Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon ?

There’s a discussion about a phenomenon that many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. In my opinion, that which countries tend to develop tourism cause many problems.
On the one hand, expanding tourist industries bring a lot of advantages. If it focus to tourism, it will become famous and rich. Therefore, the developing countries which develop quickly turn to developed countries. It’s a basis for popular’s living is improved.
More than that, expanding tourist industries has more disadvantages than drawback. Firstly, this phenomenon is a factor in pollution. With the arrival of tourists, many hotels and industrials will appear that is cause noise, soil and air pollution. Some kinds of hotel like built near or on the beach, invaded the forest,… leads to a deficiency of green space.
However, to solve the problems about the environment, we can develop green tourism. In short, I still agree with the statement that expanding tourist industries has more disadvantage than drawback.

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Errors and Improvements:

"many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries" -> "numerous developing countries are presently expanding their tourism sectors"
Explanation: "Tourist industries" is a bit colloquial and lacks specificity. "Tourism sectors" is a more formal and precise term that better suits academic writing.
"In my opinion, that which countries tend to develop tourism cause many problems." -> "In my view, the trend of countries developing tourism tends to create numerous challenges."
Explanation: The phrase "that which countries tend to develop tourism" is awkward and unclear. "In my view" is a more concise and formal expression of opinion. Also, "cause many problems" can be replaced with "create numerous challenges" for a more sophisticated tone.
"If it focus to tourism" -> "If they focus on tourism"
Explanation: "If it focus to tourism" is grammatically incorrect. "They" is a more appropriate pronoun for referring to countries, and "on tourism" is the correct preposition to use in this context.
"it will become famous and rich" -> "it will gain prominence and prosperity"
Explanation: "Famous and rich" is too simplistic and lacks nuance. "Gain prominence and prosperity" provides a more sophisticated and precise description of the outcome.
"It’s a basis for popular’s living is improved." -> "It serves as a foundation for improving the standard of living."
Explanation: "Popular’s living" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Serves as a foundation for improving the standard of living" is a clearer and more formal expression.
"More than that" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "More than that" is more colloquial and less formal compared to "Furthermore," which is a common transition phrase in academic writing.
"expanding tourist industries has more disadvantages than drawback" -> "the expansion of tourist industries entails more drawbacks than benefits"
Explanation: "Has more disadvantages than drawback" is grammatically incorrect. "Entails more drawbacks than benefits" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"Firstly, this phenomenon is a factor in pollution." -> "Firstly, this phenomenon contributes to environmental pollution."
Explanation: "Is a factor in pollution" is a bit vague and less formal. "Contributes to environmental pollution" is a more specific and formal expression.
"With the arrival of tourists, many hotels and industrials will appear that is cause noise, soil and air pollution." -> "The influx of tourists leads to the establishment of numerous hotels and industries, resulting in noise, soil, and air pollution."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. "The influx of tourists" is a more formal expression, and restructuring the sentence for clarity improves its readability.
"Some kinds of hotel like built near or on the beach, invaded the forest,…" -> "The construction of hotels, particularly those built near or on beaches, and the encroachment into forests,…"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Restructuring the sentence and using parallel structure enhances readability and formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the advantages and disadvantages of developing tourism industries in developing countries. It briefly mentions both aspects but lacks depth and clarity in discussing them. The response acknowledges that tourism can lead to economic growth but primarily focuses on the drawbacks, particularly environmental concerns.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more balanced analysis by elaborating on the advantages of developing tourism industries. This could involve discussing how tourism creates job opportunities, stimulates local economies, and fosters cultural exchange. Additionally, a clearer structure with separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages would enhance coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position against the expansion of tourist industries in developing countries. However, the stance is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. While the conclusion reaffirms the negative impact of tourism expansion, the body paragraphs lack a strong, consistent argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should establish a clear thesis statement in the introduction outlining their stance on the issue. Each body paragraph should then support this position with specific reasons and examples. Additionally, using transition words to guide the reader through the argument would enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks development and support. For instance, it mentions the economic benefits of tourism expansion briefly without providing examples or elaboration. Similarly, the environmental drawbacks are mentioned without detailed explanation or evidence.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should extend and support their ideas with relevant examples, statistics, or anecdotes. Providing specific instances of how tourism has impacted developing countries economically and environmentally would strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on the proposed solution of green tourism would enhance the depth of analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of expanding tourism industries in developing countries. However, there are instances of unclear or off-topic statements, such as the mention of "a basis for popular’s living is improved," which is not directly related to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding tangential remarks and maintaining a clear connection between each idea and the topic of tourism expansion would improve coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay addresses some aspects of the prompt, it lacks depth, coherence, and consistency in presenting and supporting ideas. By providing more balanced analysis, clearer arguments, and supporting evidence, the essay could significantly improve its Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a basic level of logical organization by presenting both advantages and disadvantages of expanding tourism industries. However, the lack of a clear introduction and conclusion hinders the overall coherence. The essay jumps abruptly into the discussion without a proper introduction, and the conclusion feels rushed and abrupt.
- How to improve: Begin with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay. Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs and conclude by summarizing the main arguments presented.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they lack clear structure and coherence. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect (advantages or disadvantages) of expanding tourism industries. Additionally, the paragraphs lack topic sentences, making it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Use supporting sentences to develop and elaborate on the topic, and conclude with a sentence that links back to the main thesis of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, which results in a disjointed flow of ideas. This absence makes it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of arguments and connections between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices throughout the essay to create coherence and cohesion. Examples include transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand"), pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), and repetition of key terms to reinforce connections between ideas.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents some valid points regarding the advantages and disadvantages of expanding tourism industries, improvements in coherence and cohesion are necessary to enhance clarity and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some varied expressions such as "phenomenon," "developing countries," "advantages," "disadvantages," "pollution," and "green tourism." However, there is room for improvement in utilizing a more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary to convey ideas with precision and depth. For instance, instead of repeatedly using phrases like "tourist industries" and "developing countries," the writer could employ synonyms or explore nuanced terms to enrich the discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should incorporate a wider array of vocabulary by utilizing synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "tourist industries," consider employing terms like "hospitality sector," "travel and tourism sector," or "leisure industry." Additionally, expanding the use of adjectives, adverbs, and descriptive language can add depth to the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates imprecise vocabulary usage at times. For instance, the phrase "develop tourism cause many problems" lacks specificity and clarity. Additionally, the term "popular’s living is improved" is grammatically incorrect and could be better articulated. While some vocabulary is used effectively, there are instances where more precise language could enhance clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should strive for clarity and accuracy in expression. Instead of vague phrases like "develop tourism cause many problems," provide specific details about the problems caused by tourism development, such as environmental degradation, cultural commodification, or socioeconomic disparities. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and coherence can help refine the expression of ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors, such as "drawback" instead of "downside" and "phenomenon" instead of "phenomena." While the overall spelling accuracy is decent, there are instances where errors detract from the professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should employ proofreading techniques such as spell-checking software and manual review. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can aid in avoiding errors. Practicing writing exercises with a focus on spelling can also contribute to improvement over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. It predominantly employs simple sentence structures, with occasional use of compound and complex sentences. For example, "There’s a discussion about a phenomenon that many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries" (simple), "If it focus to tourism, it will become famous and rich" (conditional), and "More than that, expanding tourist industries has more disadvantages than drawback" (compound-complex). However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the sentence structures further to enhance the coherence and complexity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures such as complex-compound sentences, conditional clauses, relative clauses, and participial phrases. This can be achieved by varying sentence lengths, utilizing conjunctions, and employing advanced grammatical structures to convey ideas more precisely and fluently. Additionally, employing rhetorical devices such as parallelism and inversion can further enrich the language and captivate the reader’s attention.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the text. For instance, "If it focus to tourism" should be "If it focuses on tourism," "cause many problems" should be "causes many problems," and "popular’s living is improved" should be "the living standards of the population improve." Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas after introductory phrases and inconsistent use of capitalization. These errors detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is advisable to review fundamental grammar rules and practice proofreading techniques. Specifically, focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper use of articles. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation rules, including comma usage for clarity and coherence. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct these errors. Seeking feedback from peers or tutors on specific areas of improvement can also be beneficial in refining writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a discussion surrounding the current trend where numerous developing countries are presently expanding their tourism sectors. In my view, this expansion brings forth both advantages and disadvantages.

On the positive side, the development of tourism can lead to various benefits. When a country focuses on tourism, it can gain fame and wealth. Consequently, countries experiencing rapid tourism growth often transition into developed nations. This, in turn, improves the standard of living for the populace.

However, the expansion of tourist industries also presents several drawbacks. Firstly, it contributes to pollution. The influx of tourists results in the construction of numerous hotels and industrial facilities, leading to noise, soil, and air pollution. Moreover, establishments such as beachfront hotels or those encroaching upon forests contribute to the depletion of green spaces.

Nevertheless, there are potential solutions to mitigate these environmental concerns, such as promoting green tourism initiatives. In summary, while tourism expansion offers certain advantages, it also poses significant disadvantages, particularly concerning environmental degradation.