The charts below give information about the people who use public libraries and the main reasons to visit in Britain in 1991 and 2000. Summarize the information making comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts illustrate how readers used public libraries and the proportion of different reasons why they visited in Britain in 2 distinct years, 1999 and 2000.

Overall, although the percentage of borrowing and returning books decreased over the given period, it still accounted for the majority of the total share. In contrast, the remaining reasons, except ‘return borrow and return videos’, decreased in 2000.

In 1991, the main reason for people to go to public libraries was borrowing and returning books, which accounted for 65%. Reading newspaper or magazine was the second popular purpose which took up 15% of the total, while obtaining information and studying shared the same figure of one-tenth each.

In 2000, the percentage of borrowing and returning books decreased by 10%, but it still maintained its popularity to readers to stop by the libraries. Similarly, the figures for reading newspaper and magazine and studying declined to 5% and 2%, respectively. Conversely, obtaining information doubled after nine years. Even though borrowing and returning videos only appeared in 2000, it made up 18% of the total.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"illustrate" -> "depict"
Explanation: The term "depict" is more formal and sophisticated than "illustrate," enhancing the overall vocabulary of the essay.
"proportion" -> "distribution"
Explanation: "Distribution" is a more precise term to describe how readers used public libraries, adding clarity and specificity to the sentence.
"given period" -> "specified timeframe"
Explanation: "Specified timeframe" is a more formal and precise alternative to "given period," elevating the vocabulary of the essay.
"main reason" -> "primary motive"
Explanation: "Primary motive" is a more advanced and formal term than "main reason," enhancing the sophistication of the language used in the essay.
"took up" -> "constituted"
Explanation: "Constituted" is a more formal and precise verb choice compared to "took up," improving the overall vocabulary of the essay.
"figures" -> "percentages"
Explanation: "Percentages" is a more accurate and formal term to refer to numerical data in this context, providing a more sophisticated tone to the essay.
"doubled" -> "increased twofold"
Explanation: "Increased twofold" is a more precise and formal way to express that obtaining information doubled, adding sophistication to the language used in the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the information presented in the charts about the people who use public libraries and the main reasons for visiting in Britain in 1991 and 2000. The overview provided is clear and highlights the main trends and changes between the two years. Key features and bullet points are presented and highlighted, such as the shift in percentages for different reasons for visiting the library over the years.

How to improve:
To improve the essay and potentially reach a higher band score, consider providing more specific details and examples from the charts to support the comparisons made. Additionally, ensure that the information is fully extended and that all key features are thoroughly discussed. Avoid generalizations and focus on presenting a more detailed analysis of the data presented in the charts.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information by comparing the data from 1991 and 2000. There is a clear progression throughout the essay, starting with an overview and then detailing the specific data for each year. The use of transitional phrases helps in maintaining coherence. The central topic of each paragraph is well-defined, focusing on different aspects of library usage in the two years.

The essay uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, such as ‘although’, ‘in contrast’, ‘similarly’, and ‘conversely’, to connect ideas and show relationships between the data points. The use of these cohesive devices helps in guiding the reader through the comparison of the two sets of data. Additionally, the essay effectively uses paragraphing to separate different ideas and data points, enhancing the overall organization of the response.

How to improve: To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied cohesive devices and transitions to connect ideas within and between sentences. Ensure that the progression of ideas is even more seamless by providing clearer connections between paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of referencing and substitution to avoid any potential confusion for the reader. Overall, continue to focus on maintaining a logical flow of information throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow for flexibility and precision in conveying the information about the charts. The writer uses less common lexical items such as ‘proportion and ‘distinct’ with some awareness of style collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, such as ‘1999’ instead of ‘1991’, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer can focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and paying closer attention to word choice and spelling accuracy. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary related to data analysis and comparison could enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good of complex structures, such as using subordinate clauses and comparison structures. The sentences are mostly error-free, with only a few minor errors that do not significantly affect communication. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, enhancing the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score, the writer could focus on using more advanced sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, paying attention to minor errors such as subject-verb agreement or tense consistency can further enhance the overall quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts depict the utilization of public libraries and the distribution of various reasons for visiting in Britain during two distinct years, 1991 and 2000.

Overall, while the percentage of individuals borrowing and returning books experienced a decline over the specified period, it remained the predominant activity. Conversely, the other purposes, with the exception of ‘return borrow and return videos’, decreased in 2000.

In 1991, the primary motive for individuals visiting public libraries was borrowing and returning books, constituting 65% of the total. Reading newspapers or magazines followed as the second most popular reason, accounting for 15%, while obtaining information and studying each represented one-tenth of the total.

By 2000, the percentage of individuals borrowing and returning books had decreased by 10%, yet it continued to be a favored activity among library visitors. Similarly, the percentages for reading newspapers and magazines and studying decreased to 5% and 2%, respectively. In contrast, the percentage of individuals obtaining information doubled after nine years. Additionally, borrowing and returning videos, a new category in 2000, comprised 18% of the total visits.