The presence of technology in the classroom has become more and more apparent and offered students tremendous resources to supplement their education. Given time, technology will completely replace the traditional teacher in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

In the contemporary era, thanks to the advent of technological advancement in the classroom, a plethora of resources have become more accessible to students. However, this causes an ongoing debate surrounding whether the role of the traditional teacher will be entirely faded by technology. In my opinion, I disagree with this stance.
One perspective favoring the drift away from teachers to technology is centered around convenience and flexibility. Advocates argue that students who have an interest in new, fresh air, keep themselves updated on world events, and innovate trends happening around the world. Thus, thanks to advanced technology, they are exposed to this information faster rather than having to ask teachers who are sometimes unwilling to answer these questions. For example, the biggest obstacle for students in the past was having no clue about updated knowledge due to teachers who could not even help them address this problem, hindering their horizon towards the world outside. Therefore, the presence of high-tech is a solution, taking that problem in stride. Furthermore, they contend that the multi-purpose feature of technology reduces the studying strain on students because it not only allocates for them innovation but is also an assistant addressing and explaining challenging tasks of all subjects carefully. Nevertheless, this stance fails to consider other aspects of this phenomenon such as low awareness of students, which negatively impacts their learning process.
Conversely, I firmly believe that maintaining the traditional teaching style offers more advantages to learners. To clarify, learners, especially students with low perception, hinder themselves from absorbing knowledge due to being prone to being distracted by other objective factors such as games and social media. A good illustration of this is the period of the COVID-19 pandemic when the academic achievement quality of students displayed a slump, being attributed to distraction during the period of studying online. Further, the dwindling poor professional understanding makes it challenging for self-study with technology despite its detailed explanations provided. A recent research conducted by Dr. Abram at Oxford University reveals that gaining the best fruition from self-study, especially with high-tech, can only be performed by a few talented students, and there will be no exception for the majority if they do not have anyone to support them. These, in turn, foster the fact that the role of traditional teachers will not be replaced by anything regardless of world changes.
To recapitulate, while the argument for technological replacement for teachers holds merit, I maintain the position that the role and presence of dedicated teachers is undeniable and cannot be faded no matter what happens.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"thanks to the advent of technological advancement" -> "owing to technological advancements"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal and precise phrase than "thanks to," which is somewhat colloquial for academic writing. "Advancements" is also more commonly used in formal contexts than "advancement."
"a plethora of resources have become more accessible" -> "a wide range of resources have become more accessible"
Explanation: "A plethora" is often used to describe an excessive amount, which might imply an overstatement. "A wide range" is more neutral and suitable for academic writing.
"the role of the traditional teacher will be entirely faded by technology" -> "the role of the traditional teacher will be entirely replaced by technology"
Explanation: "Faded" is incorrect in this context; "replaced" is the correct term to describe the substitution of one thing for another.
"new, fresh air" -> "new information"
Explanation: "Fresh air" is an idiom that is not appropriate in this context. "New information" is a more precise and formal term.
"keep themselves updated on world events, and innovate trends happening around the world" -> "stay updated on global events and trends"
Explanation: "Keep themselves updated" is awkward and informal; "stay updated" is more natural and formal. "Global events and trends" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase.
"having no clue about updated knowledge" -> "lacking knowledge of current developments"
Explanation: "Having no clue about updated knowledge" is informal and vague. "Lacking knowledge of current developments" is more precise and formal.
"the presence of high-tech is a solution, taking that problem in stride" -> "the presence of technology addresses this issue"
Explanation: "High-tech" is informal and vague; "technology" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing. "Taking that problem in stride" is an idiom that is too casual for formal writing.
"allocates for them innovation" -> "provides them with innovative opportunities"
Explanation: "Allocates for them innovation" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Provides them with innovative opportunities" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"low awareness of students" -> "limited awareness among students"
Explanation: "Low awareness of students" is awkward and unclear. "Limited awareness among students" is more precise and formal.
"hinder themselves from absorbing knowledge" -> "impede their ability to absorb knowledge"
Explanation: "Hinder themselves from absorbing knowledge" is verbose and informal. "Impede their ability to absorb knowledge" is more concise and formal.
"dwindling poor professional understanding" -> "declining professional competence"
Explanation: "Dwindling poor professional understanding" is awkward and unclear. "Declining professional competence" is more direct and academically appropriate.
"gaining the best fruition from self-study" -> "achieving optimal results from self-study"
Explanation: "Gaining the best fruition" is an unusual and unclear phrase. "Achieving optimal results" is straightforward and formal.
"can only be performed by a few talented students" -> "is achievable only by a few talented students"
Explanation: "Can only be performed" is incorrect in this context; "is achievable" is more appropriate for describing the possibility of success.
"there will be no exception for the majority" -> "there will be no exceptions for the majority"
Explanation: "No exception for the majority" is grammatically incorrect; "no exceptions for the majority" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"the role and presence of dedicated teachers is undeniable" -> "the role and presence of dedicated teachers are undeniable"
Explanation: "Is" should be "are" to agree with the plural subject "role and presence."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the benefits of technology in education while ultimately disagreeing with the statement that technology will completely replace traditional teachers.
- How to improve: The essay could improve by providing a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. While it presents a clear disagreement, further exploration of potential scenarios where technology might enhance or complement traditional teaching could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance against the complete replacement of traditional teachers by technology. It consistently argues for the irreplaceable role of teachers in education.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that every paragraph directly supports this central thesis. Avoid tangential arguments that may distract from the main position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks cohesion and clarity in their development. There are instances where the points made are unclear or require additional explanation.
- How to improve: Focus on developing each argument with specific examples and evidence. Ensure each idea logically extends from the previous one, providing a cohesive flow throughout the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally veers into tangential discussions, such as referencing distractions from social media during online learning and citing specific research findings.
- How to improve: Maintain strict relevance to the prompt by avoiding unrelated anecdotes or research that does not directly support the argument against technology replacing teachers.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues against the complete replacement of traditional teachers by technology, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives and clearer development of ideas. Improving cohesion and relevance throughout would strengthen the essay’s structure and argumentation, potentially raising the Band Score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that sets up the argument, followed by two body paragraphs presenting contrasting viewpoints. The conclusion effectively summarizes the author’s stance. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be clearer, especially in the second body paragraph where the argument against technology is presented somewhat abruptly after discussing its benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using transition phrases to connect ideas more explicitly. For example, in the second body paragraph, a clearer transition from discussing the benefits of technology to its drawbacks would improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately to organize distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, from introducing the topic to discussing advantages and disadvantages of technology in education. However, paragraph structure could be improved for clarity. Some paragraphs, particularly towards the end of the essay, contain lengthy sentences that may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by supporting details. Ensure paragraphs are cohesive and explore one central idea. Break down longer sentences into shorter, more digestible ones to improve readability and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "however", "furthermore", "to recapitulate") and pronouns ("this", "these"). While some devices are used effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs, their variety and consistency could be strengthened.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used (e.g., additionally, consequently, nevertheless) to improve coherence. Ensure that these devices are used consistently throughout the essay to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively presents arguments and counterarguments on the role of technology in education, there is room for improvement in enhancing the logical flow between ideas, refining paragraph structure for clarity, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. These adjustments would contribute to a more cohesive and coherent essay, potentially raising the coherence and cohesion score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary with attempts at using diverse language to express ideas. For instance, phrases like "plethora of resources," "advocates argue," "dwindling poor professional understanding," and "maintaining the traditional teaching style" show an attempt at varied expression.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for more nuanced vocabulary choices that are more precise and contextually appropriate. Instead of generic phrases like "a plethora of resources," consider specific terms that accurately convey the breadth and depth of available educational tools. Also, focus on using idiomatic expressions and collocations naturally to elevate the coherence of your argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use a wide range of vocabulary, there are instances where the vocabulary lacks precision or is used incorrectly. For example, "drift away from teachers to technology" could be more precisely expressed as "shift from teachers to technology," and "low awareness of students" might be clearer as "students’ lack of awareness." These instances sometimes hinder clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Work on using vocabulary more precisely by ensuring that each word choice accurately reflects the intended meaning. Avoid using complex words or phrases if unsure of their precise meaning or usage. Simplify where possible without losing depth of argument to maintain clarity and coherence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a decent level of spelling accuracy, with few errors noticeable (e.g., "plethora" instead of "plethera," "perception" instead of "percepection"). However, there are occasional errors that may affect readability and professionalism.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work thoroughly. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and use spell-check tools to identify and correct errors. Additionally, practicing writing under timed conditions can help improve accuracy and fluency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid attempt at using a varied vocabulary and maintaining acceptable spelling, focusing on precision in word choice and ensuring consistent accuracy will enhance the Lexical Resource score further. Keep practicing to refine your language skills and develop a more nuanced and articulate writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there are noticeable instances of awkward phrasing and unclear expressions that could benefit from more sophisticated structures. For example, "thanks to advanced technology, they are exposed to this information faster rather than having to ask teachers who are sometimes unwilling to answer these questions" could be more effectively articulated with a clearer sentence structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If students engage more with technological tools, they could accelerate their learning independently.") and passive voice where appropriate ("The role of teachers is often undervalued in discussions about technology’s impact on education."). This can add depth and clarity to your arguments, making them more persuasive.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a range of grammatical structures, but there are consistent issues with grammatical accuracy throughout. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("a plethora of resources have become more accessible"), awkward phrasing ("fresh air, keep themselves updated on world events"), and misuse of articles ("a good illustration of this is the period of the COVID-19 pandemic"). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with frequent comma splices and missing commas.
- How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing subject-verb agreements, noun-pronoun agreements, and article usage. Proofread carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring that commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are used correctly to enhance clarity and coherence. Consider using shorter sentences to avoid comma splices and aid readability.

In summary, while the essay presents a coherent argument and demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, there is room for improvement in enhancing grammatical accuracy and refining sentence construction for clearer expression of ideas. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, owing to technological advancements in the classroom, a wide range of resources have become more accessible to students. However, this has sparked a debate about whether the role of the traditional teacher will be entirely replaced by technology. In my view, I disagree with this assertion.

One perspective supporting the shift from teachers to technology focuses on convenience and flexibility. Proponents argue that students, keen on staying updated on global events and trends, can access new information swiftly thanks to advanced technology. This circumvents the need to rely solely on teachers, who may sometimes lack knowledge of current developments, thus limiting students’ exposure to the broader world. Therefore, the presence of technology addresses this issue, providing innovative opportunities and reducing the strain of studying by assisting in explaining complex tasks across various subjects.

However, this viewpoint overlooks critical factors such as limited awareness among students, which can impede their ability to absorb knowledge effectively. During the COVID-19 pandemic, for instance, many students struggled academically due to distractions from online platforms like games and social media, highlighting the challenge of maintaining focus during self-directed study with technology. Moreover, achieving optimal results from self-study is achievable only by a few talented students, as evidenced by research conducted by Dr. Abram at Oxford University. For the majority, lacking professional competence hinders their ability to fully benefit from technological resources without the support of dedicated teachers.

In conclusion, while technology offers valuable resources and supports learning in various ways, I firmly believe that the role and presence of dedicated teachers are essential and irreplaceable. They provide guidance, support, and expertise that technology alone cannot replicate, ensuring that all students, regardless of their individual learning styles and challenges, have the opportunity to succeed. Therefore, despite technological advancements, the invaluable role of traditional teachers in education remains undeniable.