The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe and Japan from 1993 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe and Japan from 1993 to 2007.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph despicts trends in joblessness levels in three regions of the world between 1993 and 2007. Overall, the unemployment rate increased in Japan, although the opposite was true in the UK and the rest of Europe. Furthermore, the Europe's unemployment rate was continuously higher than the other two for the majority of the time. At the start. of the period, the UK had the highest unemployment rate, at approximately 11%. This figure subsequently fell to 5% after 8 years, remaining stable until 2005, when it rose by 1% in the final year. Meanwhile, the EU had a similar declining trend. It began the era at 9%, overtook the UK in 1997, and reached a peak of over 12% before falling sharply to just under 8%. Japan's unemployment rate grew slightly to 3% in 1995, after starting at 2%, the lowest in the chart, and then leveled out during the next four years. It expanded significantly from 1999 to 2003, peaking at 6% but then falling to 4% by the conclusion of the period.

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Errors and Improvements:

"despicts" -> "depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is the correct spelling of the word, meaning to show or represent by a drawing, painting, or other art form.
"joblessness" -> "unemployment"
Explanation: While "joblessness" is not incorrect, "unemployment" is a more formal and commonly used term in academic or professional contexts.
"although the opposite was true" -> "while the reverse was the case"
Explanation: "While the reverse was the case" provides a more sophisticated alternative to "although the opposite was true," enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Moreover" is a more formal transition word that indicates a stronger connection between ideas, enhancing the coherence of the paragraph.
"Europe’s unemployment rate" -> "the unemployment rate in Europe"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to "the unemployment rate in Europe" improves clarity and readability by placing the noun closer to its modifier.
"the start. of the period" -> "the outset of the period"
Explanation: "Outset" is a more precise and formal term for the beginning of a period, enhancing the sophistication of the sentence.
"overtook" -> "surpassed"
Explanation: "Surpassed" is a more precise and formal term for one thing exceeding another, adding sophistication to the description of the trend.
"peaking at over 12%" -> "reaching a peak of over 12%"
Explanation: "Reaching a peak of over 12%" provides a clearer and more formal description of the highest point of the trend.
"leveled out" -> "stabilized"
Explanation: "Stabilized" is a more formal and precise term for a trend becoming steady, enhancing the sophistication of the description.
"expanded significantly" -> "experienced significant expansion"
Explanation: "Experienced significant expansion" provides a more formal and precise description of the increase in unemployment rate in Japan.
"the conclusion of the period" -> "the end of the period"
Explanation: "The end of the period" is a clearer and more commonly used phrase to refer to the conclusion of a time frame, improving clarity and readability.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in unemployment rates for the UK, the rest of Europe, and Japan from 1993 to 2007. Key features, such as initial rates, trends over time, and peak periods, are highlighted and illustrated appropriately.
How to improve: To improve to a higher band score, consider extending the analysis by providing more specific data points or discussing the implications of the trends observed in the graph. Additionally, ensure that all information provided is accurate and relevant to the task. Further elaboration on the reasons behind the trends could enhance the depth of analysis.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay demonstrates clear organization and progression of ideas. It effectively summarizes the main features of the graph, providing comparisons where relevant. The information is logically sequenced, with each paragraph focusing on a central topic related to the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe, and Japan. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring consistent and logical paragraphing throughout the essay. Additionally, aim for more varied sentence structures to maintain reader engagement and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "despicts" instead of "depicts," which shows some awareness of style. Additionally, the essay uses varied expressions like "joblessness levels" and "declining trend," indicating a moderate level of lexical resource. There are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the Europe’s" instead of "Europe’s," but they do not significantly impede understanding. Overall, the vocabulary usage allows for clear communication of the main features of the graph.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more precise and varied vocabulary choices. Avoid occasional errors in word choice and collocation by proofreading carefully. Additionally, consider using a wider range of less common lexical items to further enrich the essay’s vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. The use of transitional phrases such as "Overall," and "Meanwhile," contributes to coherence. The essay effectively conveys the main trends and makes comparisons between the regions, providing a clear overview of the data.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy further, consider refining sentence structures for clarity and precision. Additionally, ensure consistent use of punctuation throughout the essay to minimize occasional errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the fluctuations in unemployment rates across three geographical regions, namely the UK, the rest of Europe, and Japan, spanning from 1993 to 2007.

Overall, Japan experienced a gradual increase in its unemployment rate throughout the period, in stark contrast to the declining trends observed in both the UK and the rest of Europe. Notably, the unemployment rate in Europe consistently exceeded that of the other regions for the majority of the timeframe.

At the commencement of the period, the UK exhibited the highest unemployment rate, standing at approximately 11%. However, this rate progressively decreased over the subsequent eight years, stabilizing at 5% until 2005, when a marginal increase of 1% was noted in the final year.

Similarly, the rest of Europe displayed a downward trajectory in its unemployment rate. Initially recorded at 9%, it surpassed the UK’s rate in 1997 and peaked at over 12% before experiencing a sharp decline to just under 8%.

Conversely, Japan initiated the period with the lowest unemployment rate among the depicted regions, at 2%. Despite a slight increase to 3% in 1995, the rate remained relatively stable over the following four years. Subsequently, a significant expansion was observed from 1999 to 2003, reaching a peak of 6%, before tapering to 4% by the conclusion of the period.