Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Opinions are divided into whether nowadays people have relied more on each other or whether individuals tend to create their own self-reliant environments. While I understand the former view, I am still in favor of the latter.

Those who believe that people are likely to depend on each other may have some reasons. From their perspective, some people struggle to manage time, thus they cannot look after their juveniles . To be specific, individuals have to face financial challenges such as electrical bills or their kid’s school fees. As a result, they have to let grandparents or babysitters take care of their children. Another argument for this is that people need to depend on each other to do teamwork. Specifically, there are many works which require each member of a team to complete. For example, students at university have to count on other members to fulfill their tasks.

Nevertheless, I still hold the belief that people are more and more independent. Firstly, this modern life along with good education and better jobs made us greatly independent. Today most women are also no longer dependent on men, even financially. Adolescents are doing part-time jobs for pocket money and minor study expenses. This will make them independent in all sectors. For instance, the majority of managers in the company are female and they left their families to fend for themselves very early. Further, in American countries, kids work part-time to make them financially independent, and they have the freedom to make decisions about their future.

In conclusion, some individuals consider us dependent on each other nowadays, I would argue that due to the reasons mentioned above, people are more independent than ever.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Opinions are divided into whether nowadays people have relied more on each other or whether individuals tend to create their own self-reliant environments." -> "Opinions are divided on whether contemporary society leans more towards interdependence or individuals forging self-reliant environments."
Explanation: Replacing "whether nowadays people have relied more on each other" with "whether contemporary society leans more towards interdependence" provides a more formal and precise expression. "Self-reliant environments" remains appropriate but specifying "contemporary society" enhances clarity.
"While I understand the former view, I am still in favor of the latter." -> "While I acknowledge the former perspective, I favor the latter."
Explanation: "While I understand" can be replaced with "While I acknowledge," which is more formal. "Perspective" is a more academic term than "view," and "favor" is more precise than "am in favor of."
"Those who believe that people are likely to depend on each other may have some reasons." -> "Advocates of interdependence argue for several reasons."
Explanation: "Those who believe" is overly simplistic; "advocates of interdependence" is more academic. "May have some reasons" is vague and informal; "argue for several reasons" is clearer and more formal.
"From their perspective, some people struggle to manage time, thus they cannot look after their juveniles." -> "From their perspective, individuals often find it challenging to manage their time effectively, leaving them unable to care for their children."
Explanation: "Struggle to manage time" is less formal; "find it challenging to manage their time effectively" is clearer and more precise. "Juveniles" is overly informal; "children" is more appropriate in an academic context.
"To be specific, individuals have to face financial challenges such as electrical bills or their kid’s school fees." -> "Specifically, individuals encounter financial challenges such as utility bills and their children’s school fees."
Explanation: "To be specific" can be replaced with "Specifically" for conciseness and formality. "Electrical bills" is informal; "utility bills" is more appropriate. "Kid’s school fees" should be corrected to "children’s school fees" for proper academic style.
"Another argument for this is that people need to depend on each other to do teamwork." -> "Furthermore, collaboration often necessitates interdependence among team members."
Explanation: "Another argument for this" is vague; "furthermore" connects the argument more clearly. "Depend on each other" is less formal; "necessitates interdependence" is more precise and academic.
"Specifically, there are many works which require each member of a team to complete." -> "Specifically, many tasks require collective effort from all team members."
Explanation: "Many works which require each member of a team to complete" is awkward; "tasks require collective effort from all team members" is more direct and formal.
"Nevertheless, I still hold the belief that people are more and more independent." -> "Nevertheless, I maintain that people are increasingly independent."
Explanation: "Hold the belief" is less formal; "maintain" is a more appropriate term in academic writing. "More and more independent" can be replaced with "increasingly independent" for clarity and conciseness.
"Firstly, this modern life along with good education and better jobs made us greatly independent." -> "Firstly, modern life, along with improved education and job opportunities, has significantly enhanced our independence."
Explanation: "This modern life" is too informal; "modern life, along with improved education and job opportunities" provides a more precise and formal description. "Made us greatly independent" is informal; "has significantly enhanced our independence" is more suitable.
"Today most women are also no longer dependent on men, even financially." -> "Today, most women are financially independent from men."
Explanation: "No longer dependent on men, even financially" is less concise and somewhat informal. "Financially independent from men" is a more direct and formal expression.
"Adolescents are doing part-time jobs for pocket money and minor study expenses." -> "Adolescents engage in part-time work to earn pocket money and cover incidental study expenses."
Explanation: "Doing part-time jobs" is colloquial; "engage in part-time work" is more formal. "Minor study expenses" should be clarified as "incidental study expenses" for better clarity and formality.
"Further, in American countries, kids work part-time to make them financially independent, and they have the freedom to make decisions about their future." -> "Moreover, in the United States and other American nations, children take on part-time employment to achieve financial autonomy and exercise autonomy in shaping their futures."
Explanation: "Further" is less formal than "Moreover." "American countries" should specify "the United States and other American nations" for clarity. "Make them financially independent" should be corrected to "achieve financial autonomy."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives presented in the prompt. It discusses the view that individuals are more dependent on each other by mentioning reasons such as financial challenges and the need for teamwork. It also presents the opposing view that people are becoming more independent due to factors like education, employment, and financial autonomy.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both views, it could enhance its comprehensiveness by delving deeper into the implications of each perspective. Providing more nuanced examples or counterarguments could strengthen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring the belief that people are becoming more independent. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, where the author consistently argues for increasing independence.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the author could explicitly state their position in the introduction to set a clear trajectory for the essay. Additionally, reinforcing this position with stronger language throughout the essay can bolster its coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument but tends to focus more on supporting the view that people are becoming more independent. Examples such as women’s financial independence and adolescents working part-time are provided to strengthen this perspective.
- How to improve: While providing ample support for the favored viewpoint, the essay could benefit from expanding upon the arguments supporting increased interdependence. Including more diverse examples and elaborating on the implications of reliance on others would enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the prompt’s central question regarding the perceived shift towards either dependence or independence among individuals. However, there are instances where the connection to the topic could be strengthened. For example, the discussion of women’s financial independence could be tied more explicitly to the theme of interdependence.
- How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the essay could consistently relate each argument and example back to the overarching theme of societal dependence or independence. This ensures that all content directly contributes to the exploration of the prompt’s subject matter.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, reinforcing clarity of position, enriching the discussion with diverse examples, and maintaining a tighter connection to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting opposing views, and a conclusion summarizing the author’s stance. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, providing supporting examples and explanations.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to facilitate the flow of ideas. Additionally, consider presenting counterarguments more explicitly to strengthen the coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the prompt, allowing for clear development and coherence within the essay. However, there are areas where paragraph structure could be improved for better clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Consider revising paragraphs to maintain a consistent focus throughout and avoid tangential discussions.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), transitional phrases (e.g., "Nevertheless," "In conclusion"), and repetition of key terms (e.g., "independent"). These cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by linking ideas and facilitating smooth transitions between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "furthermore") and parallel structure, to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and effectively throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas where improvements can be made to further enhance the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the author can elevate the clarity and coherence of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied expressions used to convey ideas throughout the essay. For example, the author employs synonyms like "relied on," "self-reliant," "struggle," "manage time," "juveniles," "financial challenges," "modern life," "adolescents," "part-time jobs," "managers," and "fend for themselves" to avoid repetition and add depth to the discussion.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a diverse lexicon, incorporating more advanced vocabulary or domain-specific terminology could further enhance the richness of expression. For instance, using nuanced vocabulary related to societal dynamics or economic independence could elevate the sophistication of the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, terms like "self-reliant," "financially independent," and "part-time jobs" are used accurately to articulate the concepts of independence and financial autonomy. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "let grandparents or babysitters take care of their children" could be refined to specify the role of childcare more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider utilizing specialized terminology or specific descriptors that precisely capture the intended meanings. For instance, instead of "take care of," one could use terms like "supervise," "nurture," or "care for," depending on the nuanced aspect of caregiving being described.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors detracting from overall coherence. However, there are some instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "juveniles" instead of "children" and "American countries" instead of "American countries."
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay meticulously, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in spelling conventions. Additionally, leveraging spelling tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and rectify any overlooked errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, incorporating simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, simple sentences such as "Opinions are divided into whether nowadays people have relied more on each other or whether individuals tend to create their own self-reliant environments" are used alongside compound sentences like "While I understand the former view, I am still in favor of the latter," and complex structures such as "Today most women are also no longer dependent on men, even financially."
- How to improve: To further enhance the variety of structures, consider integrating more complex sentence constructions, such as using subordinate clauses or employing rhetorical devices like parallelism and inversion. Additionally, vary sentence beginnings and lengths to add dynamism and coherence to the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation, with few notable errors. However, there are instances where incorrect verb tense agreement occurs, such as "this modern life along with good education and better jobs made us greatly independent," where the past tense "made" does not agree with the present tense context. Additionally, there are some punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, like "Today most women are also no longer dependent on men even financially," where a comma before "even financially" would improve clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to verb tense consistency throughout the essay, ensuring that verbs align with the timeframe being discussed. Furthermore, continue practicing the use of commas in compound and complex sentences to aid readability and clarify relationships between ideas. Consider utilizing proofreading techniques such as reading aloud or seeking feedback from peers to catch and rectify punctuation errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary on whether contemporary society leans more towards interdependence or individuals forging self-reliant environments. While I acknowledge the former perspective, I favor the latter.

Advocates of interdependence argue for several reasons. From their perspective, individuals often find it challenging to manage their time effectively, leaving them unable to care for their children. Specifically, individuals encounter financial challenges such as utility bills and their children’s school fees. Furthermore, collaboration often necessitates interdependence among team members. Specifically, many tasks require collective effort from all team members.

Nevertheless, I maintain that people are increasingly independent. Firstly, modern life, along with improved education and job opportunities, has significantly enhanced our independence. Today, most women are financially independent from men. Adolescents engage in part-time work to earn pocket money and cover incidental study expenses. Moreover, in the United States and other American nations, children take on part-time employment to achieve financial autonomy and exercise autonomy in shaping their futures.

In conclusion, while some individuals consider us dependent on each other nowadays, I would argue that due to the reasons mentioned above, people are more independent than ever.