it is a natural process for animal species such as dinosaurs and dodos to become extinct. There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

it is a natural process for animal species such as dinosaurs and dodos to become extinct.
There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

there are numerous individuals argue that human should not stop extinction from happening since it is a major component of progressive evolution, while i believe that animal disappearance might result in detrimental effects to the planet such as losing biodiversity and imbalancing ecosystem

On the one hand, the option of letting extinction occur is attractive because it is a mechanism by which natural selection prunes the poorly adapted and allows the hardiest to flourish. For example, the extinction of dinosaurs lead to the diversification of the huge number of other mammals due to the competitive reduction of resources including food, territory. As a result, the annihilation of this specie might be an opportunity for others
On the other hand, I maintain that preserving endangered animals might be beneficial to humankind. Firstly, the considerable number of animals disappear might cause the loss of biodiversity. Biodiversity encompasses the cultural, ecological and evolutionary processes that endure life. Thus, losing biodiversity can have far-reaching consequences for both the environment and human population. For instance, the loss of some species might be the loss of potential cure for disease and other valuable resources due to the fact that many species are used for food, medicine, etc. Secondly, animals elimination could seriously unbalance ecosystem. The extinct of predators trigger the overpopulation of preys previously consumed by these species, which might influence to the food chain and other resources.
While there are many people believe that humans should let animals extinct, I maintain that protect endangered animals might be much more beneficial to humankind

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"numerous individuals argue that" -> "many proponents argue that"
Explanation: "Numerous individuals" is informal and lacks precision. "Proponents" is a more formal term that implies advocacy or support for a particular viewpoint.
"human should not" -> "humans should not"
Explanation: "Human" is a noun, while "humans" is the correct plural form when referring to people collectively. Using "humans" maintains grammatical accuracy.
"stop extinction from happening" -> "prevent extinction"
Explanation: "Stop extinction from happening" is redundant and awkward. "Prevent extinction" is more concise and clearer in meaning.
"losing biodiversity and imbalancing ecosystem" -> "loss of biodiversity and disruption of ecosystems"
Explanation: "Losing biodiversity" and "imbalancing ecosystem" are overly simplistic phrases. "Loss of biodiversity" and "disruption of ecosystems" convey the concept more precisely and formally.
"the option of letting extinction occur is attractive" -> "the notion of allowing extinction to proceed is appealing"
Explanation: "Option" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Notion" is a more formal synonym. Additionally, "occur" can be replaced with "proceed" for a more sophisticated tone.
"lead to the diversification" -> "led to the diversification"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense to "led" ensures grammatical consistency.
"huge number of other mammals" -> "abundance of other mammalian species"
Explanation: "Huge number" is colloquial. "Abundance" is a more formal term. "Other mammals" can be replaced with "mammalian species" for specificity.
"annihilation of this specie" -> "extinction of this species"
Explanation: "Annihilation" is overly dramatic. "Extinction" is a more appropriate term in this context. "Specie" should be "species" for grammatical correctness.
"might be an opportunity for others" -> "could present opportunities for other species"
Explanation: "Might be" is somewhat uncertain. "Could present" is more definitive. "Others" is vague and can be replaced with "other species" for clarity.
"preserving endangered animals might be beneficial" -> "conserving endangered animals is advantageous"
Explanation: "Preserving" is a suitable synonym for "conserving," but "conserving" is slightly more formal. "Might be beneficial" can be replaced with "is advantageous" for greater certainty and formality.
"the considerable number of animals disappear" -> "the significant loss of animal species"
Explanation: "The considerable number of animals disappear" lacks clarity and precision. "Significant loss of animal species" conveys the idea more clearly and formally.
"loss of biodiversity" -> "diminishment of biodiversity"
Explanation: "Loss" is a common term; "diminishment" adds variety and sophistication to the vocabulary.
"animals elimination" -> "elimination of animals"
Explanation: "Animals elimination" is grammatically incorrect. "Elimination of animals" is the proper syntax.
"extinct of predators" -> "extinction of predators"
Explanation: "Extinct of" is incorrect. "Extinction of predators" is the grammatically accurate phrase.
"influence to the food chain" -> "impact on the food chain"
Explanation: "Influence to" is incorrect usage. "Impact on" is more appropriate in this context.
"While there are many people believe" -> "While many people believe"
Explanation: "There are many people believe" lacks proper grammar. Removing "there are" corrects the structure to "many people believe."
"let animals extinct" -> "allow animals to become extinct"
Explanation: "Let animals extinct" is grammatically incorrect. "Allow animals to become extinct" is the appropriate phrasing.

These changes enhance the essay’s clarity, formality, and precision, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, discussing reasons for and against preventing extinction. It acknowledges the perspective that extinction is a natural process and provides arguments against intervening, while also presenting counterarguments in favor of preserving endangered species.
- How to improve: While the essay acknowledges both perspectives, it could benefit from a clearer structure that explicitly outlines the opposing views before presenting the writer’s opinion. Additionally, providing more specific examples to support each viewpoint would enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is clear throughout, asserting that preserving endangered animals may be beneficial to humanity. This stance is consistently maintained, and each argument presented supports this position.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the writer could consider explicitly stating their position in the introduction and conclusion paragraphs. Additionally, reinforcing the thesis statement throughout the essay would help maintain coherence and focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument and provides some elaboration, such as discussing the consequences of biodiversity loss and ecosystem imbalance. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with additional explanation and examples to enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim for greater depth in their analysis. This could involve providing more specific examples, citing relevant research or statistics, and offering counterarguments to anticipate potential objections.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the question of whether people should try to prevent extinction. However, there are minor deviations, such as the brief discussion of the diversification of mammals following the extinction of dinosaurs, which could be more directly linked to the central argument.
- How to improve: To ensure greater focus, the writer should aim to connect all points back to the main argument of whether humans should intervene to prevent extinction. This can be achieved by clearly linking each example or discussion to its relevance in supporting the overall thesis.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in terms of structure, depth of analysis, and focus. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically, with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. For instance, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother, with clearer connections established between ideas. Additionally, the development of each main point within paragraphs could be more structured and cohesive.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure of the essay, consider providing more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Furthermore, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and supports it with relevant examples or explanations. Using transition words and phrases effectively can also aid in connecting ideas between paragraphs and improving overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability and organization. However, the effectiveness of paragraphing could be improved. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument cohesively. Additionally, there are instances where paragraph breaks could be utilized more strategically to emphasize key points or transitions.
- How to improve: Focus on creating well-defined paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to enhance readability and emphasize important points. Utilize paragraph breaks strategically to signal shifts in argument or introduce new subtopics.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence, such as transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand." However, there is limited variety in the types of cohesive devices used, and their effectiveness in facilitating smooth transitions between ideas varies. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections to preceding or succeeding sentences, affecting the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay, including conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional adverbs. Ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and effectively to establish logical connections between sentences and paragraphs. Consider revising sentences to clarify relationships between ideas and improve overall coherence. Practice integrating cohesive devices seamlessly to enhance the flow of the argument and improve readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, utilizing paragraphs effectively, and employing a diverse range of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements and practicing these skills, the essay can achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of vocabulary throughout. Phrases like "major component of progressive evolution," "detrimental effects," "diversification," "annihilation," "preserving endangered animals," "loss of biodiversity," "far-reaching consequences," "unbalance ecosystem," and "protect endangered animals" contribute to the breadth of lexical resource. These varied expressions effectively convey the writer’s ideas and arguments.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary where appropriate. Additionally, strive for consistency in the sophistication of language usage across the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, terms like "extinction," "biodiversity," "evolutionary processes," and "overpopulation" are used accurately and in context. However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the option of letting extinction occur is attractive" could be strengthened with a more precise term than "attractive."
- How to improve: Aim for utmost precision in word choice throughout the essay. Utilize a thesaurus or engage in vocabulary expansion exercises to familiarize yourself with nuanced synonyms and antonyms. This practice will enable you to select the most fitting vocabulary for conveying your ideas concisely and accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays an acceptable level of spelling accuracy. There are minor errors, such as "lead" instead of "led" and "extinct" instead of "extinction," but overall, spelling does not significantly impede comprehension.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors systematically. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary can aid in recognizing and internalizing correct spelling patterns. Regular practice through reading and writing can also contribute to enhanced spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence length and structure, but some sentences could be more complex for a higher level of sophistication. For instance, while there are instances of complex sentences such as "On the one hand, the option of letting extinction occur is attractive because it is a mechanism by which natural selection prunes the poorly adapted and allows the hardiest to flourish," there could be more diversity in sentence structures to enhance coherence and engagement.
- How to improve: To further improve the range of structures, try incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, inversion, or rhetorical questions. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly and enhance the flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement issues arise, such as "there are numerous individuals argue" (should be "there are numerous individuals arguing") and "the extinct of predators trigger" (should be "the extinction of predators triggers"). Additionally, some articles are missing or misplaced, such as "the huge number of other mammals" (should be "a huge number of other mammals") and "the loss of potential cure for disease" (should be "a potential cure for disease").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofreading the essay carefully after writing can help identify and correct such errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to improve accuracy further.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammar and utilizes a variety of sentence structures, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further and ensuring greater grammatical accuracy. By implementing the suggested strategies, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many proponents argue that humans should not intervene in the process of extinction, as it is a natural phenomenon essential for evolutionary progress. However, I believe that allowing animals to disappear could have detrimental effects on the planet, such as the loss of biodiversity and the imbalance of ecosystems.

On one hand, the idea of letting extinction occur is appealing because it allows natural selection to weed out the less adapted species, enabling the survival of the fittest. For instance, the extinction of dinosaurs led to the proliferation of various other mammals, as resources like food and territory became less competitive. This demonstrates how the annihilation of one species can create opportunities for others to thrive.

On the other hand, I argue that preserving endangered animals can be advantageous for humankind. Firstly, the disappearance of a significant number of animals can result in a loss of biodiversity. Biodiversity encompasses various cultural, ecological, and evolutionary processes crucial for sustaining life. Therefore, the depletion of biodiversity can have profound repercussions for both the environment and human society. For example, the loss of certain species could mean the loss of potential cures for diseases and other valuable resources, as many species are utilized for food and medicine. Secondly, the elimination of animals could disrupt ecosystems significantly. The extinction of predators, for instance, could lead to the overpopulation of their prey, impacting the food chain and other vital resources.

While many argue in favor of allowing animals to go extinct, I contend that protecting endangered species could be much more beneficial for humankind.