Many people nowadays don’t feel safe either when they are at home or go out. What are the reasons? What can we do to solve this problem?

In contemporary society, many individuals feel unsafe both at home and when they go out. This pervasive sense of insecurity is influenced by several factors, including rising crime rates, the prevalence of media reporting on violence, and a general lack of trust in public safety measures. Addressing this issue requires a multifaceted approach involving community initiatives, improved law enforcement, and broader societal changes.
One primary reason for the heightened sense of insecurity is the increase in crime rates in many urban areas. Crimes such as burglary, theft, and violent assaults create an atmosphere of fear among residents. Additionally, extensive media coverage of violent incidents contributes to the perception that danger is omnipresent. This constant exposure to negative news can lead to an exaggerated sense of risk, even in relatively safe areas. Furthermore, the erosion of community bonds and social cohesion means that people are less likely to know and trust their neighbors, exacerbating feelings of isolation and vulnerability.
To mitigate these fears, a comprehensive strategy is necessary. Firstly, enhancing community policing efforts can foster a greater sense of security. Police officers should engage more with local communities to build trust and cooperation. Secondly, investing in public infrastructure, such as better street lighting and surveillance cameras, can deter criminal activity and provide reassurance to residents. Additionally, community programs that encourage neighborly interaction and support can rebuild social ties, making individuals feel more secure in their environments. Lastly, promoting mental health awareness and providing support for those affected by crime can help alleviate the psychological impact of living in fear.
In conclusion, while the sense of insecurity both at home and in public places is a significant concern for many today, it is not insurmountable. By addressing the root causes through improved law enforcement, better urban planning, and strengthening community relationships, we can create a safer and more reassuring environment for everyone.

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Errors and Improvements:

"many individuals feel unsafe" -> "numerous individuals experience a sense of insecurity"
Explanation: Replacing "many individuals feel unsafe" with "numerous individuals experience a sense of insecurity" elevates the language to a more formal level while maintaining clarity and precision.
"This pervasive sense of insecurity" -> "This prevalent sense of insecurity"
Explanation: "Pervasive" conveys a sense of being widespread, but "prevalent" is slightly more formal and directly implies being commonly encountered.
"influenced by several factors" -> "affected by various factors"
Explanation: "Affected by various factors" is a slightly more formal and precise phrase compared to "influenced by several factors."
"Addressing this issue requires a multifaceted approach" -> "Addressing this issue necessitates a comprehensive approach"
Explanation: "Necessitates" is a more formal alternative to "requires," and "comprehensive" emphasizes the depth and breadth of the approach.
"One primary reason" -> "One significant factor"
Explanation: "One significant factor" maintains the formal tone while being slightly more precise than "One primary reason."
"create an atmosphere of fear among residents" -> "engender a climate of fear among residents"
Explanation: "Engender" is a more sophisticated synonym for "create," enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.
"Additionally, extensive media coverage" -> "Moreover, widespread media coverage"
Explanation: "Moreover" serves as a more formal transition, and "widespread" adds precision to "extensive."
"This constant exposure to negative news" -> "This continual exposure to adverse news"
Explanation: "Continual" is a formal alternative to "constant," and "adverse" adds specificity to "negative."
"mitigate these fears" -> "alleviate these concerns"
Explanation: "Alleviate" is a more formal term than "mitigate," maintaining the academic tone of the essay.
"enhancing community policing efforts" -> "strengthening community policing endeavors"
Explanation: "Strengthening" adds emphasis and formality to the action, aligning with the academic style of the essay.
"can deter criminal activity" -> "can discourage criminal behavior"
Explanation: "Discourage criminal behavior" is a slightly more formal and precise alternative to "deter criminal activity."
"rebuild social ties" -> "reinforce social bonds"
Explanation: "Reinforce social bonds" is a more formal phrase that aligns with academic language conventions.
"alleviate the psychological impact" -> "mitigate the psychological effects"
Explanation: "Mitigate the psychological effects" is a formal and precise alternative to "alleviate the psychological impact."
"a significant concern" -> "a notable concern"
Explanation: "Notable" is a more formal synonym for "significant," maintaining the academic tone of the conclusion.
"strengthening community relationships" -> "fostering community cohesion"
Explanation: "Fostering community cohesion" is a formal and precise alternative that enhances the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons why people feel unsafe both at home and when they go out, such as rising crime rates and media reporting on violence. Furthermore, it proposes solutions to mitigate this issue, including community initiatives, improved law enforcement, and societal changes.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support the argument. Additionally, ensure that each proposed solution is elaborated upon in more detail to strengthen the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting that the sense of insecurity is influenced by various factors and can be addressed through a multifaceted approach involving community initiatives, improved law enforcement, and societal changes. Each paragraph reinforces this stance, providing arguments and solutions that align with the main position.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the thesis statement in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This can help reinforce the essay’s main argument for the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a well-organized manner, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect related to the topic. Ideas are extended through elaboration on the reasons for insecurity and the proposed solutions. Support for these ideas is provided through logical reasoning and examples, such as the impact of community policing and the importance of social ties.
- How to improve: To further enhance idea presentation, consider providing more diverse examples or case studies to illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. Additionally, ensure that each idea is thoroughly developed to strengthen the coherence and depth of analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a strong focus on the topic throughout, addressing the reasons why people feel unsafe and proposing solutions to solve this problem. There are no significant deviations from the central theme, and each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To ensure strict adherence to the topic, carefully review each paragraph to eliminate any tangential discussions or irrelevant details. Focus on maintaining relevance to the prompt’s specific requirements to strengthen the overall argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses key aspects of the task, there are opportunities for improvement in providing more specific examples, reinforcing the clarity of the main position, expanding on ideas, and maintaining strict adherence to the topic. Incorporating these suggestions can further elevate the coherence and depth of analysis in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively organizes information by introducing the problem in the first paragraph, discussing its reasons in the second paragraph, and proposing solutions in the third paragraph. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to a clear and logical progression of ideas. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, facilitating coherence.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing stronger topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a consistent focus on its respective topic without straying into unrelated ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay appropriately uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas and arguments. Each paragraph contains a cohesive set of sentences that contribute to the overall discussion. The structure of the paragraphs is effective in presenting information in a coherent manner.
- How to improve: While the essay’s paragraphing is generally effective, there are a few instances where paragraphs could be further developed to provide more detailed support for the main points. Consider expanding on specific examples or providing additional evidence to strengthen the arguments presented within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the text. Examples include transitional phrases like "firstly," "secondly," and "lastly," which help to sequence the discussion of reasons and solutions. Additionally, pronouns such as "this" and "these" are used to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, reinforcing the cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively uses cohesive devices, incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases could further enhance coherence. For instance, introducing contrastive connectors like "however" or "on the other hand" can help to emphasize differences between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, using more parallel structures and repetition of key terms can strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "contemporary society," "pervasive," "multifaceted," "exaggerated," and "cohesion." These words are utilized appropriately and effectively throughout the essay to convey nuanced meanings and enhance the clarity of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To further enrich the lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized terminology related to criminology, urban planning, and sociology where applicable. This could elevate the sophistication of the language used and provide additional depth to the analysis.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage in the essay is generally precise, with terms employed accurately to convey specific meanings. For instance, phrases like "enhancing community policing efforts," "investing in public infrastructure," and "promoting mental health awareness" demonstrate precise vocabulary selection, contributing to the clarity and coherence of the arguments.
- How to improve: While overall precision is maintained, ensure consistency in the usage of specialized terminology to avoid any ambiguity or confusion. Additionally, strive to incorporate more nuanced vocabulary choices to express ideas with even greater clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is largely satisfactory, with minimal errors observed. Common words and phrases are spelled correctly, contributing to the readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading techniques to identify and rectify any potential spelling errors. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct usage can further bolster spelling proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resources, with a wide range of vocabulary effectively utilized to address the essay prompt. By maintaining precision in vocabulary usage and ensuring spelling accuracy, the essay could achieve an even higher level of proficiency in lexical resource assessment.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex, compound, and simple sentences. For instance, complex sentences like "Addressing this issue requires a multifaceted approach involving community initiatives, improved law enforcement, and broader societal changes" showcase the writer’s ability to construct sophisticated syntactic structures. Additionally, the essay employs compound sentences such as "Furthermore, the erosion of community bonds and social cohesion means that people are less likely to know and trust their neighbors, exacerbating feelings of isolation and vulnerability," which enhance the overall coherence and depth of the argument. Moreover, the use of simple sentences ensures clarity and conciseness, contributing to the overall effectiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enrich the variety of sentence structures, the writer could experiment with more intricate constructions, such as parallelism or inverted sentences, to add stylistic flair and sophistication to the essay. Additionally, incorporating rhetorical devices like parallelism or antithesis can enhance the persuasive impact of the arguments presented.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few notable errors. The sentences are grammatically sound, and the punctuation is generally used effectively to aid clarity and coherence. For instance, phrases like "enhancing community policing efforts can foster a greater sense of security" are grammatically correct and punctuated appropriately. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as missing commas before introductory phrases or clauses ("Firstly, enhancing community policing efforts…"). Nonetheless, these errors do not significantly detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences and before introductory elements. Proofreading the essay carefully and considering the pacing and rhythm of sentences can help identify and rectify any remaining grammatical errors. Additionally, consulting grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers can provide valuable insights for improving punctuation skills and grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our modern world, numerous individuals experience a sense of insecurity whether they are at home or out in public. This prevalent feeling is affected by various factors, such as rising crime rates, widespread media coverage of violence, and a general lack of trust in public safety measures. Addressing this issue necessitates a comprehensive approach involving community initiatives, enhanced law enforcement, and broader societal changes.

One significant factor contributing to this sense of insecurity is the increase in crime rates, particularly in urban areas. Crimes like burglary, theft, and violent assaults engender a climate of fear among residents. Moreover, continual exposure to adverse news through the media amplifies this perception of danger, even in relatively safe areas. Additionally, the erosion of social bonds and community cohesion exacerbates feelings of isolation and vulnerability.

To alleviate these concerns, strengthening community policing endeavors is crucial. Police officers should engage more with local communities to build trust and cooperation, which can discourage criminal behavior. Furthermore, investing in public infrastructure, such as better street lighting and surveillance cameras, can reinforce social bonds and provide reassurance to residents. Additionally, community programs that encourage neighborly interaction and support can mitigate the psychological effects of living in fear.

In conclusion, the feeling of insecurity both at home and in public places is a notable concern in contemporary society. However, by fostering community cohesion, enhancing law enforcement efforts, and promoting mental health awareness, we can work towards creating a safer and more reassuring environment for everyone.