People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

It is true that these days people do not have a feeling of safety whether they are in their own house or when they are in public places or in the street. While the causes of this problem can be identified, I believe that some solutions could help to lessen such fear.

The perception that society is unsafe and people are at risk even at home stems from at least two reasons. One of the major causes is probably the huge gap between the rich and the poor in a community which leads to the rising crime rate. For instance, burglary and robbery have become increasingly common in Vietnam or even offenders steal and rob properties from others as their “job” or livelihood. Another reason might be the dangerous situations people encounter on the street from careless drivers or traffic jams. Unfortunately, severe accidents could happen with people who obey traffic rules well. In many recent news reports, hundreds of car incidents were caused by those who totally get drunk or at high speed, and sadly the victims are innocent good citizens.

Some simple measures should be implemented to deal with these root causes of insecurity. Firstly, authorities not only take responsibility for educating and improving residents’ awareness of crimes but also invest in providing people with job training courses. As a result, people could have a chance to be well-educated and escape from poverty. Finally, they have no reason to take things from others to make a living. Furthermore, CCTV should be fully equipped in every corner of big cities and towns in order to track bad-behaved and illegal users on the roads. As a consequence, many city dwellers might feel safer when they are out in public areas with security video cameras surroundings to make sure all happenings are records time to time.

In conclusion, the problem of poverty as a cause of crimes and the problem of road safety can be tackled by effective solutions, giving people a greater sense of security.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"It is true that these days people do not have a feeling of safety" -> "Currently, individuals lack a sense of security"
Explanation: The phrase "It is true that these days people do not have a feeling of safety" is overly simplistic. Replacing it with "Currently, individuals lack a sense of security" maintains clarity while using more formal language.
"whether they are in their own house or when they are in public places or in the street" -> "whether at home or in public spaces"
Explanation: Simplifying "whether they are in their own house or when they are in public places or in the street" to "whether at home or in public spaces" enhances readability and conciseness without sacrificing meaning.
"some solutions could help to lessen such fear" -> "potential solutions could mitigate this fear"
Explanation: "some solutions could help to lessen such fear" can be refined to "potential solutions could mitigate this fear," which is more precise and formal.
"the perception that society is unsafe" -> "the prevailing perception of societal insecurity"
Explanation: "the perception that society is unsafe" can be elevated to "the prevailing perception of societal insecurity," which conveys the idea more formally and precisely.
"one of the major causes is probably" -> "one of the primary contributing factors is likely"
Explanation: "one of the major causes is probably" can be strengthened to "one of the primary contributing factors is likely," which adds nuance and formality to the statement.
"burglary and robbery have become increasingly common" -> "incidents of burglary and robbery are on the rise"
Explanation: "burglary and robbery have become increasingly common" can be rephrased as "incidents of burglary and robbery are on the rise" for a more formal tone and clarity.
"offenders steal and rob properties from others as their ‘job’ or livelihood" -> "offenders engage in theft and robbery as a means of livelihood"
Explanation: Replacing "offenders steal and rob properties from others as their ‘job’ or livelihood" with "offenders engage in theft and robbery as a means of livelihood" improves clarity and formality.
"might be" -> "could be"
Explanation: "might be" can be replaced with "could be" for a stronger and more formal assertion.
"dangerous situations people encounter on the street from careless drivers or traffic jams" -> "hazards posed by careless drivers or congested traffic"
Explanation: Simplifying "dangerous situations people encounter on the street from careless drivers or traffic jams" to "hazards posed by careless drivers or congested traffic" improves readability and conciseness.
"severe accidents could happen with people who obey traffic rules well" -> "severe accidents could occur even among law-abiding citizens"
Explanation: "severe accidents could happen with people who obey traffic rules well" can be refined to "severe accidents could occur even among law-abiding citizens," which is more formal and precise.
"they have no reason to take things from others" -> "they would lack motivation to resort to theft"
Explanation: "they have no reason to take things from others" can be replaced with "they would lack motivation to resort to theft" for a more formal and nuanced expression.
"fully equipped" -> "adequately deployed"
Explanation: "fully equipped" can be replaced with "adequately deployed" for a more precise description of the installation of CCTV cameras.
"big cities and towns" -> "urban centers and municipalities"
Explanation: "big cities and towns" can be substituted with "urban centers and municipalities" for a more formal and sophisticated terminology.
"to track bad-behaved and illegal users on the roads" -> "to monitor reckless and unlawful behavior on the roads"
Explanation: "to track bad-behaved and illegal users on the roads" can be refined to "to monitor reckless and unlawful behavior on the roads" for a more formal and accurate expression.
"many city dwellers might feel safer when they are out in public areas with security video cameras surroundings to make sure all happenings are records time to time" -> "many urban residents may feel a heightened sense of security with comprehensive surveillance systems in public areas, ensuring ongoing documentation of events"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and formality, while replacing "surroundings" with "comprehensive surveillance systems" and "all happenings are records time to time" with "ensuring ongoing documentation of events" enhances precision and sophistication.
"the problem of poverty as a cause of crimes" -> "the correlation between poverty and crime"
Explanation: "the problem of poverty as a cause of crimes" can be replaced with "the correlation between poverty and crime" for a more concise and formal expression of the relationship between poverty and criminal activity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing causes and proposing solutions for the lack of safety at home and in public places.
- The causes discussed include the socioeconomic disparity leading to increased crime rates and the dangers posed by reckless driving.
- Solutions proposed involve addressing poverty through education and job training and enhancing road safety with measures like widespread CCTV installation.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively covers the main points, further elaboration on the societal implications of these issues could enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, advocating for addressing socioeconomic disparities and improving road safety measures as solutions to the safety concerns.
- The writer’s position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, with consistent support provided for the proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensuring that each paragraph reinforces the central argument can enhance coherence and persuasive power.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, extends arguments with examples, and supports them with relevant evidence.
- Examples such as the rise in crime rates in Vietnam and instances of accidents caused by drunk driving bolster the discussion of causes.
- The proposed solutions are elaborated upon, detailing the potential impact of education and CCTV installation.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay, deeper analysis of the effectiveness of proposed solutions or consideration of counterarguments could enhance the depth of argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing causes and solutions related to safety concerns at home and in public spaces.
- However, there are minor instances where the focus shifts slightly, such as the brief mention of poverty alleviation measures unrelated to safety.
- How to improve: Maintaining strict relevance to the prompt throughout the essay can be achieved through careful planning and constant reference to the central theme.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task requirements, effectively addressing the prompt with well-developed arguments and solutions. By refining focus and providing deeper analysis, the essay could further elevate its coherence and persuasive impact.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively organizes information, beginning with an introduction that states the problem and the proposed solutions. Each paragraph thereafter is dedicated to addressing a specific cause or solution, providing clear transitions between ideas. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the causes of insecurity, while the subsequent paragraph offers solutions. This logical progression enhances the reader’s understanding of the issue and the proposed remedies.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining topic sentences to clearly introduce each paragraph’s main idea. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one central point to avoid potential confusion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the problem or solution. The introduction presents the overarching issue, while subsequent paragraphs focus on individual causes or solutions. Each paragraph is well-developed, containing relevant details and examples to support the main idea.
- How to improve: While the essay generally utilizes paragraphs effectively, ensure that each paragraph maintains coherence by maintaining a clear focus on the central idea. Consider using topic sentences to explicitly convey the main point of each paragraph and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. These devices include transitional phrases ("While," "Another reason might be," "Firstly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"), pronouns ("this problem," "these root causes"), and repetition ("unsafe," "people"). These cohesive devices help guide the reader through the essay and reinforce key points.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transitional phrases and connectors. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and clarity. Avoid overreliance on certain cohesive devices, such as repetitive phrases, and strive for variety to enhance the overall quality of writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, utilizing paragraphs, and employing a range of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and readability. Continuing to refine these aspects of writing will further strengthen the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary. The writer employs a variety of terms to convey ideas effectively. For example, phrases like "huge gap between the rich and the poor," "rising crime rate," "offenders steal and rob properties," and "severe accidents" showcase the writer’s ability to articulate complex concepts using diverse vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical richness, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary that adds depth to the arguments. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "problem," consider alternatives like "challenge," "issue," or "dilemma" where appropriate. Additionally, incorporating specialized vocabulary related to crime prevention strategies or socioeconomic disparities can elevate the sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the vocabulary usage is precise, contributing to the clarity of the arguments presented. For instance, terms like "poverty," "crime rate," and "CCTV" are used accurately to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances where slightly more precise vocabulary could enhance the clarity of expression. For example, instead of using "bad-behaved," employing terms like "reckless" or "law-breaking" would provide clearer delineation of behavior.
- How to improve: Continuously refine vocabulary selection by considering the nuances of meaning in different contexts. Utilize a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises to explore alternative terms and select the most fitting ones for each context. Additionally, pay attention to connotations and subtle differences in meaning to ensure precise communication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few errors detracting from comprehension. However, there are occasional instances of misspelled words, such as "records" instead of "recorded" and "happenings" instead of "events." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they suggest areas for improvement in spelling consistency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools to identify and correct errors. Additionally, practice spelling frequently encountered words and pay attention to common spelling patterns to reinforce correct usage. Developing a habit of revising written work systematically can also help catch and rectify spelling mistakes effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the author uses simple sentences for straightforward statements like "Some simple measures should be implemented to deal with these root causes of insecurity." Additionally, they employ compound sentences to connect related ideas, such as "Firstly, authorities not only take responsibility for educating and improving residents’ awareness of crimes but also invest in providing people with job training courses." Furthermore, complex sentences are utilized to convey more intricate thoughts, like "While the causes of this problem can be identified, I believe that some solutions could help to lessen such fear."
- How to improve: To enhance the richness of expression, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or sentences with subordinate clauses. This can elevate the sophistication of the writing and provide greater depth to the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. The author effectively employs proper subject-verb agreement, consistent verb tense usage, and correct pronoun usage throughout the essay. For instance, in the sentence "Firstly, authorities not only take responsibility for educating and improving residents’ awareness of crimes but also invest in providing people with job training courses," the subject "authorities" agrees with the verb "take" and the pronoun "their" correctly refers to "residents." Moreover, punctuation marks such as commas, periods, and apostrophes are used appropriately to enhance clarity and readability.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains a strong grasp of grammar and punctuation, minor improvements can be made in punctuation consistency and clarity. Pay close attention to punctuation marks to ensure consistency in their usage throughout the essay. Additionally, consider varying punctuation techniques, such as using semicolons or em dashes, to add variety and precision to sentence structures. Finally, proofreading the essay thoroughly can help identify and rectify any lingering grammatical or punctuation errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that in today’s society, individuals lack a sense of security, whether at home or in public spaces. While the causes of this issue are identifiable, potential solutions could mitigate this fear.

The prevailing perception of societal insecurity arises from several factors. One of the primary contributing factors is likely the stark disparity between the affluent and the impoverished within a community, leading to an increase in criminal activities. For instance, incidents of burglary and robbery are on the rise, with offenders engaging in theft and robbery as a means of livelihood. Additionally, hazards posed by careless drivers or congested traffic contribute to the sense of insecurity. Severe accidents could occur even among law-abiding citizens, further exacerbating this concern.

To address these root causes, simple yet effective measures can be implemented. Firstly, authorities should prioritize both educating and raising awareness among residents regarding criminal activities, while also investing in job training programs. By providing opportunities for education and employment, individuals may find alternative means of livelihood, reducing the incentive for theft and robbery. Moreover, comprehensive surveillance systems, such as CCTV cameras, should be adequately deployed in urban centers and municipalities to monitor reckless and unlawful behavior on the roads. With ongoing documentation of events, many urban residents may feel a heightened sense of security in public areas.

In conclusion, the correlation between poverty and crime, along with issues related to road safety, can be addressed through effective solutions, ultimately providing people with a greater sense of security.