Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

In contemporary society, it is a fact that lack of sleep is a popular issue for a large number of individuals. This essay will analyze some main reasons why this problem happens and suggest several solutions for improving.
Lack of sleep can be explained by a combination of reasons. First and foremost, there are various things that make individuals feel nervous and uncomfortable. For instance, people’s anxiety can derive from their family, jobs, and health; leading to physical and mental diseases if it happen for a long time. Another compelling reason is that people have a variety of missions and onuses to complete, leading to reduced sleep time. To illustrate, most companies and corporations distribute a big deal of deadlines needed to complete effectively to earn profits in their workplace, so employees have to do extra time.
Some solutions to this problem can be taken into consideration. The efficient solution is individuals need to keep their minds peaceful. This can be explained by people always calm before any difficult situations, then solve each problem suitably. Another possible solution is that individuals should concentrate on their work and complete the deadline on work time. Because people will not have to spend the night time to complete tasks, resulting in conceiving a good sleep schedule to improve their well-being.
In conclusion, the feeling of anxiety and a large volume of work are the main causes of lack of sleep. However, some solutions such as keeping peace minds and setting up the work are efficient and should be taken into account.

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Errors and Improvements:

"popular issue for a large number of individuals" -> "prevalent problem among a significant portion of the population"
Explanation: "Popular issue" is somewhat colloquial for an academic context. "Prevalent problem among a significant portion of the population" conveys the same idea in a more formal and precise manner.
"Lack of sleep can be explained by a combination of reasons." -> "The phenomenon of sleep deprivation can be attributed to various factors."
Explanation: "Lack of sleep" is replaced with "sleep deprivation" for a more formal tone. "Can be explained by a combination of reasons" is replaced with "can be attributed to various factors" for clarity and formality.
"First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: "First and foremost" is slightly informal. "Primarily" is a more formal alternative that maintains the same meaning.
"For instance" -> "For example"
Explanation: Both phrases are interchangeable, but "For example" is slightly more formal and commonly used in academic writing.
"leading to physical and mental diseases if it happen for a long time" -> "potentially resulting in long-term physical and mental health ailments"
Explanation: "Physical and mental diseases" is less formal. "Potentially resulting in long-term physical and mental health ailments" offers a more formal and precise description.
"missions and onuses" -> "responsibilities and obligations"
Explanation: "Missions and onuses" are not standard terms and sound informal. "Responsibilities and obligations" are more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"big deal of deadlines needed to complete effectively to earn profits" -> "significant number of deadlines required to be met efficiently to generate profits"
Explanation: "Big deal of deadlines" is colloquial. "Significant number of deadlines required to be met efficiently to generate profits" is a more formal and descriptive alternative.
"Some solutions to this problem can be taken into consideration." -> "Several solutions to address this issue can be considered."
Explanation: "Some solutions can be taken into consideration" is less formal. "Several solutions to address this issue can be considered" is clearer and more formal.
"The efficient solution is individuals need to keep their minds peaceful." -> "An effective solution involves maintaining peace of mind."
Explanation: "The efficient solution is individuals need to keep their minds peaceful" is grammatically awkward and lacks formality. "An effective solution involves maintaining peace of mind" is clearer and more formal.
"people always calm before any difficult situations" -> "individuals remain calm in the face of challenging circumstances"
Explanation: "People always calm before any difficult situations" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Individuals remain calm in the face of challenging circumstances" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"conceiving a good sleep schedule" -> "establishing a healthy sleep schedule"
Explanation: "Conceiving a good sleep schedule" is slightly awkward and informal. "Establishing a healthy sleep schedule" is clearer and more formal.
"the feeling of anxiety and a large volume of work" -> "anxiety and a heavy workload"
Explanation: "The feeling of anxiety and a large volume of work" is somewhat redundant and informal. "Anxiety and a heavy workload" is more concise and formal.

Overall, these changes enhance the formality and clarity of the essay, making it more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt by discussing the problems caused by lack of sleep (anxiety, workload) and proposing solutions (maintaining peace of mind, managing workload effectively).
- How to improve: While the essay does touch upon the problems and solutions related to lack of sleep, a more thorough analysis could be provided. For instance, elaborating on specific health consequences of sleep deprivation and offering a wider range of solutions could enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by acknowledging lack of sleep as a prevalent issue and proposing solutions to address it.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the writer could explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for emphasis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented, but they lack development and support. For instance, while the essay mentions anxiety and workload as causes of sleep deprivation, it does not delve into these factors in depth or provide evidence to support the claims.
- How to improve: To enhance the quality of ideas presented, the writer should provide specific examples or statistics to substantiate arguments and offer more detailed explanations to support their claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing problems and solutions related to lack of sleep. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused, such as providing a more detailed analysis of the specific problems caused by lack of sleep.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic of lack of sleep and avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and focus. By providing more detailed explanations, supporting arguments with evidence, and staying closely aligned with the topic, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that states the issue and outlines the essay’s structure. Body paragraphs present reasons for lack of sleep and corresponding solutions, following a clear pattern of cause and effect. The conclusion summarizes the main points. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence. For instance, the shift from discussing causes to proposing solutions feels slightly abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly connect ideas throughout the essay. For example, phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "In addition to this," can help signal the progression of thought and improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to organize ideas, with clear topic sentences introducing each main point. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and cohesion. For instance, the second paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs—one discussing anxiety and another addressing work-related stress—to enhance clarity and focus.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced and cohesive paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and providing sufficient supporting details. Additionally, consider using transition words or phrases at the beginning of paragraphs to reinforce the logical flow between ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited use of cohesive devices. While some linking words and phrases are employed (e.g., "First and foremost," "Another compelling reason," "In conclusion"), their use is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. Additionally, the essay would benefit from more explicit connections between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and frequency of cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion. Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "Nevertheless," to establish clearer relationships between ideas. Additionally, use pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of repeating "solution" multiple times, vary the language by using synonyms like "remedy," "resolution," or "strategy" to maintain reader interest and enhance cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are some instances of varied vocabulary usage, such as "contemporary society," "missions," and "onus." However, there is room for improvement in terms of diversifying vocabulary further to enhance clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enrich the lexical resource, aim to incorporate more precise and nuanced vocabulary choices. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "individuals," consider synonyms like "citizens," "individuals," or "members of society." Additionally, explore synonyms for common words like "problem," "solution," and "reason" to add depth to your expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay sometimes utilizes vocabulary precisely, such as in the phrases "combination of reasons" and "physical and mental diseases." However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could be clarified for better understanding, such as "missions and onuses" which could be replaced with more specific terms like "tasks and responsibilities."
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Instead of using broad terms like "things" and "stuff," opt for more specific nouns or descriptors. Additionally, when introducing concepts, ensure that the vocabulary chosen accurately reflects the intended message to avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy overall. Most words are spelled correctly, but there are a few minor errors, such as "happen" instead of "happens" and "peaceful" instead of "peacefully."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully after writing to catch any spelling errors. Additionally, utilizing spelling checkers and practicing spelling through exercises or writing tasks can help reinforce correct spelling patterns.

Overall, while the essay shows competence in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary, precision of word choice, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, using words more precisely, and paying attention to spelling, the clarity and sophistication of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to incorporate varied sentence structures, although the diversity is somewhat limited. There is evidence of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in utilizing more complex sentence structures, such as using subordinate clauses or participial phrases, to enhance coherence and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, try incorporating a wider variety of sentence types. Experiment with complex sentence structures by using subordinating conjunctions like "although," "while," or "because" to add depth to your ideas. Additionally, consider using participial phrases or gerunds to provide additional information within sentences. This will not only enrich your writing but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a reasonably high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that slightly hinder the clarity of expression. For example, the phrase "make individuals feel nervous and uncomfortable" lacks parallelism, and the use of "onus" instead of "onus" is incorrect. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases and conjunctions, which affect the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, parallel structure, and verb tense consistency. Review the proper usage of words to ensure precision in expression. Furthermore, practice using punctuation marks effectively, including commas, semicolons, and colons, to clarify sentence structure and enhance readability. Consider revising your sentences to ensure clarity and coherence, and proofread your essay carefully to catch any remaining errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, it is evident that many individuals face difficulties in obtaining adequate sleep. This essay will explore the primary reasons behind this prevalent problem and propose potential solutions to address it.

The phenomenon of sleep deprivation can be attributed to various factors. Primarily, individuals often experience heightened levels of anxiety and discomfort stemming from various aspects of their lives, such as familial responsibilities, job-related stress, and concerns about their health. Prolonged periods of anxiety can potentially result in long-term physical and mental health ailments. Additionally, the significant number of deadlines required to be met efficiently to generate profits in the workplace can lead to a reduction in sleep time, as employees may find themselves working extra hours to fulfill their obligations.

Several solutions to address this issue can be considered. An effective solution involves maintaining peace of mind amidst challenging circumstances. By ensuring that individuals remain calm in the face of stressors, they can approach problems more effectively and reduce the negative impact on their sleep patterns. Another solution is to prioritize completing tasks during designated work hours, thereby minimizing the need to work late into the night. By managing workload effectively, individuals can establish a healthy sleep schedule and improve their overall well-being.

In conclusion, the prevalence of anxiety and heavy workloads are significant contributors to the lack of sleep experienced by many individuals. However, by implementing solutions such as maintaining peace of mind and managing work responsibilities efficiently, it is possible to mitigate these challenges and promote better sleep habits.