The graph below shows the amount of tea and coffee imported by four different countries. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph below compares the number of tea and coffee importations by four countries in 2007. Units are measured in tonnes
It is notable that the amount of tea imported takes up the most among all nations in comparison with that of the coffee.
The highest figure for the number of tea importation was in UK with precisely 1600 tonnes while its coffee importation was seen to be the least with nearly 4000 tonnes. However, the same pattern can be witnnessed in the figure of USA and Germany even though the number of overalll importations in USA was significantly higher, at 9000 tonnes, 6000 tonnes for tea and 7000 tonnes, 5000 tonnes for coffee respectively.
There was a much larger amount of coffee compared to the amount of tea imported in the same year in Canada, with the gap of 4000 tonnes which was lower than that of the UK around 12000 tonnes.
In conclusion, the figure for USA and Germany did not record any noticeable significance ranging in 9000 tonnes down to 7000 tonnes, while in UK and Canada shown to be distinguishiably unsteady difference between the two number of importations

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"importations" -> "imports"
Explanation: "Imports" is a more concise and commonly used term to refer to the goods brought into a country from abroad.
"It is notable that" -> "It is noteworthy that"
Explanation: "Noteworthy" is a more formal and sophisticated alternative to "notable," enhancing the essay’s tone.
"takes up the most among all nations" -> "constitutes the highest proportion among all nations"
Explanation: "Constitutes the highest proportion" provides a clearer and more precise description of the comparative relationship.
"highest figure for the number of tea importation" -> "highest volume of tea imports"
Explanation: "Volume of tea imports" is a more accurate and appropriate term for describing the quantity of tea brought into a country.
"precisely 1600 tonnes" -> "exactly 1600 tonnes"
Explanation: "Exactly" is a more precise term to denote the specific quantity, enhancing clarity.
"its coffee importation was seen to be the least" -> "its coffee imports were the lowest"
Explanation: "Lowest" is a more straightforward term to convey the comparative level of coffee imports.
"the same pattern can be witnessed" -> "a similar pattern is evident"
Explanation: "Evident" conveys the idea of observation more assertively than "witnessed."
"overall importations" -> "total imports"
Explanation: "Total imports" is a clearer and more concise term to refer to the combined quantity of imports.
"overalll" -> "overall"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling mistake.
"witnnessed" -> "witnessed"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling mistake.
"in the figure of USA and Germany" -> "in the case of the USA and Germany"
Explanation: "In the case of" is a more formal and appropriate phrase to introduce the discussion about specific countries.
"significantly higher, at 9000 tonnes" -> "significantly higher, reaching 9000 tonnes"
Explanation: Adding "reaching" clarifies that 9000 tonnes is the specific value being referred to.
"6000 tonnes for tea and 7000 tonnes, 5000 tonnes for coffee respectively" -> "6000 tonnes for tea and 7000 tonnes for coffee"
Explanation: Removing the repetition of "tonnes" maintains clarity while improving the sentence’s flow.
"was a much larger amount of coffee" -> "was a significantly larger quantity of coffee"
Explanation: "Quantity" is a more precise term to describe the amount of coffee, and "significantly" emphasizes the difference more effectively than "much."
"with the gap of 4000 tonnes" -> "with a gap of 4000 tonnes"
Explanation: Adding "a" improves the sentence’s grammatical structure.
"around 12000 tonnes" -> "approximately 12000 tonnes"
Explanation: "Approximately" provides a more precise estimation than "around."
"record any noticeable significance" -> "show any significant variation"
Explanation: "Significant variation" more accurately conveys the idea being expressed.
"shown to be distinguishiably unsteady difference" -> "exhibited a notably fluctuating difference"
Explanation: "Fluctuating difference" is a clearer term to describe the variability in the import quantities.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the main points of the graph, which include the comparison of tea and coffee importations among four countries in 2007. It presents some key features, such as the highest and lowest importation figures for each country and the differences between tea and coffee imports. However, the essay lacks a clear overview and coherence in its presentation. Some details are inaccurately stated, such as the figures for the UK’s coffee importation and the concluding remarks about the significance of importation figures in the USA and Germany.

How to improve:

Provide a clearer overview at the beginning of the essay summarizing the main trends and comparisons shown in the graph.
Ensure accuracy in reporting the importation figures for each country.
Improve coherence and organization to make the essay easier to follow for the reader.
Avoid making unsubstantiated claims, such as the concluding remarks about the significance of importation figures in the USA and Germany.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, providing a basic overview of the data presented in the graph. There is an attempt to compare the importation of tea and coffee among four countries, and the main points are addressed. However, the essay lacks clear progression, as the information is presented somewhat disjointedly. There is a mix of accurate and inaccurate use of cohesive devices, and the lack of referencing and substitution leads to some repetition. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, with some paragraphs being overly brief and lacking coherence.

How to improve:

Improve organization and progression: Ensure a clear flow of information from one point to the next, with each paragraph building upon the previous one.
Enhance cohesive devices: Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Avoid repetition: Work on varying sentence structures and vocabulary to prevent unnecessary repetition.
Strengthen paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic and logically follows from the preceding paragraph. Consider combining or expanding paragraphs for better coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, including some less common lexical items like "importations" and "unsteady." However, there are instances of inaccurate word choice and awkward phrasing that hinder clarity and precision. For example, "number of tea importation" would be better expressed as "amount of tea imported," and "shown to be distinguishably unsteady difference" could be more clearly stated as "exhibited noticeable fluctuations." Despite these issues, the essay maintains coherence and effectively conveys the main points of the graph.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, focus on using vocabulary more accurately and precisely. Be mindful of word choice and collocation to ensure clarity and fluency. Additionally, aim for more varied sentence structures to enhance the overall sophistication of expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, though they are generally simple. There are efforts made to include complex sentences, but these often lack accuracy, leading to occasional grammatical errors. Punctuation is also inconsistent, affecting clarity in some instances. The essay shows some control of grammar and punctuation but lacks consistency in accuracy and complexity.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Try to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. Ensure that complex sentences are accurate and effectively contribute to the clarity of your ideas.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to grammar rules and punctuation marks. Practice using commas, periods, and other punctuation correctly to enhance the readability and coherence of your sentences.
Accuracy: Focus on accuracy in expressing ideas. Avoid errors that distort meaning, and strive for clarity and precision in your writing.

Improving these areas will help raise the band score by demonstrating a more varied and accurate use of grammar and sentence structures, thereby enhancing overall clarity and coherence in your essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar graph illustrates the quantity of tea and coffee imported by four different countries in the year 2007, measured in tonnes.

It is evident that tea importation outweighs coffee importation across all nations. Specifically, the United Kingdom stands out for the highest tea importation, totaling precisely 1600 tonnes, while its coffee importation is the lowest among the four countries, at nearly 4000 tonnes.

Similarly, the United States and Germany exhibit a similar trend, with the United States leading in overall importation volume at 9000 tonnes. Within this, tea importation reaches 6000 tonnes, whereas coffee importation amounts to 3000 tonnes more, at 7000 tonnes.

Canada, in contrast, demonstrates a considerable disparity between coffee and tea importation, with coffee surpassing tea by 4000 tonnes. Despite this, the overall importation figure remains notably higher, standing at around 12000 tonnes.

In summary, while the United States and Germany maintain relatively stable importation figures ranging from 9000 to 7000 tonnes, the United Kingdom and Canada exhibit more fluctuation, particularly evident in the variance between tea and coffee importation volumes.