Some people believe that the most effective way to reduce environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. Agree or Disagree

Many people hold the opinion that raising the price of fossil fuel is a well-rounded solution to mitigate environmental damage. While I concede that imposing higher fuel prices holds true, there are some cases where this statement is inapplicable.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why increasing the cost of fuel is understandable. First and foremost, when fuels are becoming more expensive than ever, the transitioning from fossil-fueled machinery to more cost-effective options is obvious. As a result, these alternative options will aid in reducing carbon emissions wasted to the environment which can improve overall air quality. In addition, higher fuel prices may foster the green energy research developed by businesses. To illustrate, during the period of rising fuel costs, developing environment-friendly resources is necessary to catch up with the market and at the same time not affect profits too much.

On the other hand, despite several arguments above, I am of the opinion of the agreement mentioned above more adversely. To begin with, it is likely that higher costs of fuel may place a heavier financial burden on plenty of companies. In other words, imposing higher fuel prices leads to the problem that there are more and more financial disadvantages for companies such as reducing profit margins or inadequate demand. Another main reason is that enhancing green energy will be a better holistic solution, so the collective effort of the authorities to develop alternative sources of energy is crucial. Therefore, government agencies need to pay attention to subsidizing the transition to green resources such as solar energy and hydraulic power to ensure sustainable development.

In conclusion, the raising price of fossil fuel may be able to protect the environment when transitioning from fossil-fueled machinery to more cost-effective options or researching green energy. Nevertheless, I believe it is better not to do this because of having a better holistic solution and a heavier financial burden placed on companies.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Many people hold the opinion" -> "Many individuals maintain the viewpoint"
Explanation: "Hold the opinion" is a common phrase but using "maintain the viewpoint" elevates the language to a more formal tone.
"well-rounded solution" -> "comprehensive solution"
Explanation: "Well-rounded" is more colloquial; "comprehensive" is a more precise and formal term for academic writing.
"imposing higher fuel prices holds true" -> "implementing higher fuel prices holds true"
Explanation: "Imposing" is a bit informal; "implementing" is a more formal synonym often used in academic contexts.
"On the one hand, there are a number of reasons" -> "On one hand, several reasons exist"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase while maintaining formality improves clarity and academic tone.
"transitioning from fossil-fueled machinery" -> "shifting from fossil-fueled machinery"
Explanation: "Transitioning" is more casual; "shifting" is a suitable alternative for formal writing.
"to more cost-effective options is obvious" -> "to more cost-effective alternatives is evident"
Explanation: "Obvious" can be overly simplistic; "evident" is a more formal synonym that fits academic writing.
"these alternative options will aid" -> "these alternatives will facilitate"
Explanation: "Aid" is less formal; "facilitate" is a more precise and academic term.
"foster the green energy research developed by businesses" -> "promote the research of green energy undertaken by businesses"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to avoid redundancy and enhance clarity and formality.
"developing environment-friendly resources is necessary" -> "developing environmentally friendly resources is imperative"
Explanation: Using "necessary" is somewhat informal; "imperative" is a stronger and more formal term in academic writing.
"during the period of rising fuel costs" -> "amidst increasing fuel costs"
Explanation: "During the period of" is a bit verbose; "amidst increasing" is a concise alternative that maintains formality.
"financial disadvantages for companies such as reducing profit margins or inadequate demand" -> "financial setbacks for companies, such as diminished profit margins or insufficient demand"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision while maintaining formal language.
"Another main reason is that enhancing green energy will be a better holistic solution" -> "Another significant rationale is that enhancing green energy offers a more holistic solution"
Explanation: Rephrasing for clarity and using "significant rationale" instead of "main reason" enhances formality.
"so the collective effort of the authorities" -> "thus, the concerted effort of the authorities"
Explanation: "So" is somewhat informal; "thus" is a more formal transition, and "concerted" adds emphasis.
"to ensure sustainable development" -> "to ensure the sustainability of development"
Explanation: Slight modification for clarity and precision while maintaining formality.
"may be able to" -> "might"
Explanation: "May be able to" is a bit redundant; "might" is a more concise alternative for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt by discussing both the agreement and disagreement with the idea of increasing fuel costs to reduce environmental problems. It acknowledges the validity of raising fuel prices while also presenting counterarguments against this approach.
- How to improve: To further enhance task response, the essay could provide a more balanced discussion by exploring potential benefits of raising fuel prices in addition to the drawbacks highlighted.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, initially agreeing with the idea of increasing fuel costs to address environmental issues but later disagreeing with this approach. The position shift is well-articulated, contributing to the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction and ensure that subsequent paragraphs consistently support this position without ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas adequately, providing examples and reasoning to support both perspectives on the issue. It effectively extends its arguments by discussing the potential consequences of raising fuel prices and advocating for alternative solutions.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer could offer more in-depth analysis of the potential impacts of higher fuel costs on various stakeholders, such as consumers, businesses, and the environment.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the effectiveness of raising fuel prices as a means of reducing environmental problems. However, there are instances where the discussion slightly deviates to alternative solutions, such as government subsidies for green energy.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should limit digressions and ensure that all points made directly relate to the central argument about the efficacy of increasing fuel costs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments both for and against raising fuel prices to address environmental concerns, there is room for improvement in terms of providing a more balanced discussion, clarifying the author’s stance, offering deeper analysis, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic. With these enhancements, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. The introduction sets up the argument clearly, presenting both sides of the issue. Body paragraphs follow a clear structure, with each presenting a different perspective on the topic. However, there are instances where the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition between the arguments in the body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one argument to the next. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph develops a single main idea coherently before moving on to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and presents it coherently. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph structure to enhance clarity and readability.
- How to improve: Pay attention to paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop this idea with supporting evidence and analysis in the body of the paragraph, and conclude with a sentence that links back to the essay’s overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "to illustrate," "to begin with"). These devices help connect ideas and improve the flow of the essay. However, there is a need for more variety and precision in the use of cohesive devices.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices beyond basic transitions to include pronouns, conjunctions, and other linking words. Additionally, pay attention to the placement and relevance of cohesive devices to ensure they contribute effectively to the coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with varied expressions such as "mitigate environmental damage," "alternative options," "financial burden," "holistic solution," and "sustainable development." However, there is room for improvement in utilizing more nuanced and precise vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary that precisely captures the intended meaning. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "alternative options," consider employing terms like "substitutive solutions" or "alternative methodologies" where appropriate. Additionally, expand your lexical repertoire by exploring synonyms and related terms through reading diverse texts and noting their usage in context.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with adequate precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For example, phrases like "higher fuel prices may foster green energy research" and "enhancing green energy will be a better holistic solution" demonstrate clarity in expression. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise, such as the phrase "transitioning from fossil-fueled machinery to more cost-effective options." Here, specifying the nature of the alternatives in greater detail could enhance precision.
- How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in vocabulary usage to avoid ambiguity and ensure clarity of expression. Instead of using broad terms like "cost-effective options," consider specifying the specific alternatives being referred to, such as "renewable energy sources" or "electric vehicles." Additionally, carefully consider the connotations and nuances of words to select the most appropriate vocabulary for conveying your ideas accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with only minor errors observed. For instance, "hydraulic" is spelled correctly, and there are no glaring spelling mistakes that impede comprehension. However, attention to detail is crucial to maintaining spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: Continue to prioritize spelling accuracy by proofreading your work carefully before submission. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software to identify and correct any errors. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary through reading and actively noting the spelling of unfamiliar words to reinforce correct spelling patterns. Regular practice and attention to detail will contribute to improved spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences, conditional sentences, and parallel structures. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences such as "While I concede that imposing higher fuel prices holds true, there are some cases where this statement is inapplicable," showcasing the ability to convey complex ideas effectively. Additionally, the use of parallel structure is evident in phrases like "reducing profit margins or inadequate demand," which enhances the coherence and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating rhetorical devices such as rhetorical questions, parallelism, and varied clause structures. Furthermore, utilizing more advanced syntactic constructions, such as inversion or ellipsis, can add sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with minimal errors detracting from clarity. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors occur, such as in the phrase "the transitioning from fossil-fueled machinery," where "the" is unnecessary. Additionally, there are occasional punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("To illustrate, during the period of rising fuel costs, developing environment-friendly resources is necessary…").
- How to improve: Paying closer attention to article usage and sentence structure can help eliminate unnecessary words and improve clarity. Proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences, will enhance the overall precision of the writing. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and rectifying grammatical and punctuation errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and syntax, with a varied range of sentence structures contributing to coherence and clarity. By addressing minor grammatical and punctuation errors and further diversifying sentence structures, the essay can elevate its sophistication and effectiveness.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals maintain the viewpoint that increasing the price of fossil fuel is a comprehensive solution to mitigate environmental damage. While I concede that implementing higher fuel prices holds true, there are some cases where this statement is inapplicable.

On one hand, there are several reasons why increasing the cost of fuel is understandable. First and foremost, amidst increasing fuel costs, the shifting from fossil-fueled machinery to more cost-effective alternatives is evident. As a result, these alternatives will facilitate the reduction of carbon emissions wasted into the environment, thereby improving overall air quality. In addition, higher fuel prices may promote the research of green energy undertaken by businesses. To illustrate, during the period of rising fuel costs, developing environmentally friendly resources is imperative to catch up with the market and, at the same time, not affect profits too much.

On the other hand, despite several arguments above, I am of the opinion of the agreement mentioned above more adversely. To begin with, it is likely that higher costs of fuel may place a heavier financial burden on plenty of companies. In other words, imposing higher fuel prices leads to the problem that there are more and more financial setbacks for companies, such as diminished profit margins or insufficient demand. Another significant rationale is that enhancing green energy offers a more holistic solution, thus, the concerted effort of the authorities to ensure the sustainability of development is crucial. Therefore, government agencies might need to pay attention to subsidizing the transition to green resources such as solar energy and hydraulic power to ensure sustainable development.