The diagram below shows how tomato ketchup is made commercially.

The process demonstrates the steps involved in producing tomato ketchup for business.

Overall, this process includes 14 steps in total, starting with collecting the tomatoes and concluding with delivering the final product to supermarket.

At the first stage of this process, the tomatoes is harvested before being distributed good and bad. Next, the fruit is sent to the factory. Firstly, the tomatoes are removed stalk, seeds and skin. After being put them in the containers, the machine is used to crush the tomatoes. Nextly, spice is added.

Once the tomatoes is cooked, it is leaved for two hours. After the tomatoes cool, it is poured into the jars. Nextly, the ketchup bottles are labeled before being checked the quality. After that, it is packed into the cartons, which is then delivered into the store.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"the tomatoes is harvested" -> "the tomatoes are harvested"
Explanation: "Is" is incorrect here because "tomatoes" is plural, so it should be "are" to agree with the subject.
"before being distributed good and bad" -> "before being sorted into quality categories"
Explanation: "Distributed good and bad" is awkward and unclear. "Sorted into quality categories" is a clearer and more precise description of the process.
"Firstly, the tomatoes are removed stalk, seeds and skin." -> "First, the tomatoes are destalked, deseeded, and skinned."
Explanation: "Removed stalk, seeds and skin" is grammatically incorrect and lacks parallelism. "Destalked, deseeded, and skinned" maintains parallel structure and clarity.
"After being put them in the containers" -> "After placing them in the containers"
Explanation: "Put them" is awkward and colloquial. "Placing them" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"Nextly" -> "Next"
Explanation: "Nextly" is not a standard term. "Next" is a simpler and more appropriate transition.
"Once the tomatoes is cooked" -> "Once the tomatoes are cooked"
Explanation: Similar to the first error, "is" should be "are" to match the plural subject "tomatoes."
"it is leaved for two hours" -> "it is left to sit for two hours"
Explanation: "Leaved" is incorrect; the correct verb form is "left." "Left to sit for two hours" provides clarity about what happens during this stage.
"After the tomatoes cool" -> "After the tomatoes have cooled"
Explanation: Adding "have" before "cooled" creates the correct verb tense (present perfect) for the sequence of actions.
"Nextly, the ketchup bottles are labeled" -> "Next, the ketchup bottles are labeled"
Explanation: "Nextly" is non-standard; "Next" is more appropriate for transitioning between steps.
"before being checked the quality" -> "before undergoing quality checks"
Explanation: "Being checked the quality" is grammatically incorrect. "Undergoing quality checks" is a clearer and more formal expression.
"it is packed into the cartons" -> "it is packed into cartons"
Explanation: "Into the cartons" is redundant; "into cartons" is simpler and more concise.
"which is then delivered into the store" -> "which are then delivered to the store"
Explanation: "Into the store" suggests that the cartons are physically placed inside the store, while "to the store" indicates that they are transported to the store.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by outlining the process of making tomato ketchup commercially. It provides an overview of the steps involved, including harvesting tomatoes, processing them, adding spices, cooking, packaging, and delivering the final product to stores. However, there are several issues that prevent it from achieving a higher score. The essay lacks coherence and clarity due to grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and inconsistent use of tense. Additionally, some details are inaccurate or unclear, such as the mention of "distributing good and bad" tomatoes and the phrase "the machine is used to crush the tomatoes" without specifying which machine. Overall, while the main stages of the process are covered, the presentation and accuracy of details could be improved.

How to improve:

Clarity and coherence: Ensure sentences are grammatically correct and logically organized to improve the overall clarity of the essay.
Accuracy: Provide accurate and specific details about each step of the process, avoiding vague or misleading statements.
Consistency: Maintain consistent tense and tone throughout the essay to enhance coherence and readability.
Detail: Add more detail where necessary to provide a clearer understanding of each stage of the process, including any equipment or specific procedures involved.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, starting with an overview of the process and then detailing the steps involved. However, there is a lack of overall progression, as some steps are mentioned without clear sequencing. Additionally, there are issues with cohesion and coherence, such as grammatical errors ("the tomatoes is harvested"), lack of clarity in sentence structure, and inconsistent use of cohesive devices.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on structuring the information in a more logical sequence, ensuring each step follows logically from the previous one. Clear and accurate use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional phrases, should be employed to connect ideas and improve flow. Additionally, addressing grammatical errors and refining sentence structure will enhance clarity and coherence. Finally, organizing the essay into paragraphs with clear topic sentences for each step would improve overall readability and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic vocabulary with some repetitive use and inappropriate word choices for the task. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling throughout the essay. The essay lacks sophistication in lexical features and does not effectively convey precise meanings.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, focus on expanding vocabulary by incorporating more varied and appropriate terms related to the topic of tomato ketchup production. Pay attention to word choice and use precise language to convey each step of the process accurately. Additionally, work on improving spelling and word formation to enhance clarity and readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex forms. However, there are significant grammatical errors throughout the text, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the tomatoes is harvested", "the tomatoes are removed stalk"), incorrect verb forms ("is leaved" instead of "is left"), and missing articles ("the tomatoes", "the containers"). Punctuation is often faulty, with missing commas and incorrect use of conjunctions. These errors significantly detract from the clarity and accuracy of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on practicing sentence structure variety, subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and proper use of articles. Pay close attention to punctuation rules, including commas, periods, and conjunctions. Reviewing grammar resources and proofreading carefully can help in identifying and correcting these errors. Additionally, practice writing more complex sentences while ensuring accuracy to enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram delineates the commercial process of manufacturing tomato ketchup.

Overall, the process encompasses 14 distinct stages, commencing with the collection of tomatoes and culminating in the distribution of the final product to supermarkets.

In the initial phase, tomatoes are harvested and sorted into categories of good and defective. Subsequently, the fruits are transported to the factory. Firstly, the tomatoes undergo destalking, deseeding, and skin removal. They are then placed into containers and crushed using machinery. Following this, spices are introduced.

Once the tomatoes are cooked, they are left to stand for two hours. After cooling, they are transferred into jars. Subsequently, the ketchup bottles undergo labeling and quality inspection. Upon completion, they are packaged into cartons and subsequently dispatched to stores.