The diagram below shows the proposed town

The supplied illustration depicts about how a town will be planned for future development.

As we can see, the town is expected to have a predominantly residential and industrial landscape, with housing distributed around the central ring road, along with two separate industrial zones located at different locations within the suburbs.

The downtown is divided into four sections by a large intersection, with a unique square-shaped central. This central square hosts several key amenities, including two parking lots and two bus stations positioned at each corner. To help residents easily access entertainment activities, around the central square, entertainment facilities are mainly located along the south exit. Another important feature is the ring road surrounding the town, increasing connections between different areas.

In the outskirts, there will be ten housing areas scattered around the town. Two industrial zones will be situated in the north and south. In the western and northeastern section, the majority of the space is allocated for residential purposes, with the exception of an industrial zone planned for the northwest corner. The southeastern part stands out as it is almost fully occupied by an expansive industrial park, indicating a significant focus on industrial activities in this area.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The supplied illustration depicts about how" -> "The provided illustration depicts how"
Explanation: Removing "about" corrects the prepositional misuse and enhances the sentence structure for clarity and formality.
"predominantly residential and industrial landscape" -> "predominantly residential and industrial character"
Explanation: "Character" is more precise and academically appropriate than "landscape," which could imply a more visual or geographical context.
"distributed around the central ring road" -> "arranged around the central ring road"
Explanation: "Arranged" is more specific and formal than "distributed," which is somewhat vague and less precise in this context.
"two separate industrial zones located at different locations within the suburbs" -> "two distinct industrial zones situated in separate suburban areas"
Explanation: "Situated in separate suburban areas" provides a clearer and more formal description of the location of the industrial zones.
"The downtown is divided into four sections by a large intersection, with a unique square-shaped central." -> "The downtown area is divided into four sections by a large intersection, featuring a central square."
Explanation: "Area" is more appropriate than "is" for referring to a geographical space, and "featuring" is more formal than "with," which is too casual for academic writing.
"hosts several key amenities" -> "accommodates several key amenities"
Explanation: "Accommodates" is a more precise verb for describing the provision of services or facilities, fitting better in an academic context.
"To help residents easily access entertainment activities" -> "To facilitate residents’ access to entertainment facilities"
Explanation: "Facilitate" is more formal and precise than "help," and "facilities" is a more specific term than "activities," which is too vague.
"increasing connections between different areas" -> "enhancing connectivity between various areas"
Explanation: "Enhancing connectivity" is a more precise and formal way to describe improving connections between areas.
"ten housing areas scattered around the town" -> "ten residential areas dispersed throughout the town"
Explanation: "Dispersed" is more specific and formal than "scattered," which can imply a less controlled or random distribution.
"will be situated in the north and south" -> "will be located in the northern and southern regions"
Explanation: "Located in the northern and southern regions" is more specific and formal, enhancing the geographical precision.
"the majority of the space is allocated for residential purposes" -> "the majority of the space is designated for residential use"
Explanation: "Designated for residential use" is more formal and precise than "allocated for residential purposes."
"an industrial zone planned for the northwest corner" -> "an industrial zone designated for the northwest corner"
Explanation: "Designated" is more specific and formal than "planned," which could imply a less formal or less certain plan.
"The southeastern part stands out as it is almost fully occupied by an expansive industrial park" -> "The southeastern section stands out as it is largely dominated by an expansive industrial park"
Explanation: "Largely dominated" is more precise and formal than "almost fully occupied," which is somewhat vague and less formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the proposed town plan. It identifies key features such as the ring road, the central square, and the distribution of housing and industrial zones. However, the essay does not fully extend the description of these features. For example, it mentions that the central square hosts several key amenities, but it does not specify what these amenities are. Additionally, the essay includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that the southeastern part of the town is "almost fully occupied by an expansive industrial park." This statement is not supported by the diagram, which shows a mix of housing and industrial areas in the southeastern part.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed description of the key features of the town plan. The writer should also avoid including irrelevant details and focus on presenting information that is directly supported by the diagram.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, and a range of cohesive devices is used appropriately. However, there are instances of under- or over-use of cohesive devices, and some sentences could be more fluidly connected.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: While the essay uses cohesive devices, it could benefit from more varied and natural transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "In the," consider using phrases like "Additionally," "Moreover," or "Furthermore" to improve flow.
Refine Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a distinct focus and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth. This could involve adding a concluding sentence to each paragraph that ties back to the main topic and introduces the next point.
Avoid Repetition: Minimize repetitive phrases and structures. For instance, the phrase "industrial zones" is used multiple times in close proximity. Try using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain reader interest and avoid redundancy.
Clarify References: Ensure that all references are clear and appropriately used. For example, when mentioning "the town," make sure it is clear whether you are referring to the central area or the outskirts to avoid any potential confusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and phrasing, such as "depicts about how" (which is awkward and incorrect), and "the majority of the space is allocated for residential purposes" (which could be more precisely expressed). There are also minor errors in word formation, such as "the downtown" instead of "downtown," which detracts from the overall clarity. While these errors do not impede communication, they indicate a need for improvement in precision and control over vocabulary.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary, ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Practicing synonyms and collocations can help avoid repetitive language and awkward phrasing. Additionally, reviewing grammatical structures and ensuring correct word forms will contribute to clearer expression and a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer attempts to convey detailed information about the town’s layout, but there are instances of unclear phrasing and minor grammatical inaccuracies, such as "a unique square-shaped central" which should be "a unique square-shaped center." Overall, the essay shows a reasonable grasp of grammatical structures but lacks the consistency and accuracy needed for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Clarity and Precision: Avoid vague phrases and ensure that descriptions are clear and precise. For example, rephrase awkward constructions like "a unique square-shaped central" to "a unique square-shaped center."
Error Reduction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and article usage.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation to enhance clarity and flow, ensuring that commas and periods are used correctly to separate ideas.
By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.
]

Bài sửa mẫu

The supplied illustration depicts how a town will be planned for future development.

As we can see, the town is expected to feature a predominantly residential and industrial landscape, with housing distributed around the central ring road, along with two separate industrial zones located in different areas within the suburbs.

The downtown area is divided into four sections by a large intersection, with a unique square-shaped central area. This central square hosts several key amenities, including two parking lots and two bus stations positioned at each corner. To facilitate residents’ access to entertainment activities, facilities are mainly located along the southern exit of the central square. Another important feature is the ring road surrounding the town, which enhances connections between different areas.

In the outskirts, there will be ten housing areas scattered throughout the town. Two industrial zones will be situated in the north and south. In the western and northeastern sections, the majority of the space is allocated for residential purposes, with the exception of an industrial zone planned for the northwest corner. The southeastern part stands out as it is almost fully occupied by an expansive industrial park, indicating a significant focus on industrial activities in this area.