The charts below give information about the people use public library and the main reasons to visit in Britain in 1991 in 2000.

The pie charts compare the number and distinctive purposes of public libraries’ visits between 1991 and 2000.
Overall, despite the constant quantity of people (at 290 millions visits) over the 10-year period, it is clear that there was an upward tendency for obtaining information and borrowing or returning videos. Meanwhile, reading newspapers, studying and borrowing books witnessed a significant decrease in its proportion.
In 1991, obtaining information accounted for just 10%, which shared the lowest point with studied, however, in the next 10 years, it grew dramatically to the second point with 10% higher in 2000. With no given figure in 1991, borrowing videos rose rapidly to 18% in 2000.
In contrast, borrowing books was on top for the whole period though it dropped 10% in 2000. Similarly, studying and reading magazines both fall off markedly, with the lowest point ( at 2%) for studying and just 5% for the remainder.

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Errors and Improvements:

"distinctive purposes" -> "specific purposes"
Explanation: Replacing "distinctive purposes" with "specific purposes" provides a more precise and clear description of the different uses of public libraries.
"despite the constant quantity of people" -> "despite the consistent number of visits"
Explanation: "Quantity of people" is less precise than "number of visits" in this context. "Consistent number of visits" is more appropriate and clear.
"there was an upward tendency for obtaining information" -> "there was an upward trend in obtaining information"
Explanation: "Upward tendency" is less precise than "upward trend." Also, "obtaining information" can be more succinctly expressed as "information access."
"borrowing or returning videos" -> "borrowing or returning of videos"
Explanation: Adding "of" after "returning" makes the phrase grammatically correct.
"witnessed a significant decrease in its proportion" -> "saw a significant decrease in their proportions"
Explanation: "Its proportion" should be pluralized to "their proportions" to agree with "reading newspapers, studying, and borrowing books."
"obtaining information accounted for just 10%" -> "accessing information accounted for just 10%"
Explanation: "Obtaining information" can be replaced with "accessing information" to add clarity.
"which shared the lowest point with studied" -> "which shared the lowest point with studying"
Explanation: "Studied" should be corrected to "studying" to maintain proper grammar.
"it grew dramatically to the second point with 10% higher" -> "it grew significantly to 20%, a 10% increase"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the point made in the sentence and is more precise.
"With no given figure in 1991" -> "With no figure given for 1991"
Explanation: This revision makes the sentence more grammatically correct.
"borrowing videos rose rapidly to 18% in 2000" -> "borrowing videos rose rapidly to 18% by 2000"
Explanation: This adjustment makes the timeframe clearer.
"borrowing books was on top for the whole period" -> "borrowing books remained the most frequent activity throughout the entire period"
Explanation: This revision enhances clarity and adds detail.
"though it dropped 10% in 2000" -> "although it experienced a 10% decline by 2000"
Explanation: This change provides a clearer and more precise description of the decline.
"Similarly, studying and reading magazines both fall off markedly" -> "Similarly, studying and reading magazines both saw marked declines"
Explanation: "Fall off" is replaced with "saw marked declines" to improve clarity and formality.
"with the lowest point ( at 2%)" -> "with the lowest point being 2%"
Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical structure of the sentence.

These adjustments improve the clarity, precision, and formality of the original essay by using more appropriate vocabulary and correcting grammatical errors.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting a clear overview of the main trends in public library visits in Britain between 1991 and 2000. It identifies the key purposes of library visits and highlights the changes in their proportions over the given period. The response effectively compares the data from the two years, noting both increases and decreases in specific activities.

How to improve:
To enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider providing more specific numerical data from the charts to support the analysis. Additionally, ensure that the language used is more precise and grammatically accurate throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. The introduction provides an overview of the essay’s focus and the trends observed in the data. The body paragraphs logically present the comparison between the two years, with each paragraph focusing on different aspects of library usage. The use of transitional phrases like "Overall," and "In contrast," helps maintain coherence. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as unclear referencing (e.g., "which shared the lowest point with studied") and mechanical use of cohesive devices. Additionally, the paragraphing is somewhat disjointed, affecting the flow of ideas.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that referencing is clear and precise, avoiding ambiguous phrases. Work on using cohesive devices more effectively to establish stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering various aspects of the charts provided. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "witnessed," "proportion," and "distinctive," although some inaccuracies are present. The essay also makes some errors in spelling and word formation, like "studied" instead of "study" and "it’s" instead of "its." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and grammar structures. Ensure accuracy in word choice and spelling to convey ideas more effectively. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure and coherence to enhance the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay effectively utilizes a variety of complex structures, such as introductory phrases ("Overall," "In contrast," "Similarly"), passive voice ("was an upward tendency"), and comparative structures ("higher in 2000," "the lowest point"). It demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, with most sentences being error-free. However, there are a few minor errors present, such as missing articles ("the people use public library," "the distinctive purposes of public libraries’ visits"), inconsistencies in subject-verb agreement ("studied and reading magazines both fall off markedly"), and punctuation errors (missing commas before introductory phrases).

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy further, pay close attention to articles usage, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. Reviewing and revising sentences for clarity and consistency can help reduce minor errors and improve overall accuracy. Additionally, considering varied sentence structures can add richness to the essay’s language while maintaining clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts illustrate the variations in the utilization and purposes of visits to public libraries in Britain over the span of a decade, from 1991 to 2000.

In general, despite a consistent total number of visits, which stood at 290 million throughout the period, there was a noticeable upward trend in two specific activities: acquiring information and borrowing or returning videos. Conversely, there was a significant decline in the proportion of visits for reading newspapers, studying, and borrowing books.

In 1991, the percentage of visits dedicated to obtaining information was merely 10%, tying with the percentage for studying. However, over the subsequent decade, this figure experienced a remarkable surge, reaching 20% by 2000. Although the specific percentage for borrowing videos in 1991 was not provided, it experienced a substantial increase to 18% by 2000.

Conversely, borrowing books maintained its position as the most prevalent activity throughout the entire period, despite experiencing a 10% decrease in its proportion by 2000. Similarly, both studying and reading magazines experienced significant declines, with studying hitting its lowest point at 2%, and reading magazines accounting for just 5% of visits in 2000.