reaches 8 times a day on the weekend" provides a clearer description of the data.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in exercise frequency among Canadians during the week. It adequately highlights key features such as the surge in push-ups and sit-ups towards the end of the week, with Sunday being the most active day. However, the details provided could be more accurate and relevant, as there are some inconsistencies and unclear descriptions.
How to improve: To improve, ensure accuracy and clarity in describing the data presented in the chart. Provide more specific details about the trends observed, avoiding unnecessary repetition and focusing on relevant information. Additionally, consider organizing the essay more cohesively to enhance readability. Avoid statements that may confuse the reader, and aim for a more precise and detailed analysis of the data. This will help strengthen the overall presentation of the essay and increase its effectiveness in conveying information.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the frequency of exercise among Canadians but lacks coherence and cohesion. There is some attempt at organization, such as mentioning the two main exercises and discussing the days of the week, but the progression is unclear. The essay jumps between discussing push-ups and sit-ups without a clear structure. Additionally, there are issues with cohesion as some sentences lack logical connections, leading to a disjointed flow of ideas. Basic cohesive devices are used inconsistently, and there is repetition without clear referencing or substitution. Paragraphing is inadequate, with the essay appearing as a single, poorly structured block of text.

How to improve:

Organize ideas logically: Create a clear structure for the essay, perhaps starting with an introduction that summarizes the main points, followed by separate paragraphs for push-ups and sit-ups with clear transitions between them.
Use cohesive devices effectively: Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and accurately to establish logical relationships between ideas. This will help improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
Improve paragraphing: Divide the essay into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data. This will enhance readability and make the essay easier to follow for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetitive language use ("push-ups" and "sit-ups" are repeated frequently). While there is an attempt to convey information about the frequency of exercise, the vocabulary lacks variety and sophistication. Some errors in word choice and collocation are evident, such as "Canadian practice exercises" instead of "Canadians practicing exercise." Additionally, there are noticeable errors in sentence structure and grammar that affect clarity and coherence.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on enhancing vocabulary variety and precision. Introduce synonyms and alternative phrases to avoid repetition. Use more sophisticated language to describe the data presented in the chart, such as "frequency of physical activity" instead of "Canadian practice exercises." Pay close attention to word choice, collocation, and sentence structure to convey ideas more effectively. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors is essential to ensure clarity and coherence in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there are several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation throughout the text. The use of subordinate clauses is limited, and errors predominate, which affects the clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the score, focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Pay attention to sentence structures, ensuring a balance between simple and complex forms. Practice using subordinate clauses effectively to convey ideas with clarity. Additionally, proofreading for errors before submission can significantly improve the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line chart depicts the frequency of exercise among Canadians throughout the week. It outlines two primary exercises: push-ups and sit-ups.

Both push-ups and sit-ups exhibit an upward trend towards the end of the week, with Sunday emerging as the peak day for exercise. Conversely, Monday records the lowest activity levels.

Commencing at four times a day on Monday, the frequency of push-ups gradually escalates, reaching a peak of sixteen times a day on weekends.

Similarly, sit-ups commence at five times a day and experience a moderate increase by Sunday. Ultimately, they reach a peak of eight times a day on weekends.